Juno: Safe for Dads?

GLENN: I almost went to, well, in my mind I almost went to that, what's that movie? Juno?

STU: Yeah, yeah, Juno.

GLENN: I was warned.

STU: Really?

GLENN: He said it's the Schindler's List for dads. I said, what? He said, it's the Schindler's List for dads. He said, I've got a couple of daughters. One of them just went to college. The other one is like 16, you know. They're, you know, in the midst of being teenage girls, and he said, my wife, all she said during the whole movie, honey, do you need to leave? He said, I sat there and I bawled my eyes out. He said, the whole time I'm just crying my eyes out watching this. He said, no dad should ever see that.

STU: Why? In what way?

GLENN: Because it's about a daughter who's making mistakes with her life and, you know, how she's going through so much pain, and I got news for you. As a dad of three daughters I don't want to see any movies about dads and daughters. No, I'm serious. Dads and daughters. I can't do it.

STU: If that's what you are qualification, then yes, you shouldn't see it because that is partially what it's about but I would say that it's my favorite movie of all of last year. I saw it, it was trendy and everything else. It's a fantastic movie.

GLENN: I have heard so many good stories about that movie and so many people say, oh, Glenn, you have got to see... I've had so much mail: Oh, Glenn, you've got to see this, this is fantastic. I can't do it.

STU: I really think you would like it. A lot of people --

GLENN: I wanted to see Schindler's List because I thought it was an important movie to go see, it was an important movie to go see and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Stu, they asked me to leave.

STU: Because you were crying so loud?

GLENN: I was crying so hard. They really did. It was all over and I sat there and I was paralyzed, I just was crying so hard and they said, sir, sir, the other audience is waiting to come, you've got to leave.

STU: We have to mop this aisle now.

GLENN: Mop, mop on aisle 10. And so I left but I couldn't get past the lobby and I sat down in the lobby and I cried, and I'll never forget. One guy who was standing in line, he looked at my wife and he said, Schindler's List? And she said, uh-huh. And he looked at his wife and says, if that's what this movie does to you, I'm not going.

STU: I mean, I don't know that you're the best judge of crying in movies in the world, but I mean, certainly Schindler's List qualified for that.

GLENN: But you know what, I think when you have, I think when you have daughters, the whole world changes.

STU: Sure, Glenn. But Juno is a comedy. It's a funny movie about a situation.

GLENN: No, thinking about teenage girls.

STU: You would think it was really funny.

GLENN: There's not a damn thing funny about teenage girls.

STU: I will say, though, Glenn, that a lot of people are saying, oh, it's great on the Republican side or the right side because it's got, you know, pro life message.

GLENN: Yeah. I don't want to go see a message movie.

STU: It's even better than that, Glenn. I don't think it has any message. It's just a frickin' funny movie.

GLENN: Throwing everything out, I only want to hear from dads with teenage daughters that aren't frickin' perfect. You know, the ones that you're laying awake at night going, oh, jeez, oh, jeez, oh, jeez, they're going to be living in a rat infested hell hole, oh, no (crying.) I want to hear from those guys, freak jury right now.

STU: Really?

GLENN: Yeah.

STU: All right, freak jury, what's the question?

GLENN: Do you want to see as a dad -- maybe it's just me, a crybaby. As a dad do you want to see a movie about, is there a dad in it that's like, no, honey, please, don't, no, hon, no.

STU: Well, no. The dad is -- he's not a main character in the movie, first of all, and it's a comedy. So I mean, you know, it's -- I don't know that there's some secret message you're supposed to get out of it. It's just funny and --

GLENN: It's not a secret message. I'm not talking about a secret message. I'm just talking about, you know --

STU: I would classify the father as, I think at one point he says -- I expected it to be hard drugs. Like, I didn't expect pregnancy. I expected hard drugs or something similar to that. You know, it's not like this deep thing but it was -- I mean, it was great. You would love it. You would love that movie, Glenn. It's right down your alley.

GLENN: I was just with somebody last night and he said, don't do that.

STU: You've got to hear from people who have seen it, though.

GLENN: He saw it. No, no, he saw it.

STU: One guy, for the freak jury I'm saying you need to hear from people who have actually seen it.

GLENN: If you did see it, you have to be somebody who's on -- teenage years with your daughters and on the edge. I'm on the edge, man! They're fine. I'm on the edge! Just as a dad, your mind, just, it goes crazy. Oh, it's a nightmare.

I told you last week, what was it, last week? I realized I'm the dumbest guy in America. I just figured it out. Parenting never ends! It goes on and on and on! I joined this stupid faith that says it goes on for all eternity. What! Stop it! I'm not strong enough. Are you kidding me? Oh, jeez. My daughter coming to me and saying, dad, I've got a problem. In 10,000 years? No thank you!

