South Park hits Glenn



People just can't seem to get enough Glenn lately. Stewart, Colbert, SNL, Playboy and now South Park has spent time making fun of Glenn. In this episode of South Park, Eric Cartman takes on the role of Glenn Beck.

GLENN: I am amazed. I am absolutely amazed at this new effort to again I think their approach is now, Stu, that I'm just a conspiracy freak? Is that do you think that's the is that the new approach now to discredit me?

STU: If you remember the Republican plan for energy, it was an "All of the above" strategy.

GLENN: Okay.

STU: And this is what has been adopted by the left at this point, is throw anything that could possibly stick about any figure that they've seen in the media or on the right in the last 50 years and accuse you of it. That's essentially the plan at this point.

GLENN: It's really amazing. I just want to go through do we have the audio, Pat, of different things?

PAT: Working on it.

GLENN: In the last week there were I think there was a line about me in the opening monologue of Saturday Night Live.

STU: You appeared on Saturday Night Live in the opening.

GLENN: No, no, that was in the opening. But I think I was also in the monologue. I think the opening sketch, I appeared in it.

STU: You appeared in the opening sketch. I Taylor Swift was the host, by the way.

GLENN: Okay.

STU: And I do not believe that she mentioned you in that. She mentioned you

GLENN: Later?

STU: You were mentioned in the weekend update section as well.

GLENN: What did they I didn't even see that. What did they say?

STU: They said something about your appendix. It was your appendix, again the joke that has apparently been done by every comedian since you had an appendix problem which was your internal organs were attempting to leave your body.

GLENN: Right. Yeah. Okay. So we had Saturday Night Live. The night before that there was 10 minutes on Jon Stewart, and it was very funny. I mean, but you're making fun of me.

STU: It's fertile ground, yeah.

GLENN: I mean, you owe me royalties. I mean, all of these jokes I made about myself first.

STU: Oh, this is the foundation this program was built on was calling Glenn

GLENN: I mean, making fun of Glenn since 1964.

STU: Yeah, that really is, your whole career is making fun of yourself.

GLENN: You don't have it, Pat? Don't worry about it.

PAT: Still working.

GLENN: So then last night apparently and I find this hard to believe. Like the majority of the episode?

STU: Oh, yeah.

GLENN: Was about me.

STU: Yeah. The vast majority, yes.

GLENN: Set this up. This is South Park.

STU: Yes. South Park, Eric Cartman, the fattest member of the children. Just thought I'd point that out, represents you as he gets the job of the school announcement guy and where she's supposed to say stuff like what's going on for lunch or, you know, what meeting is happening in the musical.

GLENN: All right.

STU: He expands on that role quite a bit and he accuses the school president of many things.

GLENN: Okay. So here you go. And you'll see the rapid progression here. Now, what happens happening besides this? Are they making comments about me outside of this? Is it only these three pieces that are

STU: No, this is can't find the whole episode.

GLENN: Yeah, yeah.

STU: I mean, the whole thing is basically you know, and this is Cartman's character on this show is always kind of the loud mouth making accusations at everybody. You know, that's sort of his Schick.

GLENN: Right.

STU: He's got your hair in the episode which is sort of the gray on the side, not gray on the top.

GLENN: That's funny.

STU: Some other mysterious color on the top.

PAT: They use the logo.

STU: They use the logo. They go through, you'll hear kind of the music that sounds like the Glenn Beck TV open in which they show the same imagery, they have the same logo except it says EC instead of GB. You know, and these guys, again, these guys skewer everybody and they are always very good at it.

GLENN: You know what's amazing to me is I'm a libertarian.

STU: And they are, too.

GLENN: And they are, too.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: And when you're a libertarian, there ain't anybody coming to your defense.

STU: No.

GLENN: There's no one coming to your defense.

STU: Not even libertarians. Because they are frustrated at everything, even themselves.

GLENN: Libertarians, I mean, Penn Jillette. Penn Jillette, I feel so bad for Penn Jillette. What Penn Jillette has gone through with some of his friends and one of his idols, Tommy Smothers, I mean, honestly I don't know if you've seen this video with Penn Jillette, but it broke my heart. Penn Jillette and I don't agree on a lot of stuff. We're libertarians. We live with it. He doesn't agree on things, I don't agree on things, but I'm not telling him how to live his life and he's not going to tell me how to live my life. And I think we've had a good relationship.

