RADIOJuly 25, 2024

America Has Taken a BEATING. But We Must "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

It’s been a long 3 weeks. America has been beaten and shocked day after day. There was Biden’s disastrous debate, the failed assassination attempt against Donald Trump, the Secret Service’s failure to uncover why it happened, Biden’s flip-flop on the 2024 presidential race, the Democrat elites’ coronation of Kamala Harris, and most recently, the pro-Hamas riots in Washington, DC. If the events of the last 3 weeks had happened in the Soviet Union, we would all call it a coup! But yet, the media continues insisting that everything is fine. “Nothing’s changed for them. Your whole world has changed,” Glenn says. “Our country is in dire trouble.” But we can’t lose hope. Glenn reminds us of 2 heroic moments that should inspire us to, in the words of Donald Trump, “fight, fight, fight!” But not on the streets like the leftist mobs. We must fight by learning the truth and refusing to be silenced.

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: So it's been a long three weeks. Remember, this phase, this chapter of America, this birth pang, started just a few weeks ago when we had a debate and the president froze on stage. He couldn't remember where he really was at -- at any given time.

He wasn't making sense. He had no word retrieval. It was a frightening moment for many Americans.

Not because, oh, my gosh. He will lose to Donald Trump. But because that guy is the guy who is running the country right now.

That's not an easy job. And we have enemies, breathing down our neck. And they are looking at us. And licked their chops.

We, because of the policies of this president, we for the first time, since I was a kid, we were actually talking about the use of nuclear weapons!

That's insane.

So when that shock hit us, and we were like, this is the guy running the country. What was happening?

And the shock of, we've been lied to by everyone. They've told us, he was fine. Sharper than ever.

He's the sharpest tack in the drawer. And we realized, he's not in control.

Who is?

What did this mean?

Why didn't anybody say anything?

Why hasn't the cabinet invoked the 25th Amendment. And all of that leads us to, who can we trust?

Who has actually been running the country?

Why hasn't anyone said anything. And if you do say something, how come you're labeled a conspiracy theorist?

Remember, if you said four weeks ago that he was incompetent and unable to continue as president of the United States, you were a conspiracy theorist.

A year ago, when Democrats were saying, he can't run for another term. We want somebody else. The Democratic Party squashed those people. Wouldn't you have a primary. Because he's our guy.

So that's what began four weeks ago.

And then what was it? A week, week and a half after that, we have this moment with President Trump in Pennsylvania.

DONALD: -- I really see something that said -- take a look at what happened.
(yelling)
GLENN: So we don't know who is in charge, and then a week later, the guy running against him, is gunned down on live television.

And we don't know, really, what happened. In fact, we still don't know what happened. Because the head of the security. The Secret Service, we all figured out and found out, was hired by the First Lady, not the president. The First Lady was the one who pushed for her DEI hire at the Secret Service, and she was protecting Pepsi Co.

And now, the most important leaders of the world. And so, we went okay. Well, there's another shock.

But let's hear her out. And she testifies, and she says this.

VOICE: Was this a colossal failure?

KIM: It was a failure.

VOICE: Yes or no. Was it a colossal failure, yes or no?

KIM: I have admitted it was a terrible --

VOICE: This is a yes or no series of questions. Was it a colossal failure? Yes or no?

KIM: Yes.

VOICE: Have you provided a list to the Oversight Committee? Yes or no?

KIM: I'll have to get back to you on that.

VOICE: That is a no.

Have you provided all audio and video recordings in your possession to this committee as we asked on July 15th? Yes or no?

KIM: I would have to get back to you.

VOICE: That is a no. You're full of (bleep) today. You're just being completely dishonest.

GLENN: I know you're reeling. This is all in a three-week period. Now you're reeling from that. Wait a minute. Was this a setup? What are they covering up? If they're not covering something up, why wouldn't they just be open and honest and transparent? Why wouldn't they feel like most Americans. And now they realize, well, maybe they feel like most Americans. Those we saw on social media, right after the assassination attempt, like they were screaming like they were crazy people.

