Glenn Beck: Stu's trial


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GLENN: I don't know if we're ready today.

STU: I understand. You said that I have something here and I want to --

GLENN: Are we ready, Joe? Are we ready?

STU: You don't need to be ready.

GLENN: Yeah, we do.

STU: No, you don't. I'm filing.

GLENN: You are filing what?

STU: A motion to dismiss. I'm filing a motion to dismiss.

GLENN: The swinger trial, are we ready for the swinger trial, Joe?

STU: I have a motion to dismiss.

GLENN: Are we ready on the prosecution side?

JOE: (Inaudible). -- forward at this last minute with this motion to dismiss.

STU: Last minute? When was I supposed to come out with it?

JOE: I know Stu doesn't like to follow the norms of society. He just can't take the approach this is some --

STU: What is this anyway? Why is Joe Kerry here?

GLENN: Joe is an attorney.

STU: You have an attorney?

GLENN: Of course. This is a trial. I'm the judge.

STU: How can you be the judge? You are the accuser.

GLENN: No, I'm not. The accuser has yet to be named. Oh, we've got witnesses, don't we, Joe?

JOE: We have lots of witnesses.

GLENN: We even have a star witness, uh-huh.

STU: Well, he, she, whoever it is.

GLENN: Has one -- is one still threatening to plead the Fifth?

JOE: Yes, that witness is. But we're still working with that particular witness.

STU: It's not going to matter what your witnesses think. We're going to dismiss this case today.

GLENN: Really? Okay. Go ahead.

STU: Motion to dismiss.

GLENN: Go ahead. Present your motion.

STU: Well, I mean, I'm allowed to actually have my voice because I'm doubting. I was doubting whether you were going to --

GLENN: This is fair. Joe, is this fair?

JOE: If you want fair, you would be denying the motion. You wouldn't even begin Stu the opportunity to talk.

GLENN: No, go ahead. We want to be fair. We want to prove that you are a swinger and we will do that in a fair way.

STU: Can we pull that audio?

GLENN: We will do that in a fair way, will we not?

STU: Well, the basis of this argument is simple. Mr. Beck has been trying to paint me as a swinger, which is obviously ridiculous, and it's -- the truth is you are simply an elitist that doesn't understand what it's like to have a salary with only one comma in it. And you -- what you have, of course, not even taken into account, and you didn't ask about was the fact that the hotel that I was staying in is one of the most expensive in New Jersey. Yes, I did share it with someone but that's a legitimate financial decision.

GLENN: Stu.

STU: To make it --

GLENN: Stu, question from the bench.

STU: Am I going to get interrupted every time?

GLENN: On this one. Most of the most expensive in New Jersey?

STU: Yes.

GLENN: Could I, Glenn Beck, hit a neighborhood of blight with a baseball from this hotel? If I were on the roof with a baseball, could I throw it --

STU: Objection, relevancy. What does that have to do? We know the price. You are arguing it should be lower? It doesn't matter if it should be lower. It isn't lower.

GLENN: I'm just saying it's all relative. The most expensive in New Jersey.

STU: New Jersey's one of the most expensive states in the union.

GLENN: It's the most expensive in New Jersey.

STU: I'm glad to see the facts are out the window since New Jersey is one of the most expensive states in the union.

GLENN: I already made my ruling. I already made my ruling.

STU: I was also not -- which is not at all accounted for is there was a required two-night minimum for this week even. So Mr. Beck would have the jury believe that I should not only have wasted hundreds of dollars of a hotel room that I would only sleep in for five hours.

GLENN: Why are you only paying for a hotel room by the hour now?

STU: That's not what I was saying.

GLENN: You were staying for five hours --

[ OVERLAPPING SPEAKERS ]

GLENN: Excuse me. You are out of order. Are you trying to convince this court that you just said that you were only going to stay there for five hours.

STU: No, I didn't say that. I have a transcript right here. The hotel room that I would be sleeping in for five hours.

GLENN: Okay. So you want -- would you like to rent it if you could rent it for five hours or six hours? If they were offering you --

STU: Objection, relevancy.

