MSNBC's Keith Olbermannn
GLENN: I have just read the review have you read the review of the Christmas Sweater in the Chicago Tribune?
STU: No, I have not.
GLENN: Boy, it's a surprise that things there's two articles in the Chicago Tribune today. It's a surprise that those in Chicago in the media don't like me.
STU: I didn't know what you were going to say and I was stunned.
GLENN: Yeah. I think the guy liked it. He called it tedious. He compared me to Kathy Lee Gifford and Wham! He also said it's a lot like the Pac Man Christmas.
STU: What is the Pac Man Christmas?
GLENN: I don't know. Apparently it was a Christmas special. It says, the performing this is how it ends. Listen to this: The performance is actually a rerun of the performance from last Christmas but when it's over, Beck in a suit now welcomes on stage a handful of fans who found themselves facing their own storms, drugs, cancer, et cetera. You feel yourself slipping away further from Christmas. This guy doesn't understand what Christmas I think he thinks Christmas is about snow and elves and
PAT: Santa, presents, uh huh.
GLENN: Christmas to me is the beginning of redemption. That's why the baby was born, so he could redeem all mankind.
STU: Baby, born, what are you talking about? We're talking about Christmas.
GLENN: No, no, I'm talking about made up stories. Beck's attempts at inspiration calls to mind that all star single for hunger relief. Do they know it's Christmas, and its clueless lament that there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime. Tears? Of course. So often you start to notice that there isn't much difference between Beck the actor sweating through his shirt and rolling on stage in a fetal position and Beck the commentator, convinced ACORN is the downfall of the United States. That said how often do you hear a line like, "oh, Eddie, it's a Christmas miracle" delivered sincerely. The folks at my screening liked it, and I didn't hate it, either. Oh, it was tedious. Listen to this. I don't even know how to understand this. Oh, it was tedious but it was sincere, in a way only the oblivious or disingenuous can be sincere.
PAT: That doesn't even make sense. Disingenuousness is by definition insincere.
GLENN: I don't know.
STU: I think that's what it means.
GLENN: I'm not sure which Beck is: Clueless or opportunistic, but he is effusively empathetic.
PAT: Can't you be both clueless and
GLENN: And he does spot redemption in even the weakest attempt at sincerity. After all, isn't that what Christmas is all about? What, a weak attempt at sincerity?
PAT: This is weird.
GLENN: No, I don't oh, Glenn, you are joy, The Christmas Sweater, blah, blah blah, blah blah.
PAT: I would also like to mention, I like Wham! I mean, wake me up before you go go? Don't leave me hangin' on like a yo yo? That's deep.
STU: It is pretty deep.
GLENN: I think I'm going to have to know that one.
PAT: I think that was a compliment.
STU: By the way, Glenn, are you aware Keith Olbermann was criticizing you about the Christmas Sweater sales, which is interesting because it's, I believe, and we're getting the numbers now. They are not final, but it's the best selling
PAT: Well, he's got those. He's got those numbers.
STU: Well, I'm sure he does.
PAT: You want to hear them?
OLBERMANN: Remember the big Lonesome Roads Beck extravaganza last
GLENN: Lonesome Roads again.
PAT: Lonesome Road, I love that.
GLENN: This is the amazing thing. Lonesome Roads, there are several attacks on me but once you understand what they are, you can categorize them. The Lonesome Roads attack is a movie made by a communist?
PAT: By a communist, yes.
GLENN: By a communist.
GLENN: In the 1940s, I think, Forties or Fifties. A communist film on a guy who seemed sincere on television.
PAT: It was total cynicism.
GLENN: But it was totally false. He was only in it for the money, okay?
PAT: As all capitalists are.
STU: Of course. They're evil.
GLENN: You cannot, you cannot say these things and actually be truthful. So there's one of the attacks on me. You will see this. The other category is, he's insane! Am I sincere and insane?
STU: You're either a calculated, brilliant or completely idiotic and insane.
PAT: Well, there's the third Father Coughlin thing which is, he was a fascist sympathizer.
GLENN: Right. Who was against the Jews.
PAT: Who was against the Jews.
GLENN: This one you'll also hear. They will quote this in stories that I'm Father Coughlin who was a guy who
PAT: 1940s, very popular for a time. First started for him and then wound up against him.
