Judge Glenn Beck
VOICE: This is the plaintiff, Glenn Beck. He is a well respected radio and television personality. He is correctly alleging that one of his employees, Stu Burguiere, is a swinger and a sex addict. He is suing for employee termination.
This is the defendant, Steve "Stu" Burguiere. He has no real excuse or plausible explanation for his lewd and disgusting behavior. He is accused of failing to not have sex with nearly every person he sees. What you are witnessing is real. The participants are not actors they are actual litigants with a case pending in some court somewhere. Both parties have agreed to dismiss their court cases and have their dispute settled here in our forum, the People's Court.
GLENN: Well, hello. I'm your judge and your congenial host but not your congenial judge of this court. My name is Glenn Beck. I have my star witness ready to go here but we're going to hold this individual back here for just a few minutes because we need to talk to the defendant, Stu. And by the way, you are the jury. We'll do a freak jury right after this. You'll decide Stu's guilt or innocence. You know the charges. Stu went to a Bublé concert and took a friend and his wife and then they all stayed in the same hotel room. And, of course, representing the State is Joe Kerry, the attorney. Hello, Joe.
JOE: We're ready to go.
GLENN: You've got everything to go?
JOE: Yes, we do.
GLENN: Where do we begin here?
JOE: Our first witness, we are going to call the actual male companion that shared the room with Mr. Burguiere.
GLENN: Wow. Chris.
BALFE: Yes, I'm here.
GLENN: This is -- I haven't even mentioned your name on the air. This is a pretty humiliating -- Chris countries well, it obviously was not my choice. Was not my choice.
GLENN: Excuse me. Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?
BALFE: I'll try.
JOE: Okay. Chris, isn't it true when I first booked this room you were aware that the official motto for Atlantic City is the city that's always turned on?
BALFE: That's not true. In fact, no one is aware of that motto.
JOE: And isn't it true that the room you booked markets itself --
GLENN: Excuse me. Hold it just a second. Hold it just a second. The jury will disregard Mr. Baffle's answer.
STU: Wait a minute. Why are they disregarding it?
GLENN: Excuse me. Out of order. The jury is to disregard Mr. Baffle's answer.
STU: For what reason?
JOE: It's very self-serving.
GLENN: Thank you very much.
STU: Why is he the one answering? You are the judge.
GLENN: No, no. The motto is very important and even if people don't know it, they should know it. Go ahead. Next question.
JOE: And isn't it true that you are aware that the Borgata, specifically the suite that was booked markets itself as romantic and intimate, a place for pure unadulterated excitement?
STU: No, it doesn't.
JOE: Where you can discover something new about the person you're with?
BALFE: Okay, no, I definitely was not aware of that. In fact, I don't believe that's --
GLENN: The jury will disregard that statement.
GLENN: And they will put -- because I said so. And they will put extra emphasis on "Unadulterated" which sounds suspiciously like adultery.
JOE: Let's talk about something that you should be aware of, the suite that was booked. You booked that; isn't that is correct?
BALFE: That is correct.
JOE: And when you booked it, you specifically chose a suite without any separate bedroom from the living room area; is that correct? It was all one big room?
BALFE: Well, I wouldn't say I specifically chose it. I would just say that would be the room that was available.
GLENN: The witness will answer the question and stick to the answer of the question. Did you select the room, sir?
BALFE: I did select the room.
GLENN: Was that the case in the room, it was just one big room?
BALFE: Yes, that's true.
GLENN: Then you specifically selected this room.
BALFE: I did specifically select this room.
GLENN: Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
BALFE: I object to this whole --
GLENN: Thank you very much.
STU: Why are you cutting him off?
GLENN: I believe we're done with that. Now let's go to our next witness in the prosecution and that would be Stu's wife, Lisa.
LISA: Hi, guys.
GLENN: Hi, Lisa. Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
STU: Wait a minute.
LISA: Yeah, I swear.
STU: My own wife is testifying against me?
GLENN: Your own wife is testifying. That's how bad this has gotten, Stu.
STU: Come on.
GLENN: That's how bad it is. Mr. Burguiere, you're trying my patience. Mr. Kerry.
JOE: If we could have Stu's wife, Lisa Burguiere, take the stand, please.
STU: Why -- this is not helping you. You know I have to buy a birthday present for you coming up soon. This is not helping your case.
GLENN: So I believe that would be bribery we're hearing now while a witness is under oath. Go ahead, Mr. Kerry.
JOE: Thank you. Lisa, how long have you been married to Stu?
STU: Just over five years.
JOE: And moving forward to the night of the Borgata event, when you went to the Borgata, did you know that a male guest, a male companion would be joining you?
LISA: No, I was unaware.
JOE: That was a surprise?
STU: This is fraudulent. She's lying -- objection.
GLENN: You will have your day in court, someday, Mr. Burguiere. Go ahead.
