Glenn Beck: You say Osama, I say Usama



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GLENN: Yes, the time has come that we get Tucker Carlson on the phone because we were just talking about this yesterday that, I'm tired of all the people on television I can't pronunciation one thing right, and I admit that. I'm the worst. But I'm tired of all the people on television just changing it from Osama to Usama, from allah Akbar to allahu akbar, from cobble to Kabul. What was it that President Obama did?

PAT: Tolly bon, Packi ston.

GLENN: What is that? And then this morning I turn on the television and here's Tucker Carlson.

CARLSON: No matter what the president promises in Copenhagen next week

GLENN: Copen Häagen. So I asked Stu, get Tucker Carlson on. And he said Tucker Carlson is too smart to come onto this program. Lo and behold, he's not.

STU: Really not.

GLENN: He's really not. Tucker Carlson, welcome to the program.

CARLSON: Hardly too smart. The truth is I chew Copenhagen snuff, and this I'm not making this up. And in my mind, you know, you don't want to confuse an important Scandinavian city with a tobacco product. So I just have Copenhagen snuff and then Copen Häagen.

GLENN: What is the deal with Copen Häagen?

CARLSON: Well, you would never call your snuff Copen Häagen.

GLENN: No, you would not. No, you wouldn't.

CARLSON: Yeah, you wouldn't say, "Let me have a can of Copen Häagen, please."

GLENN: I mean, here's the thing, Tucker. We were just talking about this yesterday. Stu or Pat, do the this is the typical reporter on the way they will talk about, you know, some uprising south of the border. They will do it just like this?

PAT: Sandinistan rebels attacked people in Managua, Nicaragua today and killing 14 and wounding another 30.

GLENN: We were like, what the hell is up with that?

PAT: From Managua, Nicaragua, I'm Bob Stevens.

CARLSON: I'm Jane N Hossa.

GLENN: Exactly right.

PAT: Why?

GLENN: So did you? And I completely, I support you on this one. Did you just have just some sort of an aneurysm during the show and you were like, Copen Häagen?

CARLSON: Well, part of it was, it was 6:17 in the morning.

GLENN: No, I know that. I know that. I'm really

CARLSON: Really it had to do with, it had to do with the Copenhagen versus Copen Häagen. I mean, if there was a town called Skoal or, you know, Redman, I would call it red mon or Skwell, you know, just to make it

GLENN: Come on! Is this really your reason?

CARLSON: I'm serious! One is a tobacco product and then one is an important city.

GLENN: This is a one man venture to get everybody to call it Copen Häagen? You know, God bless ya. I mean

CARLSON: I'm trying.

GLENN: Here's one man saying, I can make a difference. You know what? I'm joining you. From hereon out it's Copen Häagen. So who's with me? Stu?

CARLSON: Thank you. I think I won a convert today.

GLENN: Yes, Stu, are you with me?

STU: This is a grassroots movement. Copen Häagen it is.

GLENN: Copen Häagen. Pat, Copen Häagen?

PAT: I shan't be saying Copen Häagen, no.

CARLSON: Please don't put me in the shan't category. That's up there with toe mott o. I can't do it.

GLENN: That's great. Okay. Well, it's good to talk to you, Tucker. I'm sorry to waste your time on this. We just wanted to know what the heck was up with that.

CARLSON: Look, I deserve the spanking and I'm proud to get it.

GLENN: No, wait a minute. I'm really with you on Copen Häagen.

CARLSON: Well, here's the question to you. Is it Ne vod a or Nevada?

PAT: It's Nevada, absolutely Nevada

CARLSON: See, I strongly, firmly disagree. It was always Ne vod a, and it remains still in my life.

PAT: No.

CARLSON: No?

PAT: You are from the West and you call it Ne vod a?

CARLSON: Yeah.

PAT: Really?

GLENN: You know what that says to me? You know what that says to me? When I hear people say Ne vod a, I think, oh, jeez.

PAT: East Coast.

GLENN: Stop trying so hard to be a Kennedy.

CARLSON: No, I'm actually, I was born in San Francisco at Children's Hospital, same hospital as Jerry Garcia.

