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GLENN: Do you have the audio of
PAT: The voice mail?
GLENN: The voice mail?
PAT: Tiger's voice mail to some girl?
GLENN: Here it is.
TIGER: Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you
PAT: This, by the way, is real. This isn't some faky voice. This is Tiger Woods.
GLENN: Now you've just wrecked the mood. Can you start it over again, please?
TIGER: Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor.
TIGER: Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that.
TIGER: And just have it as a number on the voice mail, okay? You've got to do this for me.
GLENN: My wife may be calling you. Okay. So there's so many things to go off of here. First of all, what? What?
PAT: Jamie keeps showing up on your voice mail Tiger. Is that a problem? I mean, should I call this? "Well, that's my that's the launderer. That's where I do my dry cleaning."
GLENN: Hang on just a second. If a Jamie was showing up on your voice mail, okay? First of all, does your wife look at your phone? To see who you are calling?
PAT: Pretty rare, no.
GLENN: And if she does, it's just because she's using your phone and she'll look at it. And if she was using your phone and she looked at all those Jamies on there, she would say, who's Jamie, Pat?
STU: Why are you calling Jamie at 3:00 in the morning for 17 consecutive days?
GLENN: Okay, no, but hang on just a second. If she just saw Jamie on it.
STU: Just Jamie.
GLENN: Would she say, who's Jamie?
PAT: Yeah, she would say, who's Jamie.
GLENN: And then you would say, oh, she's somebody.
PAT: Somebody at work.
GLENN: Yeah, somebody at work. Would she then say, "Really? I may call Jamie." Would she?
PAT: If she said
GLENN: In your case you, your wife, as Pat?
GLENN: No, she wouldn't.
PAT: She has no reason to well, if there was something going on, she would sense it.
GLENN: Yes, yes!
PAT: In a second.
GLENN: Yes. That's my point.
PAT: And probably all women do.
GLENN: Every woman has that. That's my point. If you say who's Jamie and you go, oh, it's just somebody I work with. Oh, okay. And then she moves on. You don't get you don't make the call to Jamie and say, hey, by the way, my wife may be calling. Your wife isn't calling unless she inspects you're a dirt bag.
STU: Oh, and you know she inspects it at this point.
PAT: And that's a panic because he works with a caddy and she knows, she knows he's not Jamie.
GLENN: Who's Jamie? The one that's polishing my clubs.
STU: Nice work.
GLENN: Thank you. I could go on. Please don't.
STU: You don't need to. Why would you
GLENN: Why? We don't have to. You make your own jokes from there.
PAT: I thought we were back in time there for a second, 1992. Good morning, everybody. Got the clubs jokes coming up this morning.
GLENN: This was the first one I heard. My friend in Dubai wrote this to me this morning. Okay? What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They both get clubbed by a Scandinavian.
STU: Thank you, Pat.
GLENN: He's in Dubai. What? I mean, that's the first Tiger Woods joke I heard.
STU: This is the beginning of a long process of Tiger Woods jokes.
GLENN: Tiger's been dropped from the rider's cup team as his terrible pattern of being beaten by Europeans continues.
PAT: You know, he's got $100 million in sponsorships at stake here.
GLENN: What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?
GLENN: Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
STU: I mean, can we stop this? Is there a way to stop it?
STU: Thank you.
GLENN: Yes, here's a way to stop it. Admit you're a dirt bag and then move on.
STU: Well, it's one of it's so disappointing. Like you know when the Sanford stuff was going on, I just, you get disappointed. You almost get embarrassed for our group or like, you know, I get almost embarrassed for conservatives. It's like, what are you doing. And you know it has nothing to do with conservatives. But it's the same thing like when this happened with Tiger, men are pathetic. This guy's got a supermodel and a billion dollars and he can't entertain himself with it? It's like, Lord God, all you have to do is stay out of the papers and you have this unbelievable reputation to protect.
GLENN: To me this just shows how beauty, fame and wealth ain't all it's cracked up to be.
GLENN: See, you thought I was serious on that. What, are you crazy? You're sleeping with her? On your yacht? And you've got a Gulfstream? What? Are you crazy? (Laughing).