GLENN: I've just got questions that need to be answered tonight. Not by the administration but by you, by your neighbors, by your friends. Questions that need to be answered. What are the odds? I want to get Steve Nguyen on. What are the odds? Give me the best Vegas odds maker, will you, Steve? Give me the name of them. What are the odds? In fact, if anybody knows odds makers, if anybody I want you to watch tonight. Tell them to watch tonight. I'd love to see the odds of what I'm going to lay out tonight because they're staggering. It's so far beyond a reasonable doubt that it's laughable. What were the dreams of his father? What a great question. Thank you, Pat.

PAT: Thank you.

GLENN: I'm going to give you a cupcake now.

PAT: Really?

GLENN: Yes.

PAT: Wow, I would have brought that question up a long time ago if I would have known that.

GLENN: I actually gave them to Jeffy to give to Dave because Dave is here as our guest today and Jeffy probably gave them to Dave.

PAT: Wait, you got a cupcake?

GLENN: Did you get a cupcake?

PAT: He pays $11,000 for this and he gets a cupcake?

GLENN: That's all he did?

PAT: Was the cupcake promised to you?

Dave: I actually got a big cookie, a piece of a big cookie.

PAT: Oh, what a rip off.

Dave: A big sacrifice personally to give to me.

GLENN: Did you, Jeffy? You sacrificed to give the big cookie?

PAT: Nice.

JEFF: I sacrificed a piece of my

GLENN: A piece of the big cookie.

PAT: You paid the most in the auction to follow Stu around, right? Be executive producer for a day?

Dave: Yeah, supposedly.

GLENN: Yes. He's not here, is he? That's pretty weird, isn't it? Now, you paid $11,000 to come here. For what exactly were you hoping that Stu would show you or do?

PAT: You don't know?

GLENN: You have no idea?

Dave: It's one of those days

GLENN: One of those days.

PAT: Are you independently wealthy? Do you have a whole bunch of, like a big piggy banks at home? How does that work?

GLENN: I mean, how do you pay for $11,000? I mean, usually, usually people are like---

PAT: Fat cats.

GLENN: I'm 74 years old and I've been how old are you?

Dave: 25.

GLENN: You are 25?

Dave: That's right.

GLENN: And you are in the army? We are paying our army far too much money. Dave just looks like, yeah. Oh, yeah, we're all rich. So you've done two tours of service?

Dave: That's correct.

PAT: Wow, thank you. Thank you.

GLENN: And you are from Alaska?

Dave: Yes.

PAT: Came all the way here for this.

GLENN: From Alaska.

Dave: Sure did.

PAT: Wow, wow.

GLENN: Disappointing now, isn't it?

Dave: Stu already gave me the refund policy.

GLENN: Really? No refunds. It really kind of stinks. So you've been over to Afghanistan or Iraq?

Dave: Both of them, sir.

PAT: Did you just call him sir? Wow, you are in the military.

GLENN: Call me ma'am. I've worked a long time to be called no, wait. That was no, I got that all screwed up.

PAT: Something else, yeah.

GLENN: How are things going over there?

Dave: overseas ?

GLENN: Yeah.

Dave: Not too bad. I was mostly support. So we didn't see too much of the action, both fronts. Yeah, things are cleaning up, especially the surge in Iraq when I first went over, was it '07? Recently in Afghanistan when they were building up there. So

GLENN: How's morale?

Dave: Morale? Not too bad. We were on the FOP. So we were, of course, had a lot of the accommodations that

PAT: A FOP is, for those who may not know?

Dave: Forward operating phase.

PAT: Not being the hip

GLENN: We're pretending.

PAT: Not being the hip military people we are, the FOP is, of course

Dave: Forward operating phase.

PAT: The FOP, we all call it the FOP, you know, for the simpletons who don't know that.

Dave: (Laughing).

GLENN: Well, they're more than simpletons. They're racist.

PAT: Yes, racist simpletons. Who hate inner city children and don't want them to go to school.

Dave: Yes.

PAT: That's all they are.

GLENN: Well, that's a dream of my father, yeah. So anyway, so that's going well for you. Now, you wrote a check for $11,000, which makes me a little nervous because you might be an operative. You know what I mean? Don't you think?

PAT: He might be.

GLENN: You might have gotten Soros money. Hey, kid, go in there; you look like you're one of them.

PAT: Harmless?

GLENN: You look totally harmless.

PAT: A clean cut guy.

GLENN: Yeah, you are talking in your sleeve now. I saw that. See? I know he's talking he doesn't even have sleeve, but he's talking into imaginary sleeves. But thank you so much for the donation because, you know, that goes to 8/28 and we have a lot of the guys like you that are going to be joining us and the first, at least I think it's going to be the first part of it. It may be the middle of it, I'm not sure. But at the appropriate point in the event, we're going to be doing quite a salute to you guys, and I thank you very much for your service.

PAT: Are you going to be at 8/28? Are you going to be able to make that?

Dave: I'm not going to be able to make it.

PAT: Get out. We're tired of looking at you. Get out.

GLENN: Are you going back? It's all the way, you're in Alaska.

Dave: There's speculation of us going back, but I won't be in the unit too long.

GLENN: Right. Oh, you are getting out? What are you going to do?

PAT: Now, you are from Alaska. Do you know Sarah Palin?

Dave: Oh, yes.

PAT: All you guys know each other.

GLENN: There's, what, four people and then a lot of, like, deer or elk.

PAT: Polar bears or something.

GLENN: Moose or something. I'm going up on vacation to Alaska this fall.

Dave: Yeah, I got the tickets for your show on September 11th. I'll be going to that.

GLENN: Holy cow.

PAT: This guy is made of money.

GLENN: All right. He's stalking me. What should I if you are going up to Alaska, what’s the one thing you should do?

VOICE: One thing, well

GLENN: Besides I thought bring a jacket would be one.

PAT: No, you don't need that anymore, with global warming. Glaciers are all melted, right?

Dave: Oh, yeah.

GLENN: I called Todd Palin and I said, okay, Todd, you know, so what should we do when we're up there? And he said, oh, I'll call you back. So he calls me back and I couldn't talk to him and he's like, there's the greatest thing ever you can go glacier climbing. My assistant said

PAT: No.

GLENN: Todd, you are calling Glenn Beck. Glacier climbing?

PAT: Glacier climbing?

GLENN: Yeah, I'm going glacier climbing. Could we shoot a bear while glacier climbing? For the love of Pete.

PAT: Did you relate to him, I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of a couch, a living room?

GLENN: Here's what I want. I want a place that has a big window where I can look out at the glacier.

PAT: That would be nice.

GLENN: And then maybe eat bear stew that someone else has hunted, killed, chopped up and then made into a tasty stew.

JEFF: Oh, look honey, somebody's climbing the glacier.

GLENN: That's what I'm looking for. Man, you people in Alaska, all this outdoorsy stuff, it's way overrated. By the way, welcome, Dave.

[NOTE: Transcript may have been edited to enhance readability - audio archive includes full segment as it was originally aired]