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VOICE: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the two billion and seven parent of the year award pageant, honoring the biggest dirtbags in parenting, the PPI, Pathetic Parent Institute started as a parental education facility but once we found out most of these idiots had no hope whatsoever of being rehabilitated it, blossomed as a procreation of licenses, a sterilization clinic and the world's largest working incinerator gallery this side of Germany. And now the PPI presents two billion and seven parent of the year award. With your host, Glenn Beck.
GLENN: Who my wife informed me last night I was a, not a positive potty role model. So I have to practice all day being very excited. "Pee in the potty." Sound genuine? So I'm just trying to be a more positive potty role model today and there are those who are much, much worse off in the potty role model department and the child rearing department. And let's start here in St. Louis.
VOICE: Category, parent of the year. Nominee, this dope.
GLENN: Police don't want to know why a 3-year-old boy was left alone in a suburban St. Louis shopping mall over the weekend. Where did I put my child? Gosh, I know I left him some place. Wish I had a little beeper on him so like, I could push the remote control and then the child, beep, beep, beep, that I could find him... oh, I left him under the couch. But I would always be losing the child remote control. You know the drill.
Monday the child's mother was still refusing to show up and talk with police. The boy was discovered by employees around 8:30 at the NASCAR speed park in St. Louis Mills mall in Hazelwood, not long before the mall was supposed to close. The boy's name apparently is Cortez. The officers determined that he was 3. His complete identity was unknown until 21 hours later. Police circulated his picture to the media. His aunt called authorities about 6:00 on Sunday. The aunt verified that she, the boy's mother and a group of children had been at the mall.
The aunt? Nobody counted how many -- I mean, how many kids were at the mall? You know, usually one of us will say, do we have everybody? And then we count. And especially with 3-year-olds. And I'm pretty sure that we would recognize that Raphe was missing for a full day, but is it me going out on a limb? I don't know. I'm just like that. You know, I'm just -- you know. "Soon after that the mother identified as 28-year-old Shameka Taylor phoned police." (Phone ringing). "Police." "Yeah, let's just say that the mom of that 3-year-old, let's call him Cortez, would call you up." "Uh-huh." "Would they be arrested?" "This doesn't happen to be the mom of Cortez, does it?" "No, I just -- this is a hypothetical question. I just -- you know." The officers told her they just had some questions for her. She still hasn't shown up.
You know what the police should get? I don't know if you've ever heard of this. Caller ID? If they could get something -- and I don't know if it's available in St. Louis. If the police could get caller ID, they would probably be able to find her, you know? Or star 69, you know? "No, I don't know what you're talking about." (Phone ringing). "Hello?" "Yeah, it's the police. We have some more questions for you." "I'm sorry. I'm not at home. Leave a message at the tone. Boop."
Okay. This isn't working. I mean, we just had the conversation with you.
VOICE: Category, parent of the year. Nominee, this guy (applause).
GLENN: By the way, police are saying it was just bad judgment on the mom's part. They believe it was accidental in the beginning but then there comes a time -- I'm quoting. But then there comes a time when you realize the boy's not there and you should do something about it. So --.
This is a lifetime achievement award. We don't hand these out just higgledy-piggledy. This one is -- I mean, it takes a truly monstrous parent to be able to do what this parent did. He apparently attached alligator clips to the ears of his sleeping wife and children and then zapped them with electricity. He also used to use a hammer to hit his 6-year-old daughter in the head and then he wasn't in a rage but he was really, he was miffed. He was really, really miffed at his family and he got the alligator clips out and electrocuted his family. So....
By the way, we gave him a lifetime achievement award because this happened in 1970 and he's still missing. They are still looking for him. So if you know a guy who, you know, you might suspect killed his whole family with alligator clips and an electrical cord, you might want to call police. (Phone ringing). "Hello, police." "Let's just say that I electrocuted my whole family with alligator clips. Would I be arrested?"