GLENN: How's Aunt Zeituni?

PAT: Great.

GLENN: Seriously Aunt Zeituni is good?

PAT: Yeah, she's good.

GLENN: Have you checked in with her? I'm worried about her.

PAT: They have in Boston. They're worried about her, too. Well, I don't know if worried's the right word.

GLENN: They're angry?

PAT: So much as irritated and downright mad.

GLENN: Well, this is Obama's aunt who, Aunt Zeituni who we all love and admire and who is here illegally and has been they've tried to evict her how many times?

PAT: Several times they tried to kick her out of the country and she wouldn't go.

GLENN: Yeah, and then George Bush saved her the last time because it was during the election and nobody wanted to make it look like it was an election ploy. So she had to go right to court in January right after election.

PAT: And now she's been granted asylum. So I don't think she's illegal anymore.

GLENN: Oh, she's granted asylum?

PAT: Granted asylum.

GLENN: Why has she been granted asylum?

PAT: You know, the cynical among us would say it's because she's Barack Obama's aunt but I know that has nothing to do with

GLENN: No, she's actually very angry with America.

PAT: Yeah, she doesn't seem, you know

GLENN: Grateful?

PAT: No, uh uh.

GLENN: Huh. That's a

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: It's an aunt of Obama's

PAT: Not grateful.

GLENN: Not grateful.

PAT: Surprising, isn't it?

GLENN: It is.

PAT: Instead she's more like this.

ZEITUNI: If I have come as an immigrant, you have the obligation to make me a citizen.

PAT: Oh, if she comes.

GLENN: If she comes.

PAT: As an immigrant. Then we have the obligation to make her a citizen.

GLENN: Hang on just a second. This is an aunt of Obama. She's not saying that we're an oppressive society, is she?

PAT: No, I'm sure not.

GLENN: No, we just have the obligation.

PAT: I'm sure not.

GLENN: She's demanding citizenship.

PAT: Well, she took the opportunity to come to our country illegally and break our laws. The least we can do is make her a citizen in return.

GLENN: Well

PAT: So

GLENN: Well, we're such why are we so oppressive?

PAT: I don't know.

REPORTER: President Obama's aunt, a woman many say is the poster child of our broken immigration system. We only found out about her back in 2008.

ZEITUNI: Me, Americans dream became was my Americans worst nightmare.

GLENN: Okay, stop for a second. The American dream for her coming here illegally and taking our illegal taking our services here, while she's here illegally. The American dream of being able to come here and leach off us has become a nightmare because we say we don't like leeches.

PAT: I hate that. He asks why.

ZEITUNI: Because of what I have gone through.

REPORTER: Tell me what you've gone through.

GLENN: Oh, boy.

ZEITUNI: It's a hell of a lot.

GLENN: Hell of a lot.

ZEITUNI: Hell of a lot.

PAT: Pretty specific. A lot like her nephew.

GLENN: Her nephew.

PAT: He gives us those answers.

GLENN: A hell of a lot.

PAT: A hell of a lot.

GLENN: Hoping for change.

PAT: Yeah.

REPORTER: She became political fodder intended to hurt her nephew. She also became a focal point of anger. How could Zeituni be here legally for years living in government housing?

ZEITUNI: I've been treated like public enemy number one.

GLENN: No, no, no.

REPORTER: In 2004 Zeituni was ordered out of the country by an immigration judge. She didn't leave.

REPORTER: Did you know that you were staying in this country illegally?

ZEITUNI: I knew I had overstayed.

REPORTER: She said that once she got out of the hospital, she lived in a homeless shelter for nearly two years and then was assigned public housing despite thousands of legal residents also waiting for that kind of assistance.

STU: Weird.

GLENN: Hold it just a second. That is weird. First of all, did she know that her nephew lived here? And he is so into being his brother's keeper.

PAT: Yeah. He's charitable.

GLENN: That he's living in Chicago.

PAT: You know what?

GLENN: She should have gone and gotten help from her nephew.

PAT: His salvation can't come about without a collective salvation for his whole family.

GLENN: He is his brother's keeper.

PAT: That's

GLENN: Now, I don't know about the aunt, but his brother well, no, his brother is out also living

PAT: On 75 cents a month.

