Bob the Anti Christ currently works as a grocery bagger at Ralphs Supermarket in Modesto where he's amassed more than $38 trillion in savings.
GLENN: I don't think I could endorse, no matter how -- no, I was going to say no matter how much cash. No, there's enough cash to endorse Dennis Kucinich and I'm willing to do it, I am.
Well, let's talk a little bit about, let's talk a little bit about politics and how yesterday I think the race actually began. Yesterday what we had was Barack Obama going after John McCain on the war and they started talking about the war. Oh, I tell you I'll never find a war this way. It's going to be 100 years old, it's going to be -- (loss of audio)
VOICE: Live from studios in beautiful Hell, Michigan, just 34 shy of the 700 club, here's your host, the Prince of Darkness and the King of Fun. Lucifer!
LUCIFER: Well, thank you very much. Yes, it is I, the Prince of Darkness. Oh, it doesn't matter what you call me. Just call me. Our phone lines are open now at 666-666-6666. And today we're going to spend just a few minutes with Bob the Antichrist and he's with us now. Hello, Bob.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Hello, Satan. Well, first of all, let me just say I love the show and thank you for taking my call.
LUCIFER: Thank you. Now, we've had you on before and regular listeners of the Lucifer program will know that you are, of course, the one that I have selected to bring my kingdom to Earth.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Which brings me to my point. I'm pretty hacked off right now. I'm a little pissed. This whole Barack Obama thing. Everybody's thinking that Barack Obama might be the antichrist now. This is ridiculous.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: And look at this guy. He's got big ears, he's so obvious, he's a Democrat. I mean, please. Everything's there. Isn't the antichrist supposed to be a little bit subtle?
LUCIFER: Well, I -- personally as the devil himself, I thought Barack -- I considered Barack Obama. I thought he would be pretty subtle. I didn't think anyone would see him being the antichrist.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Lucy, look, you've got people fainting at hits events. I mean, hello.
LUCIFER: Well, that's what I was toying -- that's what I was toying with the idea of anointing him the antichrist and, you know, then people started fainting and crying and I thought, oh, boy, this is going to get a little obvious here. So I might as well go back to Bob the Antichrist who is, of course, from Modesto, California and you work at --
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: And I've been doing this work for you for a good long time and I'm a little hacked off that you --
LUCIFER: I'm not sure -- Bob, I'm not sure that your plan is really working for me.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: What? I mean, with all due respect, I mean, look at what's going on around here. I got them on this global warming fiasco to take America and bring back communism. I got them on board with that.
LUCIFER: Well, that wasn't really you. Again that was the Democratic party that did that. But you are doing your small part there as a bagger at Ralphs Supermarket in Modesto, California.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Well, I think I'm doing some pretty good work here, too.
LUCIFER: You are encouraging people when you say paper or plastic to go for the plastic.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Right. And then that's playing into the whole global warming fiasco.
LUCIFER: Right. And you were leading the charge on the minimum wage increase as well.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Right, that was me.
LUCIFER: I mean, just for the people there at Ralphs.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Right, at this particular Ralphs in my checkout stand. Actually I got my minimum wage up to, I'm now making $6.38 an hour.
LUCIFER: Which is kind of misleading because not a lot of people know this and would never see it coming from Bob the Antichrist who again is just a bagger of groceries at the Ralphs Supermarket.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Well, I mean, I'm a little offended by that. I work pretty hard, you know.
LUCIFER: But tell us a little bit about your finances, the hidden finances.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Well, I've been able to sock away $38 1/2 trillion into a savings account, pretty good yield on that going right now.
LUCIFER: Are you a little concerned? Is that in an ING account?
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: I'm a little concerned about it because some of the work I do conflicts with continuing to build up the stash of funds I'm going to need when I take over. On the one hand --
LUCIFER: Bob, where's some --
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: -- I'm trying to wreck the economy. On the other hand I'm trying to benefit. Bob Bobby do know, starting the Progressive movement. I'm well aware of that.
LUCIFER: What are some of the plans that you have when you finally announce to the world, the antichrist is here, paper or plastic?
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Well, of course, one of them was, you know, there's been some signs lately and I'm a little surprised that more people aren't hip to them but again that's part of my subtlety, isn't it? Like the other night. Last week when the moon went blood-red, hello, it's a sign of the antichrist.
LUCIFER: That was just a glimpse. Bob Bobby mean, the moon went red. Stars falling from the sky, it was on that same night, did anybody notice that the U.S. blew up a satellite, was like a star falling from the sky?
LUCIFER: Again I'm the -- again I'm Satan.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: Right.
LUCIFER: So I'm a pretty good authority on some of these things, but that was just a satellite and an eclipse.
BOB THE ANTICHRIST: No, those were signs, my coming. Just about ready to take things over now and my plan is working as I've plotted all along and so, you know, look. I mean, I got Dancing with the Stars on network TV.
LUCIFER: Bob the Antichrist in Ralphs Supermarket in Modesto, California. So nice talking to you, sir, and best of luck. Coming up in just a few minutes, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, I can't decide.