Fusion Magazine: Choice You Can Believe In



THEISM VS. DEISM

Theism is the belief in an


omnipotent, all-knowing


personal God, like one


who cares about you


scoring a touchdown or


not dying in a helicopter


accident. Anyone who


yells, "Thank you Jesus!"


when the Yankees win is


presumably a theist.

Deism is a belief in


a higher power, but


one that deals with


the universe as a whole


and is less concerned


about how you do on


the SAT or if you ever


find a girlfriend.


When someone says


"I believe in a greater


power but I don't know


what, "they're in


deist territory.


The other day I was walking around the office shaking a large tree branch. Glenn stopped me and asked what I was doing. I told him I was going to make it rain. He told me that shaking a branch would have no effect on the weather whatsoever. Normally I would have launched into an endless train of swear words that would make Rahm Emanuel blush, but I remembered that he signs the checks. So, I politely disagreed and told him that if I shook a tree branch, the Great Spirit Banzu would hear the rustle of the leaves and make it rain. It's one of the central tenets of my faith, Briantology.

That led to a discussion on faith. Apparently Glenn is religious (I had no idea) and we chatted for a long time about it. We didn't agree on much (he refuses to accept Great Spirit Banzu) but we both agreed that I should not try to make it rain indoors - so I went to the roof and did my branch-shaking there. Three hours later it hadn't rained a drop, so I can only assume Cappucina, Goddess of Baristas, is mad about something I did at Starbucks.

My discussion with Glenn piqued my interest in religions. Glenn said there are more than two (I had no idea) so I decided not to do any work and instead went about summarizing some of the world's biggest or more interesting faiths. Here's what I learned:

 

CHRISTIANITY


FOLLOWERS: 2.1 billion


PRO: Really pretty cathedrals.


CON: So many offshoots you get options paralysis.


FAMOUS CHRISTIANS: Chuck Norris, Don Imus, MC Hammer

As you might have guessed from the name, Christ plays a significant role in Christianity. Be grateful his name wasn't Bob: Bobianity lacks the right ring to it. A strong missionary element helped the religion to flourish. People were attracted to its emphasis on peace, good vs. evil and an afterlife of reward for the faithful adherents (not to mention the fear of punishment for the naughty ones). Over the centuries there have been numerous rifts such as the Catholic/Protestant split, and the time they had dueling Popes. There are 2.1 billion adherents overall, with 1 billion of them Catholic, nearly 400 million Protestant, and the rest all sorts of things ranging from Pentecostals to Baptists to Jehovah's Witnesses, Christian Scientists and Latter-Day Saints.

JUDAISM


FOLLOWERS: 14 million


PRO: You're one of the chosen people!


CON: People keep choosing to try and kill you.


FAMOUS JEWS: Jesus, Paul Wolfowitz, Albert Einstein

Judaism is one of the Big Three religions that came out of the desert. It has a strong emphasis on being good and focuses on earthly life as opposed to afterlife. They have the best delicatessens. There is a very strong cultural emphasis on education which has resulted in a disproportionate number of Jews ending up in the higher echelons of business, science, entertainment and finance. This disparity has been known to make Richard Nixon, Mel Gibson and other anti-Semites terribly mad as they see this as some kind of conspiracy, when in reality it's merely the byproduct of a Jewish mother nagging her son until he applies to Harvard.

ZOROASTRIANISM


FOLLOWERS: 2.6 million


PROS: Nobody bothers to mock you.


CONS: Have to explain it all the time.


FAMOUS ZOROASTRIANS: Freddie Mercury, Zubin Mehta

Once the official religion of Persia (now Iran), Zoroastrianism was an attempt to corral all the wild beliefs of the time (there were gods for everything) and narrow it all down for simplicity's sake. After cleaning house, what was left was a god of good, Ahura Mazdah, and a god of evil, Ahrima. They each had a few arch-angels to help out with things because being good or evil is hard work. Good and evil are engaged in a constant struggle and followers spend a lot of time with purification rituals in an attempt to avoid being contaminated by evil. Its followers were nearly wiped out by Muslims in the 8th Century, so they fled. Many of them wound up in Bombay, which is now called Mumbai for some reason.