So let's see if I'm alone. Let's see if there's a dad out there that's struggling with just holding -- because teenage years, insanity. And you know what? I don't know because I don't have a teenage boy and maybe it's not. Adam, you have a teenage -- you have teenage boys. You know. Any huge difference? Is there? With a guy, with a teenage boy you're like, whatever. Oh, he's sleeping under a car in the Bronx, whatever. Yeah, it's his choice. Just, there's something innate in -- oh, I know, call me sexist. Something innate where in a dad where, you know, happens to your son? Well, it's his choice, he's strong, he can go for it. But as a girl, as your daughter you still feel responsible to make sure that she's okay. And every little thing because she's your little princess. She's the one. There's something that pierces your heart the minute you hold that little baby in your arms and you are like, I am your protector, I will take care of you, I will make sure. And then when she gets out, the hardest thing ever is freedom of choice. I say we take freedom of choice away. I say -- at least for all kids. No choices.

The hardest thing is, is to actually come to the place -- another guy and I were talking over the weekend. He said that -- he said, Glenn, the biggest thing I need to tell her, he said, is fear. He said, you're fearless. And I said, no, I'm stupid and maybe too cavalier. He said, well, actually that's true, but you're fearless. I said, I need to conquer fear. And I said, you know what it is? You have to be prepared to lose and not -- and just know that in the end you've done everything you could; you couldn't do anymore. So you are not trying to rig the outcome. You just have to be prepared to lose. And when it comes to kids, you just have to be prepared that you can sleep at night because you did -- you're not being kept up at night for guilt because you didn't prepare them. You're just being kept up at night because you're like, oh, jeez, they're making all these wrong decisions, but it's their decision. And I got enough of it. I just don't need to see it in, you know, the movie theater. But maybe it's just me that's a crybaby when it comes to my daughters, that I look at it and, I don't need this, I could do this in real life. Oh, look, the little teenage daughters going away and possibly wrecking her life. Oh, this looks like a funny movie! Let me go to -- do we have a freak jury?

Would Glenn make a better bounty hunter or a Jedi? You'll have to find out in a new episode of the Beltway Banthas Podcast, where Glenn goes deep on Star Wars with host Stephen Kent. In this 45 minute discussion, Stephen and Glenn explore the political themes of the Star Wars franchise, Darth Vader's redemption from Return of the Jedi, Glenn's earliest memories of seeing the films and even debate elements of the latest Star Wars films.

If you enjoy the pop culture and nerdy discussions that Glenn, Pat and Stu get into on the radio show, you'll love this! After you're through, you can also check out Stu Burguiere's appearance on Beltway Banthas to talk Star Wars. You can find that here.


It's never too early to start your Christmas, Hanukah, or Kwanzaa shopping. Or even birthday gift shopping. Especially if that special someone in your life is a Democrat. Because at last count, pretty much all the Democrats are now running for president. And that means there has never been a wider selection of official candidate merchandise to choose from. Whether you're into environmentalism, feminism, classism, socialism, or just plain love, there is a smorgasbord of classy items that you and yours will treasure forever... or at least until the next presidential election.

We have browsed each of the candidates' online stores, so you don't have to (it only took us three months). We have curated only the finest items from each of the Democrats running for president of the United States of America. Without further ado, here is your handy progressive gift guide – or maybe your what-not-to-gift guide.

First, the bargain basement options. Hurry! Time is running out to grab your Beto bandana, or your Delaney pack of golf balls, because at this point Stu has as much of a chance as these guys of getting the nomination.

Tom Steyer, for example – is he still in the race?


https://shop.tomsteyer.com/collections/frontpage/products/tom-2020-pattern-tee


There's way too much Tom here. That shirt's got more Toms than a Caucasian dentists' convention.

For the slightly more moderate Democrat in your life, perhaps they'd like to join the "Yang Gang"…

https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/bumper-stickers/products/yanggang-decal


Andrew Yang is a lock for Math Club president…


https://shop.yang2020.com/collections/apparel/products/math-hat


But for actual president? Well, I wouldn't make plans for how you're going to spend your $1,000-per-month Yang allowance just yet.

If you happen to be shopping for your dog, may I suggest this lovely "Dogs for Delaney" dog collar…


https://store.johndelaney.com/products/dogs-for-delaney-collar


John Delaney's definitely going to secure the canine vote with this kind of outreach. As for any human votes, that's another question entirely.

How 'bout this tastefully understated "Natural Canvas" Michael Bennet tote to remind you he's also still here?...


https://store.michaelbennet.com/michael-bennet-for-america-natural-canvas-tote/


Then again, it's a tote. So, it'll end up on the floor of your closet and you won't have it with you until that one random moment when you're out somewhere and you really need a tote bag. Just like Democrats will really wish they had a moderate when we're in the middle of the socialist nightmare of their creation.

Captain Planet himself, Jay Inslee recently dropped out of the race, but don't let that stop you from picking up what may be the greatest single item sold by anyone in this race…


https://store.jayinslee.com/elvis-the-elves-the-mystery-of-the-melting-snow-by-jay-inslee/


A children's book called Elvis & the Elves: the Mystery of the Melting Snow. Written and illustrated by Governor Jay Inslee. Talk about a whodunnit – how could that snow possibly be melting? Spoiler alert: it's because of evil, white, patriarchal capitalism. And Donald Trump.