GLENN: Yeah.

STU: Yeah. Another weird thing is that he was making tons of money and being an evil rich person and paying the rate of the Bush tax cuts, meaning that he shouldn't have even had an extra 5% of his money. He should have been paying a higher rate. That 5% of the money would have easily helped his aunt.

GLENN: He wouldn't have even noticed the money for her rent and her food and her car and her transportation.

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: And her healthcare and everything else. He wouldn't even notice it.

STU: Wouldn't even notice it was gone.

PAT: Doesn't need it. Doesn't need the extra cash.

GLENN: Why does he hate his aunt so much?

PAT: I don't know.

STU: Just selfish, I guess, because he certainly was going on vacations and had a nice home and a nice car.

Oh, no. Oh, my, I see it.

GLENN: There it is. It just landed on my cheek.

STU: Well, why don't you brush it off your cheek?

GLENN: Because it doesn't bother me at all. I could sit here and have a fly or a bee just crawl around on my face all the time while I give speeches that I'm reading right directly from a TelePrompTer and it doesn't seem to bother me. What, does it bother you when that happens?

STU: Well, kind of. You are sitting and you are not even

GLENN: Hang on. It just flew away.

STU: Hang on, it's moving again.

GLENN: Now it's on my nose. Not a problem.

STU: Why isn't a problem? You could easily move it

GLENN: No, it's kind of cool. Doesn't bother me at all. No, doesn't bother me at all.

STU: You could easily remove it with no effort.

GLENN: No, hang on. You know who knows? You know who knows about the aunt?

STU: Who knows?

GLENN: The Bees Know.

PAT: The Bees Know.

GLENN: That's seriously.

PAT: Which is why we're wearing

GLENN: The Bees Know sweat shirts new for fall. They're in the they're in the Web store starting tomorrow. Yes. Yes, I'm an evil capitalist. Yes.

PAT: All the proceeds go to Aunt Zeituni, right?

GLENN: Not a dime. Not a dime.

PAT: Oh, wow.

GLENN: I believe that I am not Obama's aunt's keeper.

PAT: So does he, frankly.

GLENN: What's really weird is he thinks that you

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: are his aunt's keeper.

PAT: Yes, he does. Yes, he does.

GLENN: So anyway, there's more.

PAT: There's more.

GLENN: We're just getting started. Good eating.

REPORTER: How do you respond to those families that would say, why is she getting anything?

ZEITUNI: Let me tell you. I don't mind. I can't even be on the streets with homeless people. I didn't ask for it. They gave it to me.

GLENN: Stop. Stop just a second.

PAT: I mean, what is she pissed about?

GLENN: She doesn't care? She doesn't care? Then kick her out.

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: And put American citizens in the house.

STU: That do care.

GLENN: She doesn't care. "I do not care, and I live on street with homeless." Good. Go live on street with homeless people then.

PAT: And for those who say that's horribly

GLENN: Callous?

PAT: callous, get over it. How about her family? I don't know. She's got a nephew who makes $5 1/2 million a year and pays no mortgage! At least on the house he currently resides in.

STU: And is still paying, by the way, lower tax rates than he once he has plenty of time.

PAT: Plenty of time.

STU: Until they kick in, he's got months.

PAT: And he doesn't need the money. She does.

GLENN: He wouldn't even notice the money.

PAT: Wouldn't notice it. Wouldn't notice it.

GLENN: His salvation depends on a collective salvation. He can't go to heaven unless we all go to heaven.

PAT: Mmm hmmm.

GLENN: That's why he's got to be his brother's keeper. He'll let his aunt starve on the streets but his brother he'll let live for 75 cents a day.

PAT: A month.

STU: A month.

PAT: Oh, he would be a wildly wealthy man if he made 75 cents a day. 75 cents a month.

GLENN: 75 cents a month?

PAT: Yeah, yeah.

GLENN: Has Sally Struthers called Barack Obama?

PAT: (Laughing).

STU: I don't know.

PAT: Barack, for less than the cost of the humpback whale in the tasty butter sauce I just ate, you could feed your brother George Onyango in Kenya. You know?

STU: That's persuasive.

PAT: It is. It is good. I'm not sure she got his name right, but

GLENN: Is there more Zeituni? Because I love her.

