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PAT: Now the oil spill. We're getting some mixed coverage on this. First of all, we're hearing that a lot of it's missing. A lot of the oil spill has apparently been cleaned naturally.
STU: That's impossible, Pat!
PAT: I know.
STU: The evil oil company, irresponsible oil company just put all this oil into the ocean.
PAT: On purpose I'm sure.
STU: On purpose, I mean, why else? Because they wanted to hurt the planet and make children eat dirty fish.
PAT: Well, that's what oil companies do, Stu.
STU: Oh, they are so evil. They are almost as evil as whitey which we learned last hour is also evil.
PAT: Some of them are white.
STU: Oh, my.
PAT: Let's not forget that.
PAT: Which makes them double evil. White oil executives.
STU: They could be the most evil people on the planet
PAT: Oh, yeah.
STU: And there's been this weird thing that there's another side of this issue, although the consensus is clear here. There's another side of this issue that maybe companies try to do what's in their best interest, and what's in their best interest is not spilling millions of gallons of oil into water.
PAT: What? Nice Republican spin, Stu.
STU: I know. We all know what's true here.
PAT: You are such a shill.
STU: But there is the thought that perhaps people would act in their own best interest and in the interest of the people who are purchasing their products and do the right thing based on that.
PAT: You think they would rather put the oil in the water or in the gas tank of somebody driving around who had to pay for it? I love that.
STU: Because they would rather have they would rather be so lackadaisical that they would just let the oil seep into the water instead of getting it into your gas tank where they could make money off of it. Instead they would rather spend $30 billion to clean up the product they could have been profiting off of.
PAT: That's how evil they are.
PAT: They are willing to waste billions of dollars on their evilness, evilocity.
PAT: Anyway, here's a statement by Carol Browner who is our energy czar and she said something I found pretty interesting.
BROWNER: But in the meantime what the scientists are telling us is that the vast majority of the oil has cleaned, it's been captured, it's been skimmed, it's been burned, Mother Nature has done its part.
BROWNER: And I think, you know, this is the testament to the response that we want. It's the largest environmental response in the history of our country.
PAT: But wait, Mother Nature has done her job?
STU: I thought she had nothing to do with these things.
PAT: As a matter of fact, I just saw a pie chart either yesterday or the day before that said Mother Nature has cleaned up by herself like 26 to 30% of this oil spill. So about a third of it you credit to Mother Nature and then man's efforts are for, 25% and then some of it's just ended up on shore and then, they don't know what's happened to some of it. So if Mother Nature can clean up hundreds of millions of gallons of oil.
STU: In a very short period of time.
PAT: Very short amount of time, but it can't clean up some CO2 in the atmosphere?
STU: No. Pat?
PAT: Is that what I'm
STU: I can't believe you are going into the denier.
PAT: I'm sorry. I've gone too far.
STU: Because just pointing out the fact that the planet has been around----
PAT: And the planet has taken care of itself through millennia of time.
STU: Right. Before humans were even around with their SUVs.
PAT: It was cleaning up CO2 right and left and then, you know, CO2 would come back and then it would go and then it would retreat and it comes back.
STU: And CO2 levels were much, much, much, much higher in the past.
PAT: Much higher.
STU: And many times didn't move at the same direction as the temperature.
PAT: But it's foolish to think that could happen now.
STU: That can't happen now.
PAT: I'm sorry.
STU: Look, if you want to point out the fact that the temperature has risen at the same pace two previous times in record just in the past 120 years at the same pace as it's been rising recently before man had really any impact on it, you could point that out and it would be true, but it would hurt the argument of the left. So we're just going to ignore that.
PAT: We'll ignore that. Shhh, you didn't say anything. Disregard that.
[NOTE: Transcript may have been edited to enhance readability - audio archive includes full segment as it was originally aired]