GLENN: Okay. So last night I'm at this Time 100 most influential people and like, everybody's there, everybody's there. Lorne Martin Michaels, I talked to him last night from Saturday Night Live. He was a very nice guy. And the guy who's with me said, wow, he's a fan of the show. I said, what makes you say that? He said before we left, you know, "Hey, you just keep stay on the air, brother, just stay on the air." And I said, not a fan of the I'm good for comedy! I'm good for their comedy! It's not it's like Jon Stewart. Jon Stewart's not thinking, "Yeah, get that guy off the air." I'm good for him and his ratings. Please. But he was very nice.
Seth, what's his name?
STU: Seth Meyers.
GLENN: Seth Meyers, really kind, very nice. He might have been making fun of me the whole time, I don't know. But he seemed to be very kind and very nice. And who's the other guy with the glasses that's on Saturday Night Live that did "In a box"?
STU: Andy Sandberg.
GLENN: Hysterical. Didn't meet him last night because I didn't know him. I don't watch Saturday Night Live. I just watch clips once in a while. Didn't know him and so I didn't get a chance to talk to him, but he was funny last night. He did a roast of a few of the people on the Time 100 list. I was surprisingly one of them. But it was very, very funny.
I'm trying to think who else was Bill Clinton talked about the unsustainable Earth.
PAT: There are just not enough fat chicks. There are just not enough fat chicks to sustain life.
GLENN: You know what it seemed it was weird. It seemed like it was 1,000 years ago that he was
PAT: Did you get a little nostalgic? I mean, when I see him sometimes, it's almost like, "Oh, please come back."
GLENN: Oh, it was I swear to you
PAT: Oh, please.
GLENN: If I didn't know how entangled they were in, you know, all of the things that are going on.
PAT: You'd think, wouldn't you?
GLENN: I would. You'd be like, oh, man.
PAT: The days of Bill Clinton, those were great days.
GLENN: Remember when we just were in constitutional crisis?
PAT: Remember that?
GLENN: Those were the days.
PAT: Oh, selling secrets to the Chinese and
GLENN: What I'd give just for somebody selling secrets to the Chinese.
GLENN: What I'd give for just the days when we were only worried about impeaching the president of the United States.
PAT: Oh, those were the days. Man, those were the good times.
GLENN: Life was simple then.
PAT: Good times.
GLENN: So but, boy, he's really aged. He really, he's aged. But it was nice to see a president deliver something without a TelePrompTer. Last year I was there and Michelle Obama had a TelePrompTer. It was like, we should just, we should put those things, you know, just like make them so they come off their legs. You know what I mean? Just like a bar that comes off of their legs, their thighs and then another bar comes up with a TelePrompTer right there. I think that's what we should have. But anyway, but beforehand we're standing around and I'm just trying to get to the bar. You know, I'm not going to drink but I just, I wanted to at least be near the liquor. And they put it all the way on the other side of the room. I just want to stand, take a long time to make my choice. I don't know, you have looks like you have Sprite there and club soda. What other nonalcoholic beverages do you have? Just drag it out as long as you can so you don't have to talk to anybody at this thing. And Joe Klein comes up and I at first I think he's, you know, I don't know. Maybe he's Robert Reich. You know, I'm really bad with names and faces and everything else. And so I look down. You know how somebody just kind of inserts themselves into your conversation and they stand uncomfortably close to make sure you notice them? And this person did that and then so I kind of turned to him and I had to look way down because I think he's about 3 1/2 feet tall. And I'm thinking, oh, short bearded man, it's Robert Reich. And then I go you know, it's one of those things like, you know the face. And so I smile and I'm like, hey. Because you never know. You never know, do I really like this person; do I not really like this person? I should have remembered I was at the Time 100, so I probably odds are I don't like this person. But I didn't know who it was and so I'm like, hey, and I smile. The guy I'm talking to and I don't even remember who that was he said, "That's Joe Klein."
STU: You should point out to the audience that Joe Klein is a writer, right, for Time.
