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GLENN: Oh, yes, welcome to NPR, where your tax dollars are spent and pent spent and spent. We spent a lot of money bringing you shows that no one ever watches like Upstairs, Downstairs, like Attic and Basement and Outside and Inside. Tonight we have a very special broadcast, Shakespearian theater. Patrick, what are we expecting in tonight's performance?
PAT: Well, Glennard, we have a marvelous performance by Shakespearian Thespian extraordinaire.
GLENN: Now, many people have seen his performances when he first came on the stage but he hasn't been seen by very many as of the last few years.
PAT: No, he is a rare gem indeed, Glennard, a rare gem indeed.
GLENN: What is the performance that we'll be watching?
PAT: Tonight's performance is Special Comment by Keith Olbermann.
OLBERMANN: The actual place that is the real equivalent right now of the paranoid dream contained in the phrase Ground Zero mosque has been up and running since before there was a World Trade Center and for the nine years since there has been a World Trade Center, running without controversy, without incident, without terrorism, without protest. Because this is America, damn it, and in America when somebody comes for your neighbor or his Bible or his
GLENN: Stop, stop, yes.
PAT: Just a second.
GLENN: Did you see the "It's America, damn it"?
PAT: Damn it! Oh, it was
GLENN: It was expertly done.
PAT: I felt it through the screen, Glennard, through the screen.
OLBERMANN: Or his atheist manifesto or his Koran. You and I do what our fathers did and our grandmothers did and our founders did. You and I speak up.
GLENN: That's right, damn it. We speak up, damn it.
PAT: Although, I don't know that I've ever heard Shakespearian Thespian Keith Olbermann ever explain that someone's Bible has been taken when it has, in fact, been taken; or, "Under God" been removed from the "Pledge of Allegiance" in nine western states. I don't remember him ever saying "This is America, damn it!"
GLENN: It's very interesting to me. Can we play this again because I think this is such a great clip. Listen to him.
OLBERMANN: The actual place that is the real life equivalent right now of the paranoid dream contained in the phrase Ground Zero mosque has been up and running since before there was a World Trade Center and for the nine years since there has been a World Trade Center, running, without controversy, without incident, without terrorism, without protest. Because this is America, damn it.
GLENN: Damn it!
OLBERMANN: And in America when somebody comes for your neighbor or his Bible or his Torah or his atheist manifesto or his Koran, you and I do what our fathers did and our grandmothers did and our founders did.
GLENN: Damn it!
OLBERMANN: You and I speak up.
GLENN: Damn it! Damn it! Oh, yeah! Let me ask you something, Keithy Weithy. Do you think you are going to speak up when people come for the Bible? Do you think you will? Do you think you'll be the oh, I feel sorry for even asking this. You won't be on the air. Because nobody's watching you. "This is America, damn it!" This comes from a guy who has wanted me off the air forever. I celebrate this guy's on the air. I support Keith Olbermann and his idiotic positions.
PAT: This is the only time anybody ever hears him is when we play him on the show.
GLENN: We're helping him.
PAT: We're helping him.
GLENN: We're helping him.
GLENN: Look, we've thought about doing no, seriously we are helping him. I thought about doing a little, kind of a cool little program where we would ask a listener a day to watch the program, so we knew somebody was watching for Keith.
PAT: And it would double his ratings, if not triple.
GLENN: He doesn't watch it. Who else?
PAT: No, his mom. His mom.
GLENN: His mom watches?
GLENN: I didn't know that.
PAT: Mrs. Olbermann. She's a saint.
GLENN: She is a saint. Sometimes our mothers are saints, and she's a saint. She watches every night?
PAT: I no.
GLENN: Okay, all right.
PAT: But when she gets a chance.
GLENN: I'm not really, I'm not really sure if she watches.
PAT: No, I don't I don't know. I was just assuming.
STU: But since he's gone through the trouble of joining Insider Extreme to watch every episode of Beck University, I mean, the least we could do is supply one of our ten million listeners to watch one, it's the least.
GLENN: You know what? You make a very good point. This is, after all, America, damn it!
PAT: Somebody should watch.
GLENN: All right. All right. We should redistribute the audience. He should just level the audience playing field and just force people to watch him so we could all be equal. See, we're all created equal, Keith, but we don't all have equal results. And you know that. You know that. Because your results in prime time, very, very unequal to mine at 5:00 p.m. In fact, your entire network, very unequal to mine at 5:00 p.m. It's kind of a, kind of a tough place to be.
GLENN: But it's hey, God just keeps kicking you in the head until you get it. So you can either start to get it, or list just keep getting kicked in the head
PAT: Get kicked in.
PAT: You know.
GLENN: 'Cause and I wouldn't want to say that God is kicking your head in. Currently I am. So
STU: Imagine the ratings God would have. They would be really big.
GLENN: They would be really big. They would be really big. Those are big shoes. I've got my head kicked in by God before. Big shoes, big shoes. He packs quite a wallop.