Fusion Magazine: Choice You Can Believe In



THEISM VS. DEISM

Theism is the belief in an


omnipotent, all-knowing


personal God, like one


who cares about you


scoring a touchdown or


not dying in a helicopter


accident. Anyone who


yells, "Thank you Jesus!"


when the Yankees win is


presumably a theist.

Deism is a belief in


a higher power, but


one that deals with


the universe as a whole


and is less concerned


about how you do on


the SAT or if you ever


find a girlfriend.


When someone says


"I believe in a greater


power but I don't know


what, "they're in


deist territory.


The other day I was walking around the office shaking a large tree branch. Glenn stopped me and asked what I was doing. I told him I was going to make it rain. He told me that shaking a branch would have no effect on the weather whatsoever. Normally I would have launched into an endless train of swear words that would make Rahm Emanuel blush, but I remembered that he signs the checks. So, I politely disagreed and told him that if I shook a tree branch, the Great Spirit Banzu would hear the rustle of the leaves and make it rain. It's one of the central tenets of my faith, Briantology.

That led to a discussion on faith. Apparently Glenn is religious (I had no idea) and we chatted for a long time about it. We didn't agree on much (he refuses to accept Great Spirit Banzu) but we both agreed that I should not try to make it rain indoors - so I went to the roof and did my branch-shaking there. Three hours later it hadn't rained a drop, so I can only assume Cappucina, Goddess of Baristas, is mad about something I did at Starbucks.

My discussion with Glenn piqued my interest in religions. Glenn said there are more than two (I had no idea) so I decided not to do any work and instead went about summarizing some of the world's biggest or more interesting faiths. Here's what I learned:

 

CHRISTIANITY


FOLLOWERS: 2.1 billion


PRO: Really pretty cathedrals.


CON: So many offshoots you get options paralysis.


FAMOUS CHRISTIANS: Chuck Norris, Don Imus, MC Hammer

As you might have guessed from the name, Christ plays a significant role in Christianity. Be grateful his name wasn't Bob: Bobianity lacks the right ring to it. A strong missionary element helped the religion to flourish. People were attracted to its emphasis on peace, good vs. evil and an afterlife of reward for the faithful adherents (not to mention the fear of punishment for the naughty ones). Over the centuries there have been numerous rifts such as the Catholic/Protestant split, and the time they had dueling Popes. There are 2.1 billion adherents overall, with 1 billion of them Catholic, nearly 400 million Protestant, and the rest all sorts of things ranging from Pentecostals to Baptists to Jehovah's Witnesses, Christian Scientists and Latter-Day Saints.

JUDAISM


FOLLOWERS: 14 million


PRO: You're one of the chosen people!


CON: People keep choosing to try and kill you.


FAMOUS JEWS: Jesus, Paul Wolfowitz, Albert Einstein

Judaism is one of the Big Three religions that came out of the desert. It has a strong emphasis on being good and focuses on earthly life as opposed to afterlife. They have the best delicatessens. There is a very strong cultural emphasis on education which has resulted in a disproportionate number of Jews ending up in the higher echelons of business, science, entertainment and finance. This disparity has been known to make Richard Nixon, Mel Gibson and other anti-Semites terribly mad as they see this as some kind of conspiracy, when in reality it's merely the byproduct of a Jewish mother nagging her son until he applies to Harvard.

ZOROASTRIANISM


FOLLOWERS: 2.6 million


PROS: Nobody bothers to mock you.


CONS: Have to explain it all the time.


FAMOUS ZOROASTRIANS: Freddie Mercury, Zubin Mehta

Once the official religion of Persia (now Iran), Zoroastrianism was an attempt to corral all the wild beliefs of the time (there were gods for everything) and narrow it all down for simplicity's sake. After cleaning house, what was left was a god of good, Ahura Mazdah, and a god of evil, Ahrima. They each had a few arch-angels to help out with things because being good or evil is hard work. Good and evil are engaged in a constant struggle and followers spend a lot of time with purification rituals in an attempt to avoid being contaminated by evil. Its followers were nearly wiped out by Muslims in the 8th Century, so they fled. Many of them wound up in Bombay, which is now called Mumbai for some reason.

SCIENTOLOGY


FOLLOWERS: 500,000


PROS: Can help you get a leg up in Hollywood.


CONS: It's a little weird.


