GLENN: I mean, we really we're really going here? We're going here? From the Imus ranch record to Don Imus is here to tell us about to tell us about, I think this is I don't know what kind of scam this is, Don

IMUS: Scam, what does that mean? How do you start things with scam?

GLENN: Because I think that's what it is. I think this is some sort of scam. I don't know. This cancer camp, you're giving the kids cancer.

IMUS: By the way, walking in this 18,000 square feet that you have here in your radio fife Dom and talk about a scam, do we have enough pictures of you around what is that?

GLENN: Well, you know, sometimes you forgot who you are. You know?

IMUS: I mean, you know 18,000 square feet. You need some blackboard and some Kleenex.

GLENN: Wait a minute. How is this turning around on me here?

IMUS: I never heard you on the radio because I'm on WABC radio, as you probably know.

GLENN: And I'm on WOR radio.

IMUS: I do the morning show.

GLENN: Thank you. WOR thanks you for that.

IMUS: I haven't had a chance to listen to you.

GLENN: Sure.

IMUS: Are you on the AM dial, are you? How do you your TV, show, of course, I watch that all the time.

GLENN: Can you

IMUS: How does it translate to radio? How

GLENN: What the hell is this? We're here talking we're talking about

IMUS: Where are the black boards?

GLENN: We're talking about this scam of a record. I don't even know what it look. He gave this to me. Stop the music. I can't take it anymore. Don says to me I come into his television studio at the FOX Business Network, which is a cute little, it's a cute little network that you've it's a cute network you've got.

IMUS: Hey, listen, it's better than where I came from.

GLENN: I asked him before we went on the air, I said, what was the last time you were in somebody else's radio studio and he responded

IMUS: Al Sharpton's.

GLENN: And I hope that this interview goes as well. So

IMUS: What do I push to cough?

GLENN: The one that's marked cough.

IMUS: Okay. It didn't work.

GLENN: No. So, Don

IMUS: 50 million a year and he can't get a cough switch.

GLENN: Here's the thing, because we don't usually have people that come in with their own nursing staff.

IMUS: That's what I need. That's the truth.

Glenn: I was in the studio with him and he gave me this CD and he said, you're not going to listen to it. And I said, yes. I will. Now, here's the thing. Here's the truth. I wasn't going to listen to it by choice. I was going to listen to it because my wife likes country music

IMUS: Sure.

GLENN: So, I was going to give it to my wife and then I listen to whatever my wife puts on because I'm too

IMUS: I'm sure you do.

GLENN: Because I'm too beaten down to argue.

IMUS: Which number wife is this, by the way?

GLENN: It's 2.

IMUS: Oh, okay. I'm on my second.

GLENN: All right. Good for you. And yours is trying to kill you.

IMUS: Really? You're kidding.

GLENN: Oh, come on. (Laughter.) Oh, please. I have cancer. You know, here's what we do, Don, we don't treat it. We don't treat it with any kind of medicine. That's witch doctory.

IMUS: I looked in the closet. There's all these party hats and favors. I said, what's this for? Oh, don't worry about it.

GLENN: All right. So, I gave this to my wife and I said, Don gave this to me and she said, oh, and she put it on the counter and we haven't listened to it.

IMUS: You haven't listened it to?

GLENN: No, I haven't listened to it.

IMUS: It's a hit record.

GLENN: It is, like, the second best selling in

IMUS: Yeah, it was. It's in the top 10. So, it's a big record.

GLENN: And this is you got together and you said

IMUS: The premise is somebody came to me, Tracy Gershon. Names mean nothing, but he's Randy Travis' producer. I came to me and he said, five, six years ago, he said, why don't you come up with a bunch of songs and artists you like and we'll try to get them to do them and we'll put out a record. So, I did that with the first ranch record, which was a huge success.

GLENN: So this one can't this is obviously not doing as well which explains your appearance here.

IMUS: No. Why wouldn't I want aren't you on, like, 500 stations or something?

GLENN: Yeah, I know but, I mean, you're lowering your standards. You know that.

IMUS: No, I'm not. So, they said, let's do another one. Well, now the there's a record on this by Jamey Johnson. I suggested to him he do a cover of Meatloaf's 2 Out Of 3 Ain't Bad. It's a great record. It's a hit record itself on outlaw country and

GLENN: So now you are all the proceeds go to

IMUS: Don't talk over the vocal. Okay?

GLENN: I'll try not to. See, this is my first time hearing it.

(Music playing.)

GLENN: Okay. Now, how many people hang themselves after, (Laughter), because right now I'm thinking, Stu, bring me a chair and a rope, will you? All right. Well, there's a pick me up. I mean, that's a if you think you have cancer, you run out and get his CD right away. It's going to make you feel so much better.

IMUS: Notice I didn't deliver the second (Laughter) and put this on. (Laughter.) You are such a jerk. Oh, gosh that's a hit record. What are you talking about?

GLENN: I didn't get a chance to listen to too much of it. I'm going to save the rest of it for later, because that's

IMUS: I'm here to promote your book. Let me see how it's doing. I brought my iPad. I have Amazon. Broke is doing pretty well, No. 4.

GLENN: No. 4

IMUS: I wonder where O'Reilly's book is.

GLENN: This is what he does.

IMUS: No, no.

GLENN: Here he goes. Here he goes. Here he goes. He's trying to cause trouble. That's all he does.

IMUS: Glenn is No. 4. Let's scroll down.

GLENN: Bill was out, what, four weeks before me.