You missed!

How did you miss!

And a little bit of the American soul just kind of vaporizes and disappears. What is this?

So after that happens, just a few days later, the president is being pressured to resign.

And will let it be his decision. Well, I've already made my decision.

God will have to remove me himself. Saturday, he's saying the same thing.

Then suddenly, Sunday morning, I believe he was given a choice. A coup happened! And our president resigned. Now, I think he should have resigned. Not just from the candidacy, but from the presidency of the United States. Another shock to you. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

He's not okay to run a campaign, but he's okay to run the country!

What? And then his replacement is announced. Here is Chuck Schumer. Listen to this.

VOICE: So now that the process is played out. From the grassroots, bottom-up, we are here today, to throw our support, behind vice president Kamala Harris.

I'm clapping. You don't have to.

GLENN: Okay. Good. Thank you.

As the process played out? From the grassroots up? No grassroots movement was going for Kamala Harris. None. None.

Nobody at the bottom voted for her. She was in the primary. She had -- let me count all of the delegates that she won. Zero!

Zero. She was rejected by the voters. And then she was strangely just picked as, oh, she's the one we want.

And the party elites picked her. And then, they had a coup, and picked her again.

And are trying to convince you, that that was a grassroots effort?

What is happening?

Well, the same thing, they've just changed faces. The same kind of cover-up. The same exact kind of garbage that you got from the press before, is happening again.

Who is Kamala Harris.

Well, we know she is fine. And she has a spotless record, right?

We know she's fine. Just like they knew Joe Biden was absolutely fine.

And you're a conspiracy theorist, if you say anything differently.

Well, now, we watched it, with our own eyes.

And media has confirmed it for the last three and a half years. That she was in charge as the border czar.

We have the videotape of all of them saying it. But, no, no, no. Now, we have to change our history.

We have to change our news.

Here's the media. Cut 31, please.

VOICE: Quote, unquote, border czar. Vice President Harris was not a border czar.

VOICE: Meantime, Vice President and border czar, Kamala Harris facing some back lash.

VOICE: What he said about Harris and immigration was not true. She was never appointed border czar.

VOICE: And this will be her first visit to the US/Mexico border region since she was appointed as the border czar by President Biden.

VOICE: People are going to have to tell me about the misinformation. You already hear folks talking about the border czar. She wasn't the border czar.

VOICE: President Biden tagged Kamala Harris -- Vice President Harris to be the border czar.

VOICE: Now, she wasn't the border czar. That's what Republicans labeled her.

VOICE: They were very critical of Kamala Harris, especially in her role as border czar.

VOICE: Now what she's up against is folks lying about her border record, calling her a border czar.

VOICE: Kamala Harris, who was appointed as the border czar.

VOICE: The Biden team didn't declare her the border czar. They wanted her to work on kind of the root causes of immigration.

VOICE: There has been so much criticism against Kamala Harris, you know, she was the border czar.

VOICE: Calling her sort of the border czar, which wasn't necessarily the case.

VOICE: So the border, if they weren't planning to address it in a major way, do not make her your border czar. She met with some of the northern triangle countries, but nothing has effectively changed.

GLENN: Nothing has changed for them.
Your whole word has changed. Our country has changed.

Our country is in dire trouble. There is a clear and present danger off our shores.

It's called China. North Korea. It's called Hamas.

It's called Iran.

Russia. Do you think they're playing this little game of border czar, he's fine, you're a conspiracy theorist!

They know. Just like you know.

And you are looking at this going, this is madness. But that's not all that's happened.

In the last three weeks, let me pick it up here in 60 seconds.

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(music)
I just want you to recognize, why you might be on edge.

Why you might be so tired, right now. A lot has happened, your country, that you love, assuming that you do love it.

Your country has taken a beating over the last just three weeks. Presidential debate. Let me just remind you of that moment again.