FAMOUS SCIENTOLOGISTS: Tom Cruise, Nancy Cartwright, Beck (not Glenn, the musician)

Someone has an idea. Starts talking. Eventually has lots of people believing it. That's par for the course for any religion. It has been suggested that writer L. Ron Hubbard founded Scientology on a bet. That may or may not be true, but what is true is that the religion is heavily influenced by sci-fi. It's got aliens, "body thetans" and e-meters. The church has had a reputation for aggressively spying on, harassing and threatening those who have scrutinized it, and only in the last few years have its detractors become more and more vocal. Because of high profile members like Tom Cruise and John Travolta, Scientology draws Hollywood sycophants like moths to a flame.

HINDUISM


FOLLOWERS: 900 million


PROS: So many gods to choose from!


CONS: No hamburger.


FAMOUS HINDUS: Gandhi, Deepak Chopra, M. Night Shyamalan

Despite having so many followers, Hinduism is virtually ignored here in the states where we tend to focus on Muslims, Jews and Christians. The faith is big on karma – what goes around comes around – and if something bad happens to you it could be from something you did in a past life. If you're especially rotten, you might come back as a mosquito. But cows are holy. The whole idea is to work out all your kinks over time so that your soul ultimately joins the Infinite Being. Hindus have tons of cool gods with awesome names like Shiva the Destroyer.

RASTAFARIANISM


FOLLOWERS: 600,000


PROS: Marijuana plays a large role.


CONS: Munchies, slow reaction time, muddled thoughts.


FAMOUS RASTAFARIANS: Bob Marley, Peter Tosh

Rastafarianism arose in Jamaica in the early 20th Century. The religion promoted the belief that Emperor Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia was the second coming of Jesus Christ on Earth. The religion is Abrahamic and claims that the black race came from the original 12 tribes of Israel. It tends to be Afro-centric and adherents often reject modern society - which makes sense because of all the pot smoking. Followers have bloodshot eyes and are often too laid back to spread the faith.

WICCA


FOLLOWERS: Approximately 500,000


PROS: Free entry into Renaissance festivals.


CONS: Can haunt you when running for office.


FAMOUS WICCANS: Gerald Gardner (only famous to Wiccans)

Primarily a religion for girls with ten cats and a need for attention, Wicca found itself in the news lately after old footage of Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell surfaced claiming she dabbled in it once. The Wiccan religion features two gods: a Horned Male and the Triple Goddess. Like any religion, it has a hundred different offshoots that all share one trait: silliness.

ISLAM


FOLLOWERS: 1.5 billion


PRO: You're allowed to visit Mecca.


CON: No-Fly Lists.


FAMOUS MUSLIMS: Osama bin Laden, Shaquille O'Neal, Fareed Zakaria

Islam is getting a lot of bad press lately on account of all the bombing and shooting and beheading and screaming and cartoon riots and threats and other generally unpleasant events to which some of its adherents seem inclined. A bad apple can spoil the bunch, and we're seeing a growing backlash against the religion - which is unfortunate for the quiet moderates who are now finding themselves the target of anger and increasing scrutiny. Like Christianity, it promises a swell afterlife for its adherents, but in this life it requires submission (that's what the word "Islam" means). Unfortunately the faith has had a hard time co-existing with a much more liberal Western society. Shariah, the Islamic code of justice, is effectively incompatible with Western sensibilities.

BUDDHISM




ATHEISM


VS. AGNOSTICISM




Atheists are saying,


"I do not believe in a god."

Agnostics are saying


"I really have no idea,


stop nagging me."


FOLLOWERS: 376 million


PRO: Everyone thinks you're cool and laid back.


CON: Half of L.A. claims to be one.


FAMOUS BUDDHISTS: Dalai Lama, Richard Gere, Oliver Stone

 

Buddhism derived from Hinduism, keeping the concept of reincarnation while dropping numerous things, including the god that looks like an elephant and the one with six arms. Buddhism relies on meditation and self-reflection as one pursues the goal of Nirvana - at which point you're relieved from all desires, suffering, and the cycle of reincarnation altogether. Buddhism is a favorite of Hollywood celebrities who are apparently blissfully unaware of the Dalai Lama's stance on homosexuality. Also, if you go to Benihana you can get a cocktail in a Buddha glass - so they're pretty laid back. Try doing that with Mohammed.

 



<< Return to the November 2010 Index

Today is the 75th anniversary of D-Day, the largest amphibious invasion in history.

The Allied invasion force included 5,000 ships and landing craft, 11,000 planes, and almost three million allied soldiers, airmen and sailors. Despite such numbers, the location and timing of the invasion was still an enormous gamble. The Nazis fully expected such an invasion, they just didn't know precisely when or where it would be.

