Glenn Beck: Stimulus in action


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GLENN: $554,763 spent on replacing windows on a visitor's center in Washington State that closed its door three years ago. Your stimulus dollars at work. $762,372 was given to the University of North Carolina Charlotte for dance draw. What ?

PAT: What's dance draw?

GLENN: Dance draw. It's like YouTube of dance or Dance Tube.

PAT: Okay.

GLENN: This will allow choreographers to explore interactive dance without having a full cast of dancers present.

PAT: Oh. Now the country's fixed.

GLENN: $762,372.

PAT: That will help the economy.

GLENN: We don't have steel mills anymore. We don't lead the world in any kind of industry anymore. We don't make refrigerators or televisions because we're going to do all the paperwork. We're going to be the finance people. Oh, no, we're not going to do that anymore. I think we're going to lead the world in dance tube.

STU: Really ? Because I was planning a run for a Constitutional amendment on choreography, but I think this pretty much takes care of it.

PAT: Does it? Do you think this is enough?

STU: I don't think we need to do more.

GLENN: We've got more. $62.5 million for a light rail tunnel under the Allegheny River in Pittsburgh. Do you know why? Go on. Ask me why.

PAT: Why, Glenn?

GLENN: Really? Do you want to know? This is a stimulus this is going to change people's lives.

STU: I want to know.

GLENN: All right. I'm going to tell you, then. They want to connect sports stadiums to the casinos.

PAT: Oh, I love of that.

GLENN: Uh huh.

PAT: I love that.

GLENN: That's going to fix America. That is fixing America. It's the light rail that I'm for. Usually I think a light rail is just a bunch of hogwash. I'm for this because of the jobs it creates and saves.

PAT: Yeah. An think of the convenience of going right from a PNC park directly to the casino.

GLENN: $73 million for two fire stations in San Antonio. $73 million for two fire stations in San Antonio. $11.2 million to convert a tiny closed down train station into a museum.

PAT: Wow.

GLENN: $1.9 million to fund the study of ants.

PAT: Those are exotic ants.

GLENN: Not just regular ants. Oh, exotic ants, like the one that's living here illegally and we don't deport?

PAT: No. Glenn Beck baselessly accuses the government of studying just regular ants. No, no.

GLENN: No. You said exotic ants. They're from another country.

PAT: No, no.

GLENN: Okay. $90,000 for new sidewalks in Boynton, Oklahoma, to replace five year old sidewalks, five year old. They're five years old $90,000.

PAT: You don't want ---

GLENN: Well, the sidewalk also leads to a ditch.

STU: Yeah, but the ditch is in good shape.

GLENN: $40 million for upgraded office space and indoor parking for Kansas law makers, $40 million. $50 million for WNBA practice facilities in Connecticut. I didn't even know that the WNBA was still -- $15.8 million no bid contract to

PAT: Halliburton. Is it Halliburton? No big contract. Halliburton. Another no big contract for Halliburton.

GLENN: No, it's not Halliburton, no, but it's $15.8 million no bid contract to clean up the environmental mess that they helped create…. 762,372 to a Georgia Tech professor so he can study improvised music.

PAT: That's good.

GLENN: Improvised music.

PAT: That's great.

STU: That's creating a job, because he had a job and now he has two jobs. So

GLENN: What's great is it's improvised music. If we can take that $762,372 and combine it with the same amount to the University of North Carolina Charlotte for the dance draw, maybe we can get improvised music and dance tube

STU: Well, Glenn, if you've said it once, you've said it a thousand times. The problem with this country is preplanned music. You have to start improvising music.

GLENN: Can I tell you something?

STU: It was Woodrow Wilson who created preplanned music. He's the one that did it.

GLENN: When did the player piano start? Exactly right. Around that time period

PAT: If not a little bit before.

GLENN: Because music anticipates what's coming. Do you see what I mean? They're artists. They know.

STU: Yep.

GLENN: They know. The bees know. Where's the hit the sound.

STU: Yeah. That's what happens when he says the bees know.

GLENN: And I think, really, if we're going to do the bees know, don't we all have to say the bees know

STU: That's the plan, but you didn't warn us.

GLENN: They know it and

ALL: The bees know .

GLENN: It doesn't really work. okay. Here we go. Now, this one's not going to piss you off, America. We're just going over stimulus package and how the money has been spent. $144,541 to get monkeys high on cocaine to see how they respond.

STU: That's interesting.

PAT: I didn't know.

GLENN: Is there a problem with monkeys?

PAT: You want the know what's going to happen if you get your monkeys stoned.

STU: You don't want to get them high. You don't want to do that.

