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Glenn Beck: Tiger Woods, just another dirtbag

December 02, 2009
 Radio Clips

The Glenn Beck Program



Glenn Beck is seen here on the Insider Webcam, an exclusive feature available only to Glenn Beck Insiders. Learn more...

GLENN: Do you have the audio of

PAT: The voice mail?

GLENN: The voice mail?

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: Yeah.

PAT: Tiger's voice mail to some girl?

GLENN: Yeah.

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: Here it is.

TIGER: Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you

PAT: This, by the way, is real. This isn't some faky voice. This is Tiger Woods.

GLENN: Now you've just wrecked the mood. Can you start it over again, please?

TIGER: Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor.

GLENN: Huge.

TIGER: Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that.

GLENN: Okay.

TIGER: And just have it as a number on the voice mail, okay? You've got to do this for me.

GLENN: My wife may be calling you. Okay. So there's so many things to go off of here. First of all, what? What?

PAT: Jamie keeps showing up on your voice mail Tiger. Is that a problem? I mean, should I call this? "Well, that's my that's the launderer. That's where I do my dry cleaning."

GLENN: Hang on just a second. If a Jamie was showing up on your voice mail, okay? First of all, does your wife look at your phone? To see who you are calling?

PAT: Pretty rare, no.

GLENN: And if she does, it's just because she's using your phone and she'll look at it. And if she was using your phone and she looked at all those Jamies on there, she would say, who's Jamie, Pat?

STU: Why are you calling Jamie at 3:00 in the morning for 17 consecutive days?

GLENN: Okay, no, but hang on just a second. If she just saw Jamie on it.

STU: Just Jamie.

GLENN: Would she say, who's Jamie?

PAT: Yeah, she would say, who's Jamie.

GLENN: And then you would say, oh, she's somebody.

PAT: Somebody at work.

GLENN: Yeah, somebody at work. Would she then say, "Really? I may call Jamie." Would she?

PAT: If she said

GLENN: In your case you, your wife, as Pat?

PAT: No.

GLENN: No, she wouldn't.

PAT: She has no reason to well, if there was something going on, she would sense it.

GLENN: Yes, yes!

PAT: In a second.

GLENN: Yes. That's my point.

PAT: And probably all women do.

GLENN: Every woman has that. That's my point. If you say who's Jamie and you go, oh, it's just somebody I work with. Oh, okay. And then she moves on. You don't get you don't make the call to Jamie and say, hey, by the way, my wife may be calling. Your wife isn't calling unless she inspects you're a dirt bag.

STU: Oh, and you know she inspects it at this point.

PAT: And that's a panic because he works with a caddy and she knows, she knows he's not Jamie.

GLENN: Who's Jamie? The one that's polishing my clubs.

STU: Nice work.

GLENN: Thank you. I could go on. Please don't.

STU: You don't need to. Why would you

GLENN: Why? We don't have to. You make your own jokes from there.

PAT: I thought we were back in time there for a second, 1992. Good morning, everybody. Got the clubs jokes coming up this morning.

GLENN: This was the first one I heard. My friend in Dubai wrote this to me this morning. Okay? What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They both get clubbed by a Scandinavian.

STU: Thank you, Pat.

GLENN: He's in Dubai. What? I mean, that's the first Tiger Woods joke I heard.

STU: This is the beginning of a long process of Tiger Woods jokes.

GLENN: Tiger's been dropped from the rider's cup team as his terrible pattern of being beaten by Europeans continues.

PAT: You know, he's got $100 million in sponsorships at stake here.

GLENN: What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?

PAT: What?

GLENN: Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

STU: I mean, can we stop this? Is there a way to stop it?

GLENN: Yes.

STU: Thank you.

GLENN: Yes, here's a way to stop it. Admit you're a dirt bag and then move on.

STU: Well, it's one of it's so disappointing. Like you know when the Sanford stuff was going on, I just, you get disappointed. You almost get embarrassed for our group or like, you know, I get almost embarrassed for conservatives. It's like, what are you doing. And you know it has nothing to do with conservatives. But it's the same thing like when this happened with Tiger, men are pathetic. This guy's got a supermodel and a billion dollars and he can't entertain himself with it? It's like, Lord God, all you have to do is stay out of the papers and you have this unbelievable reputation to protect.

