Glenn Beck: The Global Warming hysteria list


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GLENN:  But Stu, did you do the research that I asked you to do on the global warming thing that we talked about yesterday?

STU:  Yes, I did.  You had the big list yesterday.

GLENN:  Okay.  Yesterday the big list was all of the things, starting in the A's, and I think the first one was acne, that acne is caused now by global warming, which is weird because I remember having zits, you know, when we were headed for an ice age.  But now that's caused by global warming.  Everything you can imagine is caused by global warming.  The list we sent out in the newsletter yesterday, it's hysterical.  But there were a couple of them that I actually had to stop and ask and say, what is the story on this.  This list that we generated yesterday is a list of all the things that have been blamed on global warming and the stories connected to that.  No, we didn't just say, oh, yeah, acne.  We said acne, and here's the story that it came from.

But I had to ask a couple of questions, how circumcision rates rising is connected to global warming.  That's the first one, Stu.  Do you have that?

STU:  Yes.  Well, of course.  Obvious, this one's obvious.  I can't believe you even have to ask about this because in Africa certain tribes circumstance size their youths in grand ceremonies which are held every seven years or so when enough cattle and other foods have accumulated to support such celebrations.  But it's been 14 years since there have been a circumcision in this one area and now there's 40,000 uncircumcised young men, some in their late 20s who are obviously having problems picking up the ladies with that situation.

GLENN:  Damn this global warming.

STU:  See, it's killing African circumcision rates.

GLENN:  Next one, crocodile gender shifts.  So crocodiles are starting to become females or female crocodiles are becoming males?

STU:  Well, as you, of course, obviously know, the gender of a crocodile is determined by the embryo temperature during incubation which, you obviously knew that.  So --

GLENN:  Oh, and you know what?  Crocodiles are cold-blooded.  So if it's warmer outside, the crocodile is warmer.

STU:  Right.  So it results in different sex ratios when the water warms up a little.

GLENN:  May I just point out that it might be a good thing that crocodiles become extinct?

STU:  A lot of people with bite marks on their legs would agree, Glenn.

GLENN:  Yes.  Teen drinking is on the rise because of global warming.

STU:  Yes.  Well, as you know, there's now a study that --

GLENN:  Please stop saying "As I know."  I obviously know, but inform the little person that might be listening right now, driving their car because, you know, the state allows them to still drive a car.  You shouldn't be driving a car, little person.  Explain to them about teen drinking.

STU:  I just don't want to talk down to people because it's so blatantly obvious about teen drinking.

GLENN:  All the research points to it.  All scientists agree.  I mean, it's only -- talk right directly to the people that believe we never blame it on the moon.

STU:  All those crazy people.  24% of eighth graders say they've consumed alcohol in the past month and that's a rising problem.  The reason for that, well, there's a variety of reasons why they've started.  But researcher says that it all comes back to the whole culture is going crazy.  The U.S. is at war and global warming is in the news.

GLENN:  Oh.

STU:  Some would say maybe the media alarmism is running that sort of shift, but as we all know here's global warming.

GLENN:  How about this.  I wonder if we can get anybody to write that the price of, you know, grain and hops is going up, so there's going to be a beer shortage because of global warming.  So that will stop teenage drinking.

STU:  People will just hoard the beer, Glenn.  We don't want that to happen.

GLENN:  There's no way to win on that global warming thing.  Early marriages.

STU:  Now, as you know obviously, Glenn, but to inform some of the lesser people out there, climate change --

GLENN:  For those who aren't as smart as us.

STU:  Obviously.

GLENN:  I've been to Columbia.

STU:  It's clear logic what happens here.  But climate change, of course, is causing all of these terrible global food shortages.  It has nothing to do with the stuff we've talked about at length here for the last month.  But that is -- that's all global warming's fault in reality.  And in times of food crisis, some parents will distressfully marry off their daughters to secure dowry in places like Uganda.

GLENN:  Don't you hate that.  Well, little person, that's what you're causing because you're driving your car still.  We're not driving.  Are you driving a car right now, Stu?

STU:  I'm not driving a car.

GLENN:  You are not driving a car?

STU:  Am I charging a -- causing a 13-year-old to get married right now?  I'm not doing it.