GLENN: I know people get their babies stoned. I've seen the YouTube videos. I haven't seen the Dance Tube on it, but I've seen the YouTube individuals where people take they babies they should go to jail for this and blow the smoke of pot or something in the baby's face, which is always so cute when you've done that to an infant. But is somebody wasting their cocaine on their monkeys?

STU: Happens all the time. A huge problem in America.

GLENN: I mean, as a former cocaine user, I wouldn't have shared my cocaine with my best friend. And by the way, my best friend was Pat --

PAT: He never asked.

GLENN: I wouldn't have shared it. In fact, he would have probably called the police.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: $497,893 to quit smoking and get a Smart Phone. What is that?

STU: They were buying Smart Phones for people so when they felt like they might smoke, they could call someone and they could tell them not to smoke. So, that's a Smart Phone.

PAT: That's a good smoking campaign?

STU: Yeah. I think so. Maybe not the most effective.

GLENN: Why do they hate kids? Why do they hate kids? Why do people in Washington hate kids?

STU: What do you mean?

GLENN: They raised the smoking tax to be able to pay for insurance. So, everybody would stop----- smoking hurts the children.

STU: That's true.

GLENN: Why do they hate children?

PAT: That's a good point. I think you're going to like this next expenditure, though?

GLENN: $199,862 helping Serbians lobby Russian policymakers.

PAT: Siberian.

GLENN: Oh, Siberian.

PAT: It would make sense to have Serbians to lobby Russian policymakers. You want the Siberians to lobby the Russian policy maker.

GLENN: Why do we care? How is that helping our economy? Is there a plot?

STU: Creating jobs for Siberians.

GLENN: $298,543 to help predict the weather. Right now you're going well, that might be really let me finish the sentence. To help predict weather on other planets.

PAT: What are you, a planet phobe? What are you? A Zeta planet phobe? You don't want other people on other planets to anticipate what they should be wearing that day?

GLENN: Why do you hate the red planet?

PAT: Yeah. Why? Good question. Glad you brought it up.

GLENN: That's why I hate it. I hope they just cover this on TV because, you know, I only watch TV once a while in the morning and they will say, if you're traveling to Atlanta, it's going to be hot, 98 and a chance of a thunderstorm. If you happen to be going to Mars, it is, of course, going to be very cold, with a chance of really cold.

PAT: Low about 250 below zero. The high today around 219 below.

GLENN: Now, we can't tell you for sure, but we have this new technology to predict the weather on other planets.

PAT: 312 on Venus today.

GLENN: $456,663 to Cal Berkley to study global circulation in the atmosphere of Neptune. You can't make this up. 712,883 goes to scientists who are trying to create a joke machine.

PAT: I think they've already done that.

GLENN: It's called Congress.

PAT: Uh huh, uh huh.

STU: A joke machine? I totally want a joke machine. That's the best thing they've spent on it on so far.

GLENN: $500,000 to Dayton, Ohio, for microchips to track citizens' use of recycling bins. Let me tell you something, you put one of those recycling bins on my porch or moon my curb, you're not going to need a chip to track it because it will be in your ###. You can look for it there.

STU: It would be difficult.

GLENN: Oh, it might be difficult for you to keep it there, but it won't be hard for me to shove it up there.

STU: So, you wouldn't list yourself as pro recycling? I'm just trying to clarify.

GLENN: No. I just read that off of a piece of paper that was just spat out by my joke machine.

[NOTE: Transcript may have been edited to enhance readability - audio archive includes full segment as it was originally aired]

Legal scholar and famed criminal defense attorney Alan Dershowitz has a message for partisans dividing America: "A plague on both your houses." He voted for Hillary Clinton. He endorsed Joe Biden. He's a man who is basically the Forrest Gump of American judicial history.

Look up a big court case over the past few decades, and you'll probably see him standing in the background. He's represented notorious clients like Mike Tyson, Patty Hearst, Harry Reems, Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, and yes, Donald Trump. It's made him a target for both the left and right.

Alan also describes himself as a "civil libertarian," and that's probably why he and Glenn Beck get along despite their opposing political views. His story is like a history lesson, spanning half a century, and it just might be the key to bridging the political divide.

On this week's podcast, Alan explained that while he's a strong defender of the Constitution, he's never been a big fan of the Second Amendment. In the past he's called it absurd and outdated, and even today, he admits that he wouldn't have ingrained it into our Constitution if he was a framer. However, with the whole Bill of Rights under attack, he's now fully in defense of our right to bear arms. Because if the Second Amendment changes, any amendment could be next.

"I'm now a supporter of the Second Amendment. I don't want to change it. I don't want to change one word of it, because I'm afraid that if I get to change the Second Amendment, other people will get to change the First Amendment, and the Fifth Amendment," Alan said. "So, I am committed to preserving the Bill of Rights, every single word, every comma, and every space between the words."

