Joy Behar... still not smart



Learn more about Glenn Beck's Broke


Now Available!

GLENN: I am everywhere this weekend, it feels. If you're in New England, I start tonight in Nyack, New York, I believe, and then at 7:30 in the morning I am in New Haven, Connecticut, then Hartford, West Hartford. Where am I -- where else am I going to be? I'm going to be in Rhode Island, Massachusetts, right?

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: And then I end things at the casino where things usually end for me but never in a good way. You know, that's -- anyway, I'll be at the casino with Bill O'Reilly. We're going to be betting on red, all of it on red at the Mohegan Sun where we're going to be doing a special show.

Now, he's promised me that he's going to show up in costume. I'm working on my costume. I'm actually, I think I'm going to come out in costume. He offered me $5,000. He didn't even say for charity. He just said, I'll give you $5,000 if you come out as -- it wasn't Nancy Pelosi. It was what's her name that just called, the B word.

PAT: Oh, Joy Behar?

GLENN: Yeah, Joy Behar. $5,000.

PAT: To dress as her?

PAT: To dress as her, to come out as her. All I have to do is dress like a witch.

STU: That's not the word actually that she used. It was a different --

GLENN: Oh, I know. It was what she called somebody else.

STU: Oh, okay.

PAT: That was a term of endearment.

STU: Term of endearment.

PAT: Yeah.

STU: It was a term of endearment.

GLENN: Term of endearment.

STU: She's awful.

GLENN: She really is an awful person. No, she is.

STU: It's a good summary of her.

GLENN: No, seriously she is.

STU: Yeah. And she just tries --

GLENN: No, I mean that with all the love and respect.

STU: No, I know you do.

GLENN: I'm not judging her.

PAT: No.

GLENN: She's just a very awful person.

STU: Seems like you're judging a little.

GLENN: No, no.

PAT: I'm not judging her, either. I'm just saying she's going to burn in the fires of hell.

GLENN: No, no. See, now you're damning here. Now you're damning her.

PAT: No, I'm not. Who am I to judge?

GLENN: Yeah, but you are saying she is going to burn in the fires of hell.

PAT: That's all I'm saying. Burn in the fires of hell.

GLENN: That's for Jesus to decide. That's for Jesus to decide.

PAT: No, I know.

GLENN: And if I may recommend --

PAT: And you know he's going to decide she burns in the fires of hell.

GLENN: I'm just going to make a recommendation to Jesus --

STU: I don't know that --

GLENN: -- that she likes things hot.

STU: I don't know that he would take your recommendation.

GLENN: Plus she better hope that I don't die before her.

STU: Because that's --

GLENN: Because I'll wait -- no, no, I'm waiting for somebody, Jesus. Hang on. No, judge me in a minute. I'm waiting, I'm just waiting. Has Joy arrived yet? (Laughing). I'll testify against her. She's a bad person.

Anyway...

PAT: (Laughing).

STU: Bizarre. I mean, I --

GLENN: No, really, come on.

STU: She's certainly acting like it lately. All she does, she seems to be just screaming all the time about people.

GLENN: That's all she is. She is a bitter, angry, she is a bitter, angry, frustrated comedienne that wasn't funny in 1963.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: When she was in the Catskills in '63, '65 --

PAT: She had a few moments in the Pocono, no, seriously she had a few moments in the Poconos.

GLENN: She was doing comedy in the clubs back in the Sixties when Sammy Davis, Jr. was like, why is this Joy Behar calling me? She's not funny. No, I won't tour with you. And, you know, she was like, and tip your waiters and waitresses and have you seen our champagne tubs? I mean, you know, that's --

STU: She's at Mt. Airy lodge?

GLENN: Yes, she was.

PAT: No, that was the Pocono thing.

STU: Oh, Pocono.

GLENN: She hasn't gotten over the fact that she wasn't funny in 1963 and she's not funny -- she wasn't funny in '93 and she's certainly not funny today.

STU: No, no, and she certainly shouldn't be talking about issues.

GLENN: She honestly -- no, she can talk about it. I mean, whatever. Everybody has their own opinion.