GLENN: But then was against him because he wanted more!
PAT: Yeah, yeah.
GLENN: Wanted more.
PAT: He was the total opposite of everything
GLENN: He was for the Nazis.
PAT: And against the Jews, yeah.
GLENN: So that was a problem with Father Coughlin. So these don't work. But these are the strategies that they use to take me down, okay? I either believe it and I'm a fascist, I am
STU: Just brilliant screaming opportunist.
GLENN: Right. Or I'm just crazy.
STU: Absolutely insane.
GLENN: Okay? But it can't be that I mean what I say, I love my country, I don't want violence, I'm just trying to stick to the Constitution and I tell the truth to the best of my ability. And I may get it wrong from time to time, but I lead with my mistakes.
STU: None of those things should be considered.
GLENN: None of those things should be considered.
PAT: Okay. So here's your
OLBERMANN: Remember the big Lonesome Roads Beck extravaganza last week, a half lie, half movie version simulcast
GLENN: Not a movie.
OLBERMANN: of his book The Christmas Sweater, that rip off of The Gift of the Magi that was shown in theaters nationwide?
PAT: It was a rip off of The Gift of the Magi?
GLENN: I didn't know.
PAT: For one thing, isn't it?
GLENN: No, no, no. Not in Copen hoggen.
PAT: It's Magi? Okay. So there's another one.
GLENN: All right. How is it a rip off of The Gift of the Magi?
PAT: It didn't remind me of The Gift of the Magi at all.
GLENN: I'm sorry. I'm not Keith Olbermann. I can't quote every...
OLBERMANN: It sold 30 tickets. In Washington D.C. 30 people bought tickets to see Beck cry. In New York and Boston it was 34 but that was combined. Of course, you say, New York's all socialist, fascists, communists. What about where the real people are like in Rockwall, Texas? 94 tickets in Texas, 94 in the theater. On top of which Beck's ratings among younger viewers for the first week of this month, down
PAT: This is so great, this is so great. On top of it all your TV career's over, too, because among your younger listeners.
STU: By the way, not any demographic because I've looked at the actual demographics that we measure and this statistic does not exist. I don't know where he's pulling it.
GLENN: Was he talking about how my career was over last night, on the same night that I was on Barbara Walters ten most fascinating people? Okay, go ahead.
OLBERMANN: From the first week of last month. Next time he cries
GLENN: Wait, wait, I'm trying to this is a new ratings period for me. I'm sorry. Shakespeare may have done ratings this way but I don't know, we don't do it like that now.
PAT: Nielsen doesn't.
GLENN: What is it, my younger viewers, youngest or younger?
GLENN: Younger viewers.
PAT: We don't know what demographic category that he's using.
GLENN: Younger viewers in the first week of this month to the first week of last month.
PAT: Down 30%.
GLENN: Holy cow.
STU: What's interesting is that first week of last month was the Fort Hood tragedy.
STU: Which did draw quite a few people. But still, even with that I cannot find where he's getting this statistic from.
PAT: Not the mention the first week of this, you were gone I think two days of the week?
STU: Well, yeah, you were gone.
PAT: That he's talking about?
STU: It's funny is you were gone for the Christmas Sweater. You were out one day for the Christmas Sweater in which we had a ratings
PAT: And one day for something else.
GLENN: I don't know if I was. Anyway, it doesn't matter.
STU: Well, I look at a bunch of this. Anyway, so he's literally making stuff up there. And then just so we could talk margin of error here, Glenn.
GLENN: Yes, yes.
STU: I've looked at some of these big failure ticket markets.
GLENN: By the way, I just want you to know, and I don't want to quote anything. This is, these live events, they're done by many different celebrities, many different comedians and everything else. It is my understanding that we are I'm just going to be safe and say top five.
STU: Yeah, easily.
GLENN: In all live events.
STU: But interestingly enough, number one, he took these numbers directly from a blog with no other sources, no other sources. We have the actual numbers, of course, and the average margin of error I found in the first few that I've checked is over 2,000%. 2,000% margin of error is what I discovered.
PAT: From Keith Olbermann? No.
GLENN: I wonder if he would put a phone on his set where we could call him. If he would put a phone, because if I had the ability to call him and I had the facts on how wrong he was, why wouldn't I call him in the middle of the show to correct him?