Despite the enormous logistics involved, the gamble worked and by the end of June 6, 1944, 156,000 Allied troops were ashore in Normandy. The human cost was also enormous – over 4,900 American troops died on D-Day. That number doubled over the next month as they fought to establish a foothold in northern France.

There were five beach landing zones on the coast of northwestern France, divided among the Allies. They gave each landing zone a name. Canada was responsible for "Juno." Britain was responsible for "Gold" and "Sword." And the U.S. had "Utah" and "Omaha."

The Nazis were dug in with bunkers, machine guns, artillery, mines, barbed wire, and other obstacles to tangle any attempt to come ashore. Of the five beaches, Omaha was by far the most heavily defended. Over 2,500 U.S. soldiers were killed at Omaha – the beach so famously depicted in the opening battle sequence of the 1998 movie, Saving Private Ryan. The real-life assault on Omaha Beach included 34 men in that first wave of attack who came from the same small town of Bedford, Virginia. The first Americans to die on Omaha Beach were the men from Bedford.

amp only placement

America has a national D-Day Memorial, but many people don't know about it.

America has a national D-Day Memorial, but many people don't know about it. Maybe that's because it wasn't a government project and it's not in Washington DC. It was initiated and financed by veterans and private citizens. It's tucked away in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, in the small town of Bedford, Virginia. Why is the memorial for one of the most famous days in modern world history in such a tiny town? Because, as a proportion of its population of just 3,200 at the time, no community in the U.S. sacrificed more men on D-Day than Bedford.

There were 34 men in Company A from Bedford. Of those thirty-four, 23 died in the first wave of attacks. Six weeks after D-Day, the town's young telegraph operator was overwhelmed when news of many of the first deaths clattered across the Western Union line on the same day. Name after name of men and families that she knew well. There were so many at once that she had to enlist the help of customers in the pharmacy's soda shop to help deliver them all.

Among those killed in action were brothers Bedford and Raymond Hoback. Bedford was the rambunctious older brother with a fiancée back home that he couldn't wait to return to. Raymond was the quieter, more disciplined younger brother who could often be found reading his Bible. He fell in love with a British woman during his two years in England training for D-Day. Like in that opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan, Bedford and Raymond barely made it down the ramp of their Higgins Boat in the swarm of bullets and hot steel before they were cut down in the wet sand.

Bedford and Raymond Hoback's mother, Macie, learned of both their deaths from two separate telegrams, the first on a Sunday morning, the second the following day. Their younger sister, Lucille, remembered her mother's devastation, and her father walking out to the barn to cry.

The day after D-Day, the killing field of Omaha Beach was already transforming into the massive supply port that would help fuel the American drive all the way to Berlin over the next year. A soldier from West Virginia was walking along the beach when he saw something jutting out of the sand. He reached down and pulled it out. He was surprised to find it was a Bible. The inside cover was inscribed with: "Raymond S. Hoback, from mother, Christmas, 1938." The soldier wrote a letter and mailed it with the Bible to Raymond's mother. That Bible, which likely tumbled from Raymond's pack when he fell on D-Day, became Macie Hoback's most cherished possession – the only personal belonging of her son that was ever returned.

Of the 23 Bedford men who died on Omaha Beach, eleven were laid to rest in the American cemetery in Normandy.

These men, many of them barely out of their teens, didn't sign up to march to the slaughter of course. They had hopes and dreams just like you and I. Many of them signed up for adventure, or because of peer pressure, and yes, a sense of honor and duty. Many of the Bedford Boys first signed up for the National Guard just to make a few extra bucks per month, get to hang out with their buddies, and enjoy target practice. But someone had to be first at Omaha Beach and that responsibility fell to the men from Bedford.

Over the last several years, the D-Day anniversary gets increasingly sad. Because each year, there are fewer and fewer men alive who were actually in Normandy on June 6, 1944. The last of the surviving Bedford Boys died in 2009. Most of the remaining D-Day veterans who are still with us are too frail to make the pilgrimage to France for the anniversary ceremonies like they used to.

It's difficult to think about losing these World War II veterans, because once they're all gone, we'll lose that tether to a time when the nation figured out how to be a better version of itself.

Not that they were saints and did everything right. They were as human as we are, with all the fallibility that entails. But in some respects, they were better. Because they went, and they toughed it out, and they accomplished an incredibly daunting mission, with sickening hardship, heartbreak, and terror along the way.

So, what does the anniversary of D-Day mean in 2019?