STU: No, she can't, not her.

GLENN: I'm just trying to find --

STU: She can do it. I don't mind her doing it. It's just so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing for her. She has no idea what she's talking about. She -- I was talking to someone the other day. We were talking about how it seems like she's at a party where a lot of smart people are talking about politics and then she goes on television and tries to recreate the conversations that she's heard from the weekend. She doesn't know why the people believe what they believe. She doesn't know how they got there. She doesn't know any of the background. She just blurts out half sentences in an order that she kind of remembers them in.

GLENN: But it's kind of sad.

STU: Awful.

GLENN: I feel sad for her. Because the reason why she's really an awful person is because she's so bitter and twisted and angry inside. She really -- and I mean this sincerely. I feel bad for her because I think like she's, she feels like she's been left behind. She's like, you know, I should have been successful, I'm -- because when I sat with her on the view, all she kept saying to me is, I'm funnier than you, I'm funnier than you. And I'm like -- when she said -- really, I mean this sincerely. When she said that, I looked at her and I went, okay. Well, you have to tell your audience that. I am funnier than you. And I'm like, I don't think I'm telling my audience that, Joy, but thanks for the tip.

STU: And the market has decided on that one, by the way.

GLENN: When she said that she was a comedian, I thought she was joking. It was the only funny thing I've ever heard her say. I thought that was the joke.

STU: When she says she's a comedian, comedians all around the world feel pain in their sides.

GLENN: No, seriously.

STU: It actually hurts them physically.

GLENN: Seriously. I mean, I don't know if she was the Phyllis Diller wannabe and Phyllis occupied that -- seriously, occupied that slot.

STU: Right. There's not too many for two Phyllis Dillers.

GLENN: No, there's not. Phyllis was the one and so she was like, I'm funnier than Phyllis Diller.

STU: Right.

GLENN: And everybody was like, no, you're not.

STU: Phyllis Diller's hilarious. You don't understand. Phyllis Diller is much funnier than you. Ma'am. Ma'am, Phyllis Diller is much better.

GLENN: Much funnier, much funnier.

STU: And you know what? Just, if you could just escort people to their tables, that would be a better use of your time.

GLENN: Yeah, I don't know if she was carrying the drinks at the time and she was just heckling Phyllis Diller at the time. I don't know. It wasn't --

STU: I just love the fact you're talking about Phyllis Diller.

PAT: I love that.

GLENN: It's true.

PAT: You don't get the opportunity in 2010 to talk that much about Phyllis Diller.

STU: Or Joy Behar for that mother.

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: Phyllis went away. Phyllis -- you know, before it became embarrassing.

STU: Right.

GLENN: Phyllis went away.

STU: And that's something to learn for entertainers or people who wish to be entertainers or thought they were entertainers at one time.

GLENN: Or waitresses.

STU: Right.

GLENN: It's time to go away before it's embarrassing.

STU: Right.

PAT: Yeah, and that time is about ten years past.

STU: Ago.

PAT: Ago.

STU: Yeah.

PAT: It's about 10 years ago for Joy.

GLENN: Well, I think if we got Phyllis on the phone, she might argue it might have been a little earlier.

STU: Yes.

GLENN: So I mean, I don't know what she --

PAT: Is Phyllis alive? Is Phyllis Diller still living?

STU: I don't know if Phyllis is alive.

GLENN: No, but if she's dead, I can guarantee you she's standing at the bar right now at the bench saying, wait a minute, Jesus, hang on just a second, don't judge me yet; is Joy here yet?

STU: No, Phyllis Diller's alive it appears.

GLENN: Is she really?

STU: Is this accurate? Yeah, she's alive, and still going strong and still funnier than Joy.

PAT: Well, if she would have been dead, she would be funnier than Joy.

STU: At least she wouldn't be negative. If you're talking and you're bombing, that's actually worse than even -- dead people would be even.

GLENN: I mean, look, here's the thing.

PAT: Seriously?

GLENN: No, no, no, I am being serious.

PAT: No, I know you are.