SCIENTOLOGY


FOLLOWERS: 500,000


PROS: Can help you get a leg up in Hollywood.


CONS: It's a little weird.


FAMOUS SCIENTOLOGISTS: Tom Cruise, Nancy Cartwright, Beck (not Glenn, the musician)

Someone has an idea. Starts talking. Eventually has lots of people believing it. That's par for the course for any religion. It has been suggested that writer L. Ron Hubbard founded Scientology on a bet. That may or may not be true, but what is true is that the religion is heavily influenced by sci-fi. It's got aliens, "body thetans" and e-meters. The church has had a reputation for aggressively spying on, harassing and threatening those who have scrutinized it, and only in the last few years have its detractors become more and more vocal. Because of high profile members like Tom Cruise and John Travolta, Scientology draws Hollywood sycophants like moths to a flame.

HINDUISM


FOLLOWERS: 900 million


PROS: So many gods to choose from!


CONS: No hamburger.


FAMOUS HINDUS: Gandhi, Deepak Chopra, M. Night Shyamalan

Despite having so many followers, Hinduism is virtually ignored here in the states where we tend to focus on Muslims, Jews and Christians. The faith is big on karma – what goes around comes around – and if something bad happens to you it could be from something you did in a past life. If you're especially rotten, you might come back as a mosquito. But cows are holy. The whole idea is to work out all your kinks over time so that your soul ultimately joins the Infinite Being. Hindus have tons of cool gods with awesome names like Shiva the Destroyer.

RASTAFARIANISM


FOLLOWERS: 600,000


PROS: Marijuana plays a large role.


CONS: Munchies, slow reaction time, muddled thoughts.


FAMOUS RASTAFARIANS: Bob Marley, Peter Tosh

Rastafarianism arose in Jamaica in the early 20th Century. The religion promoted the belief that Emperor Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia was the second coming of Jesus Christ on Earth. The religion is Abrahamic and claims that the black race came from the original 12 tribes of Israel. It tends to be Afro-centric and adherents often reject modern society - which makes sense because of all the pot smoking. Followers have bloodshot eyes and are often too laid back to spread the faith.

WICCA


FOLLOWERS: Approximately 500,000


PROS: Free entry into Renaissance festivals.


CONS: Can haunt you when running for office.


FAMOUS WICCANS: Gerald Gardner (only famous to Wiccans)

Primarily a religion for girls with ten cats and a need for attention, Wicca found itself in the news lately after old footage of Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell surfaced claiming she dabbled in it once. The Wiccan religion features two gods: a Horned Male and the Triple Goddess. Like any religion, it has a hundred different offshoots that all share one trait: silliness.

ISLAM


FOLLOWERS: 1.5 billion


PRO: You're allowed to visit Mecca.


CON: No-Fly Lists.


FAMOUS MUSLIMS: Osama bin Laden, Shaquille O'Neal, Fareed Zakaria

Islam is getting a lot of bad press lately on account of all the bombing and shooting and beheading and screaming and cartoon riots and threats and other generally unpleasant events to which some of its adherents seem inclined. A bad apple can spoil the bunch, and we're seeing a growing backlash against the religion - which is unfortunate for the quiet moderates who are now finding themselves the target of anger and increasing scrutiny. Like Christianity, it promises a swell afterlife for its adherents, but in this life it requires submission (that's what the word "Islam" means). Unfortunately the faith has had a hard time co-existing with a much more liberal Western society. Shariah, the Islamic code of justice, is effectively incompatible with Western sensibilities.

BUDDHISM




ATHEISM


VS. AGNOSTICISM




Atheists are saying,


"I do not believe in a god."

Agnostics are saying


"I really have no idea,


stop nagging me."


FOLLOWERS: 376 million


PRO: Everyone thinks you're cool and laid back.


CON: Half of L.A. claims to be one.