In one sense, this anniversary is a reprimand that we've failed to tell our own story well enough.

In one sense, this anniversary is a reprimand that we've failed to tell our own story well enough. You can't learn about the logistics of the operation and above all, the human cost, and not be humbled. But as a society, we have not emphasized well enough the story of D-Day and all that it represents. How can I say that? Because of an example just last weekend, when common sense got booed by Democratic Socialists at the California Democrats' State Convention. When Democratic presidential candidate John Hickenlooper said during his speech that "socialism is not the answer," the crowd booed loudly. When did telling the truth about socialism become controversial?

Sure, socialists, and communists and other anti-American factions have always been around. America certainly had socialists in 1944. But the current socialists trying to take over the Democratic Party like a virus don't believe in the D-Day sacrifices to preserve America, because they don't believe America is worth preserving. They are agitating to reform America using the authoritarian playbook that has only ended in death and destruction everywhere it is followed.

Ask a Venezuelan citizen, or an Iraqi Christian, or a North Korean peasant why D-Day still matters in 2019.

The further we move away from caring about pivotal events like June 6, 1944, the less chance of survival we have as a nation.

At the same time, the D-Day anniversary is a reminder that we're not done yet. It's an opportunity for us to remember and let that inform how we live.

Near the end of Saving Private Ryan, the fictional Captain Miller lays dying, and he gives one last instruction to Private Ryan, the young man that he and his unit have sacrificed their lives to rescue in Normandy. He says, "Earn it."

In other words, don't waste the sacrifices that were made so that your life could be saved. Live it well. The message to "earn it" extends to the viewer and the nation as well – can we say we're earning the sacrifices that were made by Americans on D-Day? I cringe to think how our few remaining World War II veterans might answer that.

Honor. Duty. Sacrifice. Gratitude. Personal responsibility. These used to mean a lot more.

Honor. Duty. Sacrifice. Gratitude. Personal responsibility. These used to mean a lot more. I don't want to believe it's too late for us to rediscover those traits as a nation. I want to believe we can still earn it.

The challenge to "earn it" is a lot of pressure. Frankly, it's impossible. We can't fully earn the liberty that we inherited. But we can certainly try to earn it. Not trying is arrogant and immoral. And to tout socialism as the catch-all solution is naïve, and insulting to the men like those from Bedford who volunteered to go defend freedom. In truly striving to earn it, we help keep the flame of liberty aglow for future generations. It is necessary, honorable work if freedom is to survive.

The end of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address is remarkably relevant for every anniversary of June 6, 1944. This is what D-Day still means in 2019:

"It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us – that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion – that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain – that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

Letter from Corporal H.W. Crayton to Mr. and Mrs. Hoback – parents of Bedford and Raymond Hoback who were both killed in action on June 6, 1944

Álvaro Serrano/Unsplash

July 9, 1944 Somewhere in France

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Hoback:

I really don't know how to start this letter to you folks, but will attempt to do something in words of writing. I will try to explain in the letter what this is all about.

While walking along the Beach D-day Plus One, I came upon this Bible and as most any person would do I picked it up from the sand to keep it from being destroyed. I knew that most all Bibles have names & addresses within the cover so I made it my business to thumb through the pages until I came upon the name above. Knowing that you no doubt would want the Book returned I am sending it knowing that most Bibles are a book to be cherished. I would have sent it sooner but have been quite busy and thought it best if a short period of time elapsed before returning it.

You have by now received a letter from your son saying he is well. I sincerely hope so.

I imagine what has happened is that your son dropped the Book without any notice. Most everybody who landed on the Beach D-Day lost something. I for one as others did lost most of my personal belongings, so you see how easy it was to have dropped the book and not know about it.

Everything was in such a turmoil that we didn't have a chance until a day or so later to try and locate our belongings.

Since I have arrived here in France I have had occasion to see a little of the country and find it quite like parts of the U.S.A. It is a very beautiful country, more so in peace time. War does change everything as it has this country. One would hardly think there was a war going on today. Everything is peaceful & quiet. The birds have begun their daily practice, all the flowers and trees are in bloom, especially the poppies & tulips which are very beautiful at this time of the year.

Time goes by so quickly as it has today. I must close hoping to hear that you receive the Bible in good shape.

