Guam in danger?
GLENN: One of my favorite guys in congress is the guy who said that Guam could capsize.
PAT: Hank Johnson is shooting up the charts.
GLENN: Hank Johnson is — whatever, I don't know where he's from, I don't know what he does.
GLENN: He's from Georgia?
PAT: Yeah, uh huh.
GLENN: He's not Cynthia McKinney's —
STU: I believe he is, replaced Cynthia McKinney.
PAT: I believe he is from that district if I'm not mistaken.
GLENN: I would like to go down to that district. I would like to see if there's something in the water. Is there some Dow Chemical plant that has been dumping things into the water?
PAT: Surely there's got to be somebody better who lives in the district.
GLENN: Van Jones has said that these companies are poisoning people. I'd like to see if that is possible.
STU: And they say you don't care about the environment. Look at that.
GLENN: Exactly right. I mean, you elect Cynthia McKinney and then Hank Johnson? Hank Johnson, play the super classic, my favorite on Guam.
PAT: Yeah, because
GLENN: Doesn't get any better.
JOHNSON: My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize.
PAT: That's scary.
GLENN: That's heavy. That's a lot of population on one side.
PAT: Well, that's 7,000 extra Marines that would be sent over there.
GLENN: What we need to do is make sure that everybody is evenly spaced.
GLENN: If we land some Marines on the left side of the island, make sure you land the same number of Marines on the right side of the island, front and back.
PAT: At exactly the same time.
GLENN: Front and back. Yes. One foot on...
PAT: That's coordinated.
GLENN: How many times, how many times have you been in an island where you are like, whoa, whoa, whoa! And then the whole thing capsizes and gets everybody all wet?
PAT: Happened to me three times.
GLENN: Did it really?
PAT: Three times. Manhattan completely capsized three times last week.
GLENN: Can I tell you something? That's why Jamaica's not overpopulated.
GLENN: The Bahamas, not overpopulated. Everybody, you start all over again, ground zero. The only people — you know those boots that you hang upside down and
PAT: Antigravity boots? Uh huh.
GLENN: You're wearing those.
PAT: I think they were prominently featured in one of the Star Trek episodes.
GLENN: Exactly right. And what happens? The island flips over, everybody falls down to the bottom of the ocean and then the island flips back over and only the people wearing antigravity boots are the ones still able to live on the island.
PAT: They're saved.
GLENN: You wouldn't want a floaty for the island. You need it for the Guamanese.
STU: Okay, that's a good point. Maybe that's not why it's not passing.
GLENN: All right. So here's the latest soon to be classic from Hank Johnson.
JOHNSON: Let's get right down to it. Why are the Republicans opposed to restricting campaign donations in American campaigns both local, state and federal?
PAT: First Amendment speech.
VOICE: Why? Because Republicans favor big business.
VOICE: And big business favors Republicans.
GLENN: Okay, hold on just a second. Stop for just a second. Quick, Stu, who was the largest contributor oil companies
PAT: Well, wait. You are getting ahead of yourself. Let him say it.
PAT: Wait for it.
GLENN: He doesn't say it.
PAT: Wait for it.
JOHNSON: More Republicans getting elected, both local, state and federal. What it means is that BP, a corporate wrongdoer, foreign corporation can influence elections.
JOHNSON: It means Goldman Sachs and other corporations.
GLENN: Oh, my gosh
PAT: And BP!
GLENN: And BP!
PAT: Biggest contributors to Barack Obama.
GLENN: Barack Obama.
STU: That is unreal.
GLENN: That is incredible.
PAT: Is that fantastic?
GLENN: You know what happened?
PAT: This guy's a gold mine.
GLENN: He may have been wearing antigravity boots.
PAT: He may have.
GLENN: And when the island flipped back up, he hit himself in the head real hard accidentally. He's still a little dizzy.... because nothing's really making sense as it's coming out of his mouth.
PAT: I'm going to Georgia to campaign for and on behalf of Hank Johnson because I want him in congress forever.
GLENN: I want him as president.
PAT: We need him. We need him.
GLENN: I want him as the president. He's fantastic.
PAT: I mean, come on. BP specifically, the biggest contribution they've ever given in the last, 24 years, 26 years? Barack Obama.
[NOTE: Transcript may have been edited to enhance readability - audio archive includes full segment as it was originally aired]