Glenn Beck: Thanks, Apple




From the Tour Blog...  


John Carney looking at his outdated iPhone while team prepares to go onstage.

GLENN: I personally would like to thank Apple and Steve Jobs. No, I mean, there's no sarcasm there. That's a heartfelt thank you, Apple and Steve Jobs. It is. They just released the all new improved iPhone 2 which is better than the one you bought two weeks ago for $600 and only costs $200. So I want to thank Apple. I don't know how these people stay in business. I really don't. Once a year they remind you, "Remember us? We're the company that just screwed you out of $400. Isn't that great? You came in and we've had these things sitting on the shelves for a while, with you we weren't going to tell you, sucker. Why would we do that?" It's like when you go in to buy a new car. You go in to buy a new car, you know the new one is coming out, right? Because they come out at the same time. You know if you're going to buy a car, you can get a discount by going in around the fall because the new ones are coming in. Not with Apple. Not with Apple. They will sit there. They will have them underneath the counter. They will be while they're talking to you, they will be unwrapping the boxes so they can put the price tag on them. Underneath the counter they are unwrapping it while they are looking you right straight in the eye going, "new one? No, I have no idea when that one's coming out, no, no, no, this one's so good, that's why we're charging you four times as much the list price." They do the opposite. But I want to thank them. I'm not being sarcastic. I want to thank them. I'm thankful that Apple exists, I'm thankful that Steve Jobs knows how to screw people, I mean to the wall, and I think that's I mean, in a way I am grateful. I mean, they let me enjoy my Apple iPhone for a year and then I lost it and they've let me enjoy this one for two weeks. So that's you know, they haven't rubbed in the new version yet. I mean, they will. They just started today. Usually they wait, you know, for good six weeks before they have the new version out and then, you know, you just spent a bajillion dollars on something that now is completely obsolete and when you go to the counter, you know, the genius bar, they are like, "You still have this one? That's crazy. I mean, you're not cool anymore, you know?" You feel pretty good with an Apple. You feel pretty good. You're like, yeah, yeah. And then some dork walks by and they look at you like, you have the iPhone 2.2724? Didn't you hear they've already come out with Version 2.2981 like two weeks ago? Hello, grandpa!

I think Apple is quite honestly the most amazing company on the planet and also the most frustrating company on the planet. They are amazing because the products that they create, truly revolutionary. MP3 player, no matter what it is, where it is, it's called an iPod. That's what it is. Frustrating because they screw you every step of the way. They know they've got a better version. Please, I really think that Apple, I think they they've already they start with the iPod 9 and they're like, how can we make this less impressive? And they take nine steps back and they are like, let's start them here. We'll eventually get to the 9. "No, we really won't get to the 9. Bill in the other room, he's got this new thing. Your finger turns into a phone. It's fantastic." They trick us into these fancy little commercials, you know, where the Apple logo is popping up and the cute little music playing behind. The only thing they do is not show you pictures of puppy dogs and you hear you know, you hear the music and you're like, oh, geez, it's stupid Apple again; I'm never going to fall for that wait a minute, hang on. What? Did he just move the Internet screen with his finger? Wow! Where can I get one of those!

I think they need to have counseling. I think they need to have you know the genius bar? They should have the genius couch or the not so genius couch for anybody who bought one, just go to the couch. "So we screwed you again, didn't we?" "Yeah." "How does that make you feel?" "Pretty crappy." "You're still going to buy stuff from us, aren't you?" "Yes." "How does that make you feel?" "Well, when I first get it, I feel cool. Then about 20 minutes later when you come out with a new version, I feel like a loser." "But you are." "I know, until I buy the new version."