FAMOUS BUDDHISTS: Dalai Lama, Richard Gere, Oliver Stone

 

Buddhism derived from Hinduism, keeping the concept of reincarnation while dropping numerous things, including the god that looks like an elephant and the one with six arms. Buddhism relies on meditation and self-reflection as one pursues the goal of Nirvana - at which point you're relieved from all desires, suffering, and the cycle of reincarnation altogether. Buddhism is a favorite of Hollywood celebrities who are apparently blissfully unaware of the Dalai Lama's stance on homosexuality. Also, if you go to Benihana you can get a cocktail in a Buddha glass - so they're pretty laid back. Try doing that with Mohammed.

 



<< Return to the November 2010 Index

Republican Rep. Dan Crenshaw of Texas joined Glenn Beck on the radio program Thursday to discuss the Left's current efforts to rid the U.S. military of "extremism," Democrats' push to separate President Joe Biden from the nuclear codes, and how conservatives can use government to battle the far-left, their policies, and their efforts to control Americans.

Crenshaw called the military's efforts to rid their ranks of extremism, "so obviously and clearly politically motivated," as the entire premise is based on reports that some active service members and veterans participated in the Jan. 6 storming of the U.S. Capitol.

"Mathematically, that's not a good indication of where active duty military stand or where veterans stand more broadly," Crenshaw said of the generalization that military personnel are extremists. "And I thought we were against that kind of profiling. Right? I thought that was against the liberal values that supposedly the Left stands for."

"But, Glenn, you know very well the Left is not liberal," he added. "The Left is very anti-liberal. And I think as conservatives, we have to say that more often. They have become genuinely authoritarian. Progressivism is not in sync with liberalism. All right? There's a big difference between an Alan Dershowitz liberal and a Democrat Party progressive. They're totally different."

Watch the video clip below to catch more of the conversation with Rep. Dan Crenshaw:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

Glenn Beck: THIS is why Biden nominated Merrick Garland as attorney general

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Many will remember President Biden's attorney general nominee Merrick Garland as the man Republicans refused to hold a Supreme Court confirmation hearing for back in 2016. So, was Garland's AG nomination just meant to be a slap in the face to Republicans? Glenn Beck thinks there's a lot more to it.

Given how focused Democrats are on rooting out vaguely defined "right-wing extremism," Garland's work in supervising the prosecution of the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing suspects gives us a hint, Glenn suggested on radio this week. He said he's "all for" stopping dangerous extremists, but couldn't help noticing how Garland isn't talking about any of the destruction that happened over the summer.

"I am all for justice. I am all for making sure we catch the bad guys, as long as the bad guys are not defined to be on only one side," Glenn said. "Merrick Garland said [Monday] that there was no comparison between what happened on January 6th and what happened over the summer. That is because the Washington elites see themselves as better than somebody who owns a taco stand. I don't. The Constitution doesn't. They are the same crime."

Watch the video clip below to hear more from Glenn:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

"All rich countries should move to 100% synthetic beef. You can get used to the taste difference," said holy anointed billionaire Bill Gates. Green activism has been around for decades. But what used to be wacky has now worked its way into the world's power structure. You must believe the science. You cannot question the science.

The Texas power failure provided America with a disturbing and deadly preview of the Great Reset. But Bill Gates, AOC, and other Democrats say this only proves we need to enforce MORE green policies.

On his Wednesday night special this week, Glenn Beck reveals how deep the Great Reset tentacles reach into government and business to strangle freedom and their efforts to control every aspect of your private life.

Watch the full episode below:

Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.

Why are we letting criminals out of prison while putting pastors in? Pastor James Coates of Canada's GraceLife Church was recently fined, arrested, and put in maximum security prison for violating lockdown rules.

Rebel News founder Ezra Levant joined Glenn Beck on "Glenn TV" to discuss the story. Ezra said he's noticed a trend of government officials "picking on" Christians as "lockdownism" becomes almost a new kind of religion, and warned this might be just the start of more persecution to come.

Watch the video below to catch more of the conversation:


Want more from Glenn Beck?

To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution and live the American dream.