California's crappy policies are now literally yielding crappy results. In just one week last month, the city of San Francisco logged over 16,000 complaints of human poop on the streets. Let me say that again: 16,000 complaints in just seven days. The mounds of vagrant generated poop actually forced the closure of a convention being held near downtown.
But if you live in San Francisco, help is on the way. Mayor London Breed was "absolutely shocked" after walking around town and seeing, not only all the poop, but also all the used drug needles. She decided that she was mad as hell, and she wasn't gonna take it anymore! It was time to break out the big guns. A new breed of hero. The San Francisco version of Delta Force or Navy SEALs. You may have actually seen them patrolling your neighborhood already. Dressed in hazmat suits and patrolling neighborhoods with a state of the art patrol vehicle equipped with a steam cleaner and disinfectant, they are the men and women of the Poop Patrol.
Keep in mind, this story isn't a parody… although I wish it were. San Francisco has allocated over $100 million to combat their poop and needle problem. Now you might be thinking, "Holy crap $100 million sounds like a colossal waste of a ton of money," but remember this is California and especially San Francisco. $100 million doesn't quite go as far as anywhere else, not in a progressive hell hole.
$100 mill in San Fran might get you a 1992 beat up Hyundai or a months subscription to the jelly of the month club. It was either the Hyundai, jelly, or cleaning up all the vagrant poop. I personally would have gone for the jelly, but Mayor London Breed went with the Poop Patrol.
The new San Francisco public works budget includes: $72.5 million for street cleaning, $12 million for housekeepers to - get this - clean homeless encampments, $2.8 million for washing down the camps and removing biohazards, $2.3 million to steam the poop infested streets, $3.1 million for portable toilets, $700K for a 10-member needle cleanup squad, and - of course - nearly $900K for the Poop Patrol. Each member of the Poop Patrol takes in over $184K in salary and benefits. Being elite and the best of the best has its privileges after all.
$100 mill in San Fran might get you a 1992 beat up Hyundai or a months subscription to the jelly of the month club.
If I may, I'd like to give some advice to this new unit patrolling California's streets. If you really want to clean up all the crap in your cities, start with the politicians that are throwing all this money at failed policies. I mean, as you know, you can't get rid of the scent of poop by simply spraying something on it to cover up the scent.
You gotta shovel it out. Start at the capital building in Sacramento and then work your way down every city government from there. We could be on to something here. Poop Patrol for Progressive Politicians and Policy… or the PPPPP. Anyone wanna join me in funding a PPPPP Department in Washington?
Keep an eye out. Patrolling the streets of D.C. soon!