HELP USA Online Giving Program
GLENN: So last night he invited me to -- he was speaking in New York and he invited me, I don't know, a couple of months ago to come to this fundraiser for an organization called HELP USA. I didn't really know anything about HELP USA. I did some investigation in it. The food was very expensive, but it was a fundraiser. So I want to make sure I'm putting my money into something that I don't disagree with and so I look into it and it's an organization that helps people get back on their feet. You know, if you're homeless or whatever. And they help you find an apartment. If you're an alcoholic, they help put you through treatment, find a way for you to get off the street and then you've got to go get a job and turn your life around and it's -- I don't know, it's crazy. So I decided, yeah, worth putting my money into. And I knew that I would be the only conservative in the room. It's co-chaired by this fundraiser last night was co-chaired by Mario Cuomo and Hillary Clinton, and Alan Alda is also on the board of directors as is Kenneth Cole, and I don't know if you've seen billboards. Here in New York have you seen the billboards? Are they down in Pennsylvania and everywhere else?
STU: I know they were running a lot of that stuff in magazines. So, yeah, those ads have been all over the place.
GLENN: Gun control ads, you know, from Kenneth Cole: Is this what arms are for? No, carry my purse.
STU: Yeah, you have to factor in, though, that where else would you learn your policies other than pants.
GLENN: Well, purses and shoes and belts.
STU: True, that's a really good point.
GLENN: Luggage. So it's just these obnoxious billboards. So I'm looking at the roster of the people who are going to be there last night and I'm thinking to myself, there's going to be an audible gasp when I walk in this room, and quite honestly there almost was. The bright spot was I could take my daughter out on a date. My wife said, "I'm busy, I've got a church activity I've got to go to." So I took my daughter. Sure, I used her as a human shield, you bet. Anybody started approaching me, I went, this is my daughter; don't hurt me. And I went in and it was -- it's just unlike anything else I've ever been to, really, it just is. I can't get -- the whole socialite kind of world that is in Manhattan is just bizarre. I'm sitting next to this one woman who is, she's got to go 90, 95 years old and she's like an Astor or something. I don't know. She got a lifetime achievement award for, you know, her service and she stood up, and she was a very sweet lady and she stood up and she said, "We all here have so much money, we've got to help others." And I'm like, "How much money does she have? Mary, grab her purse." And so I sit down at the table and Chris Gardner is sitting next to me and right across the table is Stanley Tucci and as soon as I sit down, kind of sit down and I, you know, get situated, I look up and I'm looking right across the table and Stanley Tucci is looking at me and I thought, oh, this isn't going to be good. And he stands up and he says, hey, Stanley Tucci. And I laughed and I said, I know who you are; nice to meet you, Mr. Tucci. And I said, I'm Glenn Beck. And he said, oh, I know who you are. Yeah. Are you saying that in a good way or a bad way? That's what I thought. I didn't say it. I just said, "Yes, thank you. Hey, nice plates, huh? Looks like a yummy salad. Let's eat." So let's see. Chris Gardner, Stanley Tucci was -- who else? Kiki Barber was there, and I saw him. He was at the table next to me. I saw him and I was like, this is Kiki Barber... it's Kiki Barber. And as soon as people could talk and get up, he made a beeline over to the table and he's like, Glenn. I almost said to him, "Kiki, don't let go, Kiki, don't let go!" It's Kiki, isn't it?
DAN: No, it's not Kiki. It's totally not Kiki.
GLENN: Isn't good.
STU: What did you call him? Kiki?
GLENN: I thought he was the one that did the song with Elton John, remember? Back in the Seventies they had that hit. That was a chick?