STU: Sure.

GLENN: You know, it's been tense at times because we're both extraordinarily frank. But neither of us are trying to jam our point of view on everybody else.

STU: He is on the show, I mean dozens of times.

GLENN: Dozens of times.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: He has gotten so much flack from his friends because, you know, they buy into, "Oh, he's a fascist." I don't care what you do with your life. Honor the Constitution. Limited government. Maximum amount of freedom. Throw them all out. Get people who understand the founding fathers. Libertarians are eating each other alive. And it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. But see, there's no, there's no structure to it. And I'm fine with that. But that's why libertarians lose is because there's no, there's no system. There's no system. And so there's no one to defend. And so the, both parties, when they start to grind down on you, you have the entire system against you, and it's quite amazing. It's quite amazing.

So here's Cartman. Now, this is South Park, and I'm flattered. But remember these guys are libertarians. Here's South Park.

VOICE: Good morning, South Park Elementary. These are the morning announcements, and I am Eric Cartman. All forms for the school book drive must be handed in to Mr. Davis in the library by the end of the school day today. Doesn't seem like they gave us a lot of notice on that. Oh, well. For lunch today the cafeteria will be serving a selection of cold sandwiches, cold sandwiches. Oh, well, thank you so much. Remember when we used to be served hot food? I mean, what has happened to our school? This school is transforming into something very bad. And why? Because we have leadership that doesn't care. I'm talking, of course, about our student body president, Wendy Testaburger. Ever since Wendy was elected president, this student has started a rapid decline with some socialist regime where students no longer have a voice. The music room will be closed off today due to painting. All band choir will meet in the gymnasium instead. Oh, so now the school doesn't vat money to paint the music room. How old and outdated is our playground equipment? What other school has a 15 year old merry go round on it? Our school is turning this whole place into communist Russia. It's not a coincidence that once Wendy took office, this school started coming apart at the seams. Your teachers don't want to tell you but they're scared and they should be because the very fabric of this elementary school is tearing from all corners. Oh, jeez. But hey, I'm just a normal kid like you, and I ask questions. And because I ask questions, I come under scrutiny. Is Wendy using your lunch money to buy heroin? Probably not. But how can we know? I don't want my lunch money going to drugs. Who's taking these drugs? What would be the point? I'm asking questions.

STU: Is that the end of Clip 1 there, Sarah?

PAT: Man. Man.

STU: Now, what's in your critique does not say that ever since Wendy Testaburger took over the presidency, the school has gone downhill. You would say it goes much, much before Wendy Testaburger.

PAT: Our last student body president.

GLENN: Yeah. He was driving nails into that coffin quickly and then we got this guy and he's like, you know what? Let's just use a nail gun... (making nail gun noises).

STU: So as you can imagine, this is the second set of announcements from Cartman as Glenn Beck.

CARTMAN: Well, good morning, South Park Elementary. These are the morning announcements. I have a question. What does Wendy Testaburger actually do? She is supposed to be the president, right? What is her agenda? She's lying to everyone, or is she? Let's ask these questions. I want to talk briefly about the state of our school's economy. The bake sale last week was a complete failure. And besides that, who actually voted for Wendy Testaburger? I know I didn't. And everyone who did is now scratching their heads and going, whoops, guess I shouldn't have done that. I'm not in the student council. I'm just a normal kid like all of you. And like you, I want to know what has happened to my school. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. Our United States, not the one Wendy Testaburger would have, a socialist dung ho, a socialist dung ho.

STU: That's number 2.

GLENN: Does Cartman live in the end?

STU: Yeah, that's the Kenny's the one that's always dying. As far as I know, shockingly you made it through the episode. Which is nice. Now, the last one here, of course, gets worse and worse and develops into

GLENN: Now, this is the one, this is the one with the graphics that look like the show graphics and the logo?

STU: You'll hear the music and, you know, picture all the, all the same imagery that happens.

GLENN: Blackboard?

STU: Yeah, blackboard comes out. You'll hear him drawing on the blackboard. This is clip number 3.

CARTMAN: Good morning, students. These are the morning announcements. If you'll direct your attention to the new video monitors at the head of your class, you will see that the announcements are now being done in video. Oh, god, no!

GLENN: This is the Glenn Beck logo coming in.

