GLENN: I almost went to, well, in my mind I almost went to that, what's that movie? Juno?
STU: Yeah, yeah, Juno.
GLENN: I was warned.
GLENN: He said it's the Schindler's List for dads. I said, what? He said, it's the Schindler's List for dads. He said, I've got a couple of daughters. One of them just went to college. The other one is like 16, you know. They're, you know, in the midst of being teenage girls, and he said, my wife, all she said during the whole movie, honey, do you need to leave? He said, I sat there and I bawled my eyes out. He said, the whole time I'm just crying my eyes out watching this. He said, no dad should ever see that.
STU: Why? In what way?
GLENN: Because it's about a daughter who's making mistakes with her life and, you know, how she's going through so much pain, and I got news for you. As a dad of three daughters I don't want to see any movies about dads and daughters. No, I'm serious. Dads and daughters. I can't do it.
STU: If that's what you are qualification, then yes, you shouldn't see it because that is partially what it's about but I would say that it's my favorite movie of all of last year. I saw it, it was trendy and everything else. It's a fantastic movie.
GLENN: I have heard so many good stories about that movie and so many people say, oh, Glenn, you have got to see... I've had so much mail: Oh, Glenn, you've got to see this, this is fantastic. I can't do it.
STU: I really think you would like it. A lot of people --
GLENN: I wanted to see Schindler's List because I thought it was an important movie to go see, it was an important movie to go see and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Stu, they asked me to leave.
STU: Because you were crying so loud?
GLENN: I was crying so hard. They really did. It was all over and I sat there and I was paralyzed, I just was crying so hard and they said, sir, sir, the other audience is waiting to come, you've got to leave.
STU: We have to mop this aisle now.
GLENN: Mop, mop on aisle 10. And so I left but I couldn't get past the lobby and I sat down in the lobby and I cried, and I'll never forget. One guy who was standing in line, he looked at my wife and he said, Schindler's List? And she said, uh-huh. And he looked at his wife and says, if that's what this movie does to you, I'm not going.
STU: I mean, I don't know that you're the best judge of crying in movies in the world, but I mean, certainly Schindler's List qualified for that.
GLENN: But you know what, I think when you have, I think when you have daughters, the whole world changes.
STU: Sure, Glenn. But Juno is a comedy. It's a funny movie about a situation.
GLENN: No, thinking about teenage girls.
STU: You would think it was really funny.
GLENN: There's not a damn thing funny about teenage girls.
STU: I will say, though, Glenn, that a lot of people are saying, oh, it's great on the Republican side or the right side because it's got, you know, pro life message.
GLENN: Yeah. I don't want to go see a message movie.
STU: It's even better than that, Glenn. I don't think it has any message. It's just a frickin' funny movie.
GLENN: Throwing everything out, I only want to hear from dads with teenage daughters that aren't frickin' perfect. You know, the ones that you're laying awake at night going, oh, jeez, oh, jeez, oh, jeez, they're going to be living in a rat infested hell hole, oh, no (crying.) I want to hear from those guys, freak jury right now.
STU: All right, freak jury, what's the question?
GLENN: Do you want to see as a dad -- maybe it's just me, a crybaby. As a dad do you want to see a movie about, is there a dad in it that's like, no, honey, please, don't, no, hon, no.
STU: Well, no. The dad is -- he's not a main character in the movie, first of all, and it's a comedy. So I mean, you know, it's -- I don't know that there's some secret message you're supposed to get out of it. It's just funny and --
GLENN: It's not a secret message. I'm not talking about a secret message. I'm just talking about, you know --
STU: I would classify the father as, I think at one point he says -- I expected it to be hard drugs. Like, I didn't expect pregnancy. I expected hard drugs or something similar to that. You know, it's not like this deep thing but it was -- I mean, it was great. You would love it. You would love that movie, Glenn. It's right down your alley.
GLENN: I was just with somebody last night and he said, don't do that.
STU: You've got to hear from people who have seen it, though.
GLENN: He saw it. No, no, he saw it.
STU: One guy, for the freak jury I'm saying you need to hear from people who have actually seen it.
GLENN: If you did see it, you have to be somebody who's on -- teenage years with your daughters and on the edge. I'm on the edge, man! They're fine. I'm on the edge! Just as a dad, your mind, just, it goes crazy. Oh, it's a nightmare.
I told you last week, what was it, last week? I realized I'm the dumbest guy in America. I just figured it out. Parenting never ends! It goes on and on and on! I joined this stupid faith that says it goes on for all eternity. What! Stop it! I'm not strong enough. Are you kidding me? Oh, jeez. My daughter coming to me and saying, dad, I've got a problem. In 10,000 years? No thank you!
So let's see if I'm alone. Let's see if there's a dad out there that's struggling with just holding -- because teenage years, insanity. And you know what? I don't know because I don't have a teenage boy and maybe it's not. Adam, you have a teenage -- you have teenage boys. You know. Any huge difference? Is there? With a guy, with a teenage boy you're like, whatever. Oh, he's sleeping under a car in the Bronx, whatever. Yeah, it's his choice. Just, there's something innate in -- oh, I know, call me sexist. Something innate where in a dad where, you know, happens to your son? Well, it's his choice, he's strong, he can go for it. But as a girl, as your daughter you still feel responsible to make sure that she's okay. And every little thing because she's your little princess. She's the one. There's something that pierces your heart the minute you hold that little baby in your arms and you are like, I am your protector, I will take care of you, I will make sure. And then when she gets out, the hardest thing ever is freedom of choice. I say we take freedom of choice away. I say -- at least for all kids. No choices.
The hardest thing is, is to actually come to the place -- another guy and I were talking over the weekend. He said that -- he said, Glenn, the biggest thing I need to tell her, he said, is fear. He said, you're fearless. And I said, no, I'm stupid and maybe too cavalier. He said, well, actually that's true, but you're fearless. I said, I need to conquer fear. And I said, you know what it is? You have to be prepared to lose and not -- and just know that in the end you've done everything you could; you couldn't do anymore. So you are not trying to rig the outcome. You just have to be prepared to lose. And when it comes to kids, you just have to be prepared that you can sleep at night because you did -- you're not being kept up at night for guilt because you didn't prepare them. You're just being kept up at night because you're like, oh, jeez, they're making all these wrong decisions, but it's their decision. And I got enough of it. I just don't need to see it in, you know, the movie theater. But maybe it's just me that's a crybaby when it comes to my daughters, that I look at it and, I don't need this, I could do this in real life. Oh, look, the little teenage daughters going away and possibly wrecking her life. Oh, this looks like a funny movie! Let me go to -- do we have a freak jury?