GLENN: To me this just shows how beauty, fame and wealth ain't all it's cracked up to be.

PAT: (Laughing).

GLENN: See, you thought I was serious on that. What, are you crazy? You're sleeping with her? On your yacht? And you've got a Gulfstream? What? Are you crazy? (Laughing).

Dan Crenshaw: The Left is NOT 'liberal' — they have become 'genuinely authoritarian'

Republican Rep. Dan Crenshaw of Texas joined Glenn Beck on the radio program Thursday to discuss the Left's current efforts to rid the U.S. military of "extremism," Democrats' push to separate President Joe Biden from the nuclear codes, and how conservatives can use government to battle the far-left, their policies, and their efforts to control Americans.

Crenshaw called the military's efforts to rid their ranks of extremism, "so obviously and clearly politically motivated," as the entire premise is based on reports that some active service members and veterans participated in the Jan. 6 storming of the U.S. Capitol.

"Mathematically, that's not a good indication of where active duty military stand or where veterans stand more broadly," Crenshaw said of the generalization that military personnel are extremists. "And I thought we were against that kind of profiling. Right? I thought that was against the liberal values that supposedly the Left stands for."

"But, Glenn, you know very well the Left is not liberal," he added. "The Left is very anti-liberal. And I think as conservatives, we have to say that more often. They have become genuinely authoritarian. Progressivism is not in sync with liberalism. All right? There's a big difference between an Alan Dershowitz liberal and a Democrat Party progressive. They're totally different."

Watch the video clip below to catch more of the conversation with Rep. Dan Crenshaw:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

Glenn Beck: THIS is why Biden nominated Merrick Garland as attorney general

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Many will remember President Biden's attorney general nominee Merrick Garland as the man Republicans refused to hold a Supreme Court confirmation hearing for back in 2016. So, was Garland's AG nomination just meant to be a slap in the face to Republicans? Glenn Beck thinks there's a lot more to it.

Given how focused Democrats are on rooting out vaguely defined "right-wing extremism," Garland's work in supervising the prosecution of the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing suspects gives us a hint, Glenn suggested on radio this week. He said he's "all for" stopping dangerous extremists, but couldn't help noticing how Garland isn't talking about any of the destruction that happened over the summer.

"I am all for justice. I am all for making sure we catch the bad guys, as long as the bad guys are not defined to be on only one side," Glenn said. "Merrick Garland said [Monday] that there was no comparison between what happened on January 6th and what happened over the summer. That is because the Washington elites see themselves as better than somebody who owns a taco stand. I don't. The Constitution doesn't. They are the same crime."

Watch the video clip below to hear more from Glenn:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

CONTROL FREAKS: The Great Reset Overlords Who Will Ru(i)n Your Life

"All rich countries should move to 100% synthetic beef. You can get used to the taste difference," said holy anointed billionaire Bill Gates. Green activism has been around for decades. But what used to be wacky has now worked its way into the world's power structure. You must believe the science. You cannot question the science.

The Texas power failure provided America with a disturbing and deadly preview of the Great Reset. But Bill Gates, AOC, and other Democrats say this only proves we need to enforce MORE green policies.

On his Wednesday night special this week, Glenn Beck reveals how deep the Great Reset tentacles reach into government and business to strangle freedom and their efforts to control every aspect of your private life.

Watch the full episode below:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

Pastor IMPRISONED for violating lockdown: Are government officials 'picking on' Christians?

Image source: Video screenshot

Why are we letting criminals out of prison while putting pastors in? Pastor James Coates of Canada's GraceLife Church was recently fined, arrested, and put in maximum security prison for violating lockdown rules.

Rebel News founder Ezra Levant joined Glenn Beck on "Glenn TV" to discuss the story. Ezra said he's noticed a trend of government officials "picking on" Christians as "lockdownism" becomes almost a new kind of religion, and warned this might be just the start of more persecution to come.

Watch the video below to catch more of the conversation:


Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.