Anyway, so we chatted uncomfortably for a few minutes and then on the table behind me was Kenneth Cole who I didn't know if he was lecturing people about firearms or, you know, antiwar stuff but I'm sure he was. Governor Cuomo, who else, Tony Bennett was there. Tony Bennett came up and he informed everybody that, you know, that only the people in the room really cared about homelessness I think is the message that I got. But I was like, "I'm in the room, yeah! I care about homelessness." And he sang a song and it was this enormous room and he put the microphone down and he sang "Fly Me to the Moon," which was fantastic. The guy is -- and he was so perfectly clear and good. I don't even know how old he is. Would you look up how old he is? It's phenomenal, absolutely phenomenal. But he sang. And then the last piece of it was Charles Grodin was the emcee -- he's 81?
STU: Yeah, 81 years old.
GLENN: Charles Grodin was --
STU: Not Charles Grodin. Tony Bennett who's 81 years old.
GLENN: So Charles Grodin, he's doing the emcee thing. I mean, you know Charles Grodin and I'm thinking to myself, ooh, this is going to be a rough one because we're not going to agree on anything. I spent a lot of the time just thinking to myself, invisible, be invisible, be invisible.
Chris Gardner said to me at one point at the table, Stanley Tucci's wife was kind of talking about politics and I'm thinking, I'm not going to get involved here. And then she looks at me and she's like, don't you think too much money is being spent in politics? And I'm like, oh, I could do that one. I won't be killed on that one, yeah. Absolutely too much money is being spent. And I made the stupid mistake of saying that's why the Government needs to be smaller and closer to the people. The closer we get to the people, the less money that is going to be spent on electing people and -- and it was like, "And have you had this appetizer? It's really yummy." The table got very silent. So I stopped talking. So anyway, Chris Gardner was speaking on stage earlier and he comes back to the table and he had missed the whole very uncomfortable political talk there at the table and he sits down and he's -- I mean, he's a loud guy. I mean, he's just very comfortable with himself and he's just, you know, I don't care. So he sits down and he says, "You know, Glenn, he said, I really kind of, I really kind of avoided politics with you today on the TV show that we taped, but -- "and he said "But." And do you remember the E. F. Hutton commercials where when E. F. Hutton talks, everybody listens? It's almost like the room, at least in my head, stopped. He's talking to me and he says, "You know, I avoided talking politics with you today but I --" and I am thinking, now's not the time to bring up politics. For the love of Pete, man, I'm surrounded by people that want to kill me! And I don't even know what -- honestly I don't even know what he said about politics. I was just like, I'm just not going to react, huh? Mmm-hmmm. "Are you going to eat that?"
So the whole evening goes. My daughter said she had a nice time, enjoyed Tony Bennett, it was nice to meet people, yada, yada. And I said to her, the dessert was on the table. I said, "Honey, we don't want to be trapped. As soon as they say good night, we say goodbye to everybody at our table and we run for the door." And she said, "Got it, Dad. What do you think, I'm stupid?" And I said, "No, I just want to make sure we're clear, fast as you can to the door."
And we get up and we start walking out and say goodbye to everybody and we start walking out and Charles Grodin starts coming and he's just coming off of the stage and I see him out of the corner of my eye and I'm like, oh, no, I'm almost there. Charles Grodin sees me and I pass him and then he grabs my shoulder and he says, Glenn Beck. Just, what I really wanted to say was, "Charles, I'm this close to the door. I mean, I'm this close to freedom. It's been a great night. Let's just leave it at this, shall we?" Because I could just see Charles Grodin just yelling at me. You know what I mean? It's just, Chuck, let it go. And he said, "I watch your show." He said, "In fact, I almost wrote you the other day." I said, "Really?" He said, "Yeah, I got busy, but I watched you and I could not believe what you were saying." And he said, "And I almost wrote you and I'm really pissed off that I didn't because now I can't remember exactly what it was that you said." I'm just thinking to myself, "I'm almost outside; I was almost clear." "Are you going to eat that?" He said, "But I have to tell you, as much as I disagree with you, and I disagree with almost everything you say," he said, "I saw you say something the other day, and you actually have an open mind, and for as much as I disagree with you, it's a pleasure to see somebody who has an open mind on television." And I mean, what, I mean, I -- all I could think was --
VOICE: Wormhole evidence!