GLENN: If they were offering you an hourly -- overruled.

STU: How are you overrule? You are the one arguing.

GLENN: I'm the judge. If they could offer you an hourly rate, you're telling me you wouldn't have taken it?

STU: Yes, I would not have taken that. Not interested in an hourly rate.

GLENN: He is lying. It will not be --

STU: Oh, thank you, jury. The judge has said I'm lying. So well said. I'm just letting them know.

GLENN: This is a motion just to hear your --

STU: I want it on the court record.

DAN: Your Honor, may I approach the bench?

STU: No, not in the middle of my motion.

DAN: I have a question, your Honor. I would like to know why the defendant here had to stay at this hotel. There are lots of other hotels in this area that are a lot --


[ OVERLAPPING SPEAKERS ]

GLENN: There's a crackhouse across the street.

STU: Oh, so I should have walked through the crackhouse to get to the hotel. That's perfect.

GLENN: You should have stayed at the crackhouse if you were that poor.

JOE: Your Honor, I did some preliminary research for this and --

STU: Why am I being interrupted?

GLENN: Excuse me.

JOE: It turns out that not only did Mr. Burguiere choose the most expensive hotel to stay.

STU: As I said, part of my defense.

JOE: But there are over 75 other hotels and motels in Atlantic City, many of which are right in the neighborhood Stu decided to stay.

STU: Really?

JOE: Absolutely.

STU: What do you mean by the same neighborhood? The same state, the same city? Because as we just discussed there is blight apparently too close to Glenn for this hotel.

GLENN: If he will shut his pie hole. Go ahead.

STU: Based on the assumption that because myself and my wife shared a hotel room, we must have shared sex together. This basis of the theory, of course, is based on the fact that Mr. Beck has no self-control. On national radio he has repeatedly admitted that he would not hire a hot nanny because he feared he might not be able to control himself. It's also a good thing that he doesn't risk that because on national television he's asked several attractive females for nude pictures of themselves and has repeatedly sexually propositioned respected news person and married mother of a small child Erica Hill according to many respected news outlets or liberal blogs. So this behavior has grown to be expected for Beck --

GLENN: Excuse me, excuse me. Next point. I'm going to -- this will not be allowed to be entered in evidence as, "Have you seen the hot nanny"? I mean really?

STU: This is exactly what I'm talking about.

GLENN: See what I'm saying? And the other part of it is you're quoting moveon.org. Move on.

STU: I don't know what you're talking about. Okay. Well, if sharing living quarters is a crime, we should point out that Glenn Beck himself actually lived with the other accuser in this scenario, Dan Andros, for several months. In fact, they liked living in the same house so much, Andros then later moved into Beck's house up in Pennsylvania. In fact, the gall of Dan Andros to accuse Mr. Burguiere of anything shady for sharing a room is laughable. Records show Andros shared a room with another unidentified man for over a decade -- let me say this.

GLENN: Mr. Burguiere, Mr. Burguiere.

STU: In fact, the same bed --


[ OVERLAPPING SPEAKERS ]

GLENN: Mr. Burguiere.

STU: No, not the gavel.

GLENN: I will not ask you again.

STU: All right. Well, let me just --

GLENN: No. I will not ask you again. How many square feet was the hotel room that you were in?

STU: I do not have a blueprint of the --

GLENN: How many square feet approximately was the room that you, your wife, and the third swinger were in?

STU: It was much bigger than one bed which is what Dan Andros shared not only once but repeatedly, a repeated --

GLENN: Mr. Burguiere.

STU: Slander. The same bed --

GLENN: Mr. Burguiere.

STU: Notice a bunk bed in his circles.

GLENN: Your motion has been denied.

STU: I have more.

GLENN: It's too bad. You blew your chance. Motion --

STU: You were interrupting the entire time.

GLENN: Motion denied. Tomorrow, the trial of the century. Stu, Steve Burguiere, swinger... or swinger.

