GLENN: Let's talk about Tiger Woods real quickly in 60 seconds.
GLENN: Okay, we're done.
PAT: She beat him up.
STU: Well, we don't know that. That's speculation.
PAT: She clawed his eyes out because she thinks he's cheating on her.
GLENN: Okay, here's the deal. It kind of makes me happy in a way that Tiger Woods' life isn't exactly I don't want to beat up and I don't want him cheating on his wife but it makes me happy that, you know, it's not exactly because everybody believes that, oh, well, if you are rich or if you are famous, it's not true.
STU: Everybody's got their issues.
GLENN: Everybody has their issues. It doesn't matter if he's got a huge yacht and a swing that is like, you know, nobody's business and a hot wife. It doesn't matter.
STU: His issues are better than your issues, but everybody's has issues.
GLENN: Oh, yeah. His issues
STU: His are awesome.
GLENN: He's got balm that he can put on those issues that just make it feel a lot, lot better. But anyway, you know, the Tiger Woods story, I mean, let's just please use common sense on this. He drives out. His wife, he's in an Escalade and his wife takes a golf club to the back window? And then says that she was dragging him out through the back?
STU: It doesn't seem probable.
GLENN: It might be that you hit the back, you know, rear seat window.
STU: Right. Because he did crash in the front. So
GLENN: Right. So he's in the front. So then you could reach around. But what do you did she get are her legs cut up?
GLENN: Because she would have to crawl in over the seats and drag him out.
STU: But perhaps the doors were bent in some way that she couldn't open them or
GLENN: Possibly. Highly unlikely. Highly unlikely. Okay, so he drives into a tree coming out of his driveway, right?
STU: Yeah. And a fire hydrant.
GLENN: A fire hydrant, okay, and a tree. He's really moving at a very high rate of speed.
STU: Well, no, it was below
PAT: Not super fast
STU: Below 30 miles an hour.
PAT: Yeah, his airbag didn't deploy. So
STU: Although his car looked like he was going faster than that. Because the pictures
GLENN: He was wrapped around
STU: Right. It was up to 30
PAT: He must have been going about 30, I would think.
GLENN: I thought your air bags deploy at 15.
STU: Well, they state in the reports 30.
GLENN: Have you ever come out of your driveway at 30 miles an hour?
STU: Not recently, no. His driveway, though
GLENN: You have to have a very long rampish like driveway. So
STU: Maybe straight downhill.
GLENN: If he with, like, a little launching pad on it.
STU: He may have had his foot on the brakes the whole time, it's so downhill.
GLENN: Now, you are Tiger Woods, you've been in an accident. Your wife has taken a golf club.
STU: And rescued you.
GLENN: And rescued you.
PAT: She was courageous, in fact.
GLENN: Called courageous.
PAT: Called courageous.
GLENN: And it was. The fire hydrant could have broken loose at any time.
GLENN: So she drags him out and then leaves him there on the ground.
PAT: Just to go back and call for help, I'm sure.
GLENN: I'm sure it was. I'm sure it happened. Now, when you were back up on your feet and you're Tiger Woods, do you say in your statement about your courageous wife that you're not a perfect person?
PAT: Yes, because I just drove into a fire hydrant. I'm obviously a bad driver.
GLENN: Right. But nobody is
PAT: Not on the golf course, of course.
GLENN: Nobody's thinking that you're perfect. That seems to be Clinton code of some sort. Especially when the woman who you are rumored to be with flies back from Australia to meet with her newly engaged attorney, what's her name, Gloria Allred.
PAT: Gloria Allred.
STU: Oh, my.
GLENN: When I heard the Gloria Allred thing, I went, oh. Oh, this isn't looking good.
STU: Not a positive development.
GLENN: No, it's not.
STU: To that story.
GLENN: No, it's not.
STU: It seems like all these superstar athletes, though, like you remember Jordan with the gambling thing. They always have one bizarre incidence or scandal that kind of like a little mars their whole Kobe incident, that was a problem.
GLENN: I just don't want this to go the way all these celebrity things always go. It always goes, goes awry. Come on, Tiger, please.
STU: I always, I definitely fell victim to the idea that he was above all this stuff. He just seemed like the perfect individual.
PAT: No scandal at all.
STU: Never. And he's so in control.
GLENN: Let's not go out with one big scandal. I'd rather have a bunch of little scandals, like three or four little scandals like, hey, he walked out and he forgot to pay or, hey, he left a really bad tip.
PAT: He's a bad tipper.
GLENN: Yeah, you know, something like that. I don't want this to go out in
PAT: Three or four of those bring you right down.
GLENN: Yeah, he was cheating on his wife and
PAT: She beat him up, clawed his eyes out and he drove really fast down the driveway to get away.
GLENN: Got all hepped up on drugs and then he went out and killed his girlfriend. I just don't want it to end that way.
STU: Can you I mean, I guess we should have learned our lesson from things like O.J. that these things can get ugly. But I mean, he just you know, it's pathetic but it's just like he seems above that. Doesn't he? He seems above it.
PAT: Yeah, he does.
GLENN: Wait, wait, wait. Above what?
STU: Above all of it.
PAT: Above this kind of fray. He seems above the
STU: Like you feel
PAT: I feel the same way, Stu.
GLENN: I don't think any person is above
PAT: No, they are not. But you just, you start to think, wow, this guy's got it. He's got it going on. He's got everything going on, he's totally grounded. He had a good childhood.
STU: And isn't there some sort of rule we can implement? We have all
GLENN: Can I just say something? You don't have to have a bad childhood to make mistakes or to be a bad guy.
PAT: No, but it helps.
STU: It certainly does help. It's an indicator.
GLENN: Hey, you know what? I had a great childhood, I had a great life. I became a dirt bag. Why can't you I mean, that can happen.
PAT: It can, it can.
STU: It can, but it's a leading indicator, I'd say.
GLENN: It is. By the way, can I tell you this, it just popped into my head. Can you read the story about the London times this weekend?
STU: I did not, no.
GLENN: It's hysterical. They are now saying that my past is perhaps too bad to believe.
STU: So wait a minute. That you are not
GLENN: Yes, yes.
GLENN: I have the opposite. I have the opposite going for me than what we have with Tiger Woods. He's like, it seemed so good, it couldn't be bad. Mine's like, Glenn Beck's past is so bad, he couldn't be that guy.
STU: He couldn't be that horrible.
GLENN: He couldn't have been that bad.
PAT: Oh, really?
GLENN: Yeah, that I'm making up how bad my life was, how bad of a guy I was.
STU: Well, Pat, you were there. I mean,
PAT: I was there.
STU: How bad was it?
PAT: It was pretty bad.
STU: Was he embellishing in any way?
PAT: It was bad enough to the point where I said, I can't work with you anymore. I mean, I'd like to no, I really wouldn't even like to.
GLENN: No, I believe his quote was, this is killing me.
PAT: This is killing me.
GLENN: Working with you is killing me. And he didn't mean it like, you know, like, hey, this is hard, it's killing me. He meant, it was physically dying working with you.
PAT: Yes. But it wasn't just you. It was everybody in the building. But you were a major part of it.
GLENN: Right. Thank you. Thank you, Pat, I appreciate that. It's like it was a good spin. You know, here's a guy whose life is seemingly perfect.
STU: This is what we need to do is we need to start leaking things that are worse.
PAT: Yeah, really.
STU: Some embezzlement scandal, can we leak something like that? Just get it out there. They are certainly going to print it immediately if they hear it.
GLENN: I've been embezzling against myself.
PAT: He is embezzling his own funds.
GLENN: Crap. I just figured that out. That doesn't work out!