STU: This is my day in court. That's the whole point.
GLENN: No, your day was yesterday. Go ahead, Mr. Kerry.
JOE: Lisa, would you agree there was a lot of alcohol being consumed that evening?
LISA: A little, yeah attention a little bit.
JOE: And the relationship between your husband and the male companion, would you describe this relationship as being close or tight?
LISA: Very close.
JOE: Would describing it as being bosom buddies, would that be accurate?
LISA: Oh, yeah, attached at the hip.
STU: Bosom buddies?
GLENN: Would you say that they're very huggable?
LISA: I mean, not -- at least not in front of me they haven't been huggable but they're close, they're tight.
STU: Why are you asking questions, Judge?
GLENN: It's my courtroom.
STU: That's what I thought.
GLENN: Pipe down.
JOE: Lisa, I really only have one more question for you and that is isn't it true that at the Borgata that you took video and photos in the bedroom?
LISA: My husband, I don't have to tell you, right? Anything?
JOE: That's correct, you don't have to answer that.
LISA: I plead the Fifth.
STU: This is not helpful.
GLENN: No, there is no Fifth pleading here. There is no -- I am requiring you to tell me. Did you take videos -- I am requiring you to tell me. Did you take videos of the events in the bedroom?
LISA: Are you asking me?
GLENN: Yes, I'm asking you.
LISA: I really need to stay with pleading the Fifth.
STU: Thank you. This is really helpful. All of you are really -- I'm glad to see who my friends are.
GLENN: If it wasn't that I happened to have a star witness ready Fob sworn in, I would say case closed.
STU: This isn't the star witness?
Star witness Michael Bublé
GLENN: He that's not the star witness. We happen to have the star witness on the phone with us now, Mr. Michael Bublé. Sir, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?
BUBLE: Yes, I do.
GLENN: Mr. Bublé, welcome to the stand.
BUBLE: Thank you for having me.
GLENN: You are here to answer just a few simple questions. There was somebody in your audience over the weekend in Atlantic City.
BUBLE: Yes, sir.
GLENN: And may I just ask this question. Is it a well known fact that everyone in your audience, no matter how hideously disfigured in some acid fire, hooks up after your concert?
BUBLE: In my opinion, sir, I do believe that's true. Everyone hooks up. Usually I would be the only one that ends up going to bed alone.
GLENN: Now --
STU: Objection, speculation.
GLENN: I believe this man can be called an expert witness on a Michael Bublé concert seeing that he is Michael Bublé. Would you say it's fair, Mr. Bublé, that there is the Great Depression or post World War II baby boom and what is called the Bublé baby boom?
BUBLE: You know, again I'm not sure, Glenn. I mean, like I said, I just, I get up there and I sing and I mean, I have talked to many different people who have been Bubléed.
GLENN: What would you say if I told you that someone, that someone would go with his wife.
GLENN: To your concert.
GLENN: Then rented the hotel room at the Borgata.
BUBLE: Oh, yeah.
GLENN: Then after several years of hearing nothing but "This is the ultimate hookup card."
GLENN: Then also invited one of his good friends to go with him and his wife to the concert.
BUBLE: Girlfriend or guy friend?
BUBLE: Guy friend.
BUBLE: Oh. Well, I would have to --
GLENN: No, wait.
BUBLE: I would ask him if swinging has always been his thing or if it's something new. Even if it was good for him.
GLENN: Now, let me take it a step further. That would be speculation.
BUBLE: You are right.
GLENN: But would the speculation end if I told you then that the three of them all stayed in the same suite at the Borgata?
BUBLE: Yes, if -- yes, sir. Yes, sir, I believe that his friend -- he's a good friend, I guess.
GLENN: Yeah, very good friend.
BUBLE: Very good.
GLENN: Very, very good. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Michael.
BUBLE: Yes, sir.
GLENN: It's always good to have -- always good to talk to you, sir.
STU: Wait a minute. I don't get to cross-examine at all?
BUBLE: It's okay.
GLENN: Go ahead, Stu.
STU: Here's what I would like to know. I was at your concert and it was fantastic.
BUBLE: Thanks, Stu.
STU: You were up there. You've got a great voice, you are a performer, you are funny. What in God's name would make my wife, after seeing you, want to hook up with me? There's no way I'm getting any action after that.
GLENN: She closes her eyes and thinks of him.
BUBLE: You know what? I've said this many times and I would love to think that I'm Robert Redford but I'm not. I think I'm a condor and I think honestly I sing some of these beautiful songs. Tony Bennett, okay, honest to God I don't think she stared at Tony and wanted to go to Tony but I can tell you that there was definitely, he put some romantic notion in the air and basically I think what we've talked about before is that Tony or -- we basically, we put a little bit of air in the tire. That's all we do. It's you guys who get to go home and ride the bike all night long.
GLENN: See what I mean?
STU: Can I move to strike from the record?
