Love is in the air, including free Valentine's day audio


Couple Of The Year - Volume 1

Quite possibly our favorite show of the year-the "Couple of the Year" presentation. Listen back to some of our best moments from these classic shows - available as a CD or download it instantly in MP3 format.

Also available...


Free audio: After Hours with Delino

Now, here's a story I found: Surprising reasons you're not having sex. Here's the first one. Your bed isn't sexy anymore. We hear it over and over again the bed should be used for sex and sleep only. So why do we insist on bringing in third parties, laptops, PDAs, Law and Order, et cetera, et cetera. You know what, my doctor has actually told me that, under doctors' orders, nothing else in bed. He said just sleep. And I went, just sleep? And my wife said, you heard him; just sleep. "Your meds are stealing away your sex drive." Whoa. Surprised by that one. Reason number 3: You're not having sex anymore. Your crazy, busy life. (Crackling noise). "I'm in Cairo." Sex RX, I don't even know what that means -- oh, that means what you're supposed to do. I don't care about that one. Next one: You don't like your body. This isn't a new development. Never have. Lucky for me. A long time ago I decided I'm not having sex with me. "You've hit premenopause." Can I? Next one, "Your man's just not into that." Wait a minute. This might be written for women. "You're depressed." Yeah, because I'm not having sex anymore! The last one is "You're sick and tired." Now, wait a minute. It says because you have a thyroid condition. Wouldn't you know because don't your eyes pop out with a thyroid condition? Seriously don't you start looking like those dogs? No, like the pug dog, like Stu's dog, your eyes pop out if you have a thyroid condition. If your eyes are popping out, that's why you're not having sex. But it also says because you might be anemic. I'm anemic, almost had to have a blood transfusion a couple of weeks ago and you know what? I could have had sex on the blood transfusion table. I'm just, I'm a guy. Anemia's going to stop you, puhleez. You need to have a blood transfusion." Sure, can you just leave us alone for a second, Doc? I mean, here are some other reasons. "You're ugly." Hello! I'm not a sex expert but I'm -- you know, I'm thinking, you know, you're ugly and, you know, that's a tough one to overcome especially if you're a woman. If you're a guy, that's not hard to overcome. I'm sorry. That's just the way the world is. How many ugly guys have hot wives? Take me, for example. I don't know why she married -- I think it was low self-esteem. I do. No, really I think it was low self-esteem. I got in -- you know, you buy when the market is low. You know what I mean? While everybody is selling, you buy. And I think I got in there right at the right time. Low self-esteem, wait a minute, could go a little lower, she might come down to my price. Okay, sold! Now her self-esteem is going up. And if my income wasn't going up, she would have ditched me long ago. She would have gone, "Wait a minute, I think I was depressed when I married you." I'm just -- look. I'm not Tania, but I am a thinker.

Okay, so anyway, talking about ugly people. Ugly people, if you're a guy, you can get past it. I don't think you can as an ugly woman. No, I don't -- if you are an ugly woman, I apologize. Oh, you've got a double-cross because if you're an ugly woman, you're probably a Progressive as well. Oh, jeez. I'm sorry. Today's just not your day. But you know what? If you believed in God, you would know that there's going to be another chance for you. You don't have to be ugly in heaven. You are going to be your perfect self and there will be another perfect somebody waiting for you on the other side. Until that time....

Reason Number 2, you're morbidly obese. They didn't cover this one in the other article, but I think when you put surprising -- oh, no, it does say "Surprising reasons you're not having sex." That's not a surprising reason. If you're morbidly obese, there's not a single person that's in line, you know, sitting on that big marshmallow couch, "I'm just going to have some more Cheetos. Ooh, this couch looks tasty." There's nobody that is sitting there eating Cheetos, "I got Cheetos dust all over my throat and thinking, why doesn't anybody want to have sex with me." That doesn't happen. There's no surprise there. You are right, I'm sorry, I take it back. The surprise would be, "I'm on my marshmallow -- you what? You want to have sex with me?" But again the guys make out better than the ladies on this one. Two words: Kevin James. I mean, he married a model. It's Kevin James! Look at him! I defy you to name the fat woman married to some stud guy. Can you do it?

