PAT: First of all, we kind of give you an idea of where Bill Maher stands politically.
GLENN: Okay. Listen carefully.
PAT: Keeping in mind that last night was the night in which the Empire State building was all aglow in the colors of China to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the communist state over there.
MICHELLE OBAMA: And Barack knows that we are
GLENN: That wouldn't be it.
PAT: That wouldn't be it but this will.
MAHER: I'm so jealous of China. You know, it's a dictatorship and they're very efficient and if only we had something like that.
PAT: Yeah, aren't we all jealous.
GLENN: Yeah, we are.
PAT: At their efficient dictatorship. He also thought maybe we should get rid of the Senate.
MAHER: And the Senate, you know, this is where progress seems to go to die. I'm not sure we need one anymore.
GLENN: Okay. Let me ask you this: First of all, I think the China, I'm jealous if we had a dictatorship, you could listen to that and say, okay, he's joking, he's being the typical. Then he follows with, he's talking about healthcare and he's talking about how the healthcare bill is dying in the Senate. And he's not even sure if we need a Senate anymore. You could say, well, he was joking. However, that doesn't make sense, does it?
PAT: No. And he also had a couple of weeks ago, and we played this. He was on Jay Leno's show when he talked about how he just, you know, you don't trust the American people. They're not capable of making good decisions.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: What a lot of this debate is about, I think they're wrong. The one thing I hope is
GLENN: That doesn't sound like Bill Maher.
STU: That sounds like the president of the United States. That sounded like Barack Obama.
GLENN: It did, yeah.
STU: Why is Bill Maher impersonating Barack Obama?
PAT: That is exactly right, Maher doing his
GLENN: There is another scandal, yet another conspiracy theory that maybe Bill Clinton should look into. All right, do you have it?
PAT: Yes, I do.
MAHER: I mean, you know, they are talking about 60 votes, forget this stuff. You can't get Americans to agree on anything, 60%. 60% of people don't believe in evolution in this country. He just needs to drag them to it. Like I just said, they're stupid.
MAHER: Just drag them to this. Get
GLENN: You got it? That didn't sound like a joke to me. You could take the "If we only have a dictatorship from China" as a joke. But not when you couple it with that. And then you have last night again where he said, we don't why do we even have a Senate anymore. But here is I think the critical point that you have to bring home and that is, how does he view you? Now, he may be using my name here, but if you listen to me at all, you were in the same category. You may actually be lower on the evolutionary scale because someone like Bill Maher has to give me credit to be smart enough to use you to make money. Got it? So for any contempt that he may have for me or for George Bush or Sarah Palin, we are above you in evolution because we have risen above these stupid mobs and you are just, you are play things that we have zombified. There's no redemption for you. Listen to this conversation.
MAHER: I'm telling you it is not that long before we're going to find Glenn Beck dressed as a woman or playing with his feces. He is extremely unhinged and it's going to happen on air.
VOICE: You think so?
PAT: He's just predicted, I guess, that you're going to play with your, well, feces on the air and maybe
GLENN: I believe that he is right that it is only a matter of time before someone just don't believe your eyes. Don't believe your eyes. I'll tell you the truth. I don't care. I am willing to go into the night broke for what I believe in. I am willing to lose everything. I am willing, I am willing to be alone. It doesn't bother me. I believe that our eternal souls are at stake when it comes to freedom. If we don't stand for freedom, I believe our souls are at stake. I damn near lost my soul once. I ain't gonna play with that. I made a bargain for my soul and that is if you just give me another chance, if you just take all this stuff away, if you give me another chance, I won't make that mistake again. Shoot me in the head. I'm not going to violate what I believe is right. My soul is more important than dollars, more important than my life. It's more important than anything. Period. But mark my words, I will tell you the truth. I will tell you that in my past I've done bad things. I've already I mean, read my books. Hello. Very clear. I was a bad dude. You don't roll up in a ball, you know, in a fetal position on the floor thinking about putting a gun in your mouth if you're a good guy! Why would you do that? I couldn't live with myself anymore. Got it? But I will tell you this. I'll admit to my mistakes, but I do believe he is right. It's only a matter of time before they find a way to destroy me. And that's fine. And they are going to try to use me to intimidate you because anybody else gets out of line, that will happen to you, too. Don't think that what happened to Sarah Palin didn't go through my mine when I saw my character on Saturday Night Live and we all laughed and my wife said, my gosh, they have you down. I mean, that is really, I mean, even your mannerisms and your moves. Don't think that I didn't feel like, oh, my gosh, they're going to "Sarah Palin" me. That's what they want you to understand. You get out of line, we'll destroy you. Bring it on, jack. I don't really care. You know what, honestly like today I got up and I thought, I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired of the thought of someone always constantly out to get you, do you have any idea what it's like I can't talk in restaurants anymore. I can't talk in restaurants because somebody is listening. Somebody will take anything I say, take it and twist it out of context. I can't go out in public with my family anymore. That's crazy talk! That's crazy. So go ahead because quite honestly I know when my job's done, my job's done. And whatever happens, I'll just go back to my regular life and I'll just when I got into this business, I was thinking about going back and being a chef. In the 1990s I was thinking maybe I'll just go into food service. My dad was a baker. His dad was a baker. His dad was a baker. Okay, I can do that. I love doughnuts. I'll be fine.
STU: You make some serious mashed potatoes.
GLENN: Oh, serious food, serious food.
STU: With the cheddar in there. I mean, unbelievable. It's like eating cheese.
GLENN: When you look for the haters diner, know you're going to have serious food because it will be my place. So I don't really care. What he said is true. But listen to what he followed it up with.
STU: Not the feces part. You should point out, not the feces part.
GLENN: I'm not a crazy man but they will do everything they can to paint me as a crazy man. They will do everything they can to convince you that I should never be trusted. I honestly, when you've got billions of dollars at stake and nefarious underworld figures, you really don't think they are going to be able to hire somebody to say something? You don't think they are going to be able to pay somebody to do something? Really? Come on. Come on. Here's what they say. Again, this isn't about me. You just have to know because I think your decisions have to be made, too. What are you willing to endure? What is your pain threshold? What is it you are willing what is worth standing up for? I've told you over a year ago, you must know the things that you believe. You must know them to the core of your being because you are going to find your back to the wall and you are going to have a decision to make. I can go the easy way or I can do what's right. Well, I've made my decision. If you haven't yet and you haven't been forced to, you will be.
PAT: Oh, you will be. You will be, hmmm? Yes? Yes?
GLENN: So here's what Bill Maher says. Now listen to the rest of this statement. Oh, you don't have the rest of his statement? I do that big
PAT: What was the rest of it? Oh, I know, it was wonderful.
GLENN: The rest of it was about how the way these conservatives just pick their leaders, they are all morons, they are all idiots, they are all
PAT: Is it the GOP stuff?
GLENN: Yeah, let me hear that.
MAHER: And then you have the Republicans which are just a bunch of religious lunatics, flat earthers, Civil War reenactors. I mean, I can disagree ideologically with some and then I can respect an ideological disagreement. But the Republican Party in the last 20, 30 years has really gone toward this nonintellectual type of person.
PAT: So he can respect and have an ideological discussion.
GLENN: But not with monkeys.
PAT: And not with somebody
GLENN: We're practically monkeys.
PAT: Not with somebody who's going to play with their feces later on.
GLENN: We're monkeys. We play with our feces.