GLENN: By the way, Michael, I just saw Tony Bennett, what, about a week ago.
GLENN: I was at some event and he sang one song and it was in this enormous room and he put the microphone down.
BUBLE: Oh, yeah.
GLENN: That guy still can belt it, and it was just such a pure sound coming out of him. He's amazing.
BUBLE: He's scary actually. You know what I think personally is I think that I -- I mean, I've heard him in his Fifties and sings like that and Sixties and I can he is better now.
GLENN: Is there a possibility he is the walking undead?
BUBLE: He could be.
GLENN: There is a possibility. That voice may never end.
BUBLE: Wednesday after making a due he the CD, he told me he was hungry for brains. You could be right. Because he actually looked at me and said, "Brains." [Laughter]
GLENN: How far long are you on this tour? You've done Europe, right?
BUBLE: I think since I've seen you last, Glenn I think which was, I don't know, seven months ago or something?
BUBLE: I think I've gone to about 20, I'm guessing 26 or 27 countries. Like 60 dates in America and I'm about to go to the Canadian and then I'm back to tour the States again. I do another 25 shows and then I go to Australia, England. I'm everywhere.
GLENN: Do you have enough money yet? I mean --
BUBLE: No. Honestly. I would love to have a chance to buy a hockey team.
GLENN: Would you?
BUBLE: Yeah. But apparently I'm going to have to do a lot more work.
GLENN: You know, you want to buy a hockey team, the first thing you have to do, well at least temporarily, you need to move to the United States so Canada doesn't take all of your money in taxes.
BUBLE: No kidding. People ask. I'm at about 48%, Glenn.
GLENN: Are you really?
BUBLE: It's about that much, you know? I figure every two shows I'm working, one of every two shows I'm giving back to my country.
GLENN: No, you're not. Your country is taking it from you and wasting it.
BUBLE: Well listen, there's some middleman getting a little healthcare on me.
GLENN: Yeah. And others just hooking up in sex swinger parties on you as well.
BUBLE: By the way, tell him thank you for coming to the show.
STU: Oh, it was fantastic. We had a great time.
BUBLE: I appreciate that. Did you come to the first one or the second one?
STU: We were there for Friday night.
BUBLE: Which was the first one.
STU: Yeah, first one. And you actually did what Glenn was describing Tony Bennett did, putting down the microphone. It works great.
BUBLE: I was playing at a place in L.A. and my mic, the whole thing just puffed out on me and I had no choice but to finish the song without the mic and the audience lost it and I thought this is perfect.
GLENN: I saw you do that at Radio City which is 5,000 seats. Unbelievable.
BUBLE: By the way, too, it's also a night where if you've been crap and the people don't like you too much, it's a great cheesy turning point.
GLENN: Always playing the angle. I'm actually going to come see you at the Mohegan. I think you are playing at the Mohegan.
BUBLE: Oh, cool.
GLENN: Now listen.
BUBLE: Yes, sir.
GLENN: I'm going with my in-laws.
GLENN: It doesn't -- I mean, that magic doesn't work for them, does it? Because it might be too disturbing for me to bring them. You know what I'm saying?
BUBLE: Oh, yeah.
GLENN: They are not going to be, like, making out on the back seat of the car on way home, are they?
BUBLE: I hope not for you. It could be like that. It could be like that, Glenn.
BUBLE: We're taking separate cars.
BUBLE: At least get separate hotel rooms.
GLENN: Thanks a lot. Appreciate it, Michael, have a good one.
BUBLE: It's a pleasure to be on the stand.
GLENN: Thanks a lot.
BUBLE: Take care, guys.
VOICE: Remember if your boss ever accuses you of lewd behavior that's damaging the credibility of your company, make sure you never, ever agree to go to court where your accuser is also the judge and the jury.
GLENN: Actually I'm not the jury because that would be unfair. I just get to select the jurors and we'll do that next with our freak jury. The number's 888-727-BECK. You can be the judge and then you'll like this, Stu? And they will we'll -- you'll like this, Stu -- put this to bed. Maybe you'll have fun with it tonight, too.
STU: Thanks a lot.
GLENN: Sick, disgusting, despicable person.
STU: And thanks for the neutral treatment. You are just demonstrating it again.
GLENN: Just trying to be fair. Here's the number, 888-727-BECK.
GLENN: Well, we're going to put this behind us. Oh, boy. Everything's unfortunate when you say it out loud around Stu but we'll take your phone calls next for a freak jury. You decide. Stu, guilty or innocent. And then Stu can go back to his wretched, wicked lifestyle and sin some more, I guess.
STU: Keep saying that before the jury's rule because this is very fair coming from a judge.
GLENN: It is, absolutely. And I also get to select each juror. So here is the number, 888-727-BECK. It's 888-727-BECK. Twelve calls, twelve people, one decision. The freak jury, next.