Would Glenn make a better bounty hunter or a Jedi? You'll have to find out in a new episode of the Beltway Banthas Podcast, where Glenn goes deep on Star Wars with host Stephen Kent. In this 45 minute discussion, Stephen and Glenn explore the political themes of the Star Wars franchise, Darth Vader's redemption from Return of the Jedi, Glenn's earliest memories of seeing the films and even debate elements of the latest Star Wars films.

If you enjoy the pop culture and nerdy discussions that Glenn, Pat and Stu get into on the radio show, you'll love this! After you're through, you can also check out Stu Burguiere's appearance on Beltway Banthas to talk Star Wars. You can find that here.


It's never too early to start your Christmas, Hanukah, or Kwanzaa shopping. Or even birthday gift shopping. Especially if that special someone in your life is a Democrat. Because at last count, pretty much all the Democrats are now running for president. And that means there has never been a wider selection of official candidate merchandise to choose from. Whether you're into environmentalism, feminism, classism, socialism, or just plain love, there is a smorgasbord of classy items that you and yours will treasure forever... or at least until the next presidential election.

We have browsed each of the candidates' online stores, so you don't have to (it only took us three months). We have curated only the finest items from each of the Democrats running for president of the United States of America. Without further ado, here is your handy progressive gift guide – or maybe your what-not-to-gift guide.

First, the bargain basement options. Hurry! Time is running out to grab your Beto bandana, or your Delaney pack of golf balls, because at this point Stu has as much of a chance as these guys of getting the nomination.

Tom Steyer, for example – is he still in the race?


https://shop.tomsteyer.com/collections/frontpage/products/tom-2020-pattern-tee


There's way too much Tom here. That shirt's got more Toms than a Caucasian dentists' convention.

For the slightly more moderate Democrat in your life, perhaps they'd like to join the "Yang Gang"…

https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/bumper-stickers/products/yanggang-decal


Andrew Yang is a lock for Math Club president…


https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/apparel/products/math-hat


But for actual president? Well, I wouldn't make plans for how you're going to spend your $1,000-per-month Yang allowance just yet.

If you happen to be shopping for your dog, may I suggest this lovely "Dogs for Delaney" dog collar…


https://store.johndelaney.com/products/dogs-for-delaney-collar


John Delaney's definitely going to secure the canine vote with this kind of outreach. As for any human votes, that's another question entirely.

How 'bout this tastefully understated "Natural Canvas" Michael Bennet tote to remind you he's also still here?...


https://store.michaelbennet.com/michael-bennet-for-america-natural-canvas-tote/


Then again, it's a tote. So, it'll end up on the floor of your closet and you won't have it with you until that one random moment when you're out somewhere and you really need a tote bag. Just like Democrats will really wish they had a moderate when we're in the middle of the socialist nightmare of their creation.

Captain Planet himself, Jay Inslee recently dropped out of the race, but don't let that stop you from picking up what may be the greatest single item sold by anyone in this race…


https://store.jayinslee.com/elvis-the-elves-the-mystery-of-the-melting-snow-by-jay-inslee/


A children's book called Elvis & the Elves: the Mystery of the Melting Snow. Written and illustrated by Governor Jay Inslee. Talk about a whodunnit – how could that snow possibly be melting? Spoiler alert: it's because of evil, white, patriarchal capitalism. And Donald Trump.

Then there's the candidate who thinks you're a moron that can't pronounce his last name: Steve Bullock...


https://shop.stevebullock.com/collections/apparel/products/emoji-t-shirt


Get it? Bull. Lock. Oh, so that's how you say the name that sounds exactly how it's spelled.

There's another candidate who also thinks you need help pronouncing his last name…


https://store.peteforamerica.com/collections/apparel/products/boot-edge-edge-t-shirt


And he is definitely right about that. So, thank you, Pete "Boot Edge Edge." That helps.

Just outside the bargain bin section, but just barely, are candidates like Julian Castro and his "El Presidente" t-shirt…


https://store.julianforthefuture.com/julian-castro-loteria-card-white-tee/


When your last name's Castro, do you really want to go with a weird drawing of yourself as if you're a classic Latin American dictator on a postage stamp?

