Stu's Swinger Trial


Judge Glenn Beck

VOICE: This is the plaintiff, Glenn Beck. He is a well respected radio and television personality. He is correctly alleging that one of his employees, Stu Burguiere, is a swinger and a sex addict. He is suing for employee termination.

This is the defendant, Steve "Stu" Burguiere. He has no real excuse or plausible explanation for his lewd and disgusting behavior. He is accused of failing to not have sex with nearly every person he sees. What you are witnessing is real. The participants are not actors they are actual litigants with a case pending in some court somewhere. Both parties have agreed to dismiss their court cases and have their dispute settled here in our forum, the People's Court.

GLENN: Well, hello. I'm your judge and your congenial host but not your congenial judge of this court. My name is Glenn Beck. I have my star witness ready to go here but we're going to hold this individual back here for just a few minutes because we need to talk to the defendant, Stu. And by the way, you are the jury. We'll do a freak jury right after this. You'll decide Stu's guilt or innocence. You know the charges. Stu went to a Bublé concert and took a friend and his wife and then they all stayed in the same hotel room. And, of course, representing the State is Joe Kerry, the attorney. Hello, Joe.

JOE: We're ready to go.

GLENN: You've got everything to go?

JOE: Yes, we do.

GLENN: Where do we begin here?

JOE: Our first witness, we are going to call the actual male companion that shared the room with Mr. Burguiere.

GLENN: Wow. Chris.

BALFE: Yes, I'm here.

GLENN: This is -- I haven't even mentioned your name on the air. This is a pretty humiliating -- Chris countries well, it obviously was not my choice. Was not my choice.

GLENN: Excuse me. Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?

BALFE: I'll try.

JOE: Okay. Chris, isn't it true when I first booked this room you were aware that the official motto for Atlantic City is the city that's always turned on?

BALFE: That's not true. In fact, no one is aware of that motto.

JOE: And isn't it true that the room you booked markets itself --

GLENN: Excuse me. Hold it just a second. Hold it just a second. The jury will disregard Mr. Baffle's answer.

STU: Wait a minute. Why are they disregarding it?

GLENN: Excuse me. Out of order. The jury is to disregard Mr. Baffle's answer.

STU: For what reason?

JOE: It's very self-serving.

GLENN: Thank you very much.

STU: Why is he the one answering? You are the judge.

GLENN: No, no. The motto is very important and even if people don't know it, they should know it. Go ahead. Next question.

JOE: And isn't it true that you are aware that the Borgata, specifically the suite that was booked markets itself as romantic and intimate, a place for pure unadulterated excitement?

STU: No, it doesn't.

JOE: Where you can discover something new about the person you're with?

BALFE: Okay, no, I definitely was not aware of that. In fact, I don't believe that's --

GLENN: The jury will disregard that statement.

STU: Why?

GLENN: And they will put -- because I said so. And they will put extra emphasis on "Unadulterated" which sounds suspiciously like adultery.

JOE: Let's talk about something that you should be aware of, the suite that was booked. You booked that; isn't that is correct?

BALFE: That is correct.

JOE: And when you booked it, you specifically chose a suite without any separate bedroom from the living room area; is that correct? It was all one big room?

BALFE: Well, I wouldn't say I specifically chose it. I would just say that would be the room that was available.

GLENN: The witness will answer the question and stick to the answer of the question. Did you select the room, sir?

BALFE: I did select the room.

GLENN: Was that the case in the room, it was just one big room?

BALFE: Yes, that's true.

GLENN: Then you specifically selected this room.

BALFE: I did specifically select this room.

GLENN: Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

BALFE: I object to this whole --

GLENN: Thank you very much.

STU: Why are you cutting him off?

GLENN: I believe we're done with that. Now let's go to our next witness in the prosecution and that would be Stu's wife, Lisa.

LISA: Hi, guys.

GLENN: Hi, Lisa. Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

STU: Wait a minute.

LISA: Yeah, I swear.

STU: My own wife is testifying against me?

GLENN: Your own wife is testifying. That's how bad this has gotten, Stu.

STU: Come on.

GLENN: That's how bad it is. Mr. Burguiere, you're trying my patience. Mr. Kerry.

JOE: If we could have Stu's wife, Lisa Burguiere, take the stand, please.

STU: Why -- this is not helping you. You know I have to buy a birthday present for you coming up soon. This is not helping your case.

GLENN: So I believe that would be bribery we're hearing now while a witness is under oath. Go ahead, Mr. Kerry.

JOE: Thank you. Lisa, how long have you been married to Stu?

STU: Just over five years.