VOICE: Until we get the total ban on the -- the total initiative, relative to what we're going to do with more Border Patrol, and more (inaudible).

VOICE: President Trump.

DONALD: I really don't know what he said at the end of that sentence. I don't think he knows what he said either.

Look, we had the safest border in the history of our country.

GLENN: Stop. Here's the amazing thing. That was a body blow to many Americans. I knew what this state was of our president.

You can see it. But for half the country, it had been denied.

And we were called liars and conspiracy theorists. I didn't celebrate, when I saw that.

I was terrified when I saw that. So yesterday, the president resigns. Cut eight. From the race.

Cut eight.

BIDEN: In the honor of my life, to serve as your president. But in defense of democracy, which is at stake, I think it's more important than any title.

I draw strength, and I find joy, in working for the American people.

But this sacred task, of perfecting our union is not about me.

It's about you! Your families. Your futures. It's about we, the people. And we can never forget that. And I never have.

GLENN: Hmm.

Another body blow last night. The -- well, I'm not going to get into it. If you don't understand what I meant by body blow of just that portion of the speech, I don't think you understand.

But he's talking about our republic is at stake. And while he's speaking, just a block and a half, from the Capitol building, at the union train station, they're taking down the flags and burning them in the streets.

Here's what happened with the Palestinians in Washington, DC, yesterday. Cut four. They are painting our statues, Hamas is coming. And they are taking down our flags. This is a federal property.

They're taking down the flags, and they're burning them. Imagine, on January 6th, if they would have done that. If they would have spray-painted on the wall, the right is coming.

Imagine the jail time for parading. Nothing happened yesterday.

Ronald Reagan's voice echoes almost every day this my head now.

Not from his presidency. But when he was standing up in 1961, or '64.

And he was talking about a time of choosing.

He had been a Democrat his whole life. And I think he was the first one to say, I didn't leave the Democratic Party, they left me. And he said, it's a time for choosing. And it is.

The president said it last night in his own speech.

You and I both know, and I don't know why our -- our friends, who are Democrats, and I'm not talking about the ones in Washington, or the real de-political people.

I'm talking about the average person. I don't know why they won't admit it. Or they can't see it.

But this is not America. The last three weeks, could be coming from the old Soviet Union.

Prejudice Nevada. Speaks. Loses his place. And looks confused.

Then his challenger is shot after everybody is saying, he's not in charge. He can't be the guy. His main competitor is shot and almost killed.

Would we except that at face value in the Soviet Union? No. Then a coup happens. And Brezhnev is saying, I'm not leaving yet, yet, yet. Then a note is issued with a weird signature that you've never seen before. A weird signature on it, that says, yes. Okay. I'm leaving.

Would we accept that at face value?

And what would we expect to happen? Brezhnev, a couple of days later, coming out and having a press conference, after some sort of deal seems to have been brokered. And he would endorse the new guy, stepping in.

And the press would say, what a hero Brezhnev is! What a proud son of the republic. Right?

That's Soviet stuff.

That's not American. The protesters on the streets, nothing happens to them.

You are seeing our history destroyed. The real time destroying of news and history.

Rewriting of history. You're seeing our traditions destroyed. But I want you to keep one thing in mind: This is where you are right now.

Most likely. And you're like, jeez. I just feel horrible. Great!

Let me say some things to you that the mainstream and the -- the political party, does not want you to hear.

GLENN: Welcome to the Glenn Beck Program.

Pat Gray joins me today. If you just joined us, you missed an effort to try to explain probably why you feel beat up and you feel tired. We all do. Because we have watched our country take an absolute beating from the debate, right into the assassination, right into the, you know, people and social media screaming, how could you possibly miss? Which was just another assault on your senses.

Then the Secret Service director Cheatle saying, yeah. Well, it was a slopy roof. And we don't like to put people on hot, slopy roofs. And then another -- then a coup happens. Kamala is made the nominee. And they start changing history again.