GLENN:  You are not, no.  You are pointing it out.  Of course, we may be in a giant skyscraper in Manhattan with just tons of electrical equipment and beaming this signal into space down to Los Angeles where we've got a whole other skyscraper in Los Angeles where it processes and encodes all of this information so we can then send it up in space again and then, you know, beam it around the country so people can, you know, turn on their electric devices to be able to listen to it.  But we have nothing to do with it, nor does anybody in the media.

And finally, the collapsing -- this is -- and please if you are driving, little person, please pull over because this is very disturbing, at least to people like you.  The collapse of gingerbread houses.

STU:  Oh, this is terrible.

GLENN:  Caused by global warming, collapsing gingerbread houses.  This is an actual story, of course.

STU:  Yes.  And obviously as you know, Glenn, this is blatantly tied to global warming but as found in Sweden who as you know, you build your whole gingerbread house with the icing to really keep things together.  Unfortunately they are collapsing because of the unusually damp winter and the damp winter spells immediate devastation.  This is a quote.  I'm sorry.

GLENN:  Damn these schemers.

STU:  The damp weather spells immediate devastation for gingerbread houses.

GLENN:  Why -- can I tell you something?  Why are you laughing?  Do you not relate to the plight of gingerbread men?

STU:  No, I mean --

GLENN:  I mean, there are homeless gingerbread men, no place to go.  They are probably left out to eat their button.  You know what I mean?

STU:  I mean, that is a major problem.

GLENN:  By the way, as somebody who grew up in a bakery and has made gingerbread houses, that's a problem with the royal icing.  Never did my father ever say, oh, gee.  You know what?  But let's do ourselves a favor because there's a lot of these problems and I think we need to be able to teach our children how all of these things are caused by global warming.  So what we've done is we've put together a little song, but we had our composer, Anthony, write something that, you know, we could play on Sesame Street.  And maybe you can gather your kid around the radio now, little people, and you get the little people, their littler people together around the radio right now so they can learn this great song about the dangers of global warming and all the things that global warming causes.

(Global Warming song included in audio transcript)

It's not just the Twitter mobs, the Leftist extremists and the flagrant fourth-wave feminists who want ICE abolished. As we've seen, there's a growing number of politicians who want to see it as well.

Cue Alejandro Alvarez, who in his 32 years has managed to cultivate his brand as a "serial immigration violator." Alejandro has been deported 11 times. Well, he's facing deportation once again, after allegedly "slashing his wife with a chainsaw." His wife is in recovery and is expected to survive.

RELATED: The cost of unchecked illegal immigration is very real, and very high

Around 3:00 pm last Wednesday, police arrived at Alejandro's. When they arrived, they found Alvarez's wife suffering from "traumatic physical injuries, believed to have been inflicted by a chainsaw." The couple's three children were huddled in fear inside the home. Alejandro's wife was rushed to a nearby trauma center for an emergency surgery.

Alejandro fled the scene of the crime, but was eventually hauled in by police and booked under "suspicion of attempted murder, child endangerment, hit and run, and grand theft auto."

Sounds like the kind of guy who should be in our country illegally, right?

ICE spokeswoman Lori Haley noted that "Immigration officers have lodged a detainer against Alvarez, requesting that local authorities notify Immigration and Customs Enforcement before his release to allow them to take the man into custody."

This is the new reality.

This is the new reality. The immigration agency has to ask for permission, to file requests, to have illegal immigrants who are guilty of crimes dealt with. Luckily for Alejandro, Los Angeles is a sanctuary city, so maybe he'll get another pass and be back on the streets in no time.

The Purple Heart is reserved for those wounded or killed during battle. Awarded by the President, the medal has George Washington's image right there on the front of it. Make no mistake, it is reserved for heroes. True heroes. Men and women who've faced death and still persevered. Soldiers who fought in battle at the cost of their limbs, their lives, or their inner peace. John F. Kennedy earned a Purple Heart for his heroism as a gunboat pilot in 1944. John McCain received one for, well, we all know his horrific story. Colin Powell. Roughly one million Purple Heart medals have been awarded to veterans, all of whom were determined to have fought valiantly, with courage and heart.

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So it was a bit of a head-scratcher to hear comments from Democratic Representative Steve Cohen from Tennessee and self-appointed "Leader in Effort to #ImpeachTrump." During a House Oversight Committee hearing questioning Peter Strzok, Cohen said, perplexingly, that Strzok deserves a Purple Heart. You know, because he's injured by all those mean text messages that HE sent?