Watch a clip from the full interview with Alan Dershowitz below:

Watch the full podcast below, on Glenn's YouTube channel, or on Blaze Media's podcast network.

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Investigative reporter David Steinberg joined the radio program Monday, to explain how a new video may provide enough evidence to begin a FBI investigation into alleged illegal practices by Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar's campaign.

In the video, which was produced and released by Project Veritas, residents of Omar's community describe campaign teams that not only conduct illegal ballot harvesting practices but also pay people for their blank absentee ballots.

Steinberg told Glenn that, if these charges prove to be true, the federal government could bypass Omar's friend and protector, Minnesota Attorney General Keith Ellison. Could 2020 be the beginning of the end for Omar's political career?

Watch the video below to catch Glenn's conversation with David Steinberg:

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Mike Fratantuono is the manager of Sunset Restaurant in Glen Burnie, Maryland. He wrote in the Washington Post's COVID-19 series about the recent, heartbreaking loss of his business, a restaurant that has been in his family for "four generations and counting."

"I know this virus is real, okay? It's real and it's awful. I'm not disputing any of that," Mike wrote. "But our national hysteria is worse. We allowed the virus to take over our economy, our small businesses, our schools, our social lives, our whole quality of life. We surrendered, and now everything is infected."

On the radio program Monday, Glenn Beck reacted to Mike's letter, which he shared in full, adding his hope that those in government are ultimately held responsible for what he called the biggest theft of the Western world.

"This is the biggest theft of, not only money, but of heritage and of hope," Glenn said. "The United States government and many of the states are responsible for this, not you. And hopefully someday soon, we'll return to some semblance of sanity, and those responsible for this theft, this rape of the Western world, will be held responsible."

Watch the video below for more details:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

We did our homework over the weekend; we did the research so we can tell you what is likely coming from Senate Democrats regarding President Trump's Supreme Court Nominee Amy Coney Barrett. Based on our research and the anonymous people who have already come forward to talk about Coney Barrett's youth, these are the main shocking things you can expect Senate Democrats to seize on during the confirmation process…

A man has come forward under the banner of "#MenToo," to say that in second grade, Amy Coney Barrett and her best friend at the time, cornered him at a birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese and "injected him with a full dose of cooties." Which, if true, would obviously be disqualifying for serving on the highest court in the land.

Then there's a woman who says when she was nine-years-old, she lived on the same street as Amy Coney Barrett. She alleges that Coney-Barrett borrowed her VHS tape of Herbie Goes Bananas and did not return it for at least six months. And then when she did finally get the tape back, the woman says Coney Barrett did not even bother to rewind it. The FBI has interviewed at least two witnesses so far who say the tape was indeed not rewound and that it was very upsetting to the owner of the tape. Again, if true, this is troubling – clearly not the kind of integrity you want to see in a Supreme Court justice.

Apparently, in their elementary school days, they liked to drink milk – and lots of it.

The same neighbor also dropped a bombshell allegation about the drinking problem of Amy Coney Barrett and her closest friends. Apparently, in their elementary school days, they liked to drink milk – and lots of it. The neighbor says she "frequently" witnessed Coney-Barrett and her friends chugging entire cartons of milk – often Whole Milk, sometimes Chocolate Milk, occasionally both at the same time through a funnel.

Unfortunately, shooting-up cooties, injurious rewinding, and potential calcium-abuse are not even the worst of it.

A third person has now come forward, another man, and this is just reprehensible, it's hard to even fathom. But he alleges that in fourth grade, when they were around ten-years-old, Amy Coney Barrett and a group of "four or five of her friends" gang-GRAPED him on the playground during recess. He alleges the group of friends snuck uneaten grapes out of the cafeteria and gang-GRAPED him repeatedly in broad daylight. In other words, and I hate to have to spell this out because it's kind of graphic, but the group led by ten-year-old Amy Coney Barrett pelted this poor defenseless boy with whole grapes. He recalls them "laughing the whole time" as they were gang-GRAPING him.

He recalls them "laughing the whole time" as they were gang-GRAPING him.

Obviously, even if just one of these allegations is half-true, no Senator with a conscience could possibly vote to confirm Coney Barrett. When there is a clear pattern of destructive childhood behavior, it always continues into adulthood. Because people do not change. Ever.

Fortunately, for the sake of the Republic, Democrats plan to subpoena Coney Barrett's childhood diary, to see what, if any, insights it may provide into her calcium habits, as well as her abuse of illicit cooties and the gang-GRAPING incident.

We will keep you posted on the latest, but for now, it looks like Democrats will find plenty in the reckless pre-teen life of Amy Coney Barrett to cast doubt on her nomination. And if not, they can always fall back on her deranged preference for letting babies be born.

[NOTE: The preceding was a parody written by MRA writer Nathan Nipper.]