Women are so much better than guys. They are. They just are. They will see -- I don't know how they see past fat. I don't, but they do somehow or another. My wife said to me last night. I said, oh, honey, I'm just tired of being fat and disgusting. I've got to get into shape. And she said, you're not fat. And I said, oh, I love you, my little blind one. You are so great. And by the way, you gain an ounce and you are out of here.

Reason number 3, you haven't done all the chores around the house. That's the one, that's the surprising reason you are not -- you've never tied it to chores! That women can talk about how they want to be romanced and, oh, look at you -- no, uh-uh. They just want you to get the chores done. That's it. It's like, you are like a hamster. And you got to put your nose in that little thing to get the water to come out. You know what I mean? That little thing, you got to get the chores done. You put the nose up in the little -- and the water comes. That's the way it works. You're a hamster! You've got to do the whole chore thing and I mean, men don't do the whole chore thing, there are very few times when men are not in the mood. The unfortunate thing for guys is one time when you're not in the mood is once you've finished all the chores. Because all day you're like, it's my whole Saturday is gone! I've been running around doing these darn chores! (Grumbling). Okay!

Reason Number 4: "You just bought that 63-inch plasma screen." I mean, honey, I love sex and everything, but have you seen how big the TV is? This is fantastic! Reason Number 5: "The ogle factor. We're guys. We're pathetic. We'll ogle a mannequin. Have you seen the Victoria's Secret's mannequins? They are so incredibly hot. You, like, drive by and you're like, don't look, don't look, don't look! It's a mannequin, for the love of Pete. We ogle the mannequins. I don't want to ogle mannequins. You just do. You're a guy! Women don't understand that. "How come you never look at me like all the women at the mall." "I don't know. Maybe because you're not made of paper mache. I don't know! Happy Valentine's Day! Oh!

Legal scholar and famed criminal defense attorney Alan Dershowitz has a message for partisans dividing America: "A plague on both your houses." He voted for Hillary Clinton. He endorsed Joe Biden. He's a man who is basically the Forrest Gump of American judicial history.

Look up a big court case over the past few decades, and you'll probably see him standing in the background. He's represented notorious clients like Mike Tyson, Patty Hearst, Harry Reems, Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, and yes, Donald Trump. It's made him a target for both the left and right.

Alan also describes himself as a "civil libertarian," and that's probably why he and Glenn Beck get along despite their opposing political views. His story is like a history lesson, spanning half a century, and it just might be the key to bridging the political divide.

On this week's podcast, Alan explained that while he's a strong defender of the Constitution, he's never been a big fan of the Second Amendment. In the past he's called it absurd and outdated, and even today, he admits that he wouldn't have ingrained it into our Constitution if he was a framer. However, with the whole Bill of Rights under attack, he's now fully in defense of our right to bear arms. Because if the Second Amendment changes, any amendment could be next.

"I'm now a supporter of the Second Amendment. I don't want to change it. I don't want to change one word of it, because I'm afraid that if I get to change the Second Amendment, other people will get to change the First Amendment, and the Fifth Amendment," Alan said. "So, I am committed to preserving the Bill of Rights, every single word, every comma, and every space between the words."

Watch a clip from the full interview with Alan Dershowitz below:

Watch the full podcast below, on Glenn's YouTube channel, or on Blaze Media's podcast network.

Want to listen to more Glenn Beck podcasts?

Subscribe to Glenn Beck's channel on YouTube for FREE access to more of his masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, or subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

Investigative reporter David Steinberg joined the radio program Monday, to explain how a new video may provide enough evidence to begin a FBI investigation into alleged illegal practices by Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar's campaign.

In the video, which was produced and released by Project Veritas, residents of Omar's community describe campaign teams that not only conduct illegal ballot harvesting practices but also pay people for their blank absentee ballots.

Steinberg told Glenn that, if these charges prove to be true, the federal government could bypass Omar's friend and protector, Minnesota Attorney General Keith Ellison. Could 2020 be the beginning of the end for Omar's political career?

