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GLENN: President Obama said that we should all read the Huffington Post, and I have. And I continue to do so and I thank the president for giving me that advice today because I saw this story on the Huffington Post, and I want to read it to you verbatim because I think it's a very important story. Glenn Beck, historian for a troubled America. The Reverend Jerry Falwell's Liberty University recently conferred upon Glenn Beck an honorary doctorate in the humanities. Quoting the Huffington Post? It's official. Beck is now a doctor of philosophy. I could stop there but why not read on. Liberty University's honoring of Beck is fitting because he has clearly established himself as Fox News' resident historian with his area of expertise being American civilization with emphasis on the early republic, progressivism and the New Deal. Glenn Beck, Ph.D., makes about a million dollars a month, earning him the distinction of being the highest paid historian in the world.
STU: That's all you need to read.
PAT: I mean, I'm sold.
GLENN: Thank you very much, Huffington Post. I think you said it all.
STU: That is great.
GLENN: I don't think there's much more to say.
GLENN: I really don't.
STU: Why read on? Why bother?
GLENN: I mean, the next sentence starts Beck has —
PAT: I mean, it's starting to get embarrassing, isn't it really? These accolades are like, come on.
GLENN: The next sentence starts, Beck has emerged the most influential.
STU: That's enough, that's enough.
PAT: It doesn't need to go any further.
STU: Doesn't change at all, America.
GLENN: Oh, well, it does say later, but one of — quoting the article, one of Dr. Beck's main peeve — and I think I want to just focus on the Huffington Post typing out "Dr. Beck." Dr. Beck's main peeve is that his belief that the founders, in quotation marks, the founders intended the United States to be a Christian nation and the idea of a wall of separation of church and state is a myth perpetrated by secular liberal elites. It's not that Beck is wrong. It's not that Beck is wrong about the ambiguity of the personal beliefs on the subject of the founders, but he and others like him are monumentally wrong by overstating the relevance of the intent of 18th century views on the thoughts and practices of the 20 and 21st century America.
So I just want you to understand. Now remember I'm not only a historian but I am also a doctor of philosophy.
GLENN: So if I may just point out, the historical part of this, the Huffington Post is verifying, I have right. Yes, yes. But philosophically speaking — and I can go here. Please, Stu, don't interrupt. I'm a doctor.
STU: But I —
PAT: Not only a doctor but —
GLENN: I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor, man! So —
PAT: But the highest paid historian on Earth.
GLENN: On Earth. And I may go as far as saying probably ever. So let me just say as a doctor here what they're saying is they are not only verifying historic fact but they are now saying that what I don't emphasize is the importance or the way things have changed and why we can't really pay attention to that anymore. Almost like we've, if I may as a doctor, evolved or progressed past the Constitution and our founding principles.
PAT: Yeah, and their relevance.
STU: And doctor, you have to point out, doctor, that —
GLENN: Please, please, nurse! Step away from the patient.
GLENN: Gordon Wood, quoting the article, Gordon S. Wood in June 2006 edition in the New York Times' review of books — now, this is the review, I believe, of the book that I'm saying Sacred Fire which everybody is reading now. It's weird. Anyway, Sacred Fire on George Washington, Gordon S. Wood, June 2006 edition of the New York review of books, which is when this book came out, we can't solve our current disputes over religion by looking back to the actual historical circumstances of the founding. Those circumstances are too complex, too confusing and too biased towards protestant Christianity to be used in courts today. Most of them are remote from or antagonistic to the particular needs of the 21st century. Do you understand? The New York Times is not saying this book is inaccurate.
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PAT: Not at all.
GLENN: It's saying that you can't apply those things. It's just too confusing to do that. It's too difficult. It doesn't — it doesn't really, it's not relevant. So as a doctor and the highest paid historian on planet Earth, may I just say in my expert sheep skinned opinion that what historians, the riffraff really of universities, they don't make very much money. If they were good, they would. But those people have taken history and decided in their own philosophical moment — and I don't believe they are doctors of philosophy as I am, they have decided that because it's too complex, they will just edit or change history. For instance, if I may point out in a textbook that a young student gave me just last week, the founders went forward with this idea in the Declaration of Independence that we hold these truths self evident that all men are created and endowed, dot dot dot, with certain inalienable rights. That would be a cheesy historian saying let's leave God out because it gets confusing. Nurse.
STU: Doctor, if you're going to lecture other doctors on their accuracy, you may want to note that you are not a doctor of philosophy but doctor of Manatees. So —
GLENN: No, I think they — I'm just quoting the — I'm just quoting here the Huffington Post because the president told us to read the Huffington Post because it's information you can trust.
STU: This is a presidential approved source.
GLENN: This is a presidential — look, I know I'm a doctor, I have a doctorate of humanities. I know that, okay?
STU: Oh, but the Huffington —
GLENN: Worked very hard for that. But the Huffington Post said it — if I may, if I may, it is recently conferred an honorary doctorate in humanities, it is official: Beck is now a doctor of philosophy.
STU: So wait. This is a separate doctorate.
GLENN: This is —
STU: This is from the Huffington Post?
GLENN: No, this is the Huffington Post. This is the presidential approved title.
STU: So you have the Liberty University doctorate.
GLENN: If I went to — look, you are giving too much information.
STU: Okay, I'm sorry.
GLENN: Information can be confusing.
STU: Sorry, Doctor.
GLENN: There's too much information out there. Just go to the Huffington Post, doctor of philosophy, highest paid historian on planet Earth. Good night, everybody.