If you prefer a little "dark psychic forces" battling in your candidates, you'll love Marianne Williamson's "Turn Love Into a Political Force" rally sign…


https://store.marianne2020.com/collections/signs/products/love-rally-sign


"Turn Love Into a Political Force" would be an even better title for a Marianne Williamson album of 80s cover songs. And if you think I'm joking, then you haven't heard Bernie Sanders' classic 1987 folk album, We Shall Overcome. That's not a joke. Well, it is a joke, but it's also a very real thing.

Now, just a quick pause to consider the peculiar baby-wear that way too many candidates are selling…

…including Elizabeth Warren's trans-pride flag onesie. Let me get this straight – we can't force any gender on a child, because that's just cruel. But we can force a political advertisement on a baby? How do we know that baby is actually a Biden or Warren fan? The child may not even be a Democrat or a Socialist at all. That baby might self-identify as a Libertarian, or Republican, or even worse – a moderate Democrat.

Now to the premium items from the premium candidates. Elizabeth Warren – the candidate with the most honesty in her advertising…


https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/apparel/products/impolite-arrogant-women-make-history-unisex-t-shirt

-AND-

https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/drinkware/products/strong-american-unions-mug


Warren's merchandise reflects the woman herself – cold and humorless (watch her "This isn't funny" clip from the last debate here at the 4:27 mark). I'm sure she's really fun once you get to know her. Then again, maybe not.

Speaking of serious women, Kamala Harris wants to be president very badly for you, the people, as you can tell from her "For the People" poster…


https://store.kamalaharris.org/poster-for-the-people/


At $29.99 though, she's sure not charging "people's" prices. Of course, she might be having to pay royalties to a certain someone for riffing on their poster. Just saying.

For the race's number one socialist, there's a whole lot of capitalism going on in Bernie Sanders' campaign. He sells so many delightful items that it's hard to choose. But we did anyway. The most random item is this hundred-dollar, black, "Art of a Political Revolution – Artists for Bernie Sanders Coaches Jacket"…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/artists-for-bernie-coaches-jacket


Coaches across the land will be clamoring for this one. You know, since coaches are such a strong Bernie-socialist demographic.

If that's a little over your budget you might consider a "Feel the Bern" fanny pack, to help store all those government freebies you'll get from Bernie…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/feel-the-bern-fanny-pack


This is the only context in which you'll ever want to hear "feel the burn" and "fanny" in the same sentence.

And finally, from front-runner Joe Biden, we have this fine "Women's Fitted Biden Polo." Which is just about the best polo description ever…


https://store.joebiden.com/collections/apparel/products/biden-polo-womens-fit


It promises the kind of snug approach that Biden loves to provide women. Even when they don't ask.

This was one of the first homesteads in the area in the 1880's and was just begging to be brought back to its original glory — with a touch of modern. When we first purchased the property, it was full of old stuff without any running water, central heat or AC, so needless to say, we had a huge project ahead of us. It took some vision and a whole lot of trust, but the mess we started with seven years ago is now a place we hope the original owners would be proud of.

To restore something like this is really does take a village. It doesn't take much money to make it cozy inside, if like me you are willing to take time and gather things here and there from thrift shops and little antique shops in the middle of nowhere.

But finding the right craftsman is a different story.

Matt Jensen and his assistant Rob did this entire job from sketches I made. Because he built this in his off hours it took just over a year, but so worth the wait. It wasn't easy as it was 18"out of square. He had to build around that as the entire thing we felt would collapse. Matt just reinforced the structure and we love its imperfections.

Here are a few pictures of the process and the transformation from where we started to where we are now:

​How it was

It doesn't look like much yet, but just you wait and see!

By request a photo tour of the restored cabin. I start doing the interior design in earnest tomorrow after the show, but all of the construction guys are now done. So I mopped the floors, washed the sheets, some friends helped by washing the windows. And now the unofficial / official tour.

The Property

The views are absolutely stunning and completely peaceful.