Glenn Beck: The Global Warming hysteria list


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GLENN:  But Stu, did you do the research that I asked you to do on the global warming thing that we talked about yesterday?

STU:  Yes, I did.  You had the big list yesterday.

GLENN:  Okay.  Yesterday the big list was all of the things, starting in the A's, and I think the first one was acne, that acne is caused now by global warming, which is weird because I remember having zits, you know, when we were headed for an ice age.  But now that's caused by global warming.  Everything you can imagine is caused by global warming.  The list we sent out in the newsletter yesterday, it's hysterical.  But there were a couple of them that I actually had to stop and ask and say, what is the story on this.  This list that we generated yesterday is a list of all the things that have been blamed on global warming and the stories connected to that.  No, we didn't just say, oh, yeah, acne.  We said acne, and here's the story that it came from.

But I had to ask a couple of questions, how circumcision rates rising is connected to global warming.  That's the first one, Stu.  Do you have that?

STU:  Yes.  Well, of course.  Obvious, this one's obvious.  I can't believe you even have to ask about this because in Africa certain tribes circumstance size their youths in grand ceremonies which are held every seven years or so when enough cattle and other foods have accumulated to support such celebrations.  But it's been 14 years since there have been a circumcision in this one area and now there's 40,000 uncircumcised young men, some in their late 20s who are obviously having problems picking up the ladies with that situation.

GLENN:  Damn this global warming.

STU:  See, it's killing African circumcision rates.

GLENN:  Next one, crocodile gender shifts.  So crocodiles are starting to become females or female crocodiles are becoming males?

STU:  Well, as you, of course, obviously know, the gender of a crocodile is determined by the embryo temperature during incubation which, you obviously knew that.  So --

GLENN:  Oh, and you know what?  Crocodiles are cold-blooded.  So if it's warmer outside, the crocodile is warmer.

STU:  Right.  So it results in different sex ratios when the water warms up a little.

GLENN:  May I just point out that it might be a good thing that crocodiles become extinct?

STU:  A lot of people with bite marks on their legs would agree, Glenn.

GLENN:  Yes.  Teen drinking is on the rise because of global warming.

STU:  Yes.  Well, as you know, there's now a study that --

GLENN:  Please stop saying "As I know."  I obviously know, but inform the little person that might be listening right now, driving their car because, you know, the state allows them to still drive a car.  You shouldn't be driving a car, little person.  Explain to them about teen drinking.

STU:  I just don't want to talk down to people because it's so blatantly obvious about teen drinking.

GLENN:  All the research points to it.  All scientists agree.  I mean, it's only -- talk right directly to the people that believe we never blame it on the moon.

STU:  All those crazy people.  24% of eighth graders say they've consumed alcohol in the past month and that's a rising problem.  The reason for that, well, there's a variety of reasons why they've started.  But researcher says that it all comes back to the whole culture is going crazy.  The U.S. is at war and global warming is in the news.

GLENN:  Oh.

STU:  Some would say maybe the media alarmism is running that sort of shift, but as we all know here's global warming.

GLENN:  How about this.  I wonder if we can get anybody to write that the price of, you know, grain and hops is going up, so there's going to be a beer shortage because of global warming.  So that will stop teenage drinking.

STU:  People will just hoard the beer, Glenn.  We don't want that to happen.

GLENN:  There's no way to win on that global warming thing.  Early marriages.

STU:  Now, as you know obviously, Glenn, but to inform some of the lesser people out there, climate change --

GLENN:  For those who aren't as smart as us.

STU:  Obviously.

GLENN:  I've been to Columbia.

STU:  It's clear logic what happens here.  But climate change, of course, is causing all of these terrible global food shortages.  It has nothing to do with the stuff we've talked about at length here for the last month.  But that is -- that's all global warming's fault in reality.  And in times of food crisis, some parents will distressfully marry off their daughters to secure dowry in places like Uganda.

GLENN:  Don't you hate that.  Well, little person, that's what you're causing because you're driving your car still.  We're not driving.  Are you driving a car right now, Stu?

STU:  I'm not driving a car.

GLENN:  You are not driving a car?

STU:  Am I charging a -- causing a 13-year-old to get married right now?  I'm not doing it.

GLENN:  You are not, no.  You are pointing it out.  Of course, we may be in a giant skyscraper in Manhattan with just tons of electrical equipment and beaming this signal into space down to Los Angeles where we've got a whole other skyscraper in Los Angeles where it processes and encodes all of this information so we can then send it up in space again and then, you know, beam it around the country so people can, you know, turn on their electric devices to be able to listen to it.  But we have nothing to do with it, nor does anybody in the media.

And finally, the collapsing -- this is -- and please if you are driving, little person, please pull over because this is very disturbing, at least to people like you.  The collapse of gingerbread houses.