JOE: And moving forward to the night of the Borgata event, when you went to the Borgata, did you know that a male guest, a male companion would be joining you?

LISA: No, I was unaware.

JOE: That was a surprise?

LISA: Yes.

STU: This is fraudulent. She's lying -- objection.

GLENN: You will have your day in court, someday, Mr. Burguiere. Go ahead.

STU: This is my day in court. That's the whole point.

GLENN: No, your day was yesterday. Go ahead, Mr. Kerry.

JOE: Lisa, would you agree there was a lot of alcohol being consumed that evening?

LISA: A little, yeah attention a little bit.

JOE: And the relationship between your husband and the male companion, would you describe this relationship as being close or tight?

LISA: Very close.

JOE: Would describing it as being bosom buddies, would that be accurate?

LISA: Oh, yeah, attached at the hip.

STU: Bosom buddies?

GLENN: Would you say that they're very huggable?

LISA: I mean, not -- at least not in front of me they haven't been huggable but they're close, they're tight.

STU: Why are you asking questions, Judge?

GLENN: It's my courtroom.

STU: That's what I thought.

GLENN: Pipe down.

JOE: Lisa, I really only have one more question for you and that is isn't it true that at the Borgata that you took video and photos in the bedroom?

LISA: My husband, I don't have to tell you, right? Anything?

JOE: That's correct, you don't have to answer that.

LISA: I plead the Fifth.

STU: This is not helpful.

GLENN: No, there is no Fifth pleading here. There is no -- I am requiring you to tell me. Did you take videos -- I am requiring you to tell me. Did you take videos of the events in the bedroom?

LISA: Are you asking me?

GLENN: Yes, I'm asking you.

LISA: I really need to stay with pleading the Fifth.

STU: Thank you. This is really helpful. All of you are really -- I'm glad to see who my friends are.

GLENN: If it wasn't that I happened to have a star witness ready Fob sworn in, I would say case closed.

STU: This isn't the star witness?

Star witness Michael Bublé

GLENN: He that's not the star witness. We happen to have the star witness on the phone with us now, Mr. Michael Bublé. Sir, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?

BUBLE: Yes, I do.

GLENN: Mr. Bublé, welcome to the stand.

BUBLE: Thank you for having me.

GLENN: You are here to answer just a few simple questions. There was somebody in your audience over the weekend in Atlantic City.

BUBLE: Yes, sir.

GLENN: And may I just ask this question. Is it a well known fact that everyone in your audience, no matter how hideously disfigured in some acid fire, hooks up after your concert?

BUBLE: In my opinion, sir, I do believe that's true. Everyone hooks up. Usually I would be the only one that ends up going to bed alone.

GLENN: Now --

STU: Objection, speculation.

GLENN: I believe this man can be called an expert witness on a Michael Bublé concert seeing that he is Michael Bublé. Would you say it's fair, Mr. Bublé, that there is the Great Depression or post World War II baby boom and what is called the Bublé baby boom?

BUBLE: You know, again I'm not sure, Glenn. I mean, like I said, I just, I get up there and I sing and I mean, I have talked to many different people who have been Bubléed.

GLENN: What would you say if I told you that someone, that someone would go with his wife.

BUBLE: Yeah.

GLENN: To your concert.

BUBLE: Sure.

GLENN: Then rented the hotel room at the Borgata.

BUBLE: Oh, yeah.

GLENN: Okay?

BUBLE: Yeah.

GLENN: Then after several years of hearing nothing but "This is the ultimate hookup card."

BUBLE: Yeah.

GLENN: Then also invited one of his good friends to go with him and his wife to the concert.

BUBLE: Girlfriend or guy friend?

BUBLE: Guy friend.

BUBLE: Oh. Well, I would have to --

GLENN: No, wait.

BUBLE: I would ask him if swinging has always been his thing or if it's something new. Even if it was good for him.

GLENN: Now, let me take it a step further. That would be speculation.

BUBLE: You are right.

GLENN: But would the speculation end if I told you then that the three of them all stayed in the same suite at the Borgata?

BUBLE: Yes, if -- yes, sir. Yes, sir, I believe that his friend -- he's a good friend, I guess.

GLENN: Yeah, very good friend.

BUBLE: Very good.

GLENN: Very, very good. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Michael.

BUBLE: Yes, sir.

GLENN: It's always good to have -- always good to talk to you, sir.

STU: Wait a minute. I don't get to cross-examine at all?

BUBLE: It's okay.

GLENN: Go ahead, Stu.

STU: Here's what I would like to know. I was at your concert and it was fantastic.

BUBLE: Thanks, Stu.