GLENN: When I sat next to her and she insisted on, I just -- I mean, over and over again, I'm funnier than you, I'm funnier than you. Like it was some contest. And I --

PAT: That's really weird.

GLENN: I felt bad for her.

PAT: That's really weird.

GLENN: I felt bad for her. I think she is somebody who fancied herself, I'm not kidding, like Phyllis Diller and wanted that role, never got that role. You know, still living in the Catskills in her glory days of when, you know, there were, you know, like Morte was in the front row going, "You are so funny! You are right!"

STU: (Laughing).

GLENN: And she's still living in those days wishing that they would come back.

STU: (Laughing).

PAT: (Laughing). Serious, but seriously, I'm serious.

GLENN: I'm serious.

PAT: I know you are. I know you are. I know.

GLENN: I know it's really funny but it's also really sad. She is a sad, sad, angry, bitter lady.

PAT: I know. Why is she named Joy?

STU: Yeah, it is --

GLENN: She is the most misnamed person I've ever...

PAT: (Laughing).

GLENN: I don't even know what -- I don't know what Phyllis even means, and Phyllis fits. Joy does not.

PAT: (Laughing).

GLENN: Bitter, Bitter Behar, Angry Behar.

PAT: No, Bitter Behar is good because then you've got the alliteration, too. That works nicely. I like that.

GLENN: Phyllis Bitter, she could have gone for that. Change her name.

PAT: You know, Phyllis would work for Joy. It would.

STU: She could be a Phyllis.

PAT: Phyllis Behar, that's good.

GLENN: I don't know. She's as funny as an Agnes or a Myrtle.

PAT: Myrtle?

GLENN: She is a little more like a Myrtle.

PAT: (Laughing).

GLENN: I don't know why that's funny.

STU: I don't know, either.

PAT: But it is.

GLENN: But it's still funnier than Joy Behar.

STU: It's unfortunately for her, true.

PAT: Start calling her Myrtle, Myrtle.

GLENN: No, no. No.

PAT: Myrtle Behar.

STU: No, because you are above that.

GLENN: No, I'm not.

STU: You are above calling her Myrtle just like you just did call her Myrtle.

GLENN: I'm not above it.

STU: Oh, no.

GLENN: No, no, this is not a Gandhi moment. I'm not above it. I really do feel bad for her, though. I do.

PAT: Oh, I do, too. I do, too.

GLENN: No, I don't like her.

PAT: No.

GLENN: And I don't defend her, but I feel bad for her. Who does what she's done lately? When she stood up with Bill O'Reilly, it was such an obvious ploy for attention. It's a cry for help.

STU: Awful.

GLENN: It really is. Somebody -- you know what it is? It's like a child does when, you know -- I don't know if you've ever seen this. When there's a star child and everybody's paying attention and, like, you know, the last born or the middle child that's unnoticed, they are always, they are like, "Hey, I'm over here. Look at me." And that's what it was. She stood up, and you could see it. It was a cry for help.

STU: Awful, just an awful moment of television.

GLENN: And then to do the -- the bitch thing, what is that?

PAT: Repeatedly.

GLENN: What is that? I mean, I've said this before, Barbara Walters so lowered herself in this room, just lowered herself. Is that Joy calling now? I just heard the phone ring. I know what she's saying. Just tell her, no, you're really not funnier.

PAT: Tell her she would be funnier if she changed her name to Myrtle.

STU: It would be funny.

PAT: That would be funny. Myrtle Behar? You get a laugh just from that.

STU: It takes a lot of talent to take our Headline News ratings and cut them in half. That's not easy to do.

PAT: It's not. It's not.

GLENN: If you're Joy Behar, it's hard to do that well.

STU: Yes. That's only a credit to their staff, which many of them are fantastic.

GLENN: Many of them are Rs.

STU: Yes, when we --

GLENN: Yes.

STU: You know, they're still there.

GLENN: They're drinking heavily.

STU: They have to be at this point.

GLENN: They're drinking heavily. They're like, "I can't take her anymore. I just can't take her." That's all right. Jack Daniels makes it all better.

STU: (Laughing).