Yours very truly,

Cpl. H.W. Crayton

It's not as easy as it used to be for billion-dollar entertainment empires like The Walt Disney Company. It would be more streamlined for Disney to produce its major motion pictures in its own backyard. After all, abortion in California is readily available, as well as a protected, cherished right. And since abortion access is critical for movie production, right up there with lighting equipment and craft services, you would think California would be the common-sense choice for location shooting. Alas, even billion-dollar studios must pinch pennies these days. So, in recent years, Disney, among other major Hollywood studios, has been farming out production to backwater Southern lands like Georgia, and even Louisiana. Those states offer more generous tax breaks than Disney's native California. As a result, Georgia for example, played host to much of the shooting for the recent worldwide box office smash Avengers: Endgame.

But now it looks like it's Georgia's endgame. The state recently passed what is known as a "heartbeat" bill – a vicious, anti-woman law that would try to make pregnant women allow their babies to be born and actually live. It's a bridge too far for a major studio like Disney, which was largely built on creating family entertainment. How can Disney possibly go about making quality movies, often aimed at children, without access to unfettered abortion? It's unconscionable. Lack of abortion access makes it nearly impossible to shoot movies. So, what's a major studio to do? Disney might have considered migrating its business to Louisiana, but that state too has now signed a heartbeat bill into law. It's utter madness.

These monstrous anti-abortion bills, coupled with having to live under President Trump, has led Disney to seek a new home for its legendary movie magic. Last week, Disney's CEO, Bob Iger, announced that all future Disney movies will now be filmed on location in the Sub-Saharan African nation of Wakanda.

"Disney and Wakanda are a match made in heaven," Iger told reporters. "Wakanda was, until recently, a secret kingdom, much like our own Magic Kingdom. With this new partnership, we'll not only get to continue our legacy of making movies that parents and children everywhere enjoy together, but we'll get to do so in a safe space that reveres abortion as much as we do."

Wakanda is one of only four African countries (out of 55) that allow unrestricted abortion.

As home to the most advanced technology in the world – and with the planet's highest per-capita concentration of wokeness – Wakanda offers women painless, hassle-free abortion on demand. As the Wakandan health ministry website explains, the complete absence of any white-patriarchal-Judeo-Christian influence allows women in Wakanda to have complete control of their own bodies (with the exception of females who are still fetuses). As winner of the U.N.'s 2018 Golden Forceps award (the U.N.'s highest abortion honor) Wakanda continues its glowing record on abortion. That makes it an ideal location for Disney's next round of live-action remakes of its own animated movies in which the company plans to remove all male characters.

Iger says he hopes to convince Wakandan leadership to share their top-secret vibranium-based abortion procedure technology so that American women can enjoy the same convenient, spa-like abortion treatment that Wakandan women have enjoyed for years.

Wakanda is one of only four African countries (out of 55) that allow unrestricted abortion. Disney plans to boycott and/or retaliate against the other 51 African nations, as well as any U.S. states, that restrict abortion. Specific plans are being kept under wraps, but sources say Disney's potential retaliation may include beaming Beverly Hills Chihuahua into the offending territories on a continuous, indefinite loop.

When asked how Wakanda's futuristic capital city and distinctly African landscape would be able to double for American movie locations, Iger said, "I guess America will just have to look more like Wakanda from now on."

One potential wrinkle for the Left-leaning studio is the fact that Wakanda has an impenetrable border wall-shield-thing designed to keep out foreign invaders as well as illegal immigrants. Iger said he understands Wakanda's policy of exclusivity, adding, "After all, not everyone gets into Disneyland. You have to have a ticket to get in. Anyone is welcome, but you have to go through the process of getting a ticket." When one reporter pointed out that Iger's answer sounded like the conservative argument for legal immigration under the rule of law, Iger insisted that the reporter was "a moronic fascist."

What if the unthinkable happens and Florida also enacts its own "heartbeat" law? That would be problematic since Walt Disney World is located in Florida. Iger responded that Disney would "cross that bridge if we get to it" but that the most likely scenario would entail "dismantling Disney World piece-by-piece and relocating it to the actual happiest place on earth – Wakanda." As for whether Disney would ever open character-themed abortion clinics inside its theme parks, Iger remained coy, but said, "Well, it is the place where dreams come true."

With the Wakanda solution, Disney may have found a place where Minnie Mouse can finally follow her heart and have true freedom of choice.

When pressed about the cost of ramping up production in a secretive African kingdom that has no existing moviemaking infrastructure (which could easily end up being much more expensive than simply shooting in California) Iger said, "You can't put a price tag on abortion freedom. Wakanda Forever and Abortion Forever!"

With the Wakanda solution, Disney may have found a place where Minnie Mouse can finally follow her heart and have true freedom of choice. And that will be welcome relief to traditional families all over the world who keep the Walt Disney Company in business.