STU: You were up there. You've got a great voice, you are a performer, you are funny. What in God's name would make my wife, after seeing you, want to hook up with me? There's no way I'm getting any action after that.

GLENN: She closes her eyes and thinks of him.

BUBLE: You know what? I've said this many times and I would love to think that I'm Robert Redford but I'm not. I think I'm a condor and I think honestly I sing some of these beautiful songs. Tony Bennett, okay, honest to God I don't think she stared at Tony and wanted to go to Tony but I can tell you that there was definitely, he put some romantic notion in the air and basically I think what we've talked about before is that Tony or -- we basically, we put a little bit of air in the tire. That's all we do. It's you guys who get to go home and ride the bike all night long.

GLENN: See what I mean?

STU: Can I move to strike from the record?

GLENN: By the way, Michael, I just saw Tony Bennett, what, about a week ago.

BUBLE: Yes.

GLENN: I was at some event and he sang one song and it was in this enormous room and he put the microphone down.

BUBLE: Oh, yeah.

GLENN: That guy still can belt it, and it was just such a pure sound coming out of him. He's amazing.

BUBLE: He's scary actually. You know what I think personally is I think that I -- I mean, I've heard him in his Fifties and sings like that and Sixties and I can he is better now.

GLENN: Is there a possibility he is the walking undead?

BUBLE: He could be.

GLENN: There is a possibility. That voice may never end.

BUBLE: Wednesday after making a due he the CD, he told me he was hungry for brains. You could be right. Because he actually looked at me and said, "Brains." [Laughter]

GLENN: How far long are you on this tour? You've done Europe, right?

BUBLE: I think since I've seen you last, Glenn I think which was, I don't know, seven months ago or something?

GLENN: Yeah.

BUBLE: I think I've gone to about 20, I'm guessing 26 or 27 countries. Like 60 dates in America and I'm about to go to the Canadian and then I'm back to tour the States again. I do another 25 shows and then I go to Australia, England. I'm everywhere.

GLENN: Do you have enough money yet? I mean --

BUBLE: No. Honestly. I would love to have a chance to buy a hockey team.

GLENN: Would you?

BUBLE: Yeah. But apparently I'm going to have to do a lot more work.

GLENN: You know, you want to buy a hockey team, the first thing you have to do, well at least temporarily, you need to move to the United States so Canada doesn't take all of your money in taxes.

BUBLE: No kidding. People ask. I'm at about 48%, Glenn.

GLENN: Are you really?

BUBLE: It's about that much, you know? I figure every two shows I'm working, one of every two shows I'm giving back to my country.

GLENN: No, you're not. Your country is taking it from you and wasting it.

BUBLE: Well listen, there's some middleman getting a little healthcare on me.

GLENN: Yeah. And others just hooking up in sex swinger parties on you as well.

BUBLE: By the way, tell him thank you for coming to the show.

STU: Oh, it was fantastic. We had a great time.

BUBLE: I appreciate that. Did you come to the first one or the second one?

STU: We were there for Friday night.

BUBLE: Which was the first one.

STU: Yeah, first one. And you actually did what Glenn was describing Tony Bennett did, putting down the microphone. It works great.

BUBLE: I was playing at a place in L.A. and my mic, the whole thing just puffed out on me and I had no choice but to finish the song without the mic and the audience lost it and I thought this is perfect.

GLENN: I saw you do that at Radio City which is 5,000 seats. Unbelievable.

BUBLE: By the way, too, it's also a night where if you've been crap and the people don't like you too much, it's a great cheesy turning point.

GLENN: Always playing the angle. I'm actually going to come see you at the Mohegan. I think you are playing at the Mohegan.

BUBLE: Oh, cool.

GLENN: Now listen.

BUBLE: Yes, sir.

GLENN: I'm going with my in-laws.

BUBLE: Yeah.

GLENN: It doesn't -- I mean, that magic doesn't work for them, does it? Because it might be too disturbing for me to bring them. You know what I'm saying?

BUBLE: Oh, yeah.

GLENN: They are not going to be, like, making out on the back seat of the car on way home, are they?

BUBLE: I hope not for you. It could be like that. It could be like that, Glenn.

BUBLE: We're taking separate cars.

BUBLE: At least get separate hotel rooms.

GLENN: Thanks a lot. Appreciate it, Michael, have a good one.

BUBLE: It's a pleasure to be on the stand.

GLENN: Thanks a lot.

BUBLE: Take care, guys.

GLENN: Bye-bye.

VOICE: Remember if your boss ever accuses you of lewd behavior that's damaging the credibility of your company, make sure you never, ever agree to go to court where your accuser is also the judge and the jury.