I think that's what they should do. They should have some sort of a counseling couch right by the genius bar. I mean, you got time. While you're waiting in line for three hours at the genius bar first time I waited in line, I didn't know you had to go over to the computer and sign in. I didn't know that. I'm just waiting for them to say, "Next." Then I realized it didn't work that way and then I really felt stupid. Then I was looking for the couch. I'm like, I'm so stupid, I don't even know how to use their line. And then you stand there and you wait for a genius who's not a genius. He's like 12. And he you already well, I was going to say already thinks he's better than you. He already knows he's better than you. He's working at the genius bar. That's not too egotistical. He's working at the genius bar and he's like, "Hello, welcome to iPod. Welcome to Apple. Can I see your computer, please?" "Yeah." "Okay, I'll just listen to it here for a second. I'll tell you what's wrong, okay?" And he puts it up to his ear. Who fixes anything with their ear. I don't think anybody, they put it up to their ear and they listen. There's nothing happening. "Yeah, you're going to have to replace this." "Can you fix it?" "Oh, no. No, these really aren't made to be fixed." Maybe if you guys are such geniuses, maybe you should make them so they can be fixed. It's enough to drive anybody to insanity. I think marriages have collapsed while one spouse is just waiting there at the genius bar, waiting to be informed that he needs to restart his iPhone. I mean, it's and marriages collapse not only just because of the time you spent in line at the stupid Apple store. It's because of the story you tell when you come back. "Where were you? What took you so long?" "I was at the Apple store, honey. I mean, you know how long it takes there." (Murmuring). "Well, they tried to fix it and they couldn't." But they do have this new version there and it just seemed like " "You bought one, didn't you?" Do women actually buy anything Apple or is it just guys? Yeah, because they make the iPhone, like, with the little pink rubber thing? That's the dumbest thing I've ever these iPhones, they're little teeny they're little teeny computers. As soon as you drop one I've dropped mine before. When you drop it, isn't the first thing out of your mouth, "Oh, crap." You know it's not going to survive the fall. You'll be standing in line at the genius counter. "Just listening. Shhh. Did you drop it or something?" I know, I probably you guys didn't really, you didn't think that one through, did you? "No, because nobody's stupid to drop it. I mean, who would be that stupid to drop an iPhone? You paid $6,000 for it. The new one's coming out tom oops, shouldn't have told you that. Why don't you buy the $6,000 one today because the new one's definitely not coming out at $19.95 tomorrow and this one doubles as a plane." "Okay, thank you. Thank you to the genius over at Apple."

Gavin McInnes broke the internet last month when his live show was interrupted, and it appeared that he was arrested. He broke the internet again a few weeks later when he admitted that the arrest was staged as part of what was intended to be an elaborate prank.

McInnes joined Glenn Beck on "Glenn TV" to explain the real reason behind his disastrous prank.

"This was a $10,000 joke. I lost 100 subscribers because of it, but I was going away to Paris for a week because my daughter is going to college and I thought let's make it interesting," McInnes said of his decision to fake an on-air arrest in the middle of his live "Get Off My Lawn" podcast on August 25.

"There was a method to the madness, with the prank ... my point was, first of all, this is happening to people in real-time. Tim Poole has been swatted a million times," he explained to Glenn. "The thought police are in full effect. I also wanted to lampoon the media's bloodlust for us suffering."

Glenn played a clip of the now-infamous hoax while McInnes explained what was really going on behind the scenes, including how his very drunk friend "Unrelia-Bill" was supposed to act the part of the arresting officer but ended up being much too intoxicated (at "2 pm") to speak even a few lines, and how smugly gleeful the "far left" was when they thought McInnes had actually been arrested.

Watch the video clip below to catch more of the conversation:


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Glenn Beck joined Fox News' Tucker Carlson on Thursday night to discuss Visa Inc.'s "horrifying" new plans to flag firearm sales by separately categorizing purchases at gun shops, a move that Glenn aptly described as "the next step in banning guns."

In what's been hailed as a major victory for gun control activists, Visa agreed to adopt the International Organization for Standardization's (ISO) new set of standards by creating a special merchant category code for gun and ammunition sales.

In his appearance on "Tucker Carlson Tonight," Glenn shared a letter written by Robert B. Thomson III, a senior vice president at Visa, showing that the credit card company initially pushed back on the ISO's new rules.

“We believe that asking payment networks to serve as a moral authority by deciding which legal goods can or cannot be purchased sets a dangerous precedent,” Thomson wrote in the letter to pro-gun-control lawmakers, including Democratic Sen. Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts.

Just days later, however, Visa had agreed to comply with the ISO's plan to establish a new merchant category code for gun stores. So why did Visa suddenly flip?

As Glenn explained, it all comes down to pressure from America's largest union-owned bank, the Amalgamated Bank, one of the only unionized banks in the United States and a proud proponent of ESG (Environmental, Social, and Governance) investing.

