Jon Stewart hearts Glenn

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GLENN: There's also a couple of things going around and I am so sick of my

own staff going, "Did you see Jon Stewart last night?" No, I didn't. I didn't

see it. I don't care. He was on Letterman. When was the last time I watched

David Letterman? I don't even know. David Letterman is so irrelevant that it's

laughable. So no, I didn't. But I think that was one of the first things that

Pat said to me this morning: Did you see Letterman last night? Come on, Pat, you

didn't see Letterman.

PAT: No, I didn't see it.

GLENN: No.

PAT: I'm hearing about it on Mediaite.

GLENN: Uh huh.

PAT: But they wrote a great story about his appearance because they're saying

that Stewart seems fairly obsessed with you because he's talked about you now on

his appearances on Oprah, O'Reilly, and last night with David Letterman and, you

know, because there's several minutes. Here's just a little bit of what they had

to say about you yesterday.

STEWART: You know how we used to be on the road and we would do the same act

night after night.

VOICE: Right. On the road? Hell, I'm doing it here.

PAT: That's for sure.

GLENN: That's a great line.

PAT: Happens to be true.

GLENN: Yeah.

VOICE: But you do the same thing night after night but you've got to make it

seem like it just came to you. The whole trick of his show is, folks, it's just

we are... (laughing).

GLENN: Very funny.

VOICE: We... (laughing). If we could just go back to 1979. Did you see, this was

the greatest thing. This is when I realized how much I love this guy. He does

the program, he's sitting on his

GLENN: I don't think he does.

PAT: I don't think he loves this guy. He loves making money off of you. He does

love that.

VOICE: Weeping for do you remember the old Coke commercial with Mean Joe Green?

VOICE: Sure.

VOICE: Where he says have a Coke? And he says, that's okay. And the little boy

goes, come on, take it. And Mean Joe Green finally is like, all right, kid,

takes it and then he throws him the Jersey, comes back to Glenn and... why can't

we go back there? Politicians won't take you back there. And I'm like, I think

we can't go back there because it's fictional. I think it's a fictional

commercial. And then I remembered I think they taped it in 1979 which is when

the Iranian hostage crisis was. So I guess we could go back there. But why would

we want to?

VOICE: Exactly.

VOICE: And that's when I realized, he made that fictional moment.

VOICE: He's Bobby Heenan. Come on. He's Bobby Heenan.

VOICE: I like him. I want to have him on my program.

GLENN: I don't know who Bobby Heenan is.

PAT: No idea.

VOICE: We have invited him numerous times to be on this show. He will not come

on this show.

VOICE: I invited myself onto his program and did not come on.

GLENN: I wear those both as a badge of honor.

PAT: And you should.

GLENN: Yeah. I mean

PAT: The reference to Bobby Heenan or whatever, whoever he's talking about there

is a really good reason not to go on Letterman's irrelevant show. Nobody knows

who Bobby Heenan is.

GLENN: Doesn't matter. Look, David Letterman, you know, he doesn't believe, I

believe, in anything I say. I don't believe in the things that he believes in.

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: You know, why would I go there?

PAT: It's a useless exercise.

GLENN: I don't believe

PAT: In futility.

GLENN: Yeah, I don't believe in boycotting anything. I just believe in this: I

spend my money and my time in things that I believe in. I don't believe in David

Letterman. David Letterman does what David Letterman does. He's funny sometimes,

he's I don't know honestly, David, I don't know how you do it every day. I don't

know how you are still doing the top 10 and you don't think, really? Again? I'm

doing this? I mean, I don't know how you do that.

PAT: It's only been 30 years.

GLENN: Yeah. But, you know, that's cool and I have nothing I don't want him off

the air, I don't want to silence him, nothing. Whatever. It just plays no time

in my life because I spend my time and my money on the things that are important

to me. David Letterman isn't.

On the Jon Stewart, I'm just trying to think. This week, let's see. I've had the

Holocaust survivor and the historian on as a guest this week. I'm trying to

think where the comedian comes in. I mean, I just don't do those interviews.

PAT: The comedian selling a book, where does that fit in? Yeah.

