Fun Fact - West Virginia is located in the United States, to the west of the state of Virginia.
- W. Virginia keeps distance from Obama (I hear hs's a Muslim)
GLENN: Well, I read a great article in the Financial Times. Oh, yes, Financial Times and they've got a crack staff there. They have uncovered one of the biggest mysteries surrounding Hillary Clinton's big lead in the state of West Virginia. It is, ooh, it is frightening. They have figured out exactly what has been going on. They sent out whiz kid journalist Andrew ward and the Financial Times busted out all the stops in order to break the big story. In-depth investigation, what's going on, Hillary Clinton's big lead in West Virginia and Kentucky. In-depth news: In an investigation. It begins and pretty much ends with an interview with a voter, Leonard Simpson. "Hi, my name's Leonard Simpson." He is a voter that, of course, represents every single voter in West Virginia, in case you didn't know that, West Virginia. 67-year-old retired coal miner. 67 years old, voting for John McCain over Barack Obama. Why? Quoting the Financial Times, "Well, I heard Obama's one of them Muslims and his wife's an atheist," said Simpson. Now, being the astute journalist that he is, ward knew he was on to something and immediately came to this conclusion. Quote: "Mr. Simpson's remarks help explain why Mr. Obama's trailing Hillary Clinton, his Democratic rival, by 40 percentage points ahead of Tuesday's primary election in the heavily white and rural state." My gosh. I did read that right. Andrew Ward, what a racist. Why is he pointing out that the state is white and she's way ahead with whites? My goodness. Yes, you read it there in the Financial Times. It's heavily white! Ahhhhh! Heavily rural! Let me do it again. Heavily rural! Ahhhh! That explains it. No wonder Barack is losing there. He can't actually campaign in the state because there's a good chance those racists clinging to their guns and their religion might yell, "Get off my land! (Gunfire)" And they might say it repeatedly in his direction. But don't worry, Obama supporters, Andrew Ward and the journalists are on hand and they have words to comfort you. "A landslide victory in West Virginia will do little to improve Hillary Clinton's fading hopes of winning the Democratic nomination because Mr. Obama has almost an insurmountable lead in the overall race."
Let me ask you a question. Since when did Andrew Ward decide that he was going to choose the next President of the United States? Has anybody else noticed how the media has selected the winner here? It's almost -- and I say almost -- almost enough to make you feel bad for Hillary Clinton, isn't it? I mean, you actually do kind of feel bad because you're consistent. I try to be consistent. I know you try to be consistent. I know there's a lot of people that listen to talk radio and they're like, "Get off my land." But I believe the majority of people are just right thinking Americans who just want to see justice done. They don't care about left or right. They care about right and wrong. They don't care about the stupid parties, you know? Heck, call me crazy but when I had the President rolling around in the office with a intern in a blue dress, I didn't like it so much. And if I ever found out that George Bush was doing that, I wouldn't like it so much. You kind of feel bad for Hillary Clinton. She's standing up going, wait a minute, hang on just a second; I thought we were friends. Yeah, yeah... no. Who was using whom?
"Landslide victory in West Virginia will do little to improve her futile and fading hopes of winning the Democratic nomination." Well, thank goodness that Andrew's allowed to -- you know, and he's around to let everybody know that the whole country is not as racist as West Virginia is because it's -- boy, I mean -- you know, we have a lot of listeners in West Virginia. "Of course you do. That racist show, I listen to it every day." So if you can -- I mean, if you can see all of the numbers through the little, you know, slit holes in your sheet and will try to understand. I know when you call it will sound a little like this because you'll be talking through the sheet, but you can call and tell us in West Virginia, I mean, if this is what you believe, that you're pretty sure that Obama's not a Muslim, one of them Muslims.
Now, just because Andrew Ward, you know, he wants to point out that the rest of the country isn't as racist as West Virginia, which I believe, I believe -- you know, there is something to this. I mean, let's be honest. It is the only state in the union that I'm aware of that has sent a, you know, a representative from their state that was a former member of the KKK. That's weird, I must have that wrong because he's a Democrat, but that's a different story. "Doesn't mean there's not going to be any ramifications." That means other things that are going to happen, for those of you who are in West Virginia, because of this story.
Scathing journalistic investigation like this one, you know he's not going to let up. He says "Tuesday's contest is likely to raise fresh doubts about whether the U.S. is ready to elect its first black President." Hold on just a second. Obama's black? Ahhhhh! I didn't -- wow. Why didn't somebody tell me that! I would have been -- why did I look at all of his policies? I just would have been against him right from the getgo because he was black! Oh, crap. All of that wasted time. Well, not mine because I can't read. But somebody, we had somebody read and then speak slowly and tell me his policies. The U.S. is ready -- are we ready to elect a first black President? "Oh, I don't think so. Oh, no, we can't elect anybody that looks different than us. Whew." And if he wasn't running, we certainly wouldn't have been able to elect our first woman, you know, now that a black guy's running, women shmomen, doesn't make any difference at all. Oh, big deal, she's a woman." It was a big deal when we selected Nancy Pelosi. "Are we ready as a nation to have the first speaker of the House be a woman?" Wait a minute. Nancy Pelosi's a woman? Ahhhhh! Hang on. No, I'm getting clarification that she's actually not. So I don't know what that means but, whew, for a minute there I thought (laughing), I thought we had a woman in congress. Oh, man. Oh, I'm just looking at her policies and I'm like, this is just so stupid. Only a woman can come off with it. But then I realized we would never elect a woman (laughing). Hold it just a second. I just got word -- she is a woman? Ahhhh!