PAT: There's even more.

GLENN: There's even more Zeituni. Here's Aunt Zeituni.

ZEITUNI: And you better just ask the system. Ask your system.

STU: That's what we're doing.

ZEITUNI: I didn't create the system.

REPORTER: And she's right.

STU: She is right.

REPORTER: But not apologetic. When news of Zeituni broke, it was of national interest. How could she be living here so long illegally?

There are people that need assistance who have been paying into the system and they've waited in line and they've waited their turn.

GLENN: Yes!

REPORTER: And then somebody like you they say comes along and you never waited in line and you never paid into the system and yet you took advantage of the system.

ZEITUNI: I did not take any advantage of the system. The system took advantage of me.

PAT: Do you love that quote?

STU: Oh, did they?

PAT: In what way? In the way that they provided you with shelter and food?

GLENN: Could we raise the money?

PAT: Wow.

GLENN: Could we raise the money in less than a tenth of a second to buy her a small little no, a small little, you know, one room home in is she from Kenya?

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: In Kenya and a plane ticket, a one way plane ticket. Could we raise the money in less than a tenth of a second to do that?

PAT: You know we could.

GLENN: Oh, yeah. No, no, we could.

PAT: I'll bet you the phones are being dialed right now.

GLENN: Yeah. But you would have to agree that you never, ever come back again and you are sworn to secrecy that we've done this to you, we've inflicted a new home on you!

PAT: (Laughing).

GLENN: That we've taken advantage of you so much that we have given you free housing while you were here, free food while you were here, while you were raping our system I'm sorry, while we were oppressing you, the victim somehow or another in your twisted mind.

STU: Yeah. I mean, this is, of course, going to be spun into some evil fashion. But the bottom line here is that you have everyone wants people who need help to get help. But you have people who are struggling and actually could use the stuff and appreciate it.

GLENN: Can I tell you something?

STU: Standing behind her in line who paid nothing into the system.

GLENN: Last night, last night my son saw a garbage man on the street, and I was so proud of him. He saw a garbage man on the street, and this guy was working his ass off. He was just working it. And he was hot and he was sweaty. I mean, he was just working it. And my son looked out the window and he said, look at that guy, Dad. I said, the garbage man? And he said, yeah. Look at how hard he's working. And I said, yeah, he is. That's good, isn't it? He said, yeah. Wow, he's working hard. That guy? That garbage man? That guy I'll help. That guy falls on hard times, that guy I will help. Because he's working it! I thought as I was driving away, I thought, now how does that guy get ahead? You know how that guy gets ahead? By working. In today's society, somebody who will actually give a full day's hard labor and do it with happiness in their heart and in believing the American dream that if they work hard, the next generation can be a little bit better off. That's how he does it. That's how he gets ahead. I've said it before. I'll work at McDonald's, I'll work the Frialator at McDonald's because I'll know by the end of the year I'm the manager of McDonald's. Not because I'm smart or anything else. Because I will apply myself. And so many people will just, "I have to work at McDonald's? You are inflicting a McDonald's job on me?" Yeah, I'm giving you a job and a chance. Yes. You do with it what you will. You can say, "I can't work at McDonald's." You get nothing. You're working your butt off in McDonald's? You're really working hard? You're going to advance. Because a lot of people won't do it. And if you're really working hard, those are the people that we should help! Those people and the people who just cannot do it themselves. If you are if you cannot do it yourself, if you are mentally incapable of doing it, if you are handicapped and you can't do it, you're old, you're infirm, whatever. It's a totally different story. Those are the people that we help. And those who are helping themselves. I got news for ya. Even the handicapped can help themselves. My daughter has cerebral palsy. She works her butt off every day. You're darn right she has a job. She works her butt off every day. Is she going to be a millionaire? I don't know. Will my other daughter who's not a who's not handicapped be a millionaire? I don't know. But all of them work. And all of them must work. And the day they stop working is the day they get nothing from Dad. Nothing. And that's the way that's the way my house is run. And that's the way our country should be run. You want to better yourself? Great. I am there. You don't want to better yourself? You want to make excuses? You want to lay around? Do it on somebody else's couch, not mine.