GLENN: He wants to sell his books and I think it's interesting that no one in

the press has said that he's doing a political rally just to make money, yet

that's all that you ever heard about me. That's all you ever heard. And that's

okay. I mean, I have no problem with him making money. He's got a book for sale.

Go buy the book. Don't buy the book. I'm not buying the book. I don't really

care about the book. I don't want to ban the book. I don't want anybody to not

read the book because that's what whatever. You know, neither of these guys need

a handout.

PAT: No.

GLENN: But apparently they both believe they need a hand up in their ratings or

their book sales. Sorry. Can't provide it for ya.

PAT: But what I found interesting about this Mediaite article was the last part

of it where they're talking about the exchange between Letterman and Stewart

last night where it says Beck becomes the subject of conversation between host

and guest in a manner that ostensibly seems friendly but really puts Beck in a

most unflattering light. There is a whiff of junior high cool kids picking on

the new kid who's suddenly the most popular behind his back. That is exactly,

exactly how that came off.

[NOTE: Transcript may have been edited to enhance readability - audio

archive includes full segment as it was originally aired]

'The Handmaid's Tale' got it right, just with the wrong religion

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

Just in case The Handmaid's Tale's heavy-handed message wasn't already heavy-handed enough, a recent episode made it clear there's always room for further hysteria. Particularly, in relation to depictions of a “patriarchal society" run by Christian doctrine and determined by men — oh those dastardly men.

RELATED: Christian privilege is the new white privilege

The show appropriates Margaret Atwood of the same name, depicting a totalitarian society led by Christian doctrine in which women's bodies are controlled, and they have no rights. The story sounds familiar, but not in the same way Atwood and the show's creators have so smugly assumed.

Just as tone-deaf as 4th wave feminism itself, and tone-deaf in all the exact same places. Most notably, the show's heavy-handed indignation toward Christianity. Toward the patriarchy. Toward conservatives and traditional values. And just like 4th wave feminism, the show completely overlooks the irony at play. Because there is a part of the world where women and children are being raped and mutilated. In fact, in this very real place, the women or girls are often imprisoned, even executed, for being raped, and they are mutilated in unspeakable ways.

Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life.

There is a place, a very real place, where women are forced to cover their entire bodies with giant tarp-like blankets, which is all the more brutal given the endless heat of this place. There is a place where women literally have one-third of the rights of men, a place where women are legally, socially and culturally worth less than men.

They cannot drive cars. They cannot be outside alone. They cannot divorce, they cannot even choose who they marry and often, they are forcibly married at a young age.

They are raped. A lot. Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life. This is the life of tens, perhaps hundreds of millions of women. And, I'll tell you, their religion isn't Christianity.

Science did it again. It only took 270 million years, but this week, scientists finally solved the mystery that has kept the world up at night. We finally know where octopuses come from: outer space. That explains why they look like the aliens in just about every alien movie ever made.

RELATED: Changes in technology can be cause for concern, but THIS is amazing

It turns out octopuses were aliens that evolved on another planet. Scientists haven't determined which one yet, but they've definitely narrowed it down to one of the planets in one of the galaxies. Hundreds of millions of years ago (give or take a hundred), these evolved octopus aliens arrived on Earth in the form of cryopreserved eggs. Now, this part is just speculation, but it's possible their alien planet was on the verge of destruction, so Mom and Dad Octopus self-sacrificially placed Junior in one of these cryopreserved eggs and blasted him off the planet to save their kind.

This alien-octopus research, co-authored by a group of 33 scientists, was published in the Progress in Biophysics and Molecular Biology journal. I'm sure you keep that on your nightstand like I do.

Anyway, these scientists say octopuses evolved very rapidly over 270 million years. Which sounds slow, but in evolutionary terms, 270 million years is like light speed. And the only explanation for their breakneck evolution is that they're aliens. The report says, “The genome of the Octopus shows a staggering level of complexity with 33,000 protein-coding genes — more than is present in Homo sapiens."

Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.

They mention that the octopus' large brain, sophisticated nervous system, camera-like eyes, flexible bodies and ability to change color and shape all point to its alien nature. Octopuses developed those capabilities rather suddenly in evolution, whereas we're still trying to figure out the TV remote.

