GLENN: So there is a there is apparently a topless rally that is going on. There is a
GLENN: I don't know how else to describe it.
PAT: It is.
GLENN: A campaign.
PAT: A protest, a movement.
STU: I'd like to
GLENN: A fight for rights, that women have the right to go topless.
STU: I completely support this. There's no way it's constitutional to not allow that.
PAT: To not allow women to go
STU: You cannot
GLENN: I believe that you are actually probably accurate.
GLENN: Now, here's the great thing about the Constitution. The Constitution says
PAT: It's not a suicide pact.
GLENN: No, no.
PAT: That doesn't really work.
GLENN: Constitution is what the federal government can do.
GLENN: It doesn't tell you what the states can and must do.
PAT: It's a charter of negative liberties.
GLENN: Yes, it is. So unconstitutional. The federal government cannot have a law that says, hey, you can't go topless. But states and local communities can.
STU: I don't know if that's true.
GLENN: Oh, really?
STU: Freedom of speech. Freedom of speech.
GLENN: I'm not going to wear pants then all week.
STU: I'm going to go with freedom of speech. No one wants you to not wear pants. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about women going topless. That's what we're talking about.
GLENN: I have a right to not wear pants.
STU: No one's talking about your pants.
GLENN: I have a right to
STU: We're talking about topless and we're talking about women.
GLENN: Here's a few of the views from the
PAT: From the women.
GLENN: From the women.
VOICE: We're supposed to have freedom to go topless just as men are, otherwise it's not really an equal right. Men have to cover
VOICE: their breasts just like we do. Otherwise I mean, it's all or none.
PAT: I think, you know, she does sound pretty, first of all.
GLENN: She does.
PAT: Secondly, must we do exactly the same thing in order to be equal? Must we do exactly and be exactly the same?
STU: That's what equal is.
GLENN: I tell you what. I tell you what. Get me a pack of Kool cigarettes.
GLENN: While I hack up a lung, scratch myself, and talk to my beautiful, beautiful husband about what, you thought I was the guy?
VOICE: Breasts are not sexual objects. They are just a part of everyday life. We all have them, you know. It's no big deal to go topless down in Austin. It's legal in Austin, and we can do it anytime. But we think it should be legal everywhere.
GLENN: All right. Hang on. She also sounds pretty.
PAT: She might be right about breasts not being sexual on her.
PAT: However, as a general rule, I disagree with the concept.
GLENN: Well, no, I think there's about half the population that disagrees with you on that.
PAT: You think so?
GLENN: I think a lot of women would say breasts aren't sexual, but there's a lot of men and some women that might disagree with that.
STU: Can we consider, though, seriously going the opposite way and making it so dudes can't go topless?
PAT: I'm okay with that.
GLENN: I am totally good with that. I am totally good with that.
STU: Either you are really fat and awful or Mr., I'm trying to prove that I do sit ups. Shut up.
GLENN: I've been working out well, twice. I've been working out, and the guy who's helping me work out, he said, you know in eight months you won't be embarrassed to take your shirt off.
PAT: In eight months? I don't have eight months to waste on this. Eight months?
GLENN: And I'm thinking to myself
PAT: Give me eight days, I can maybe hang with you.
GLENN: I'm thinking to myself, A, thanks for assuming that I am embarrassed. I mean, I am.
STU: You are.
GLENN: But thanks for assuming that I'm embarrassed to take my shirt off. And, what, in eight months I can, like, I'll just walk around the office? "I'm a little hot. I'm going to take my shirt off." What is that?
STU: Showing off your ripped abs?
GLENN: Man, it's hot in this room. Anybody mind if I take my shirt off?
STU: Yes, we all mind.
GLENN: Yes, I'm doing it. In eight months I'm doing it. In eight months I'm only going to wear a tie.
PAT: Well, there's a lot of women that agree with you. You should be able to do that just like they should.
VOICE: The only part of the breast that's actually different between men and women is the area around it and I don't know why people make such a big deal out of nipples. It's kind of silly.
VOICE: We just need to grow up a little bit. I think we need to mature.
PAT: Need to grow up.
STU: You are the one protesting toplessness.
VOICE: A lot of other countries, you know, this is no big deal on the beach. Women can dance around a fire under the stars. There's so much beauty in the human body.
STU: Under the stars.
GLENN: Oh, shush.
PAT: I mean, Europe, dancing around a fire under the stars, what are these moonbeams doing out of the Sixties? I thought we left them back in the groovy man days.
PAT: I mean, come on.
GLENN: Bill Ayers is in the White House
PAT: Well, that's true.
GLENN: I mean, Barack Obama's in the White House.
PAT: There's only one kid they talked to, 6 years old, here's the kid with common sense.
VOICE: Girls shouldn't be wearing their shirt, with their shirt off outside because only boys can do that.
PAT: (Laughing). Now, there's a smart kid. There's somebody with some common sense.
GLENN: Who obviously has been taught to hate.
PAT: Mmm hmmm.
STU: Where is his pocket Constitution?
GLENN: Where is it? Where is it?
PAT: He's been taught gender inequality, he's been taught gender differences when really they're all the same.
STU: Everything's the same. Everything's the same.
GLENN: Because this is an equal rights weekend, I'm told.
PAT: All weekend long.
GLENN: I'm going to go topless.
STU: Please don't do that. You want people to come to the rally. We want people to come to the rally.
GLENN: Sarah Palin will not be topless because who wants to see Sarah Palin topless? But me? Everybody's clamoring for it.
PAT: I disagree with that.
PAT: Are you trying are you working for Al Sharpton now?
STU: Are you working for Al Sharpton?
PAT: Are you trying to drive people away from the rally?
GLENN: What are you saying?
STU: We're saying that you're hideous. We're saying
GLENN: Well, it might be crowded. You know that Al Sharpton has said that there's no way he's going to allow us to have a bigger crowd than him. And his permit is calling for 3,000 people.
STU: I think 3,000 might be able, you might be able to get 3,000 there.
GLENN: So I'm just
PAT: What are we looking for, about 1500?
GLENN: Well, with my shirt off? About 12. Not 100. About 12.
STU: Totally insane people.
GLENN: Well, there will be security. 12 security people.
PAT: Staff and security.
GLENN: Because they are not looking at me. They are looking around they are looking out. They are not looking
PAT: But if anybody accidentally
GLENN: Can't you see past, can't you see past my C cups?
PAT: No. No, I can't.
GLENN: You can't?
STU: I don't want to see past them, I don't want to see them, I don't want to think about them. Nothing.
GLENN: You thinking about them right now.
STU: Unfortunately, yes, I am, and it's not
GLENN: And they are mainly made out of they are mainly made out of sour cream and butter.
STU: That's what I was thinking of, yes.
GLENN: And ice cream.
PAT: A little gravy, I think, is in there, a little gravy. Because when you get hot, don't you sweat gravy?
GLENN: I do, I do.
PAT: I do, too. So
GLENN: I do, which is great. If we could just have Thanksgiving dinner around August, you could just scrape...
STU: This isn't going to help.
GLENN: Just scrape it off my brow.
PAT: Okay, this has just really degenerated into something unseemly, very unseemly.
STU: This is awful. Beck we need sleep.
PAT: You do.
GLENN: This Saturday could get ugly.
PAT: I think Tuesday's gotten ugly.