GLENN: All right. Let me rephrase. Stop trying to be Pelosi. What's the difference?

CARLSON: Now, that's cruel.

GLENN: You know what I mean? It's just like this, Ne vod a? Name the state just south of Washington.

CARLSON: Or gone.

GLENN: Okay, now I'm hanging up.

CARLSON: No, no. Oregon.

GLENN: Okay. See, I hate the people who say that it's Ore gone.

CARLSON: Ore gone. No, no one out West calls it that. But I bet you a third of the population out in Southern California does call it Ne vod a.

GLENN: No, they don't.

STU: What's that city in Kentucky, the one with the cardinal as the team?

PAT: Louisville?

CALLER: Louisville?

PAT: Louisvilly?

GLENN: Louisvilly.

CARLSON: There's Montpelier, Vermont.

GLENN: Name, name, give me the full pronunciation of PJs.

CARLSON: Pajamas.

GLENN: Ooh.

PAT: See?

CARLSON: No, that's important. My wife's from Michigan and she's always trying to tell the kids it's pa jam as, and I say, come on now.

PAT: It is. Say the word you put on toast, J A M.

CARLSON: Jom?

GLENN: (Laughing). Well, that's what we call it in Copen Häagen!

CARLSON: I'm going to give a speech in a second and I know that I'm going to say on this one thanks to this special occasion.

GLENN: Where are you?

CARLSON: I'm in my office in Washington a block from D.C.

GLENN: Ooh, sorry. That's the way they say it on that really smart show Jeopardy, ooh, sorry.

STU: You mean on jeo pardy?

GLENN: Jeo pardy, yeah.

STU: I love jeo pardy.

GLENN: By the way, have you seen the other Tiger Woods mistress?

CARLSON: No, I've seen the waitress yeah, I saw the waitress.

GLENN: No, the other one wearing the Ray Ban glasses.

CARLSON: Yes, I did see her.

GLENN: Wow.

CARLSON: Is that do you think that really is the mistress?

GLENN: I don't know, but I think they should put her picture on TV some more. Wow, who is she? You know who she looks like?

CARLSON: Who?

GLENN: Like Cindy Crawford if Cindy Crawford had been cryogenically frozen for a while.

CARLSON: (Laughing).

GLENN: You remember when Cindy I mean, Cindy Crawford is still beautiful. But do you remember when she was, like when she was young?

CARLSON: Like it was yesterday.

GLENN: It wasn't, but I'm with you on that.

CARLSON: No, she and Christie Brinkley, they live forever in my heart as they were in 1982, always.

GLENN: Christie Brinkley, you know, once she was, you know, cheating on her first guy up in, you know, the Alps or wherever she was and then she, you know, broke Billy Joel's heart, no.

STU: I was more of a fan of Elle MacPherson.

CARLSON: Elle MacPherson?

GLENN: I love Elle.

STU: But the thing about it, by watching these reports the one thing you have to notice is that Tee jair Woods has a heck of a life.

CARLSON: He really does. I actually am starting to feel kind of I think the fact she hit him if she did indeed hit him with a golf club is actually a good thing for him because it makes it a little more even.

GLENN: Oh, I think can I tell you something? I think he deserved it.

CARLSON: Oh, of course he deserved it.

GLENN: Yeah, I think

CARLSON: He definitely deserve it and good for her for doing it. I mean, those Scandinavian girls are no one to fool with. But I'm kind of impressed that I think their marriage honestly has a better chance of recovering from this because she did do that.

GLENN: So in other words, you're saying let Tiger Woods fail; he's not too big to fail. Let him fail and it will restart and maybe he can build from here?

CARLSON: I actually think there's probably some truth in that. And I also think getting smacked around with a golf club is a pretty good thing if you've been caught cheating on your wife, you know?

GLENN: My wife, my wife told me just last night, we were talking about it and she said, if you ever cheat on me, I'm going to, I'm going to hit you with a golf club, too. And I said, I'm going to cheat on you because we don't have golf clubs. I'm safe! I'm good!

CARLSON: You're safe, that's awesome.

GLENN: I'm out, hey! So now all the ladies who have just been wanting a slice of this pie (throwing up).