And start saying, oh, no. She was never the border Florida. When they were the ones who told us she was the border czar. Then last night, the president, while he's doing that, the Palestinians are marching for Hamas, in Washington, DC. And burning an effigy of Bibi Netanyahu, and taking down the flags in front of the Union Station, a federal building. And burning the flags. That's what happened in the last three weeks.

And you're like, there's nobody doing anything.

There's nothing. Well, let me show you another side.

And let me show you what happened when the Palestinians took the flag town. They started burning it.

And there was a group of Americans that went in for that flag. And they were police officers. Let me show you the bravery, it took to go in. And get that flag.

Here you see, maybe what? Ten police officers.

They are surrounded by an angry Hamas crowd. And they are getting the flag, off of the ground.

And people aren't happy. And they lock arms with the flag, and back out of the area. I watched this, and I am moved by the bravery of those officers and I am grateful to those officers.

That they remember who we are. You have a right to burn the flag. You're a moron if you do it. But you have a right to burn the flag. But you do not have a right to deface our monuments, to write Hamas is coming on our monuments.

Take town our flags, and then fly the Palestinian flag. No. I'm sorry.

You don't have a right to do that. And in a sane America, you would have been arrested. But we're not a sane America. We're a sick America.

But I want to show you the parts that are standing. The left immediately went after Donald Trump, when he stood up, after being shot in the head.

Secret Service wanted just to rush him out of there. But he said, and you can hear it on the tape, no. No. No, no.

I need to say something to people. No.

Wait. Wait.

And then he did something, that I fear too many of us have already forgotten.

VOICE: Wait. Wait. Wait.

GLENN: He stands up with a clenched fist and says, fight, fight, fight!

VOICE: USA! USA!

GLENN: The press immediately tore him apart saying, look, he wants violence. No. He does not want violence, he is saying, fight for your country. Stand up for your country. Do what those police officers did yesterday. Fight for your flag!

Fight for our history. It's not violent, it is passionate.

And it is rooted in eternal truth.

There are far too many examples, of people being cowards. Far too many examples of people being stupid.

I come to you today, to ask you to recognize the light, the shadows are growing so very dark. But that is only possible when the light begins to get brighter.

Be that light. Be that beacon of hope, in somebody's life.

My executive producer Ricky, this morning. Said, it's been a rough three weeks. And she had tears in her eyes, and she said, I'm just watching my country be destroyed.

And all of us on the -- all of us on the meeting, we all fell silent, because we all felt exactly the same way.

But it's because of her bravery, to say how she felt, that I am giving you and her, this monologue.

It's always darkest before the dawn. They have trashed our country for 20-plus years. They have brought us to the point to where we're at a breaking point.

A place where I said, we would be.

I hoped that we would not. But the country cannot go on, much longer like this.

But I want you to take courage, from the things, the two things that I just showed you, that also happened this week.

And they were big things. They're just not getting play in the media, because that's not their narrative or their agenda.

Your narrative. Your agenda. My narrative, my agenda, is to save the republic!

Now, remember, it was just four weeks ago, that we were having the discussion, whether we were a republic, or a democracy.

And the same people that are lying to you today, about Kamala Harris and the border czar and are in this sudden whipped up frenzy to change history.

All of them are doing it. It's because they're exactly the same people. And they are answering to exactly the same people.

It's just Kamala that they're helping and covering for now.

And not covering for President Biden.

Because President Biden, he has been used up. He's finished.

Move on! They are also the same people, that were telling you, four weeks ago, that we are a democracy. And when we spoke out and said, no. It's a very important distinguish -- distinguishing characteristic.

We are a republic.

We have a democratic vote. But after that vote is taken. Then we're a republic!

They told us we are conspiracy theorists.

That are whipped up, by the right and -- and Donald Trump, because it's our plot. To make people believe we're a republic. Well, let me quote President Biden last night!

Cut 15.

BIDEN: When Ben Franklin was asked, and emerged from the -- the convention going on, whether the Founders had given America a monarchy or a republic, Franklin's response was, a republic, if you can keep it.