GLENN: Actually I'm not the jury because that would be unfair. I just get to select the jurors and we'll do that next with our freak jury. The number's 888-727-BECK. You can be the judge and then you'll like this, Stu? And they will we'll -- you'll like this, Stu -- put this to bed. Maybe you'll have fun with it tonight, too.

STU: Thanks a lot.

GLENN: Sick, disgusting, despicable person.

STU: And thanks for the neutral treatment. You are just demonstrating it again.

GLENN: Just trying to be fair. Here's the number, 888-727-BECK.

(Allen Brothers)

GLENN: Well, we're going to put this behind us. Oh, boy. Everything's unfortunate when you say it out loud around Stu but we'll take your phone calls next for a freak jury. You decide. Stu, guilty or innocent. And then Stu can go back to his wretched, wicked lifestyle and sin some more, I guess.

STU: Keep saying that before the jury's rule because this is very fair coming from a judge.

GLENN: It is, absolutely. And I also get to select each juror. So here is the number, 888-727-BECK. It's 888-727-BECK. Twelve calls, twelve people, one decision. The freak jury, next.

Would Glenn make a better bounty hunter or a Jedi? You'll have to find out in a new episode of the Beltway Banthas Podcast, where Glenn goes deep on Star Wars with host Stephen Kent. In this 45 minute discussion, Stephen and Glenn explore the political themes of the Star Wars franchise, Darth Vader's redemption from Return of the Jedi, Glenn's earliest memories of seeing the films and even debate elements of the latest Star Wars films.

If you enjoy the pop culture and nerdy discussions that Glenn, Pat and Stu get into on the radio show, you'll love this! After you're through, you can also check out Stu Burguiere's appearance on Beltway Banthas to talk Star Wars. You can find that here.


It's never too early to start your Christmas, Hanukah, or Kwanzaa shopping. Or even birthday gift shopping. Especially if that special someone in your life is a Democrat. Because at last count, pretty much all the Democrats are now running for president. And that means there has never been a wider selection of official candidate merchandise to choose from. Whether you're into environmentalism, feminism, classism, socialism, or just plain love, there is a smorgasbord of classy items that you and yours will treasure forever... or at least until the next presidential election.

We have browsed each of the candidates' online stores, so you don't have to (it only took us three months). We have curated only the finest items from each of the Democrats running for president of the United States of America. Without further ado, here is your handy progressive gift guide – or maybe your what-not-to-gift guide.

First, the bargain basement options. Hurry! Time is running out to grab your Beto bandana, or your Delaney pack of golf balls, because at this point Stu has as much of a chance as these guys of getting the nomination.

Tom Steyer, for example – is he still in the race?


https://shop.tomsteyer.com/collections/frontpage/products/tom-2020-pattern-tee


There's way too much Tom here. That shirt's got more Toms than a Caucasian dentists' convention.

For the slightly more moderate Democrat in your life, perhaps they'd like to join the "Yang Gang"…

https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/bumper-stickers/products/yanggang-decal


Andrew Yang is a lock for Math Club president…


https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/apparel/products/math-hat


But for actual president? Well, I wouldn't make plans for how you're going to spend your $1,000-per-month Yang allowance just yet.

If you happen to be shopping for your dog, may I suggest this lovely "Dogs for Delaney" dog collar…


https://store.johndelaney.com/products/dogs-for-delaney-collar


John Delaney's definitely going to secure the canine vote with this kind of outreach. As for any human votes, that's another question entirely.

How 'bout this tastefully understated "Natural Canvas" Michael Bennet tote to remind you he's also still here?...


https://store.michaelbennet.com/michael-bennet-for-america-natural-canvas-tote/


Then again, it's a tote. So, it'll end up on the floor of your closet and you won't have it with you until that one random moment when you're out somewhere and you really need a tote bag. Just like Democrats will really wish they had a moderate when we're in the middle of the socialist nightmare of their creation.

Captain Planet himself, Jay Inslee recently dropped out of the race, but don't let that stop you from picking up what may be the greatest single item sold by anyone in this race…


https://store.jayinslee.com/elvis-the-elves-the-mystery-of-the-melting-snow-by-jay-inslee/


A children's book called Elvis & the Elves: the Mystery of the Melting Snow. Written and illustrated by Governor Jay Inslee. Talk about a whodunnit – how could that snow possibly be melting? Spoiler alert: it's because of evil, white, patriarchal capitalism. And Donald Trump.

Then there's the candidate who thinks you're a moron that can't pronounce his last name: Steve Bullock...


https://shop.stevebullock.com/collections/apparel/products/emoji-t-shirt


Get it? Bull. Lock. Oh, so that's how you say the name that sounds exactly how it's spelled.