*Disclaimer: The preceding story is a parody. Bob Iger did not actually say any of the quotes in the story. Neither is Wakanda an actual nation on planet Earth.

"Journeys of Faith with Paula Faris," is a podcast featuring conversations about how faith has guided newsmakers and celebrities through their best and worst times. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is a much maligned religion so Glenn joined the podcast and took the time to explain what it means to him and how it changed his life.

From his suicidal days and his battle with drugs and alcohol, it was his wife Tania and his faith that saved him. All his ups and downs have given him the gift of empathy and he says he now understands the "cry for mercy" — something he wishes he'd given out more of over the years.

You can catch the whole podcast on any of the platforms listed below.

- Apple Podcasts
- Google Podcasts
- TuneIn
- Spotify
- Stitcher
- ABC News app

One of these times I'm going to go on vacation, and I'm just not going to come back. I learn so much on a farm.

You want to know how things work, go spend a summer on a farm. You're having problems with your son or daughter, go spend a summer on a farm.

My son changed. Over two weeks.

Getting him out of bed, getting him to do anything, is like insane. He's a 15-year-old kid. Going all through the normal 15-year-old boy stuff. Getting him on the farm, where he was getting up and actually accomplishing stuff, having to build or mend fences, was amazing. And it changed him.

RELATED: 'Human Wave Theory': Connecting the dots on the strategic attack on our border

Our society does not allow our kids to grow up, ever. I am convinced that our 15-year-olds could be fixing all kinds of stuff. Could be actually really making an impact in a positive way in our society. And what's wrong with our society is, we have gotten away from how things actually work. We're living in this theoretical world. When you're out on a farm, there's no theory here. If it rains, the crops will grow. If it rains too much, the crops won't grow.

If there's no sun, they won't grow. If there's too much sun, they'll shrivel up and die. There's no theory. We were out mending fences. Now, when I say the phrase to you, mending fences, what does that mean? When you think of mending fences, you think of, what?

Coming together. Bringing people together. Repairing arguments.

I've never mended a fence before until I started stringing a fence and I was like, "I ain't doing this anymore! Where is it broken? Can't we just tie a piece of barbed wire together?"

Let's stop talking about building a wall. Because that has all kinds of negative imagery. Mending fences is what we need to do.

That's called mending fences.

And why do you mend fences? So your animals don't get out and start to graze on somebody else's land. When your fence goes down, your cow is now on somebody else's land. And your cow is now eating their food.

We look at the phrase, mending fences as saying, hey. You know, we were both wrong. Mending fences has nothing to do with that.

Mending fences means build a wall. My neighbors and I, we're going to get along fine, as long as my cows don't go and steal their food, or their cows don't come over and steal my cow's food.

We're perfectly neighborly with each other, until one of us needs to mend a fence, because, dude, you got to mend that, because your cows keep coming over and eating my food.

You know what we need to do with Mexico? Mend fences.

Now, that's a phrase. You hear build a wall. That's horrible.

No, no, no. We need to mend fences.

In a farming community, that means putting up an electric fence. That means putting up barbed wire.

So the cows — because the cows will — they'll stick their head through barbed wire. And they'll eat the grass close to the road. Or eat the grass close to the other side of the fence. And they'll get their heads in between those fences. And they can't get out sometimes. Because the grass is always greener on the other side. You look at these damn cows and say turn around, cow — there's plenty of stuff over here.

No. They want the grass on the other side of the fence.

So you mend it.

And if it's really bad, you do what we do. We had to put an electric fence up. Now, imagine putting an electric fence up. That seems pretty radical and expensive.

Does it really work? Does it shock them? What does that feel like to a cow?

The cows hit it once, and then they don't hit it again. They can actually hear the buzz of the electric fence. There's a warning. Don't do it. Don't do it. They hear the current and they hit it once and they're like, "I'm not going to do that again."

So you mend fences, which means, keep your stuff on your side. I like you. We're good neighbors. You keep your stuff on your side and I'll keep my stuff on my side and we'll get together at the town hall and we'll see each other at the grocery store. Because we're good neighbors. But what stops us from fighting is knowing that there is a fence there.

This is my stuff. That's your stuff. But we can still trade and we'll help each other. But let's stop talking about building a wall. Because that has all kinds of negative imagery. Mending fences is what we need to do.

You can have a tough fence. It could be a giant wall. It could be an electric fence. But you need one. And that's how you come together.

The side that's having the problem, mends the fence.