GLENN: Let me just explain the spending bill. I know you understand it but let me just break it down so you can explain it to your dope friends. And when I say dope, I know we've got a lot of rappers that listen to the program. I don't mean that in a good way. The spending package, some will say that this is just an advance on your income taxes next year. Okay. I suppose you could look at it that way. You could say, they're just going to raise my taxes next year. So they're just giving me in advance. Well, I wish it were that happy.

 Here's what it really is. We don't have $150 billion. It's not like George is like, well, let me just get this out of the drawer, I've got $150 billion in this drawer." He doesn't have $150 billion. Nancy Pelosi doesn't have $150 billion. Even the Kennedys don't have $150 billion. Nobody has $150 billion. Nobody's cutting $150 billion from our spending programs. If they did cut $150 billion, it's not like they're like, "Well, that's good because I happen to have this stack of $150 billion right here now and we were going to spend it over here on this road but now we're going to give it back to the American people." We didn't have it for the road! We were borrowing it from China! So if we were going to cut something for $150 billion, we would say, "Hey, China, we don't need that $150 billion for the road, we're going to borrow that and you're going to jack up the interest rates, we're going to put ourselves -- here, just slap some handcuffs on us, will you?" That's -- if they cut, that's what they would say. "Well, we're not going to borrow that money. Oh, by the way, we've got to stimulate our economy, so we do need to borrow that $150 billion." But they are not even saying that. They are saying, "Yeah, we need that $150 billion we were going to borrow from you before, yeah, we need to make that $300 billion because we need another $150 billion." So we take another $150 billion and we borrow it from China. They're over there with the abacus right now. "Oh, this is fun. Oh, yes. How much more?" And we borrow another $150 billion and then we pay the new 41 stamp and put it in the mail! It just went up to 42? Groovy again, U.S. Government. Cost us an extra penny to send this borrowed money to you!

 So we pop it into the mail and then what happens? And then you take it and you go out and you buy goods made in China. (Applause). This is fantastic. This is the best, this is the best stimulus package I've -- can I tell you something? It will definitely stimulate the economy. Not ours but China. It will be fantastic. I mean, imagine that. Look how insidious that is. Can you imagine if I were a Bill's Store and Bank and I said, "Whew, we're having problems with the economy. John, I tell you what we need to do. Just to help you out, I'm going to loan you $1,000, okay? You're going to have to pay 8% interest on that but I'm going to loan you -- because this will be for your own good. I'm going to loan you $1,000 at 8% interest and then you go ahead and spend that. Oh, by the way, I'll cash that check for you if you want. You can spend it right here in my store and buy stuff that I'm selling." The Chinese win in three ways. They continue to enslave us in debt; they got their interest rate. Congratulations. They're making money; and they're putting their own people to work making the crap that we buy. Who's the winner here? Oh, I'm so excited for that paycheck -- oh, I'm not going to get one. That's right. I'm too rich. I'm too rich. I've got -- I don't even need a tax decrease. Why would I need a tax decrease? I'm just running a small business that just got an insurance increase of 48%! Yeah, don't worry. Don't worry. I'm sure all those people that run small businesses, they don't need a tax decrease, either, uh-uh, no.

 I wish there were a candidate that would suggest that we, like, do some sort of, I don't know, government-sponsored environmental youth army. You think I'm joking, don't you? Yeah, yeah. An environmental youth army paid for by you. That will stimulate the economy. China again, we'll have to borrow that money but then we'll give all that money to teenagers and they spend that money at the mall like crazy. It will be great for China. We'll give you all the details on that coming up in just a second.

 And by the way, I just, I wanted that one caveat that John McCain will lose the election unless -- I mean, something crazy has to happen like, you know, Pakistan has to have, like, you know, a whole nuclear staff go missing and kidnapped by, you know, Al-Qaeda members. Well, wait a minute. That just happened. Oh, crap. Maybe we should pay attention to that. No, you know what? I tell you what, that new Jamie Lynn Spears show is back on and so let's watch the pregnant 16-year-old on the Disney channel. Things make sense.