A town in Sweden is under fire after denying requests to ring church bells in the 1990s and the 2000s but recently approving a mosque's request to conduct a weekly Islamic call to prayer.

RELATED: Media's anti-Israel, pro-Islam bias sweeps THIS fact under the rug

Authorities in the town of Vaxjo in southern Sweden have given the local mosque a one-year permit to recite the call to prayer every Friday for about four minutes. But Fr. Ingvar Fogelqvist of St. Michael's, the local Catholic church located about a mile from the mosque, says similar requests to ring church bells were denied.

On today's show, Pat and Jeffy talked about this story and favorable bias toward the Muslim faith. The issue isn't that the Islamic call to prayer is allowed; it's that all religions are not being treated equally.

Somebody might want to check the temperature in hell, it might be just a tad chillier than normal.

If you missed Friday's episode of The Glenn Beck Program, you missed something you probably never thought you'd see in this timeline or any other. Glenn actually donned President Trump's trademark red "Make America Great Again" hat and laid out the case for why he thinks Trump will win in a landslide in 2020.

RELATED: The media's derangement over Trump has me wearing a new hat and predicting THIS for 2020

Bottom line: Nancy Pelosi and the mainstream media may have pushed Glenn to this point, but believe it or not, Trump's record will make this next election a walk in the park for number 45. At this point, the sitting president has done enough to earn even Glenn's vote.

Glenn broke down what he thought were the 10 biggest campaign promises that — unlike those made by most politicians — Trump actually kept.

10. Impose a 10% repatriation tax to bring jobs back to America

Not all of Trump's promises were good ones, but regardless of what the consequences may be — he did keep this one.

"Now, I think this one is dangerous," Glenn said on radio Friday. "He did it. Ten percent. Bring all of your money back into the United States. It will create jobs. Yes. It will also create inflation. But it's creating jobs."

9. Withdraw from the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP)

This has been one of Trump's most passionate issues.

"The stop the TPP. Uh-huh. Right. Sure you are. Uh-huh. Yes. He did," Glenn admitted.

8. Withdraw from the disastrous Paris Climate Accord

Glenn found himself eating crow on this.

"I'm on record saying he will never do that because his daughter is a huge global warming person and he only listens to the family. Eh. Wrong," Glenn said with a puff of crow feathers coming from his mouth.

7. Bring North Korea to the table and rein them in

This looked impossible. Not so.

"'I'm going to bring North Korea to the table.' Are you? Everybody has tried to do that," Glenn said. "Now, they're at the table. We don't know what's going to happen. So the result of that is unknown. But has anybody else done that?"

6. Stop over-regulation and jump-start the economy

It's the economy, stupid.

"Does anybody feel like America is beginning to get on track somewhat economically? You know why? Because he fulfilled another promise," Glenn said. "Stop over-regulating the American people. Give them their money. Give the companies the opportunity to expand and bring their money back into the country, and maybe they'll build buildings. Maybe they'll build offices. Maybe they'll build new products. Maybe they'll build new factories. Maybe they'll hire a bunch of people."

Glenn went on.

"Now, I know Seattle is trying to do everything they can to make sure everybody in their city is homeless and unemployed, but the rest of the country is enjoying the feeling of, wow, maybe things are going to be okay."

5. Reverse Obama's executive orders

If you're like Glenn, you've gotten used to politicians promising "no new taxes," but you can really tell they're lying if their lips are moving. Guess what? That's apparently not Trump.

"The executive orders? Yeah. He's reversed a lot of Obama's executive orders," Glenn said. "These are outrageous promises."

4. Pull out of the Iran nuclear deal

No big deal...

"'I'm going to cancel the Iran Deal.' Yep. None of these are small. You know, I've got maybe ten minutes. I think we can get that done in the first term. And they did," Glenn said.

3. Give tax cuts to middle-class Americans

Maybe this could have been better, but we'll take it.

"I don't like the tax cut. I think he could go a lot further," Glenn said. "But that's not even his job. His job is to sign things that Congress puts in front of him. Not to design it. You Republicans in Congress, you disgust me. You disgust me. 'Imagine what we could do if we had the House and the Senate and the White House.' I can imagine what you'll do — nothing. You'll do nothing."