CARTMAN: Lunch today is going to be pizza, again. Friends, our school is dying and you know it. You feel it. You are like me. You want to change it. But oh, no, Wendy Testaburger's not going to let that happen. This is not the school we grew up in, and I don't know if we can get it back. Just take a look at exactly what our school president wants. You know, what is she trying to achieve? Let's just take a look at these key words here. Wendy's made it clear she wants our school to be a more integrated leftist and liberal place. But you see, when that happens, what we get is a socialist, modern utopian reformed farce of a school. So when you look closely, it becomes very obvious what Wendy wants: K i l l s m u r f s. Our school president wants to kill Smurfs. I don't know if we're turning into a Smurf hating school or what we're turning into. But unless you ask why, we're going to transform into something.

STU: There you go. So yeah. This is where it kind of meshed in with the James Cameron movie Avatar that's coming out which they are basically accusing of spending $500 million on a movie about killing Smurfs. So it kind of all merged together as these episodes do. But I mean, you know, to me it's nothing but a compliment. I mean

GLENN: Oh, yeah. No, no, no.

STU: Everyone's got their role in society and South Park's is to make fun of everyone that's around.

GLENN: And everybody. It was Tom Cruise and Scientology and Jesus is know was a full episode.

STU: It's on everything, global warming.

GLENN: Global warming. So it is a compliment. I have to watch it, although it is I have to tell you, it would be nice to have somebody, somebody that wasn't that just had the facts right.

 

Glenn Beck joined Fox News' Tucker Carlson on Thursday night to discuss Visa Inc.'s "horrifying" new plans to flag firearm sales by separately categorizing purchases at gun shops, a move that Glenn aptly described as "the next step in banning guns."

In what's been hailed as a major victory for gun control activists, Visa agreed to adopt the International Organization for Standardization's (ISO) new set of standards by creating a special merchant category code for gun and ammunition sales.

In his appearance on "Tucker Carlson Tonight," Glenn shared a letter written by Robert B. Thomson III, a senior vice president at Visa, showing that the credit card company initially pushed back on the ISO's new rules.

“We believe that asking payment networks to serve as a moral authority by deciding which legal goods can or cannot be purchased sets a dangerous precedent,” Thomson wrote in the letter to pro-gun-control lawmakers, including Democratic Sen. Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts.

Just days later, however, Visa had agreed to comply with the ISO's plan to establish a new merchant category code for gun stores. So why did Visa suddenly flip?

As Glenn explained, it all comes down to pressure from America's largest union-owned bank, the Amalgamated Bank, one of the only unionized banks in the United States and a proud proponent of ESG (Environmental, Social, and Governance) investing.

"This is the next step in banning guns," Glenn asserted.

"It's horrifying!" Tucker responded after several seconds of stunned silence.

"I'm so grateful you did the reporting on this," he told Glenn. "I'm not sure why it falls to you since we have a couple of very large daily newspapers in this country you'd think would want to report this, yet none of them did. So, Glenn Beck did."


On a recent episode of "The Glenn Beck Program," Glenn broke down the details of this latest attack on the Second Amendment and revealed how this is a step toward something even worse than federal gun registration. Watch the video clip below for more details. Can't watch? Download the podcast here.


Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn’s masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis, and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.

Glenn Beck: Here's why Stacey Abrams' fetal heartbeat remarks are hilarious but TERRIFYING

(Left) Image source: video screenshot/ (right) Photo by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images

Georgia Democratic gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams has a new pro-abortion conspiracy theory: "There is no such thing as a [fetal] heartbeat at six weeks ... it is a manufactured sound designed to convince people that men have a right to take control of a woman’s body."

On the radio program Thursday, Glenn Beck and producer Stu Burguiere agreed Abrams' latest "misinformation" is not just ridiculous but could be dangerous if people are actually willing to believe her.

"If you want to defend abortion, go ahead and defend it. Defend what you're actually doing. Stop denying what is reality," Stu said. "If this is such a great defensible policy, then just come out and defend it, but they never can ... you notice how they can't go to the actual thing they say is so important. They keep defending these other things that aren't true."

Glenn said the pro-choice movement was successful for a long time because most people want the decision to be up to the woman and her doctor and that abortion should be safe, legal, and rare. But when leftists began "celebrating" their abortions or calling for "abortion on demand" at any point in the pregnancy, that's when they start to lose support.