A republic. If you can keep it. Whether we keep our republic is now in your hands.

GLENN: Yes. It is. But what he means is, go out and vote. What Franklin meant was educate yourself. Be a responsible citizen. Care about these things. Talk amongst yourself about these things. Discover the truth.

Because the truth will be -- there will always be people who try to hide the truth from you. And it is your responsibility, not the media's responsibility, not my responsibility, but your responsibility.

To educate yourself. And when you see an injustice, fight!

Fight! Fight.

You fight for what is true. And then you go to the ballot box.

You fight for the truth, because it's worth fighting for. It's worth living for. It's the only thing that will change our children's life for the better. Is the truth!

So damn right, fight!

And use that one day that we have a democratic democracy tool, at our disposal. And vote.

You know, I was going to say, may God save the republic. But I was reminded that it was a millimeter, that the president walked offstage two weeks ago. Bleeding from the side of his head, his ear was clipped off.

You and I both know that was a miracle. How dare us feel beaten and discouraged. When the arm of God was made bare. He's doing his part, may you do your part, meet my part.

May we save the republic.

Exposing the dangerous roots of queer theory

In this explosive conversation, Glenn Beck and Liz Wheeler expose the disturbing roots of gender ideology and queer theory — and how these radical ideas are directly targeting children. From the shocking origins of queer theory, where pedophilia and child pornography were openly defended, to Planned Parenthood’s new role as one of the largest distributors of transgender hormone therapy, the truth is undeniable: this movement is not about freedom or equality, but about dismantling families, corrupting innocence, and profiting off of our children’s pain. What we are witnessing is nothing less than a satanic ideology dressed up as compassion — and it’s spreading like wildfire through schools, culture, and medicine. Parents, you need to hear this. The time to protect your children and fight back is NOW.

Watch the full episode HERE

Glenn's "secret" to conquering the JFK fitness test

President Trump recently signed an executive order to reinstate the Presidential Fitness Test and the media is in a frenzy. But Glenn and Stu look back at the history of these tests, including JFK’s version of the Test that seems IMPOSSIBLE for modern Americans. But Glenn has a secret reason for why he’s confident in his pull-up abilities…

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: What is the -- what is the new physical -- the president's physical fitness, you know, plan?

STU: Well, the thing that RFK Jr and Hegseth were rolling out the other day. I don't know if it was the full test or anything, but they were issuing a challenge to America, to be able to do 100 pushups and 50 pullups within five minutes.

GLENN: That's crazy.

STU: Thank you! That struck you as also crazy.

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life, that I could do that. Let alone now with shoulder problems. And much too much weight.

GLENN: All right. But that was before I needed this walker.

STU: I don't think there was a time in my 20s or my teens, that I could do that. But that -- in five minutes? Fifty pullups?
GLENN: Both of them in 5 minutes.
STU: Yeah, both of them. So it's not like 100 pushups in five minutes. It's both tasks within five minutes.

GLENN: No. No. That's not true.

STU: RFK Jr. is just doing it in jeans.

GLENN: Yeah, well, RFK, he's -- he's a weirdo. I mean, he is. Come on. When it comes to fitness, he's a weirdo.
STU: Yes.
GLENN: I mean, he's done this his whole life. He's like 800 years old. He can still do it.

STU: Yes. Depressive, I will say.

GLENN: I don't know. He's a sex machine.

STU: Oh. That's been a problem for him. Yes, that's been an issue in his life. Yes.

GLENN: Okay. All right. Go ahead.

STU: Separate from the president's physical fitness test.

GLENN: Right.

STU: But, I mean, they don't, they don't really think we're going to do that, right?
Like, I mean, how long would that take you to do?

STU: I think for me, it would take a good month. I think a month, I could probably get two pullups a day. That would get me around, a little over 50. So I could do that. Plus, the pushups. A solid month, I could get that done.

GLENN: You could do more than two a day. You could do more than two a day.