Then there's the candidate who thinks you're a moron that can't pronounce his last name: Steve Bullock...


https://shop.stevebullock.com/collections/apparel/products/emoji-t-shirt


Get it? Bull. Lock. Oh, so that's how you say the name that sounds exactly how it's spelled.

There's another candidate who also thinks you need help pronouncing his last name…


https://store.peteforamerica.com/collections/apparel/products/boot-edge-edge-t-shirt


And he is definitely right about that. So, thank you, Pete "Boot Edge Edge." That helps.

Just outside the bargain bin section, but just barely, are candidates like Julian Castro and his "El Presidente" t-shirt…


https://store.julianforthefuture.com/julian-castro-loteria-card-white-tee/


When your last name's Castro, do you really want to go with a weird drawing of yourself as if you're a classic Latin American dictator on a postage stamp?

If you prefer a little "dark psychic forces" battling in your candidates, you'll love Marianne Williamson's "Turn Love Into a Political Force" rally sign…


https://store.marianne2020.com/collections/signs/products/love-rally-sign


"Turn Love Into a Political Force" would be an even better title for a Marianne Williamson album of 80s cover songs. And if you think I'm joking, then you haven't heard Bernie Sanders' classic 1987 folk album, We Shall Overcome. That's not a joke. Well, it is a joke, but it's also a very real thing.

Now, just a quick pause to consider the peculiar baby-wear that way too many candidates are selling…

…including Elizabeth Warren's trans-pride flag onesie. Let me get this straight – we can't force any gender on a child, because that's just cruel. But we can force a political advertisement on a baby? How do we know that baby is actually a Biden or Warren fan? The child may not even be a Democrat or a Socialist at all. That baby might self-identify as a Libertarian, or Republican, or even worse – a moderate Democrat.

Now to the premium items from the premium candidates. Elizabeth Warren – the candidate with the most honesty in her advertising…


https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/apparel/products/impolite-arrogant-women-make-history-unisex-t-shirt

-AND-

https://shop.elizabethwarren.com/collections/drinkware/products/strong-american-unions-mug


Warren's merchandise reflects the woman herself – cold and humorless (watch her "This isn't funny" clip from the last debate here at the 4:27 mark). I'm sure she's really fun once you get to know her. Then again, maybe not.

Speaking of serious women, Kamala Harris wants to be president very badly for you, the people, as you can tell from her "For the People" poster…


https://store.kamalaharris.org/poster-for-the-people/


At $29.99 though, she's sure not charging "people's" prices. Of course, she might be having to pay royalties to a certain someone for riffing on their poster. Just saying.

For the race's number one socialist, there's a whole lot of capitalism going on in Bernie Sanders' campaign. He sells so many delightful items that it's hard to choose. But we did anyway. The most random item is this hundred-dollar, black, "Art of a Political Revolution – Artists for Bernie Sanders Coaches Jacket"…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/artists-for-bernie-coaches-jacket


Coaches across the land will be clamoring for this one. You know, since coaches are such a strong Bernie-socialist demographic.

If that's a little over your budget you might consider a "Feel the Bern" fanny pack, to help store all those government freebies you'll get from Bernie…


https://store.berniesanders.com/collections/apparel/products/feel-the-bern-fanny-pack


This is the only context in which you'll ever want to hear "feel the burn" and "fanny" in the same sentence.

And finally, from front-runner Joe Biden, we have this fine "Women's Fitted Biden Polo." Which is just about the best polo description ever…


https://store.joebiden.com/collections/apparel/products/biden-polo-womens-fit


It promises the kind of snug approach that Biden loves to provide women. Even when they don't ask.

This was one of the first homesteads in the area in the 1880's and was just begging to be brought back to its original glory — with a touch of modern. When we first purchased the property, it was full of old stuff without any running water, central heat or AC, so needless to say, we had a huge project ahead of us. It took some vision and a whole lot of trust, but the mess we started with seven years ago is now a place we hope the original owners would be proud of.

To restore something like this is really does take a village. It doesn't take much money to make it cozy inside, if like me you are willing to take time and gather things here and there from thrift shops and little antique shops in the middle of nowhere.

But finding the right craftsman is a different story.

Matt Jensen and his assistant Rob did this entire job from sketches I made. Because he built this in his off hours it took just over a year, but so worth the wait. It wasn't easy as it was 18"out of square. He had to build around that as the entire thing we felt would collapse. Matt just reinforced the structure and we love its imperfections.

Here are a few pictures of the process and the transformation from where we started to where we are now:

​How it was

It doesn't look like much yet, but just you wait and see!

By request a photo tour of the restored cabin. I start doing the interior design in earnest tomorrow after the show, but all of the construction guys are now done. So I mopped the floors, washed the sheets, some friends helped by washing the windows. And now the unofficial / official tour.

The Property

The views are absolutely stunning and completely peaceful.