"This is the next step in banning guns," Glenn asserted.

"It's horrifying!" Tucker responded after several seconds of stunned silence.

"I'm so grateful you did the reporting on this," he told Glenn. "I'm not sure why it falls to you since we have a couple of very large daily newspapers in this country you'd think would want to report this, yet none of them did. So, Glenn Beck did."


On a recent episode of "The Glenn Beck Program," Glenn broke down the details of this latest attack on the Second Amendment and revealed how this is a step toward something even worse than federal gun registration. Watch the video clip below for more details. Can't watch? Download the podcast here.


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To enjoy more of Glenn’s masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis, and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.

Glenn Beck: Here's why Stacey Abrams' fetal heartbeat remarks are hilarious but TERRIFYING

(Left) Image source: video screenshot/ (right) Photo by Marcus Ingram/Getty Images

Georgia Democratic gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams has a new pro-abortion conspiracy theory: "There is no such thing as a [fetal] heartbeat at six weeks ... it is a manufactured sound designed to convince people that men have a right to take control of a woman’s body."

On the radio program Thursday, Glenn Beck and producer Stu Burguiere agreed Abrams' latest "misinformation" is not just ridiculous but could be dangerous if people are actually willing to believe her.

"If you want to defend abortion, go ahead and defend it. Defend what you're actually doing. Stop denying what is reality," Stu said. "If this is such a great defensible policy, then just come out and defend it, but they never can ... you notice how they can't go to the actual thing they say is so important. They keep defending these other things that aren't true."

Glenn said the pro-choice movement was successful for a long time because most people want the decision to be up to the woman and her doctor and that abortion should be safe, legal, and rare. But when leftists began "celebrating" their abortions or calling for "abortion on demand" at any point in the pregnancy, that's when they start to lose support.

"Because they've celebrated abortion and are losing regular people, you can't put that genie back in the bottle. So, what do they have to do now? They have to take the insane step of discrediting medical machines and technology," Glenn said.

"This is after two years, by the way, of them claiming the biggest scandal in the world was people suggesting the voting machines were hacked — after they previously said that voting machines were hacked in elections they [Democrats] lost," Stu pointed out.

"Honestly, gang, think this through because this is where life gets very scary. This is where you go to authoritarian rule and you can kill millions of people because you're truly now discrediting things that everyone knows is true," Glenn warned.

"So, if you disagree ... you can say that is an evil magic box that has made up sounds in it to convince people. If they will buy that, you're at the Salem witch trials. 'If she doesn't float, she wasn't a witch.' That's what you're looking at right now — and what's frightening is, [Abrams] can say this with a straight face and no one discredits her," he continued.

"You don't think that they can convince those people that you are a terrorist because of the way you vote? [...] You don't think they can convince half the country that you should be eliminated, liquidated, put into a camp, whatever authoritarians love to do? ... We are headed towards dangerous, dangerous times. We better wake up and stand together because this is frightening — it's hilarious — but because people are taking it seriously, it is terrifying," Glenn added.

Watch the video clip below to hear more from Glenn. Can't watch? Download the podcast here.

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn’s masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis, and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.

A big question Glenn Beck has always had about “The Amazing Do-Over” is: How do you get the most powerful and wealthy nation that has ever existed to accept, “You will own nothing … and be happy”? A foundational principle of this country from its very inception has been land ownership. We worked hard, were fiscally responsible, and stayed away from high debt, but the progressive era began to erode all of that.

The Clinton Global Initiative recently gathered the ruling class to tell the plebes how to run their finances and called anyone who dared challenge their ideas “climate change deniers.” Glenn argues we are dangerously far down the “Road to Serfdom” and exposes the progressive playbook to keep us in line. It’s a 600-year-old medieval model that’s been the plan all along.

We’re already feeling economic pain, and yet they’re playing “Game of Thrones” with our lives. Turning us into serfs is their ultimate goal. How do they finish the complete restructuring of the American financial system and our way of life?

On Wednesday night's "Glenn TV," Glenn connects it all on the chalkboard and details the solution to fighting back against the ruling elites.

Watch the full episode below:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn’s masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis, and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.