This is what passes for journalism today. It takes a crack investigative duo – not an investigative duo on crack (though in this case maybe they were, which explains a lot) – to unravel the complicated web of why Brett Kavanaugh is enjoying baseball games with friends while wearing a blue-striped polo.
The headline from Pro Publica reads: "Did You Go to a Washington Nationals Game With Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh?" You see, Brett Kavanaugh is apparently practically a cousin of Lord Voldemort, and he must be stopped. What if the U.S. Senate confirms him to the Supreme Court? He may use his dark powers to help protect the unborn, or preserve the free market system. He may dare to vote against Notorious RBG.
So, the public's only hope to stop Kavanaugh may be helping Pro Publica identify who went to baseball games with him. Because people don't just go to baseball games together for fun. The sense of foul play here is palpable. What evil judicial schemes is Kavanaugh cooking up with his buddies over hotdogs and ballpark nachos?
According to the Pro Publica crack reporters – yes, it took two of them to write this story – a White House spokesman told The Washington Post that Kavanaugh sometimes went to Washington Nationals games with a "handful" of friends.
But the scheme runs much deeper than that. Kavanaugh would supposedly buy the tickets using his credit card – something few Americans would ever think of doing, much less a judge – then his friends would reimburse him for the tickets. A pay-and-reimburse scheme among friends? It's almost unheard of.
The reporters write, "Figuring out who Kavanaugh brought to games could be relevant to his confirmation." That sounds important. But even more relevant are the questions they're not asking, like does he buy peanuts and Cracker Jack? And does he care if he "ever gets back?"
The story also mentions that Kavanaugh has been photographed at least twice wearing blue-striped polo shirts, which confirms the suspicion that he is indeed a white dad.