2. Change strategy and defeat ISIS

The mainstream media have been radio silent on this.

"How about the president's — well, I know I can defeat ISIS. I know I can do it. I'll defeat ISIS. He did," Glenn said. "And did you notice no one in the press even talked about it? All of a sudden, we're not talking about ISIS anymore. How come? Oh, I know. President Trump. That's why."

1. Recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and relocate the US embassy

This one is a true game-changer.

"Now, every president will say to you, when he's running, 'I'm going to make Jerusalem the home.' Well, really? The home of the embassy. Really, are you? Because everybody says that, nobody does it. He did it," Glenn said. "And I think that's going to go down as the biggest game-changer possibly in my lifetime. This is going — it already is — it is changing the game in Iran."

Glenn continued.

"And when it does, this president is going to come out and say something directly to those people, that we support them," he said. "And that's going to add fuel to the fire. And you might see a regime change and a collapse of the Islamic regime in Iran. And it will be 100 percent Donald Trump that made that responsible. One hundred percent. You're going to see changes because of this. He kept that promise. A promise I said, he's not going to do that. Nobody is going to do that. He did."

One chapter of ISIS has ended, but another may be starting

AHMAD AL-RUBAYE/AFP/Getty Images

For the most part, ISIS has fallen in Syria and Iraq. But before we celebrate the demise of this awful terrorist group, before we let our guard down, we should zoom out a bit, because ISIS is spreading. ISIS has largely just scattered out of the region as if someone turned on the kitchen lights and they scrambled.

RELATED: It IS About Islam: This Is a War Against Evil

The Wall Street Journal spoke with Rohan Gunaratna, head of the International Center for Political Violence and Terrorism Research at the Nanyang University in Singapore. “Although Islamic State's ideology has suffered, it still has a huge potential," he told them. “Islamic State has entered a phase of global expansion, very much the same way al Qaeda extended globally in late 2001."

ISIS has spread into West Africa, and throughout much of Southeast Asia, and, as is typical of ISIS, they have done it violently, with a sick venom.

The world is their potential rubble, and their fight is endless.

Again, from the Wall Street Journal: “One chapter of ISIS has finished and another is beginning," said Hassan Hassan, a specialist on Islamic State at the Tahrir Institute for Middle East Policy in Washington. “Their resurgence is coming sooner than expected."

The world is their potential rubble, and their fight is endless.

'The Handmaid's Tale' got it right, just with the wrong religion

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

Just in case The Handmaid's Tale's heavy-handed message wasn't already heavy-handed enough, a recent episode made it clear there's always room for further hysteria. Particularly, in relation to depictions of a “patriarchal society" run by Christian doctrine and determined by men — oh those dastardly men.

RELATED: Christian privilege is the new white privilege

The show appropriates Margaret Atwood of the same name, depicting a totalitarian society led by Christian doctrine in which women's bodies are controlled, and they have no rights. The story sounds familiar, but not in the same way Atwood and the show's creators have so smugly assumed.

Just as tone-deaf as 4th wave feminism itself, and tone-deaf in all the exact same places. Most notably, the show's heavy-handed indignation toward Christianity. Toward the patriarchy. Toward conservatives and traditional values. And just like 4th wave feminism, the show completely overlooks the irony at play. Because there is a part of the world where women and children are being raped and mutilated. In fact, in this very real place, the women or girls are often imprisoned, even executed, for being raped, and they are mutilated in unspeakable ways.

Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life.

There is a place, a very real place, where women are forced to cover their entire bodies with giant tarp-like blankets, which is all the more brutal given the endless heat of this place. There is a place where women literally have one-third of the rights of men, a place where women are legally, socially and culturally worth less than men.

They cannot drive cars. They cannot be outside alone. They cannot divorce, they cannot even choose who they marry and often, they are forcibly married at a young age.

They are raped. A lot. Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life. This is the life of tens, perhaps hundreds of millions of women. And, I'll tell you, their religion isn't Christianity.