STU: You know, Glenn, I've got to say. I think -- I will throw a number out there. No science behind this, so just as a guestimate.

I would say 40 percent of the population can't do any pullups. Maybe 30 percent. Thirty percent of the population can do exactly zero pullups. Precisely zero, so an infinite amount of time would be a correct answer for a third of the population.

GLENN: I think you're -- I think you're being -- I think you're being a little too optimistic. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. Maybe 60 percent.

STU: Right! Pushups are one thing. I mean, I think almost anyone can do a pushup. One --

GLENN: You can do a pushup. Yes. Yes.

STU: Singular pushup. And if you can do one, you can wait long enough, to do a second one.
And at some point, the hundred gets done. That's not the case with pullups. Pullups, you can sit there and think about how much you want to do a pullup for a really long time. But that doesn't make a pullup happen. If you've got a certain amount of weight on you. You're not doing a pullup. It's not occurring.

GLENN: I have no idea, how many pullups I can do.

STU: I have an exact number of pullups, you can do.

GLENN: Do you? You think so?

STU: Yeah. Yeah. I have the exact number. I have to calculate -- AI has been running a report on me. It came up with zero.

GLENN: Right. Right. Really?
I can do. I mean, this is so pathetic. Listen to this. I bet I could do three. You know, you could do three.

STU: In a row? Proper form.

GLENN: What do you mean in a row?

STU: I mean, holding on to the bar, without letting go, you're doing three. There's no way. I don't think so.

GLENN: I think I could do. Well, with proper form, I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

STU: I'm not saying it has to look pretty. You have to get your chin up above the bar. It can't be one of those things, where you're a quarter of the way up there.

GLENN: So I can do one and rest for ten minutes. I could do another one.

I think I can do that.

STU: If you -- I'm not saying, you jump up, and you pull yourself up as you're pulling up. Full hang --

GLENN: See, you may not know this.

But you know what, I've done the DNA test. Have you ever done the DNA test that tells you all about your genes and everything else? Mine came back with something remarkable, and I have to share. You might feel bad, next.
(laughter)

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STU: Coming up next, Glenn attempts live pullups on the air. Stay tuned!
(OUT AT 8:29 AM)

GLENN: You know no idea what who you're dealing with. No. You don't have any idea who you're dealing with here.

I got my DNA test back like 10 years ago. And we all -- we all took it, because we were looking for things. And so we all took it. My DNA test came back, and everybody in the family, their test made total sense. Like, oh, yeah. That makes...

Then we read mine. We have to find -- I have to find. See if Tania has it still. We should have had it framed. I swear to you, they -- they mixed me up with somebody else.

Somebody else is like, wait a minute. I'm this pathetic? Mine came out and said, you have the muscular structure of a -- of a -- something like a -- an elite athlete. You have the abilities and agility and everything else of an elite athlete. And I'm like, there's not a chance. I don't have any of that!

I don't even know if I have muscles. I have to check once in a while, and go, do I have muscles still?

Doctor is like, I don't know. Can I? Ask just press against my hand on the leg. I don't know.

You know, I don't know how to do that exactly. So --

STU: You sure it said elite athlete and not elephant? I mean, if they misspelled it.

GLENN: It was.

I was having eye problems at the time.

STU: No!

GLENN: I mean, we read it. And I was like Tania, I believe that for Tania.

Maybe they switched me and Tania. Because Tania is really strong. She'll kick your butt.

She works out every day. All of that. Me? Never. Never.

And it kind of makes me wonder, when I get to the other side, and the Lord went, okay.

So what did you do with your life again?

Because I gave this incredible body, and you wasted it the whole time.

And I'm like, you should have been more clear, okay?

You should have been more clear. I -- maybe I could have played basketball. But I tried once. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing. It was like sixth grade. And I'll never live -- I don't even want to think about my time on a basketball court. Okay? So don't -- don't start with me. You should have made it a little clearer. When I first started to do stuff. And I think that's fair. I think that's a fair argument. In my defense. In my defense, Your Honor, God, you should have made it a little more clear.

