Stu, the Volvo driver...
Also see: Glenn's getting a hybrid?
GLENN: Hey, Stu, at what point do you say, "I'm going to get a different kind of car"?
STU: At what point am I going to get a different kind of car? There's no point that I get a different kind of car.
GLENN: There's no point, because your wife drives --
STU: Oh, you're saying my wife?
GLENN: No, no, your wife drives an SUV, right?
STU: Yes, a Volvo. We're Volvo drivers. I love it. I love that car.
GLENN: I knew I hated you.
STU: I love that car. It's fantastic. Not to mention, I don't know if you guys have noticed this. I don't know what your experiences with my wife -- I know Dan has experienced this several times. My wife is a maniac.
DAN: Oh, my gosh.
STU: She drives like a crazy person.
DAN: I have never been more scared in my life.
GLENN: Can I tell you something? Women behind the wheel of an SUV, danger.
STU: I would say that's generally accurate.
GLENN: Danger, Sarah's looking at me and she's a pregnant woman and I'm very, very afraid.
STU: Oh, yeah.
GLENN: My wife, by the way, my wife, she's like working out all the time and she's like -- I mean, she's, like, ripped. I'm afraid of her.
STU: She could beat the crap out of you, yeah.
GLENN: Well, that goes without question. She could do it when she was nine months pregnant. I mean, honey, if you are listening, turning off the radio for a second.
STU: That's going to work now that you've started telling the story.
GLENN: No, she's generally -- this isn't a story about you, really.
STU: Off topic, just go to something else.
GLENN: No, it's not a story about you, honey. She actually does turn off the radio because she's like, I'm not even going to listen to this nonsense, which is weird. It's happening a lot of -- anyway, so she's like all ripped now. She's working out all the time and last night I'm in bed and I'm sleeping and I wake up and I look at the clock. Do you ever have one of those moments where you look up at the clock and you're like, oh, it's only 2:00 in the morning; how great is that. And you think, -- you know what I'm saying? And you think it's time to get -- you lay there in bed and you say, what time is it? I'm so tired? Then you look at the clock and you're like, "I've got another three hours; this is fantastic."
STU: Love that feeling.
GLENN: There's no feeling better than that. So I look at the clock and I roll over and I look at the clock and it's 2:00 and I'm like, this is great. I turn -- I want to flip and I turn over and I adjust the pillows and everything else and I kind of pound my pillow and stuff. I get all comfy. This is how out of shape I am. I've been sleeping. All I did was roll over and fluff the pillows and I caught myself do this (gasping for air).
STU: Oh, my God, you've got to be menaced to death.
GLENN: I lay there and I'm like, I'm going to be just a head in a jar soon, I am just going to be a head in a jar.
STU: And you would probably be in better health.
GLENN: (Gasping for air). "What did you do?" "I just fluffed the pillow." That's bad. That's really bad. Okay, so anyway.
STU: Tracing this back.
GLENN: Tracing this back.
STU: Basically you asked me about the car.
GLENN: Hang on just a second. We've got to go one step back, back to Tania who's working out. She can kick everybody's butt. One step back from that is women driving SUVs really bad because I think they like the feeling of, "I can kick your ass."
STU: They like the power.
GLENN: My wife, she's -- you know Tania. Have you -- I mean, besides your wives, have you met anybody as nice as my wife?
STU: She's very nice.
GLENN: She is like so nice, she's so gentle, she's so peaceful, she's very quiet. She's the opposite of me.
STU: Yeah. People like her.
GLENN: (Gasping for air). Sorry. I was just thinking up a response to that and I'm worn out. So she's the opposite of me. She gets behind the wheel of a car, especially an SUV, she is on the horn, she is an aggressive driver.
GLENN: I'm like, honey, honey, honey. She's like, these clowns that are driving, don't they know what I'm -- I'm like, you frighten me, honey.
STU: I wouldn't see her as a road rager at all.
GLENN: Oh. Oh, my. She's got a road rager on anything. She can -- I'm not kidding you. She can have the kids yanking at her hair, another one with the fingers jamming up her nose, walking on, you know, some, like, toy that has been sitting, they are both just screaming for hours and she'll be like, hey, how are things? I'm like, ahhhh! But you put her in traffic in an SUV for two seconds, she is Rambo. You put a weapon in that car, please don't ever drive slowly. I cannot control my wife.
STU: She's that bad? Are you serious?
GLENN: She's that bad.
STU: She's so calm and understated.
GLENN: She is that bad. She is not on the phone, is she? Whew. Okay, good. Got another day to live.
STU: Well, my wife is pretty much the same way.
GLENN: Okay. So the question was, now to go back one more step.
GLENN: Because my wife was like, you should get a hybrid, we should get a hybrid.
STU: Why would she want to get a hybrid?
GLENN: I don't think she has a clue how much money I make. Most of it is because --
STU: Glenn, Glenn, Glenn, I've seen her. She married you. She knows exactly how much money you make. Trust me on that.
GLENN: She married me when I was poor. I was poor. So anyway, she is psychic. She knows.
STU: I think so.
GLENN: So she said, you know, "We've got to get a hybrid. Do you know how much gas..." now I am driving 100 miles a day to get to work.
STU: That's 50 -- you're saying round trip, right?
GLENN: Yeah, yeah. That's stupid.
STU: It's a long way.
GLENN: Yeah. So I'm driving 100 miles a day and I've got an aircraft carrier with wheels. I think we can land a plane on the top of my -- I've got an Escalade. I think we can land a plane on top of it. So it's nice.
STU: God bless that car.
GLENN: I put it in the parking lot, chain goes down, drops anchor and we're there. You ain't pulling that car. I have to pay like an extra $100 a month for parking because they're like, oh, come on, man.
STU: It's going to take three spots.
GLENN: This is going to take three spots. And it's great. It's just me. Sometimes I just put papers in the back.
STU: So what you're saying is, what, you're considering buying a vehicle that's going to save --
GLENN: Well, we've been driving the Tahoe hybrid, you know, this deal -- and this is not -- I swear to you this isn't a commercial but I mean, it should be. You know what, GM -- no, I'm not going to tell how great it is until they pay me. You know, they swap out these cars and the new GM Tahoe which I think is the same as the hybrid Yukon. I have a Yukon and an Escalade. They are fantastic. I like it better than my Escalade.
GLENN: Yeah. And just a bonus, I think it gets about 8 miles to the gallon more.
STU: Which is significant in these trying times.
GLENN: Significant in these, yes.
STU: Yes. So what's -- so you bought it, of course, when the government mandated that you had to buy a hybrid.
GLENN: No, I haven't bought it.
STU: No, when the government forced you to do that -- you mean you just bought it because it was --
GLENN: I haven't bought it.
STU: Well, you are considering buying it because --
GLENN: It may be stolen from my house. I'm just saying. "I don't know what happened to your car, GM. It was here last night. Don't check the garage."
STU: But you like it better.
GLENN: I like it better.
STU: You would consider buying it.
GLENN: I would consider buying it. But I haven't even looked at hybrids because I'm not going to save the planet. I'm going to be part of the problem. I'm getting that addicted on this stuff.
Last night, in case you just joined us, we told you about a half hour ago that they have announced that there's more ice on the polar caps than there's been since 1979. Freak out. We're all going to freeze to death in the fiery flood. I can't take it.
STU: Freeze to death in a fiery flood, I'm trying to -- that's about as much --
GLENN: I know, it's global warming. Okay, so it only took me about 12 minutes. I never got an answer. How much does gas have to be before your wife stops driving an SUV?
STU: You want to know now?
GLENN: No, not now.