Mr. Ward continues in the Financial Times to say, "We're not ready to elect our first black man." When I read this, I think, wow, that is so obvious. I mean, they will be like, "Oh, no, it has something to do with him, you know, being in a whack job church for 20 years, a church that even Oprah said, okay, this is spooking me, and she left after two years. I mean, it couldn't have anything to do with it or the fact that his wife says, "That's the first time I've ever been proud of America" or says that "You know, America's just mean, you know." Couldn't have anything to do with those things. Oh, don't you hate it? Don't you hate it when people say, "Oh, I'm not going to vote for Obama because, you know, he's hanging out with William Ayers, a guy, you know, who went to jail for bombing the Pentagon and several other U.S. Government facilities and banks and things like that and then is still proud of it and says the only problem is that it, you know, blow up enough things. Other than that, I mean..." don't you hate those people who are on TV, such racists, taking on little things such as -- where is it? I read this one in the paper today. Listen to this one (laughing). "Barack Obama has dumped one of his advisors for meeting with the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas." Big deal! "Robert Malley who acted as informal advisor to Barack Obama on his Mideast policy told the Times in London that he was in regular contact with the militant group Hamas and Obama's now dropping him." It couldn't have anything to do with that (laughing). No, no. It's that he's black. Ahhhhh!
You know what? Even after all of these things, we are so racist, we hate black people so much that even after all of these other things, you know, the Hamas thing, you know, hanging out with the bombers, Khalidi, the wife that's like, "Mean," all of that stuff and, "The chickens are coming home to roost," all of that stuff, he's still winning. That's how racist we really are. My gosh, all the hatred to put him out front. Can you believe how much we hate black people, to make him, you know, the leading candidate! Ohhhh, what a horrible group of people we are. Hmmm.
We ignore all of those facts just because we're racists. Hmmm. As though we need to present further evidence to support his ironclad case that West Virginia is just, oh, a cesspool of black hating bigots, journalist Andrew Ward of the Financial Times had to make sure he went the extra mile to prove his point. After all, some racists in West Virginia might be reading this, in the off chance they could find one racist that could actually read, you know, and then somebody's going to have to, you know, explain it to them, just so Andrew could help them understand the folly of their ways. He said, "West Virginia is hostile territory for Mr. Obama because it has few of the African-Americans and affluent college educated whites." Here he is again quoting Hillary Clinton. Why would he quote Hillary Clinton, as if it's a fact? "The college educated whites that provide his strongest support. The state has the lowest college graduation rate in the U.S., the second lowest median household income, and one of the highest proportions of white residents at 96%." Well, Andrew, yes, indeed, bravo, that was fantastic. Andrew could have really, you know, rested well and said, "oh, boy, I don't think I could, I don't think I could do any -- I mean, if I had a hatchet and the residents of West Virginia there in front, I don't think I could have chopped them up any more." But he went in and gave it a college try because he did go to college, you know. "Knowing that he had uncovered the mysteries surrounding the big lead for Hillary Clinton in West Virginia, he realized, "But this is an important journalistic piece. Why stop now when there's even so much more evidence that everyone in West Virginia is a hate mongering bigot. A visit to Mingo County," he writes, "A Democratic stronghold"... Democratic stronghold, trying to get my arms around the fact that these are white racists and yet they're Democrats. It doesn't really work. I tell you what, Andrew, if I were you, I would have said leave out the Democratic stronghold because people might remember that you're calling Democrats racists and remember we in the journalistic circles are going to need to call Republicans racists in just a few weeks.
There in the heart of the Appalachian coal fields, emphasis on the word "Coal," not because Barack Obama is probably the leading guy to stop coal because of global warming but just coal because it's black -- I'm just sayin'. I believe we forgot something here. Coal is black. Ahhh! Reveals the scale of Mr. Obama's challenge because it has a gun shop on Main Street and churches dotted throughout the town. Williamson is the kind of community evoked by Mr. Obama's controversial comments last month about bitter small town voters who cling to their guns and religion." When I read this at first, I was with the people of West Virginia and then I realized they had a gun shop on Main Street! Ahhh! And a church! Or maybe even two! (Laughing). Oh, poor Obama. How will he ever be able to compete with these bottom-dwelling hicks and their guns and the churches. Finally Andrew topped off his mountain of racist evidence from West Virginia with notes from the 22 people he questioned. And I believe there are only about 30 people that live in West Virginia. So he talked to almost all of them. He said most said they mistrusted Obama because of doubts about his patriotism and values stemming from his "Cosmopolitan background." I just want to recreate this scene for you. "So I'm from the Financial Times. This is a delightful place here. You don't have any teeth." "Well, you got funny looking teeth from England." "So tell me, what is it about Mr. Obama that you just do not like so very much." "Well, I was making out with my sister last night and we was having a farting contest and we said -- she's got a deeper voice than me -- well, mainly because he's black but then, I don't know, something's wrong -- you know, I just don't have a uncomfortable kind of gassy feeling (farting noises) about his cosmopolitan background." "Oh, yes, the cosmopolitan background," who says cosmopolitan background! "Well, that's what your sister -- that's what my sister said but I got my own thoughts." "Yes, yes, speak up, old chum. What is it?" "Well, I got a problem with his ezotic name." Yep, Andrew Ward from the Financial Times nailed it once again. These people know America. We're safe.