GLENN: How are you holding up with the horrible attack ads on TV?
CALLER: Oh, I don't even watch them anymore. I mean, I turn the channel with my remote control. The radio stations here, I always switch the channels with the radio stations for a couple of seconds until that's over.
GLENN: It's incredible the amount of money that is being spent for maybe a difference of, what? Well, single digit delegates most likely. It's amazing. And they are just getting worse and worse and worse. We've decided -- you know, I was talking yesterday that I think we should just go for it, you know? Why not just go for it. I think Obama -- I'll make commercials for you. I'm willing to do it. Aren't I, Stu?
STU: You are just that kind of guy.
GLENN: I'm that kind of helper. I had a brainstorming session yesterday and I said, let's help the -- let's just go for a few ads. I mean, if you are going to swing. I mean, you are holding back. Let's go. What's up first, Dan? Is it Hillary or Obama? And I give these to the candidates for free. Which one?
DAN: This is Obama's ad.
GLENN: This is an ad that I just think -- I mean, if you are going to go with these ridiculous ads, why not really go for it. Here is a proposed ad for Barack Obama.
VOICE: Have you seen the latest attack ad from Hillary Clinton? It's just more of the same old Washington style politics that Americans are just sick and tired of. We need a change in Washington. And that's why Barack Obama is running for President, to bring real change to this great nation and let the healing begin. Plus, America can't afford to have such a whiney [BLEEP] in the White House. Picture this: The most powerful person on Earth and menopause? No thanks. "I'm Barack Obama and I approved this message."
GLENN: I think that one would work. I think -- (Hillary laughing pen). I mean, Hillary likes it and she's going through menopause. So -- you don't think Barack would go for that?
STU: I don't think he actually recorded that "I approved this message" for this particular --
DAN: Oh, no, that was him. That was his voice.
STU: It was definitely him. I'm just saying I don't know if that was where he approved what he said --
GLENN: We're talking campaign ads. All right, how about this one for Hillary.
VOICE: Hillary Clinton, sure, she is supposed to be the first female President in the history of this great country but that's not the only reason you should vote for her. With over 30 years serving in public life, Hillary is the real candidate for change because only she knows how to actually make change happen. Think about it. Adolf Hitler, man. Joseph Stalin, man. Ahmadinejad, man. Barack Obama, man. Hillary Clinton, woman. Also, did you know that Barack Obama is black? "I'm Hillary Clinton and I approved this message."
GLENN: I mean, Michael Moore said that she was only using the Farrakhan thing, you know, scare white people. I mean --
STU: That would scare white people.
GLENN: Barack Obama said typical white people see somebody that's different and they freak out. So he's black.
STU: Let's put it this way. If Barack Obama's grandma had heard that ad, she would definitely be voting for Hillary. She would vote for Hillary.
GLENN: Yes, she would. She would be like, I'm afraid of him. "He's your grandson." "I'm a typical white person. He's black." And what is Barack Obama going to say? I'm not black? Hello! What is he going to say? I'm not a man? Excuse me. Adolf Hitler, man. You, man.
STU: The case is closed there, again.
GLENN: He will say, what are you trying to say? Nothing. Just, you're both men. I mean, I could work for the Hillary campaign. Why not? Let's go for it. Now, just because I'm up to the highest bidder, you know, whatever, I'm open, I don't really, I don't have a horse in this game. Barack, if my agency happened to create that commercial for her, don't worry, brother. I'm here for you. Here's an ad for you.
VOICE: Did you hear that Hillary Clinton's latest version of her stance on Iraq has changed yet again? She just can't make up her mind on the war, and a lot of other things, too, like who she sleeps with. We hear she's shacking up with a different dude every single night. Hey, blogs that we wrote don't lie. But apparently chick presidential candidates do. A lot. "I'm Barack Obama and I approved this message."
GLENN: I'm a little sketchy on some of the facts on that one. Now, we might be pushing it a little bit. But if he got -- if he takes it, hey, Hillary, you can't sit there and take that. You should play this ad.
VOICE: Barack Obama rhymes with Osama, one of the worst human beings to ever walk the face of the Earth. He takes great pleasure in watching Americans die. If he were to ever be, God forbid, elected the President of the United States, millions and millions of Americans would be led helplessly to their slaughter. Hillary Clinton wouldn't want to kill you. Hillary Clinton doesn't rhyme with Osama. Hillary Clinton rhymes with Thrillary Minton. So it's up to you, a thrilling minty sensation or the 9/11 365 policies of Osama Ben Hussein Ben Obama. Did we mention Barack rhymes with Iraq?
GLENN: I'm just saying.
VOICE: I'm Hillary Clinton and I approved this message.
GLENN: Just saying, just saying. Man, and his name rhymes with Iraq. Need I say more, Mrs. President?
STU: I mean, Thrillary Minton sounds awesome. I'm totally voting for somebody named Thrillary Minton. That sounds like a really good blizzard flavor.
GLENN: "Hello, welcome to Dairy Queen. Can I have a Thrillary Minton? Would you like that with chocolate? What does that mean? You see what happens?
GLENN: And now you've got a whole new ad campaign.
STU: This is serious. I think -- first of all, I don't know if it necessarily works for Hillary Clinton but it definitely works for Dairy Queen. Dairy Queen, Thrillary Minton, if we can get Thrillary Minton blizzards, you can take the idea as long as we can get them for free whenever we want them. York peppermint patties in there.
GLENN: You know what it is? I met with one of the guys of Dairy Queen because this is just the life I live, this is how I roll. I actually had dinner with one of the guys at Dairy Queen. I do a lot of things you don't know about. I had dinner with, I don't know, some yahoo from Delta Airlines. I think he runs the company. And then sitting right next to him was the guy who runs Dairy Queen. And I'm sorry, but they don't get it. They were like, I said, oh, I've got ads for you. Oh, I could do ads for you. Let me tell you something. Here's what you guys need to do. And I talked about, you know, all the dessert stuff that they -- and he was like, no, we really don't want to emphasize our desserts. You know, we're more than just desserts. And I'm like, okay, back to your first problem.
STU: Well, it's true, they do have yummy streets.
GLENN: No, no. Nobody cares about their -- they could be serving filet mignon for 10 cents a pound and --
STU: You want a blizzard.
GLENN: I want a blizzard.
STU: Do you want a filet mignon blizzard?
GLENN: No, I just want some sort of a -- wait a minute. Is it a minty mint meat?
STU: Like a lamb jelly sort of thing?
GLENN: If it's like a Thrillary Minton meat? I might be interested.
STU: That sounds really disgusting.
GLENN: I don't know. I don't know. Because they want to concentrate on their food instead of their dessert, and I think that's all wrong. If they would just listen to me, they would have a future.
STU: Because you've run so many successful businesses other than ones that have run around you.
GLENN: I'm just saying, if there's anything I know, it's food.
STU: I would agree with that.
GLENN: If there's anything that I do know --
STU: As would your chair.
GLENN: I don't even know what that means. I don't --
STU: A lot of downward pressure, as we've been talking about on this program.