These biological enhancements are so far ahead of regular evolution that the octopuses must have either time-traveled from the future, or “more realistically" according to scientists, crash-landed on earth in those cryopreserved egg thingies. The report says the eggs arrived here in “icy bolides." I had to look up what a “bolide" is, and turns out it's a fancy word for a meteor.

So, to recap: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, an alien race of octopuses packed their sperm-bank samples in some meteors and shot them toward Earth. Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.

President Trump's approval rating is rising, and Democrats — hilariously — can't seem to figure out what's going on. A few months ago Democrats enjoyed a sixteen point lead over Republicans, but now — according to CNN's recent national survey — that lead is down to just THREE points. National data from Reuters shows it as being even worse.

The Democratic advantage moving towards the halfway mark into 2018 shows that Republicans are only ONE point behind. The president's public approval rating is rising, and Democrats are nervously looking at each other like… “umm guys, what are we doing wrong here?"

I'm going to give Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi a little hint. We know that the Left has enjoyed a “special relationship" with the media, but they might want to have a sit down with their propaganda machine. The mainstream media is completely out of control, and Americans are sick of it. We're DONE with the media.

RELATED: The mainstream media wants you to believe Trump is waging war on immigrants — here's the truth

Look what has been going on just this week. The president called MS-13 gang members animals, but that's not the story the media jumped on. They thought it was more clickable to say that Trump was calling all immigrants animals instead. In the Middle East, the media rushed to vilify Israel instead of Hamas. They chose to defend a terror organization rather than one of our oldest allies.

Think about that. The media is so anti-Trump that they've chosen a violent street gang AND A GLOBAL TERROR ORGANIZATION as their torch-bearing heroes. Come on, Democrats. Are you seriously baffled why the American people are turning their backs on you?

Still not enough evidence? Here's the New York Times just yesterday. Charles Blow wrote a piece called "A Blue Wave of Moral Restoration" where he tried to make the case that the president and Republicans were the enemy, but — fear not — Democrat morality was here to save the day.

Here are some of these cases Blow tries to make for why Trump is unfit to be President:

No person who treats women the way Trump does and brags on tape about sexually assaulting them should be president.

Ok, fine. You can make that argument if you want to, but why weren't you making this same argument for Bill Clinton? Never mind, I actually know the reason. Because you were too busy trying to bury the Juanita Broaddrick story.

Let's move on:

No person who has demonstrated himself to be a pathological liar should be president.

Do the words, “You can keep your doctor" mean anything to the New York Times or Charles Blow? I might have saved the best for last:

No person enveloped by a cloud of corruption should be president.

I can only think of three words for a response to this: Hillary Frigging Clinton.

Try displaying a little consistency.

If the media really wants Donald Trump gone and the Democrats to take over, they might want to try displaying a little consistency. But hey, maybe that's just too much to ask.

How about starting with not glorifying terrorist organizations and murderous street gangs. Could we at least begin there?

If not… good luck in the midterms.

In the weeks following President Trump's decision to recognize Jerusalem as Israel's capital, the mainstream media was quick to criticize the president's pro-Israel stance and make dire predictions of violent backlash in the Middle East. Fast forward to this week's opening of the US Embassy in Jerusalem and the simultaneous Palestinian “protests" in Gaza.

RELATED: Just another day in Iran: Parliment chants death to America after Trump pulls out of nuclear deal

Predictably, the mainstream media chastised Israel for what they called “state-sanctioned terrorism" when the IDF stepped in to protect their country from so-called peaceful Palestinian protesters. Hamas leaders later admitted that at least 50 of the 62 Palestinians killed in the clashes were Hamas terrorists.

“In our post-modern media age, there is no truth and nobody even seems to be looking for it …. This is shamefully clear in the media especially this week with their coverage of the conflict between the border of Israel and the Gaza strip," said Glenn on today's show. He added, “The main media narrative this week is about how the IDF is just killing innocent protesters, while Hamas officials have confirmed on TV that 50 of the 62 people killed were working for Hamas."

The mainstream media views the Palestinians as the oppressed people who just want to share the land and peacefully coexist with the people of Israel. “They can't seem to comprehend that in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, only one side is actively trying to destroy the other," surmised Glenn.

Watch the video above to hear Glenn debunk the “peaceful Palestinian protest" fallacy.