The Obama National Anthem...
GLENN: President Obama has won a Nobel Peace Prize for his accomplishments. Now, not a lot of people know this, but the nomination period ended, was it two weeks before or two weeks after?
PAT: Two weeks after.
GLENN: Two weeks after.
PAT: He was in office.
GLENN: So they had two weeks in office.
PAT: Those were, if you remember, right?
GLENN: Those were big weeks.
PAT: Huge, huge weeks for him.
GLENN: We're not sure yet. The Nobel Prize comes with $1.4 million, and I'm ‑‑ that's a million dollars more than his salary. We're going to have to check with the pay czar to find out if that's too much money for him to have because, you know, we would hate to have him have too much money and then violate any kind of new rules that, you know, well, he's the president; forget about it, there's no rules for the president anymore. Hang on, more breaking news.
PAT: Glenn, we have to break away for some important news. We go to Steve Burguiere, producer Steve Burguiere who is at Cambridge, Massachusetts right now with this important ‑‑ somebody please wake up the president.
GLENN: I think he's ‑‑ he might be awake. Is he awake by now?
PAT: Important breaking news from Cambridge. Go ahead, Stu.
GLENN: Even when he's asleep, he's awake. Go ahead.
STU: Glenn, are you awake?
GLENN: I am awake. I'm pretty sure when the president is asleep, he's awake. He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.
PAT: For goodness sake.
STU: Thank God for that. Glenn, we have exciting news. This is just coming down. I'm here in Cambridge live right now.
GLENN: Yes. Stu can you hear me?
GLENN: Yes, I can hear you.
STU: Okay, good. That's good that you ‑‑ basically what just happened here, and this is quite monumental ‑‑
PAT: Sounds like you have quite a crowd assembled behind you, Stu.
STU: Yes, there's a huge amount of people here. I'm probably being drowned out by the music and it's probably too loud for you to hear the crowd but ‑‑
PAT: Let's hear it for a sec. Turn the ‑‑
STU: The music is too loud. The music ‑‑
GLENN: All right, go ahead.
STU: Right now, Glenn, you have been ‑‑ this is fantastic. You have been awarded the valedictorian here at Cambridge. Congratulations. I mean, what an honor.
GLENN: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me get my arms around this. What did you just say?
STU: You have been awarded the valedictorian of the Class of 2010.
GLENN: What is her name?
STU: No, I don't think ‑‑
PAT: I think he's saying you are the valedictorian.
GLENN: Oh, I thought you were giving me the valedictorian because that would be ‑‑ I didn't know. I'm sorry. Go ahead. So I am the ‑‑ but I don't go to Harvard.
STU: No, you didn't win that award at all but you still have won, you've won the valedictorian at Cambridge.
GLENN: How did I ‑‑ I don't go to ‑‑
STU: At Cambridge.
PAT: Have they just decided that if he had gone to Harvard, he would have done so well that he would become the valedictorian?
STU: Yeah. And the bottom line is his intent is to be really smart and do very well at Harvard.
GLENN: Now, hang on just a second because what about Cambridge? Because Cambridge, you know, I know it's Cambridge, Massachusetts and Harvard but what about Cambridge?
STU: You are saying Cambridge in the U.K.?
STU: You've won there, too, although I wasn't going to brag, but congratulations.
GLENN: Really? Hang on just a second. I am shocked and humbled by this. I mean, what have I done? Get the award here as soon as you can, all right?
STU: Glenn, we have ‑‑
GLENN: Does it come with any prize money?
STU: Yes. You have $3.9 million given to you but, of course, you'll be donating that to your charity of choice.
GLENN: Yes, my children.
STU: Of course. And also, Glenn, remember we did e‑mail your office for comment and they just responded with one word: Wow.
GLENN: All right. Thank you very much. The valedictorian now of Cambridge and Harvard.
PAT: Wow. Has that ever happened before? I don't think that's ‑‑
GLENN: I don't think it has.
PAT: I don't think that's ever happened.
GLENN: Now, I don't mean to boast here but I've won two valedictorians and I'm going to put them proudly, I'm going to put them proudly on my ‑‑ no, I'm sorry. I keep thinking that I get the people, but I don't get ‑‑
PAT: No, you don't get the people.
GLENN: All right. So I don't even know what shape that is or what it looks like or ‑‑ I mean, is there a certificate that comes with that? I don't know. But I don't mean to brag here, but I believe I'm the only one to not attend Harvard or Cambridge and become their valedictorian.