STU:  Oh, this is terrible.

GLENN:  Caused by global warming, collapsing gingerbread houses.  This is an actual story, of course.

STU:  Yes.  And obviously as you know, Glenn, this is blatantly tied to global warming but as found in Sweden who as you know, you build your whole gingerbread house with the icing to really keep things together.  Unfortunately they are collapsing because of the unusually damp winter and the damp winter spells immediate devastation.  This is a quote.  I'm sorry.

GLENN:  Damn these schemers.

STU:  The damp weather spells immediate devastation for gingerbread houses.

GLENN:  Why -- can I tell you something?  Why are you laughing?  Do you not relate to the plight of gingerbread men?

STU:  No, I mean --

GLENN:  I mean, there are homeless gingerbread men, no place to go.  They are probably left out to eat their button.  You know what I mean?

STU:  I mean, that is a major problem.

GLENN:  By the way, as somebody who grew up in a bakery and has made gingerbread houses, that's a problem with the royal icing.  Never did my father ever say, oh, gee.  You know what?  But let's do ourselves a favor because there's a lot of these problems and I think we need to be able to teach our children how all of these things are caused by global warming.  So what we've done is we've put together a little song, but we had our composer, Anthony, write something that, you know, we could play on Sesame Street.  And maybe you can gather your kid around the radio now, little people, and you get the little people, their littler people together around the radio right now so they can learn this great song about the dangers of global warming and all the things that global warming causes.

(Global Warming song included in audio transcript)

People should start listening to Nikki Haley

ANDREW CABALLERO-REYNOLDS/AFP/Getty Images

Okay. Let's take a vote. You know, an objective, quantifiable count. How many resolutions has the UN Human Rights Council adopted condemning dictatorships? Easy. Well. How do you define "dictatorship"?

Well, one metric is the UN Human Rights Council Condemnation. How many have the United Nations issued to China, with a body count higher than a professional Call of Duty player?

Zero.

How about Venezuela, where socialism is devouring its own in the cruelest, most unsettling ways imaginable?

Zero.

And Russia, home of unsettling cruelty and rampant censorship, murder and (actual) homophobia?

Zero.

Iraq? Zero. Turkey? Iraq? Zero. Cuba? Zero. Pakistan? Zero.

RELATED: Nikki Haley just dropped some serious verbal bombs on Russia at the UN

According to UN Human Rights Council Condemnations, 2006-2016, none of these nations is as dangerous as we'd imagined. Or, rather, none of them faced a single condemnation. Meanwhile, one country in particular has faced unbelievable scrutiny and fury — you'll never guess which country.

No, it's not Somalia. It's Israel. With 68 UN Human Rights Council Condemnations! In fact, the number of total United Nations condemnations against Israel outnumbers the total of condemnations against all other countries combined. The only country that comes close is Syria, with 15.

The Trump administration withdrew from the United Nations Human Rights Council on Tuesday in protest of what it perceives as an entrenched bias against Israel and a willingness to allow notorious human rights abusers as members.

In an address to the UN Security Council on Tuesday, Nikki Haley said:

Let's remember that the Hamas terrorist organization has been inciting violence for years, long before the United States decided to move our embassy. This is what is endangering the people of Gaza. Make no mistake, Hamas is pleased with the results from yesterday... No country in this chamber would act with more restraint than Israel has.

Maybe people should start listening to Haley. Hopefully, they will. Not likely, but there's no crime in remaining hopeful.

Here's a question unique to our times: "Should I tell my father 'Happy Father's Day,' even though he (she?) is now one of my mothers?"

Father's Day was four days ago, yes, but this story is just weird enough to report on. One enjoyable line to read was this gem from Hollywood Gossip: "Cait is a woman and a transgender icon, but she is also and will always be the father of her six children."

RELATED: If Bruce was never a he and always a she, who won the men's Olympic gold in 1976?

Imagine reading that to someone ten — even five — years ago. And, honestly, there's something nice about it. But the strangeness of its having ever been written overpowers any emotional impact it might bring.

"So lucky to have you," wrote Kylie Jenner, in the Instagram caption under pre-transition pictures of Bruce Jenner.

Look. I risk sounding like a tabloid by mere dint of having even mentioned this story, but the important element is the cultural sway that's occurring. The original story was that a band of disgruntled Twitter users got outraged about the supposed "transphobic" remarks by Jenner's daughter.

But, what we should be saying is, "who the hell cares?" Who cares what one Jenner says to another — and more importantly and on a far deeper level — who cares what some anonymous Twitter user has to say?

When are we going to stop playing into the hands of the Twitter mob?

