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GLENN: Now, let me give this to you. This is from the City of Charleston, and I want to show it to the camera on Insider Extreme so you can see this, and I want to bring Gary in from Charleston. Gary.
CALLER: Good morning, Glenn.
GLENN: How are you, sir?
CALLER: I'm doing well, how are you?
GLENN: Very well. Hang on just a second. Hey, Dom, I wouldn't take Camera 4.
STU: You might want to take the one in the front of the paper.
GLENN: You might want to take Camera, 2. Which, remember, we say that, you know, we're going to hold stuff up and then you would just take it from Camera 2? There you go.
STU: Well, is there something on the back of the paper we need to know about?
GLENN: No, there's nothing on the back of the paper you need to know about. So here it is. This is an official notice from the town of Charleston. Gary, tell me what this is.
CALLER: Well, the garbage police are onto me. I — about two weeks ago I was anticipating a delivery from our local UPS driver. I noticed the driver was several blocks away. So I walked down the street, got the package from the driver and proceeded back to my office. On the way back, I opened the envelope, took the contents out and dropped the envelope in the trash can as I was walking into my office. Two days later I get this notice in the mail, or three days later I get the notice in the mail that I have unlawfully used city maintained baskets and —
GLENN: Unlawfully, unlawfully used — and I'm showing — I'm now showing the basket here. They took a picture of it.
CALLER: Yes, yes.
GLENN: And is this your —
CALLER: Somebody actually took a picture of it.
GLENN: Is this your trash in the trash can?
CALLER: Just the envelope. You know, at first I was puzzled. I didn't — because I went, what?
GLENN: There's the envelope there, I think.
CALLER: And then I had to kind of retrace my steps several days and I get back to, you know, thinking, oh, that's that UPS envelope.
CALLER: Well, they caught you dead to rights. They have you.
GLENN: They have the photographic proof.
PAT: Right there.
GLENN: You criminal! All right. So now what is the problem? You threw an envelope in a trash can.
CALLER: Right. Right. Well, in Charleston we have some pretty strict guidelines on using trash.
CALLER: And that's not actually a trash can. That is a refuse receptacle, if I'm — if I remember correct, correctly.
GLENN: A — hang on. This is not — what's happened to us? This is not a trash can; this is a refuse receptacle?
CALLER: According to, if I get this right —
PAT: Anyone can see that.
CALLER: A local TV station came out and interviewed me and did a story. They got comments from somebody with the city talking about this.
PAT: How stupid do you have to be to confuse a trash can with a refuse receptacle? Wow.
GLENN: What is the difference between trash and refuse?
CALLER: I don't know.
GLENN: Stu, could you please look that up?
CALLER: I guess we could take a class.
GLENN: So what is it — so they are fining you for this?
CALLER: No, they didn't fine me. They just, according to the thing, the notice, I was directed to rectify the problem ASAP which kind of is a little bit of a paradox because they have already emptied the can.
GLENN: So did you have to go to the trash — I'm sorry, the refuse dump and go find the envelope?
CALLER: Go through the hundreds of pounds of garbage? I don't know.
GLENN: It says here you have — let's see. This is to notify you, an official inspection of the premises at blah, blah blah King Street has been made by a representative of the Department of Public Service. The following conditions were found existing and which are a violation of ordinance of the City of Charleston, South Carolina, 1447(g), unlawful use of city maintained baskets. You are hereby given official notice to rectify the above stated conditions in an approved manner within a period of ASAP days from date. Environmental services division, department of public service, A. Green. Can we get A. Green on the phone?
CALLER: Oh. I don't know. I don't know.
STU: Who is — do you know what A. Green's first name is?
GLENN: Is it Al Green? I loved Al Green.
STU: Wait, is it Alvin? Isn't that the guy running in South Carolina for the Senate?
GLENN: See if you can get A. Green.
STU: It's not that A. Green, is it?
GLENN: See if you can get A. Green on the phone because I'd like to know what the violation is. This is pretty intense garbage — I'm sorry, this is intense refuse.
STU: Yeah. Well, it's pretty clear here, Glenn. I think any, as Pat pointed out, any idiot would know the difference here. Waste is defined as rubbish, trash, refuse, garbage or junk. And trash — and refuse is defined as rubbish, trash, refuse, garbage or junk.
PAT: Oh, it's clear, a clearly defined difference. I mean —
GLENN: Well, they are in a different order.
STU: They are completely different.
CALLER: This actually gets a little bit better. Because after the story ran, I guess the following Monday or something, Tuesday, I had left town for a shoot and —
GLENN: Are you with the minute men?
CALLER: I'm a photographer, excuse me. I left town and somebody came into the office and I get this e mail from one of my office mates and it says, so the garbage police were in today. This irate woman comes in and explains that she was by earlier and there was a trash bag in the trash can and that she retrieved the trash bag from the can and opened the bag and emptied the contents into the trash can. But now there was an envelope on top of that trash in the can and she want — let's see. And she walks into the office to use us of setting her up. So she takes —
GLENN: Setting her up for what?
CALLER: She takes them out —
GLENN: I don't even understand this. We're living in a parallel world. Somehow or another we've all been transformed and transported into some sort of parallel universe. I don't even understand this. What is her problem?
CALLER: She takes them out and points at the envelope in the can and he's like, that's not even our address. And evidently then she kind of fumes off. But —
GLENN: But wait. What is the problem about —
CALLER: I think they picked the wrong person.
GLENN: What is — do you have serial letter thrower awayers there? I mean —
CALLER: I don't know. We can't get somebody to dust our car for prints when we get the windows broken into our car, but...
GLENN: All right, all right. Here's the thing. Stu, see if you can get ahold of Al Green. It may be Alvin, it may be Arnold, I don't know. I'm hoping that it's Al Green that answers the phone.
PAT: Might be the singer. Might be the Stay Together guy. You never know.
GLENN: Could be.
CALLER: I always stay within 10 feet of that can now. It scares me.
GLENN: Let me tell you something. I don't think it could be Al Green because if it's Let's Stay Together, that's not what the garbage people are saying.
PAT: No. That's true.
GLENN: Envelopes cannot stay together with the trash.
GLENN: No. Or the refuse. I'm not really even sure how it's worked out. But we'll — hang on just a second, Gary. We're going to try to get a hold of your trash collectors or your refuse receptacle emptiers, whoever the hell, knows what the hell is going on in South Carolina coming up in just a second.