Watch the video below to catch Glenn's conversation with David Steinberg:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

Mike Fratantuono is the manager of Sunset Restaurant in Glen Burnie, Maryland. He wrote in the Washington Post's COVID-19 series about the recent, heartbreaking loss of his business, a restaurant that has been in his family for "four generations and counting."

"I know this virus is real, okay? It's real and it's awful. I'm not disputing any of that," Mike wrote. "But our national hysteria is worse. We allowed the virus to take over our economy, our small businesses, our schools, our social lives, our whole quality of life. We surrendered, and now everything is infected."

On the radio program Monday, Glenn Beck reacted to Mike's letter, which he shared in full, adding his hope that those in government are ultimately held responsible for what he called the biggest theft of the Western world.

"This is the biggest theft of, not only money, but of heritage and of hope," Glenn said. "The United States government and many of the states are responsible for this, not you. And hopefully someday soon, we'll return to some semblance of sanity, and those responsible for this theft, this rape of the Western world, will be held responsible."

Watch the video below for more details:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

We did our homework over the weekend; we did the research so we can tell you what is likely coming from Senate Democrats regarding President Trump's Supreme Court Nominee Amy Coney Barrett. Based on our research and the anonymous people who have already come forward to talk about Coney Barrett's youth, these are the main shocking things you can expect Senate Democrats to seize on during the confirmation process…

A man has come forward under the banner of "#MenToo," to say that in second grade, Amy Coney Barrett and her best friend at the time, cornered him at a birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese and "injected him with a full dose of cooties." Which, if true, would obviously be disqualifying for serving on the highest court in the land.

Then there's a woman who says when she was nine-years-old, she lived on the same street as Amy Coney Barrett. She alleges that Coney-Barrett borrowed her VHS tape of Herbie Goes Bananas and did not return it for at least six months. And then when she did finally get the tape back, the woman says Coney Barrett did not even bother to rewind it. The FBI has interviewed at least two witnesses so far who say the tape was indeed not rewound and that it was very upsetting to the owner of the tape. Again, if true, this is troubling – clearly not the kind of integrity you want to see in a Supreme Court justice.

Apparently, in their elementary school days, they liked to drink milk – and lots of it.

The same neighbor also dropped a bombshell allegation about the drinking problem of Amy Coney Barrett and her closest friends. Apparently, in their elementary school days, they liked to drink milk – and lots of it. The neighbor says she "frequently" witnessed Coney-Barrett and her friends chugging entire cartons of milk – often Whole Milk, sometimes Chocolate Milk, occasionally both at the same time through a funnel.

Unfortunately, shooting-up cooties, injurious rewinding, and potential calcium-abuse are not even the worst of it.

A third person has now come forward, another man, and this is just reprehensible, it's hard to even fathom. But he alleges that in fourth grade, when they were around ten-years-old, Amy Coney Barrett and a group of "four or five of her friends" gang-GRAPED him on the playground during recess. He alleges the group of friends snuck uneaten grapes out of the cafeteria and gang-GRAPED him repeatedly in broad daylight. In other words, and I hate to have to spell this out because it's kind of graphic, but the group led by ten-year-old Amy Coney Barrett pelted this poor defenseless boy with whole grapes. He recalls them "laughing the whole time" as they were gang-GRAPING him.

He recalls them "laughing the whole time" as they were gang-GRAPING him.

Obviously, even if just one of these allegations is half-true, no Senator with a conscience could possibly vote to confirm Coney Barrett. When there is a clear pattern of destructive childhood behavior, it always continues into adulthood. Because people do not change. Ever.

Fortunately, for the sake of the Republic, Democrats plan to subpoena Coney Barrett's childhood diary, to see what, if any, insights it may provide into her calcium habits, as well as her abuse of illicit cooties and the gang-GRAPING incident.

We will keep you posted on the latest, but for now, it looks like Democrats will find plenty in the reckless pre-teen life of Amy Coney Barrett to cast doubt on her nomination. And if not, they can always fall back on her deranged preference for letting babies be born.

[NOTE: The preceding was a parody written by MRA writer Nathan Nipper.]