STU: Yeah. I mean, if they really wanted us to do this, then the 11th Commandment is 50 pushups, and -- or, 50 pullups and 100 pushups, right?

Like, put it in a commandment if you really want us to do it. You have to be more specific, we're Americans.

GLENN: Okay. So let me give you the top of the list for the JFK Presidential Fitness Test. Okay? This is what you had to do in high school. In high school.

Thirty-four pullups. Bar dips: Fifty-two. What's -- because I believe I did that. A long time. And I don't recommend it.

STU: It's not a barhop.

GLENN: Oh, it's -- oh, bar dips. Okay. Okay. All right.

Bar dips: 52. Handstand pushups: Fifty. What are handstands?

STU: Oh, my God. Handstands.

GLENN: I can't even stand on my hands. Is that I'm doing a handstand and a push up? Because that's not happening. You're not human.

STU: Yeah. You're balancing yourself on your hands. Your feet are above your hands on the wall. Like a wall. And you're doing --

GLENN: Oh, so you're balancing yourself. That makes it a little easier. Still impossible.

But a little easier.

GLENN: Impossible. You could do precisely zero of those.

Aright. So you had to do 50 handstand pushups.

Or one arm -- 30 -- no, sir.

Twenty-six one-arm burpees in 30 seconds. Is that a one-armed push up?

STU: No. Well, you're bracing your yourself like you're about to begin a pushup in a burpee with only one arm, which that's not that difficult.

But then you're doing. Then you're like, you move your feet towards your hands. And then you jump up in the air basically. And then you do it repeatedly.

GLENN: No, no, no. That's ridiculous. No.

STU: There's a law of gravity. You're not supposed to violate it. If it was a recommendation of gravity, then maybe jumping would be appropriate. But it's not. Follow the law.

GLENN: In 48 seconds, you had to do a 3300-yard shuttle. Now, I've been to the airport. I think I've done a 3300-yard shuttle, but it depends on who is driving. You know.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Rope climb. Try this. Rope climb. Twenty feet, hands only! Sit start.

STU: That's what I remember from the president's physical fitness test. And I remember looking at that rope, like, no chance I could get up that thing.

GLENN: I remember looking up at that thing. Humiliation. Humiliation is coming my way. I'll never kiss a girl, because that ain't happening. I'll get maybe 10 feet up. Maybe. Maybe.

STU: And you were right for 24 years from that time, approximately.

GLENN: Agility run, 17 seconds. Extension pressups, what? What?

I'm sorry. Why am I so tired reading this?

Extension pressups. What's an extension pressup, 8-inch? You had to do 100 of them.

STU: Let's see. Exercise. An exercise for low-back pain involving lying on your stomach and pressing your upper body up with your arms while keeping your hips relaxed and down on the mat.

GLENN: Oh, I could do that know. 8 inches.

STU: The last part of it, relaxing down on the mat.
GLENN: That's what my doctor says I should be doing. What?

STU: I can do relaxed and down on the mat. That part of it --

GLENN: Yeah. I could do that -- I'm the only guy. I took yoga for a while, like three weeks. My wife is like, yoga. You could do yoga. Let's just do yoga together.

I did. And the yoga instructor said to me. Because we were doing a plank.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: And she came and all I remember her waking me up. And saying, I think you're the only person I've ever -- ever taught that fell asleep in yoga. And I'm like, it's just so relaxing. Just let me sleep. Let me sleep.

STU: That's interesting, that you did yoga. Is there any footage of that? Any video that we could post? That would be good for --

GLENN: No. There's not. You had to do pegboard. Five trips of pegboard. And I think that's when you have the two pegs.

STU: Yes, it was a board.

GLENN: You have to take it out, and put it up, right?

STU: This is American Ninja Warrior. No way.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

STU: This is amazing.

GLENN: Try this one: You had to do a 45-second handstand. I've never been able to do a handstand. Never!