As we've seen, other than Cohen's fanboy praise, Strzok hasn't gotten off easy. Thankfully. The Department of Justice's Office of the Inspector General wrote: "We did not have confidence that Strzok's decision to prioritize the Russia investigation over following up on the Midyear-related investigative lead discovered on the [Anthony] Weiner laptop was free from bias."

Lack of confidence. I believe that's one of the criteria for a different medal. Not a Purple Heart, though. Sorry, Strzok, you'll have to get your trophy elsewhere.

Time mgazine is back at it again, reporting the real news, doing the proper journalism. One of their latest articles is sure to earn them a Pulitzer. Surely. The article is titled, "Women Are Buying Up Plan B Because They're Terrified of the Future Supreme Court."

Here's how the article opens:

Within hours of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy's retirement announcement last month, Emily Hauser was standing at a drugstore counter asking a pharmacist for two packages of Plan B. At age 53, she didn't need the emergency contraception pills — in fact, she wasn't sure who would, or when. But Hauser bought them anyway.

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I like that the article sets up Kennedy's retirement as an apocalyptic event. A recurring theme in the mainstream media, now that I think of it, especially lately. Here's the gist of it:

Across the country, Americans are stockpiling emergency contraception in light of Justice Kennedy's retirement and President Donald Trump's Monday nomination of Brett Kavanaugh. The nation's highest court is on its way to having a conservative majority, making threats against Roe v. Wade seem more dire than ever.

A good article includes backstory. History. The context. Here's what Time had to say about the sudden influx—some would say panic—in birth control:

To understand the interest in buying up Plan B, you need to brush up on Roe v. Wade. Some background: The court handed down the 7-2 decision in 1973, confirming that a woman's right to terminate her pregnancy is covered by the Fourteenth Amendment. Progress has been rocky since then.

Of course they reduce the issue to a series of strawman fallacies.

Ah, yes. Of course they reduce the issue to a series of strawman fallacies. At this point, it's impossible for those inflicted with Trump Derangement Syndrome, and now Kavanaugh Derangement Syndrome, to have a civil conversation. They certainly aren't going to budge in their opinion. Our main goal, obviously, is to connect to them as fellow human beings, living in the same chaotic world, and, hey, maybe along the way they'll admit that, maybe, they're a little more biased and deranged than they previously realized.

If all you knew about American politics came from The New York Times, CNN, The Washington Post, or MSNBC, you'd think that a "Blue wave" is about to swamp the country, with hip, millennial geniuses like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez surfing the crest of the wave. In fact, you would already think Ocasio-Cortez is the greatest hope for America since Barack Obama.

America is a very large country, and reality is usually more complex than the media lets on. But, since the media already has their narrative and superstar Ocasio-Cortez set for this November, there's no room for another young, minority, female, child of immigrants, political outsider, from the ultimate blue-wave state of California, named Elizabeth Heng. Well, there probably would be room for a story like that, except that she's a conservative.

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Thirty-two-year-old Elizabeth Heng is running for Congress against Democrat Jim Costa, in California's 16th district. It's been 40 years since a Republican won in that district.

In the early 1980s, Heng's parents fled the violence in Cambodia and immigrated to the U.S. In 2008, after graduating from Stanford where she was student-body president, Heng opened several cell-phone stores with her brothers in the central San Joaquin Valley. Running her own business and managing 75 employees opened her eyes to a not-so-dirty secret about capitalism trying to survive the virus of progressivism. She says, "I saw firsthand how government regulations impacted businesses negatively. I constantly felt that from Washington, D.C., and Sacramento, they were saying that I was everything wrong with our country, when all I was doing was creating jobs."

That's when she decided to venture to Washington, D.C., where she worked for six years learning the ins and outs of legislation and campaigning. She ended up working as a director for President Trump's inauguration ceremony, a job she managed while also finishing her MBA at Yale.

Fiscal responsibility isn't quite as sexy-sounding as free college for everyone.

One of the biggest lessons she learned working in Washington became the platform she is now running for office on: fiscal responsibility. She says, "In a family or a business, we don't suddenly act surprised when a budget comes up for the year. We get it done."

What a concept.

Still, fiscal responsibility isn't quite as sexy-sounding as free college for everyone. So, don't expect Elizabeth Heng to replace Ocasio-Cortez as the media darling anytime soon.