GLENN: Used to be. Or maybe currently still is.
GLENN: You know.
PAT: This is one of the things he said about you.
MATTHEWS: Now, she said it was just his policies, not him. But those words are license words. They are permission words.
KLEIN: You know, I did a little bit of research just before this show — it's on this little napkin here. I looked up the definition of "sedition" which is: Conduct or language inciting rebellion against the authority of the state. And a lot of these statements, especially the ones coming from people like Glenn Beck and, to a certain extent Sarah Palin, rub right next — right up close to being seditious...
GLENN: I feel bad for him, I really do. I feel bad for him. He was so desperate to be important at all.
STU: Yeah, and that's what he's doing in that clip. Like, he is not doing that because he believes that. He is doing that because he's very angry that you have humiliated him numerous times, embarrassed him to the point that his mother would not want to talk to him
GLENN: I think that's
STU: On national television.
GLENN: I think that's what happened because the guy standing in front of me said, that's Joe Klein. And I said, "Oh, hey, Joe." And the guy thought, I think he thought he was going to humiliate me and make me uncomfortable. And he said, "You got your pipe? Because you should do your professor thing now in front of him." And I said and I just looked right at Joe and I said, anytime, anytime.
STU: You are not afraid
GLENN: If I had my pipe, I would have done it: "Oh, hello, Joe, how are you, sir?" And then he just got all in my face with his finger and then he's, you know, doing some Hulk, you know, strongman grip on my arm and I just do this. And he said, yeah, maybe we should let go of each other's arms. And I'm like, you are a jerk! And I said, "Joe, I never have once questioned this president's birth certificate. I have never questioned that."
STU: And he knows that, of course.
GLENN: Of course he does. I've never questioned it.
GLENN: Repeatedly. Stop it! You are wrong, you know you're wrong; stop it. And he said he said, "Oh, you don't question his..."
PAT: Policies, didn't he?
GLENN: No, he said you don't question his you don't question his legitimacy? You question his policies and say that his policies don't seem American to you. That's questioning his legitimacy!
GLENN: And I said, oh, my
PAT: You can't question a president's policies?
GLENN: Can't question his policies!
PAT: According to Time magazine's Joe Klein, it is wrong in America
PAT: to question the president of the United States' policies?
GLENN: His policies. His policies.
PAT: That is unbelievable!
PAT: That is unbelievable.
GLENN: That's Cass Sunstein. That is Cass Sunstein. Cass Sunstein says if you question the policies, that makes you anti government.
STU: Yeah, well, he says though only that
PAT: That's anti American.
STU: That you should be that Cass Sunstein advocates infiltrating groups that do such things.
STU: Where Joe Klein is accusing you of sedition which has penalties much higher than just having people infiltrate you.
GLENN: Yeah. So I just said, "You are wrong in almost everything that has ever you've ever written. You are just wrong, and stop it." And I walked away and I said, okay, that Sprite, can you put some Jack Daniels in this? Not that I'm going to drink it, but is it can I ignite it?
STU: Now, when you said he got up in your face, was he standing in a chair?
GLENN: I say he attempted to reach my face.
STU: Okay, all right.
GLENN: He attempted to reach my face.
STU: What was the angle? Was the angle like 80?
GLENN: No, he brings he has like a little no, he has a little stepladder.
STU: Oh, okay, that's cute. That's adorable.
GLENN: And you know what's nice? He arrived in a little clown car.
PAT: That's cool.
STU: How many of him got out?
STU: Oh, just the one?
PAT: Must have been roomy, really, really roomy.
GLENN: Yeah, lot of room. For a man his size it was like an Escalade.
STU: (Laughing). We have to say, though, yesterday's program, Pat and I talked after the show yesterday and we decided we really like the program mainly because your attitude, you were so sort of ornery and angry and just ready to go at everybody. So we decided to just, just try to just ignite that every day.
PAT: We're going to poke you with pickle forks before every show.
GLENN: That's very good, thank you.