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GLENN: Today I want to talk to you about something. I want to talk to you about a portion of my life that I want to share with you because I think it's going to lead me in different places. I don't necessarily mean physical, but mentally I think this is going to be a spiritual journey. It is going to be a physical journey. It is going to be a mental journey. And I would like to, I'd like to be able to share it with you and the things that I have learned, and you'll be able also to see why I'm going the places that I am and what I am doing.
Next week on Monday and Tuesday, I am going to take time off. I'm going out West to have some testing done. I have told you before that I have been losing feeling in my hands and my feet and I have been feeling tingling in my hands and my feet, and it's traveling up my arms and it's just a very bizarre sensation. It almost feels like I'm wearing gloves at times because I was talking to my kids the other day about fingerprints and I couldn't, I couldn't feel my fingerprints and it was bizarre. And I thought if that was only true, man, I could be like a master thief. So it's been very it's been strange. I've told you also that I have been diagnosed with macular dystrophy, which means that I love this diagnosis I could be totally fine with eyesight for the rest of my life, or I could be blind within a year. The macular dystrophy has not progressed at all in the two months since it's been diagnosed, but there's something else that has also been going on. And if you're a long time listener, you might be even be able to tell it I can just by listening to my voice now. There is something wrong with my voice, and we're not sure what it is. I went in and had some testing done and there's nothing like sticking scopes through your nose and then having doctors look through the scopes in your nose. And they're passing the scope back and forth going, look at this, doctor, what do you think this is? And I'm like, what do you guys see? What are you looking at? What do you see? Show it to me. And I'll tell you more about this next week. But there's just some things that are happening, and we don't know what they are yet. And they're doing all kinds of testing. They're going to be doing CAT scans and MREs or MRIs and PET scans and they're going to be doing blood work like crazy. And the thing that they said to me, I've seen five different doctors and I've got an incredible group of doctors who are, I think only one of them really hates me, and I have the other four watching that one. But they're looking one of them said to me the other night, we have to do all of these blood tests because we have to look for toxins and poisons, and that word stuck out to me. And it's not poison like you know, it's like lead paint. And I'm like, no, I haven't been eating lead chips. And that word stuck out to me.
Night before last I was laying in bed next to my wife and she put her hand on my back and she said to me, what are you doing? Honey, go to sleep. She said that to me at 3:00 in the morning. I had been reading a couple of books, as I'm so far behind in my reading. But I had closed one of these books, as I'm doing research and I'm trying to understand more. And I had closed one of these books about an hour before and I said, I just to myself I just can't look at this anymore. Then I said a prayer, and as I was praying, I noticed that I wasn't praying as hard for healing as I should, which led me to the first conversation I had with a neurologist who said to me, well, we don't know what this is. He said, but we're investigating here, here, and here. And I said, could this be brought on by stress? Could this be brought on because I'm just, you know and he said, no, not this. He said, you know, that's not making it better. And I said, so should I maybe should I stop? And he said, no, you're okay. I was disappointed. And the other day I thought about it and I thought, I can't even pray and cry out to the Lord. I have cried out to the Lord a lot in the last four years. I couldn't cry out to him for that. That got me to thinking. A house divided against itself cannot stand. People will say about me, they have written about me. In fact, the New York Times just did their big piece and they said, I don't think Glenn Beck even knows who he is. In some ways that is true. I know who I am. I am just like you. A son of a father in heaven that loves me, and I try to serve him. But that is, that is something that I have never even come close to mastering and worked my whole life. I am a guy who's trying to be better every day. I know who I am. But when they wrote that, it is so true because I don't know where I'm supposed to end up. I don't know how to do this.
The last 24 hours as I've been thinking about the doctors saying we're looking for toxins, we're looking for poisons in your body, I know what they are. For four years I have tried to understand the mind of what I believe are monsters. It started with Walter Lippmann. The first book that I closed and said I can't read this anymore was Walter Lippmann. And it was about how they can breed better people and how there are undesirables. I never finished the book. That was the first one. And for four years I have been trying to understand the minds of people that I think are so misled, and they are the exact opposite of what I have tried to be, what I want to be, what I strive for. But I have done it because I have to, I have to understand it, I have to see what's try to understand to explain what's coming, what's happening. And not for you but for my children.
I believe we can be better people. I believe in the American experiment. But I also believe there are very misguided people, and I have been drinking that poison, which others may not find poison, but I do because it is exact opposite of me. And I have been "That which you gaze upon, you become."