CARLSON: You just opened the floodgates right there.

GLENN: Oh, I know, I know.

CARLSON: Squash rackets or bowling balls, there's got to be some sporting equipment in your house that can hurt you.

GLENN: All right. Tucker Carl sone.

STU: Too kair, I believe, is the, Too kair Carl sone.

CARLSON: Too kair Carl sone

GLENN: All right. Bye bye. See, I don't know if he was serious or not about the

STU: I think we go with it. I think we

GLENN: I'm going with Copen Häagen.

STU: Why not.

GLENN: I'm going with Copen Häagen. I may have him be the Copen Häagen reporter next week on the TV show while the president is over there just for the Copen Häagen part.

STU: I think that's perfect. Plus you remember we're talking about global warming, and Häagen gives you the Häagen Dazs, at least you think cold. What's more delicious when the globe is warming.

GLENN: When he said play it again on television when he said this.

CARLSON: No matter what the president promises in Copen Häagen next week.

GLENN: I when I heard that, all I could think of was, A, this is what we talked about yesterday; and B was, ooh, that makes me want to have Häagen Dazs.

STU: Maybe it's a corporate conspiracy with Häagen Dazs. That seems more rational.

Science did it again. It only took 270 million years, but this week, scientists finally solved the mystery that has kept the world up at night. We finally know where octopuses come from: outer space. That explains why they look like the aliens in just about every alien movie ever made.

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It turns out octopuses were aliens that evolved on another planet. Scientists haven't determined which one yet, but they've definitely narrowed it down to one of the planets in one of the galaxies. Hundreds of millions of years ago (give or take a hundred), these evolved octopus aliens arrived on Earth in the form of cryopreserved eggs. Now, this part is just speculation, but it's possible their alien planet was on the verge of destruction, so Mom and Dad Octopus self-sacrificially placed Junior in one of these cryopreserved eggs and blasted him off the planet to save their kind.

This alien-octopus research, co-authored by a group of 33 scientists, was published in the Progress in Biophysics and Molecular Biology journal. I'm sure you keep that on your nightstand like I do.

Anyway, these scientists say octopuses evolved very rapidly over 270 million years. Which sounds slow, but in evolutionary terms, 270 million years is like light speed. And the only explanation for their breakneck evolution is that they're aliens. The report says, “The genome of the Octopus shows a staggering level of complexity with 33,000 protein-coding genes — more than is present in Homo sapiens."

Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.

They mention that the octopus' large brain, sophisticated nervous system, camera-like eyes, flexible bodies and ability to change color and shape all point to its alien nature. Octopuses developed those capabilities rather suddenly in evolution, whereas we're still trying to figure out the TV remote.

These biological enhancements are so far ahead of regular evolution that the octopuses must have either time-traveled from the future, or “more realistically" according to scientists, crash-landed on earth in those cryopreserved egg thingies. The report says the eggs arrived here in “icy bolides." I had to look up what a “bolide" is, and turns out it's a fancy word for a meteor.

So, to recap: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, an alien race of octopuses packed their sperm-bank samples in some meteors and shot them toward Earth. Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.

President Trump's approval rating is rising, and Democrats — hilariously — can't seem to figure out what's going on. A few months ago Democrats enjoyed a sixteen point lead over Republicans, but now — according to CNN's recent national survey — that lead is down to just THREE points. National data from Reuters shows it as being even worse.

The Democratic advantage moving towards the halfway mark into 2018 shows that Republicans are only ONE point behind. The president's public approval rating is rising, and Democrats are nervously looking at each other like… “umm guys, what are we doing wrong here?"

I'm going to give Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi a little hint. We know that the Left has enjoyed a “special relationship" with the media, but they might want to have a sit down with their propaganda machine. The mainstream media is completely out of control, and Americans are sick of it. We're DONE with the media.

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Look what has been going on just this week. The president called MS-13 gang members animals, but that's not the story the media jumped on. They thought it was more clickable to say that Trump was calling all immigrants animals instead. In the Middle East, the media rushed to vilify Israel instead of Hamas. They chose to defend a terror organization rather than one of our oldest allies.

