GLENN BECK PROGRAM
GLENN: The new GQ is out, Look Sharp, Live Sharp. At least it's out in Los Angeles and New York this week. It just came out, what, Monday? Stu, let me ask you a question.
GLENN: National magazine, this is the cover, that has on cover, and this is the issue where they do an in-depth interview with me and they said that -- the writer said that he wanted to have the definitive Glenn Beck story.
STU: There's something to aspire to.
GLENN: And how many pages is it? Six pages? This is what's on the cover. GQ, it has Barack Obama rules, on the road with a great contender and it's a picture of Barack Obama on the cover.
GLENN: Then it says, dress like a winner. 50 pages of the best fall clothes. And... a liberal dose of unbeachable fashion advice.
STU: It sounds like your magazine so far.
GLENN: Sure does. Oh, and then it says on the cover, the most annoying man on TV.
STU: On the cover?
GLENN: On the cover. The most annoying man on TV.
STU: Not even a -- usually they couch it, maybe top five. You're number one.
GLENN: No, this is the most annoying man on TV, Page 325. It's right --
STU: 325? What is it, a Harry Potter book?
GLENN: I know. It's the article right before the Barack Obama article.
STU: Oh, okay.
GLENN: So 325. Would you say, Stu, would you say that it's going to be a good article?
STU: I would say everything in me with what you've told me.
GLENN: Everything in me.
STU: Would have told me that this would be a horrible article from your perspective.
GLENN: It has me on a soapbox with a red, white and blue tie, stars and stripes tie, and the headline is Glenn Beck the most annoying man on TV or does it only seem that way?
STU: There's another option. I figured it was yes, and that was the whole article.
GLENN: No, it's actually great.
STU: It's a great article.
GLENN: It's actually one of the best articles -- I shouldn't say best article. There have been more glowing articles.
GLENN: This is probably one of the most accurate articles that has ever come out on me.
STU: That's great. We were very fearful of this.
GLENN: Oh, I was fearful. And I have to tell you, Ben Wallace is the author, and I was -- I trusted him, and I kept calling him going, Ben, all I ask is that you let me explain everything. If you hear something, you please give me the chance to explain it or to -- and he did. And it's not -- you know, it's not one written by my mother by any stretch of the imagination.
STU: Be a short article.
GLENN: Yeah, it's -- what does that even mean?
STU: Yes, it was "Your mama's dead, joke."
GLENN: Holy cow.
STU: You draw them out of me.
GLENN: I mean, he takes some real shots at me, but I --
DAN: That was love.
STU: He makes them all the time.
DAN: He's allowed to make them. You can't come out here and make dead mom jokes.
STU: Well, he didn't say it fast enough. If he would have just filled in the gap with his own dead mom joke, we would be moving on.
DAN: I'm sorry about the loss of your mother.
GLENN: I was just at my mother's grave. Thanks for bringing that up, Stu.
STU: I mean, come on now. It was quite some time ago.
GLENN: Boy, I've got to tell you. That joke would have been funny until I went to my mother's grave which I hadn't been in about 10 years.
STU: I hate you.
GLENN: And then when I got there, I can't believe how much. It all came flooding back and thanks for bringing that back to me yet again.
DAN: I know you are a little rusty from being on vacation, Stu, but dead mom jokes is not the way to go.
GLENN: When did this program start to --
STU: I'm such a jerk. So anyway, is it out now?
GLENN: I know it's out in New York and Los Angeles, like you need fashion advice, emergency fashion advice in New York and Los Angeles. I don't know why. I think it's delayed in the nether regions of the country.
STU: There's other places?
GLENN: There are other places, yeah. I mean, much to, you know, the people who write a liberal dose of unbeachable fashion advice, much to their chagrin, there are other parts of the great country we call the US of A.
STU: That's a great article. I'm pleasantly surprised. I've read a good portion of it.
GLENN: Here's my favorite part. There's a couple of parts here, the laugh out loud and most people wouldn't have gotten it, but he did. Because the guy followed me around for a while, and part of the article is just this. In a mirrored room at CNN on the fifth floor of the Time-Warner center in Manhattan, a makeup artist paints cream under Beck's eyes while her colleague, idle in a nearby chair, tells Beck that she's moving to Riverdale in the Bronx. Did you read this, Stu?
STU: This is great.
GLENN: At least you are outside the vaporization zone, says Beck. Really, says makeup lady number 2? I'm still in New York. Oh, yeah, you could drop a one kiloton bomb in Manhattan and still be safe in Chelsea. Good to know, the makeup artist says. No. Beck said, did you check the blast radius? She says, no, I was more interested in the public school system. Priorities, Beck says, priorities.
He's kind of joking, kind of isn't. At least this guy gets the fact that I was joking, yet not so much. You know what I mean?
STU: That's a normal conversation with Glenn Beck right there.
GLENN: That is a normal conversation. You can take it as a joke, you can leave it on the table as, holy cow, I'm not -- I'm still in the blast zone? [Laughter].
STU: This whole program is psychotic.
GLENN: Oh, it is.
STU: It is in many ways. That's a really good article, Glenn. It's so good. You should show it to your mom.
DAN: Did she hang it on the fridge?
STU: That was Dan. That was Dan who said that's terrible -- Daniel! That is terrible what you just said.
GLENN: I am going to try to compose myself now. I am going to go weep in the other room for just a few minutes, compose myself. And then rise above these cheap, cheap comments. Coming up.