There's another candidate who also thinks you need help pronouncing his last name…


https://store.peteforamerica.com/collections/apparel/products/boot-edge-edge-t-shirt


And he is definitely right about that. So, thank you, Pete "Boot Edge Edge." That helps.

Just outside the bargain bin section, but just barely, are candidates like Julian Castro and his "El Presidente" t-shirt…


https://store.julianforthefuture.com/julian-castro-loteria-card-white-tee/


When your last name's Castro, do you really want to go with a weird drawing of yourself as if you're a classic Latin American dictator on a postage stamp?

If you prefer a little "dark psychic forces" battling in your candidates, you'll love Marianne Williamson's "Turn Love Into a Political Force" rally sign…


https://store.marianne2020.com/collections/signs/products/love-rally-sign


"Turn Love Into a Political Force" would be an even better title for a Marianne Williamson album of 80s cover songs. And if you think I'm joking, then you haven't heard Bernie Sanders' classic 1987 folk album, We Shall Overcome. That's not a joke. Well, it is a joke, but it's also a very real thing.

Now, just a quick pause to consider the peculiar baby-wear that way too many candidates are selling…

…including Elizabeth Warren's trans-pride flag onesie. Let me get this straight – we can't force any gender on a child, because that's just cruel. But we can force a political advertisement on a baby? How do we know that baby is actually a Biden or Warren fan? The child may not even be a Democrat or a Socialist at all. That baby might self-identify as a Libertarian, or Republican, or even worse – a moderate Democrat.

Now to the premium items from the premium candidates. Elizabeth Warren – the candidate with the most honesty in her advertising…


https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/apparel/products/impolite-arrogant-women-make-history-unisex-t-shirt

-AND-

https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/drinkware/products/strong-american-unions-mug


Warren's merchandise reflects the woman herself – cold and humorless (watch her "This isn't funny" clip from the last debate here at the 4:27 mark). I'm sure she's really fun once you get to know her. Then again, maybe not.

Speaking of serious women, Kamala Harris wants to be president very badly for you, the people, as you can tell from her "For the People" poster…


https://store.kamalaharris.org/poster-for-the-people/


At $29.99 though, she's sure not charging "people's" prices. Of course, she might be having to pay royalties to a certain someone for riffing on their poster. Just saying.

For the race's number one socialist, there's a whole lot of capitalism going on in Bernie Sanders' campaign. He sells so many delightful items that it's hard to choose. But we did anyway. The most random item is this hundred-dollar, black, "Art of a Political Revolution – Artists for Bernie Sanders Coaches Jacket"…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/artists-for-bernie-coaches-jacket


Coaches across the land will be clamoring for this one. You know, since coaches are such a strong Bernie-socialist demographic.

If that's a little over your budget you might consider a "Feel the Bern" fanny pack, to help store all those government freebies you'll get from Bernie…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/feel-the-bern-fanny-pack


This is the only context in which you'll ever want to hear "feel the burn" and "fanny" in the same sentence.

And finally, from front-runner Joe Biden, we have this fine "Women's Fitted Biden Polo." Which is just about the best polo description ever…


https://store.joebiden.com/collections/apparel/products/biden-polo-womens-fit


It promises the kind of snug approach that Biden loves to provide women. Even when they don't ask.

This was one of the first homesteads in the area in the 1880's and was just begging to be brought back to its original glory — with a touch of modern. When we first purchased the property, it was full of old stuff without any running water, central heat or AC, so needless to say, we had a huge project ahead of us. It took some vision and a whole lot of trust, but the mess we started with seven years ago is now a place we hope the original owners would be proud of.

To restore something like this is really does take a village. It doesn't take much money to make it cozy inside, if like me you are willing to take time and gather things here and there from thrift shops and little antique shops in the middle of nowhere.

But finding the right craftsman is a different story.

Matt Jensen and his assistant Rob did this entire job from sketches I made. Because he built this in his off hours it took just over a year, but so worth the wait. It wasn't easy as it was 18"out of square. He had to build around that as the entire thing we felt would collapse. Matt just reinforced the structure and we love its imperfections.

Here are a few pictures of the process and the transformation from where we started to where we are now:

​How it was

It doesn't look like much yet, but just you wait and see!

By request a photo tour of the restored cabin. I start doing the interior design in earnest tomorrow after the show, but all of the construction guys are now done. So I mopped the floors, washed the sheets, some friends helped by washing the windows. And now the unofficial / official tour.

The Property

The views are absolutely stunning and completely peaceful.