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GLENN: That's right. Our book comes out September 22nd, Arguing With Idiots. Best book we've ever done. By the way, front page of the Drudge Report? New York Times which uses opaque algorithms to rank its best seller ‑‑ let me see. Let me go to the top of this here. Conservatives are resuming their historically dominant position atop New York Times and Amazon.com best seller list, a short hiatus that coincided not coincidentally with George W. Bush's tenure in the White House. While the mainstream media raved about the new era of leftist intellectual supremacy during the liberal sentence to the best seller list, the return of conservative books on the top of those lists seems to be going unnoticed. Amazon, which unlike the New York Times, ranks books according to the number of actual copies sold shows Glenn Beck's Common Sense rounding out the top this year with Michelle Malkin's Culture of Corruption coming in a close second, Ron Paul's End of the Fed comes in at number 7. Mark Levine's Liberty and Tyranny is at number 9. Number 22 is Dick Morris and catastrophe which, blah, blah‑blah, blah‑blah, blah‑blah. So looks like some conservative books are selling. That's weird. I thought we didn't read. We don't read; you know what I'm saying? We don't know how to read. In this new book Argument With Idiots, fantastic, we will arm you with the facts, so many facts that there are 25 pages of fine print reference material at the end of the book so you never have to say, I got my fact from Glenn Beck. You'll know exactly where I got the fact. Oh, it's going to make your kids' book reports so easy to do. So when the time comes you'll be ready to say, when some idiot comes up to you and says...
PAT: Well, I see you're up to your usual fear mongering ways again today. Does it make you feel good to scare people over nothing?
GLENN: I don't even know what you're talking about.
PAT: Oh, the same thing you are always talking about, Joe. Or shall I call you Mr. McCarthy. Communists! Oh, the scary Internet shut down. Ooh, the scary end of the world stuff, right, Mr. Joe McCarthy, II? Maybe your chin could be Joe III and your chin's chin could be Joe McCarthy, IV.
GLENN: Okay. So you are telling me that you don't care about an avowed communist advising the president of the United States. You don't mind if the president takes control of the Internet?
PAT: Who wasn't a communist when they were younger? Please. Who wasn't? I mean, you are filled with idealism.
GLENN: Okay, I wasn't. I don't know anybody who was a communist.
PAT: Oh, that's right. I forgot. You are from the land of, everyone looks and thinks exactly like me. It's like the land of Weebles, big, fat, round, white people who wobble but they don't fall down.
GLENN: I don't need everybody to think like me. I just don't know anybody radical enough to be a communist in this country, but the president obviously knows several of them.
PAT: I know it's tough to think of even a penny from your mountains of cash from your greedy capitalist empire going to single poor person of color who was born into enslavement by the Bush administration and because of the Bush/Cheney policies was born without skin. It would be a terrible thing if one penny of your pile of cash went to helping that person get a skin transplant.
GLENN: Wait a minute. First of all, no one was enslaved by the Bush administration. And his policies had nothing to do with skinless people. But I'll say again, there's nothing generous about the government taking my money or anybody else's and giving it to someone else. Charity is if I freely give it to somebody else, which I do.
PAT: Oh, is that what Karl Rove and the Jews told you to say today? In your little upbeat, your little morning meeting that you do?
GLENN: This is really pointless. I mean, you don't mind communists in the government and you don't mind the Internet being shut down.
PAT: Oh, stop with the fear. President Obama's not going to take away your precious Internet nude pictures of full frontal pie from you, okay? Just relax, fatty Fat Fatso.
VOICE: Preorder your signed copy of Arguing With Idiots at GlennBeck.com.