"Because they've celebrated abortion and are losing regular people, you can't put that genie back in the bottle. So, what do they have to do now? They have to take the insane step of discrediting medical machines and technology," Glenn said.

"This is after two years, by the way, of them claiming the biggest scandal in the world was people suggesting the voting machines were hacked — after they previously said that voting machines were hacked in elections they [Democrats] lost," Stu pointed out.

"Honestly, gang, think this through because this is where life gets very scary. This is where you go to authoritarian rule and you can kill millions of people because you're truly now discrediting things that everyone knows is true," Glenn warned.

"So, if you disagree ... you can say that is an evil magic box that has made up sounds in it to convince people. If they will buy that, you're at the Salem witch trials. 'If she doesn't float, she wasn't a witch.' That's what you're looking at right now — and what's frightening is, [Abrams] can say this with a straight face and no one discredits her," he continued.

"You don't think that they can convince those people that you are a terrorist because of the way you vote? [...] You don't think they can convince half the country that you should be eliminated, liquidated, put into a camp, whatever authoritarians love to do? ... We are headed towards dangerous, dangerous times. We better wake up and stand together because this is frightening — it's hilarious — but because people are taking it seriously, it is terrifying," Glenn added.

Watch the video clip below to hear more from Glenn. Can't watch? Download the podcast here.

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn’s masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis, and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.

A big question Glenn Beck has always had about “The Amazing Do-Over” is: How do you get the most powerful and wealthy nation that has ever existed to accept, “You will own nothing … and be happy”? A foundational principle of this country from its very inception has been land ownership. We worked hard, were fiscally responsible, and stayed away from high debt, but the progressive era began to erode all of that.

The Clinton Global Initiative recently gathered the ruling class to tell the plebes how to run their finances and called anyone who dared challenge their ideas “climate change deniers.” Glenn argues we are dangerously far down the “Road to Serfdom” and exposes the progressive playbook to keep us in line. It’s a 600-year-old medieval model that’s been the plan all along.

We’re already feeling economic pain, and yet they’re playing “Game of Thrones” with our lives. Turning us into serfs is their ultimate goal. How do they finish the complete restructuring of the American financial system and our way of life?

On Wednesday night's "Glenn TV," Glenn connects it all on the chalkboard and details the solution to fighting back against the ruling elites.

Watch the full episode below:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn’s masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis, and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.

These days, it seems like everything is about politics, and comedy has been one of the biggest targets. Many comedians are walking on eggshells, but stand-up comedian and "Saturday Night Live" alum Jim Breuer isn't one of them.

Breuer joined Glenn on the latest episode of "The Glenn Beck Podcast" to talk about why he’d rather be funny than fearful and what inspired his hilarious comedy special, “Somebody Had to Say It," which has garnered almost 1.5 million views as of this writing.

Breuer made it clear that he does not consider himself to be political. "I'm not. I'm 100% not [political]," he told Glenn, before explaining how people started calling him political when he dared to ask questions about a certain shot that we're not allowed to mention, let alone question.

"When did medicine become political?" Breuer asked.

"What kind of price have you paid for being called political?" Glenn asked Breuer.

"To be dead honest with you, once COVID really kicked in, and ... once you realize we're not going to be here, that we're on borrowed time, and I do have God in my life ... you come to terms with reality on a deeper level. And when COVID kicked in, I said, 'You know what? All bets are off.' I already knew I wasn't in control. But now, not only am I not in control from the natural order of life, but now the puppet masters ... are in control," Breuer answered.

"It made me realize I don't have time to worry about what people think of me. I know where I'm at in life. I know where I'm at spiritually. I know where I'm at with my family," he added.

"That's tremendous power," Glenn said. "But it spooks the hell out of people."

"But it shouldn't!" Breuer exclaimed. "I'm excited that other people get this ... but they're stuck. We ain't got time for stuck. To me, this is the time of, 'You gotta rise.' For years and years and years, you allow fear to control your life. Fear of dying. Fear I might get sick ... everything's based out of fear. It's time for the fearless."

Breuer also revealed his secret for dealing with tough times, and he’s seen his share. But he also said he's seen miracles, including the incredible (and hilariously told) story of how he found faith, how God saved his marriage, and why one family friend was convinced his wife belonged to a cult.



Watch the full episode of "The Glenn Beck Podcast" below:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn’s masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.