Think about that. The media is so anti-Trump that they've chosen a violent street gang AND A GLOBAL TERROR ORGANIZATION as their torch-bearing heroes. Come on, Democrats. Are you seriously baffled why the American people are turning their backs on you?

Still not enough evidence? Here's the New York Times just yesterday. Charles Blow wrote a piece called "A Blue Wave of Moral Restoration" where he tried to make the case that the president and Republicans were the enemy, but — fear not — Democrat morality was here to save the day.

Here are some of these cases Blow tries to make for why Trump is unfit to be President:

No person who treats women the way Trump does and brags on tape about sexually assaulting them should be president.

Ok, fine. You can make that argument if you want to, but why weren't you making this same argument for Bill Clinton? Never mind, I actually know the reason. Because you were too busy trying to bury the Juanita Broaddrick story.

Let's move on:

No person who has demonstrated himself to be a pathological liar should be president.

Do the words, “You can keep your doctor" mean anything to the New York Times or Charles Blow? I might have saved the best for last:

No person enveloped by a cloud of corruption should be president.

I can only think of three words for a response to this: Hillary Frigging Clinton.

Try displaying a little consistency.

If the media really wants Donald Trump gone and the Democrats to take over, they might want to try displaying a little consistency. But hey, maybe that's just too much to ask.

How about starting with not glorifying terrorist organizations and murderous street gangs. Could we at least begin there?

If not… good luck in the midterms.

In the weeks following President Trump's decision to recognize Jerusalem as Israel's capital, the mainstream media was quick to criticize the president's pro-Israel stance and make dire predictions of violent backlash in the Middle East. Fast forward to this week's opening of the US Embassy in Jerusalem and the simultaneous Palestinian “protests" in Gaza.

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Predictably, the mainstream media chastised Israel for what they called “state-sanctioned terrorism" when the IDF stepped in to protect their country from so-called peaceful Palestinian protesters. Hamas leaders later admitted that at least 50 of the 62 Palestinians killed in the clashes were Hamas terrorists.

“In our post-modern media age, there is no truth and nobody even seems to be looking for it …. This is shamefully clear in the media especially this week with their coverage of the conflict between the border of Israel and the Gaza strip," said Glenn on today's show. He added, “The main media narrative this week is about how the IDF is just killing innocent protesters, while Hamas officials have confirmed on TV that 50 of the 62 people killed were working for Hamas."

The mainstream media views the Palestinians as the oppressed people who just want to share the land and peacefully coexist with the people of Israel. “They can't seem to comprehend that in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, only one side is actively trying to destroy the other," surmised Glenn.

Watch the video above to hear Glenn debunk the “peaceful Palestinian protest" fallacy.

Here are a few headlines regarding the protests in Israel: 'Global protests grow after Israeli killing of Palestinian demonstrators,' the Guardian. 'Israel kills dozens at Gaza Border,' the New York Times. 'Palestinians mourn dead in Gaza as protests continue,' CNN. 'Over 50 Palestinians in massive protest are killed by Israeli military, bloodiest day in Gaza since 2014 war,' ABC News. 'Gaza begins to bury its dead after deadliest day in years,' BBC.

RELATED: Here's why Israel used lethal force during mass protests in Gaza yesterday

In each, the spoken or unspoken subject of the sentence and villain of the story is Israel. Innocent Palestinians murdered by the cruel Israelis. This is the narrative that the mainstream media has promulgated. Few have mentioned that the majority of the “protestors" that died were members of Hamas, the militant (and highly anti-Semetic) Sunni-Islamist organization that has been labeled a Foreign Terrorist Organization by the U.S. State Department.

A senior Hamas official told reporters that 50 of the 59 people killed in Monday's protests were members of Hamas, and the remainder were “from the people." So…they were all Hamas.

As usual, mention of such membership has been left out of the mainstream media's anti-Israel, pro-Islam narrative.

As usual, mention of such membership has been left out of the mainstream media's anti-Israel, pro-Islam narrative. Maybe they think of Palestinians as underdogs and they love a good scrap. Well, they aren't underdogs. But their outburst have been glorified for so long that it's near impossible to disagree with that narrative.