When are we going to stop playing into the hands of the Twitter mob? Because, at the moment, they've got it pretty good. They have a nifty relationship with the mainstream media: One or two Twitter users get outraged by any given thing — in this case Jenner and supposed transphobia. In return, the mainstream media use the Twitter comment as a source.

Then, a larger Twitter audience points to the article itself as proof that there's some kind of systemic justice at play. It's a closed-market currency, where the negative feedback loop of proof and evidence is composed of faulty accusations. Isn't it a hell of a time to be alive?

These days, when Americans decide to be outraged about something, we really go all out.

This week's outrage is, of course, the Trump administration's "zero tolerance" policy toward illegal immigration along the southern border. Specifically, people are upset over the part of the policy that separates children from their parents when the parents get arrested.

RELATED: Where were Rachel Maddow's tears for immigrant children in 2014?

Lost in all the outrage is that the President is being proactive about border security and is simply enforcing the law. Yes, we need to figure out a less clumsy, more compassionate way of enforcing the law, but children are not being flung into dungeons and fed maggots as the media would have you believe.

But having calm, reasonable debates about these things isn't the way it's done anymore. You have to make strong, sweeping announcements so the world knows how righteous your indignation is.

That's why yesterday, the governors of Maryland, Massachusetts, New York, Rhode Island and Connecticut declared they are withholding or recalling their National Guard troops from the U.S.-Mexico border until this policy of separating children from their parents is rescinded.

Adding to the media stunt nature of this entire "crisis," it turns out this defiant announcement from these five governors is mostly symbolic. Because two months ago, when President Trump called for 4,000 additional National Guard troops to help patrol the border, large numbers of troops were not requested from those five states. In fact, no troops were requested at all from Rhode Island. But that didn't stop Rhode Island's Democratic governor, Gina Raimondo, from announcing she would refuse to send troops if she were asked. She called the family separation policy, "immoral, unjust and un-American."

There's so much outrage, we're running short on adjectives.

The governors of Connecticut, Massachusetts, and New York all used the word "inhumane" in their statements condemning the Trump administration policy. There's so much outrage, we're running short on adjectives.

In a totally unrelated coincidence, four of these five governors are running for re-election this year.

I've made my position clear — separating these children from their parents is a bad policy and we need to stop. We need to treat these immigrants with the kind of compassion we'd want for our own children. And I said the same thing in 2014 when no one cared about the border crisis.

If consistency could replace even just a sliver of the outrage in America, we would all be a lot better off.

I think we can all agree, both on the Left and the Right, that children who have been caught up in illegal immigration is an awful situation. But apparently what no one can agree on is when it matters to them. This past weekend, it suddenly — and even a little magically — began to matter to the Left. Seemingly out of nowhere, they all collectively realized this was a problem and all rushed to blame the Trump administration.

RELATED: These 3 things need to happen before we can fix our border problem

Here's Rachel Maddow yesterday:

I seem to remember getting mocked by the Left for showing emotion on TV, but I'll give her a pass here. This is an emotional situation. But this is what I can't give her a pass on: where the heck was this outrage and emotion back in 2014? Because the same situation going on today — that stuff Maddow and the rest of the Left have only just now woken up to — was going on back in July 2014! And it was arguably worse back then.

I practically begged and pleaded for people to wake up to what was going on. We had to shed light on how our immigration system was being manipulated by people breaking our laws, and they were using kids as pawns to get it done. But unlike the gusto the Left is using now to report this story, let's take a look at what Rachel Maddow thought was more important back in 2014.

On July 1, 2014, Maddow opened her show with a riveting monologue on how President Obama was hosting a World Cup viewing party. That's hard-hitting stuff right there.

On July 2, 2014, Maddow actually acknowledged kids were at the border, but she referenced Health and Human Services only briefly and completely rushed through what was actually happening to these kids. She made a vague statement about a "policy" stating where kids were being taken after their arrival. She also blamed Congress for not acting.

See any difference in reporting there from today? That "policy" she referenced has suddenly become Trump's "new" policy, and it isn't Congress's fault… it's all on the President.

She goes on throughout the week.

On July 7, 2014, her top story was something on the Koch brothers. Immigration was only briefly mentioned at the end of the show. This trend continued all the way through the week. I went to the border on July 19. Did she cover it? Nope. In fact, she didn't mention kids at the border for the rest of the month. NOT AT ALL.

Do you care about immigrant kids who have been caught in the middle of a broken immigration system or not?

Make up your minds. Is this an important issue or not? Do you care about immigrant kids who have been caught in the middle of a broken immigration system or not? Do you even care to fix it, or is this what it looks like — just another phony, addicted-to-outrage political stunt?

UPDATE: Here's how this discussion went on radio. Watch the video below.

Glenn gives Rachel Maddow the benefit of the doubt

Rachel Maddow broke down in tears live on her MSNBC show over border crisis.