IMUS: Let's scroll down for Bill's. Oh, wow. It's way down here.

GLENN: See what I mean?

IMUS: Still scrolling, still scrolling. Oh, here it is. Pinheads and Patriots, No. 19. So

GLENN: How have you been successful pissing off everybody for, what, 300 years now?

IMUS: Sometimes it catches up with you. How did O'Reilly convince you to, other than money, because we now how greedy you are?

GLENN: Yes. That's me.

IMUS: How was he able to convince you to go on a do the speaking tour named after one of his dopey books? I kind of like that, by the way.

GLENN: I actually like Bill.

IMUS: I do, too.

GLENN: And it's never a stupid thing to get in stand next to the king. Do you know what I mean?

IMUS: Yeah.

Glenn: And he called me up and had the idea and I said, What's the name of it? And he said and I said, That's your book. I've got a book out.

IMUS: Do you call him the king?

GLENN: Don't you think he is? You don't think he's the king of cable?

IMUS: Okay. Well, fine, all right, but

GLENN: Well, no, no. Answer the question. You don't? If he's not the king of cable, who's the king of cable?

IMUS: I think there's two or three guys that might qualify for that.

GLENN: The king of cable?

IMUS: I think there could be you, there could be Hannity. You don't like Hannity, do you?

GLENN: There he goes again. I have no problem with Sean Hannity. I have no problem with Sean Hannity.

IMUS: Have you ever noticed that O'Reilly never introduces Hannity?

GLENN: This is this is

IMUS: Like the guy who comes on before

GLENN: This is the reason why almost everyone in the industry wants him destroyed. They're praying every night they get down and they're, like, Will you speed up the cancer thing and all?

IMUS: Like Cavuto, he says, you know, why would he say you're coming up? And then Bret Baier, doesn't he come on after you? He always references you, but

GLENN: He never references me.

IMUS: He doesn't?

GLENN: No, no. Are you asleep or are you asleep by 6:00 o'clock or out at the old people's cafe eating, you know, the early bird specials?

IMUS: That's at 3:00 o'clock we have dinner. Then we try to get the gravy off our clothes.

GLENN: Let me tell you this. Let me tell you a story.

IMUS: A voice of wisdom, by the way.

GLENN: I know. It's a fascinating story, especially the way you tell it. When you, when you fell off the horse years ago, you were

IMUS: Can I explain something to you, bucko? I didn't fall off the horse. You make it sound like I'm on a pony ride at Disney World. I got bucked off a horse.

GLENN: No. You were at a pony ride at some cancer camp and one of the sick kids, you were, like, hold the rope. Walk a little faster! And then the pony bucked you off and you I don't know. What's the question?

GLENN: The question is, Pat and I, Pat and I have been together for years. Pat and I

IMUS: Do you know why Pat's here? The money. Look at that. That's it.

GLENN: That's it. I don't even know if Pat's here for the money. Pat's questioning himself every day, why the hell am I here?

PAT: I wish I knew why I was here.

GLENN: Do you remember what we did?

PAT: Yeah. I think we sent

GLENN: We sent a huge I don't know floral bouquet with a very nice note.

PAT: They were competitors at the time.

GLENN: Nothing from you, nothing.

IMUS: The engineers at FAM, where I was at the time, they sent flowers to the horse.

(Laughter.)

IMUS: Anyway.

GLENN: Well, Don, the Imus Ranch Record 2.

IMUS: It's available everywhere.

GLENN: Tell me who is on it. Cheap trick is play Cut 4.

IMUS: Imus Ranch Record, proceeds for kids with cancer.

GLENN: Seriously.

IMUS: It's a great record. This is a great record. It's not Elvis, but Elvis is dead.

(Music playing.)

GLENN: This is Cheap Trick. So, when you're swinging this is the fourth track? You're swinging now from the rope there. You're just swinging back and forth.

IMUS: You're this is not helping me.

GLENN: You may have thought to yourself, I should have waited for Cheap Trick. Then again you might have thought to yourself, No. This isn't worth waiting for.

IMUS: We're not doing the eye scam now? Are you still going blind?

GLENN: Really? The eye scam? Is that what it is?

IMUS: Are you still going blind, by the way?

GLENN: I still have the same condition, yeah, macular

IMUS: When does it kick in? When do we get the dog and the piano?

GLENN: Play cut 12.

IMUS: What is that?

GLENN: Delbert McClinton.

IMUS: This is great.

GLENN: You said the last two were great. For the love of do you know what you are? You're my grandfather. You're my grandfather in his old 1971 truck playing the country and western.

(Music playing.)

GLENN: You don't play this for the kids, do you? Do any of the kids look at you and go, please, I'm dying, too. I've got cancer.

IMUS: Play Cut 11. This is the official ranch song that we make all of the kids I swear to God learn the lyrics to. You've got to listen for

GLENN: Isn't spending the summer with you enough punishment?

IMUS: It could be amusing or it could not. Good story. A Warren Zevon song.

GLENN: What do you do to these kids?

(Music playing.)

IMUS: The kids learn the words to this.

GLENN: They're praying for death.

IMUS: That's the official Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer ranch song.

GLENN: He's not kidding.

IMUS: No, I am not kidding. I'm not kidding at all.

GLENN: You have a bunch of eight years old all singing about strung out on cancer?

IMUS: No. They're between 11 and 17.

GLENN: That's your personal business and I don't think we need to talk about it. Lets take a quick break.