STU: Never.

GLENN: And I'm an elite athlete. I'm an elite athlete. Try this one: A man carry, 5 miles.

STU: What? What do you mean a --

GLENN: Five-mile man carry.

STU: Is a man carry as obvious as it --

GLENN: I think it is.

STU: You're carrying --

GLENN: If I'm going to carry that man, you have to carry me that man for five miles.

I'm not sure, I can't carry any man for any miles. I mean, if I am -- if I am a firefighter, count on burning in the house. You're going to burn in the house. Because I can't carry you out. I can get in there and go, yeah, I will have to leave you.
I will have to leave you here. I can't help you, sorry.

It's also getting really hot in here. I have to go. You had to do a five-mile jog. An obstacle course.

You had to swim prone for a mile. You had to swim underwater for 50 yards, any strokes, two minutes. Deep waterfront, hang float, with arms. What? What is a deep water hang float with arms. Wait. Wait.

It's a deep waterfront hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes.

What kind of al-Qaeda PE class was this?

STU: Who has access to -- who has access -- like, you're in the middle of the country, you may not have a deep water body nearby. This is -- are you sure this is an actual test?

GLENN: This is the actual test. This is the actual -- what is a deep water front hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes? Can you look that up?

STU: A deep water hang float is an aquatic hang float done in the deep end of a pool with the aid of flotation device, such as a noodle or belt.

In this position, the flotation twice supports your upper body, while your legs and torso hang freely beneath you.

That can't be what it is.

GLENN: You can do that.

Deep-end of the pool.

STU: Can you bring a margarita?

GLENN: Man, this test is no big deal.

What! No way. No way!

Here's the last thing on the test.

A vertical tread in an 8-foot circle for two hours!

No way.

STU: Vertical tread in an 8-foot circle?

GLENN: So you're in the water and you're treading water in a circle for two hours. Two!

STU: This is not -- what?

This is not the test.

GLENN: It is. Now, I told you, this is the top of the test.

This is the top of the test.

So this is for the ones who could do all the other tests.

This was the top of the test. The bottom of the test is not that much better. Here's the entry, okay? Let's see. Pullups, 2/6/10. I don't know what that means. Pushups, 16, 24, 32. Bar dips, four, eight, and 12. Situps, 30, 45, and 60. Broad jump, 6-foot, 6, 6, 6. And 6, 9.

To jump 6 feet? I don't even know if --

STU: That one is possible, yes. Glenn, I know it sounds incredible. But, yes. That one is possible.

GLENN: Sounds incredible. You know, I think we should have the average person Olympics. I really do. I really do.

STU: Oh, I would watch that.

GLENN: I would watch that every time.

You see them coming. And you're like, hmm. That one -- three feet. I'm giving him 3 feet. 200-yard shuttle. Agility run. Rope climb, 18 feet, hands only. 880 yards in three minutes. A mile in seven minutes. Pegboard, six holes. A 50-yard swim. Forty -- 40, 50-yard swim in 36 seconds. Man carry, 880 yards. No, thank you! No, thank you!

Look at -- look at what we've gone down. That's the bottom of it. And I don't think most Americans could do that.

I couldn't. Well, I could. Because I'm an elite -- I have the body of an elite athlete.

STU: No. You could not. Now, of course -- let's just say, this is supposed to be for a high school kid. Right?

So this is the prime of your athletic life. Could you do some of these things? Probably.
GLENN: Go into high school.
Go into any high school, and ask them to do this. There's no way. And all of the kids would be.

STU: Well, that's kind of what the reaction would be.

GLENN: Don't get me wrong. I would have been there too. And my parents would have said, suck it up. Just do it.

So nothing has really changed.

STU: That's been the reaction to this proposal too, of bringing this back. Right? The media is covering this. Like, it's going to embarrass children.

You know, I mean, I do remember it being like, I can't do that. I'm not going to the top of that rope. That's not happening.

That's sort of life. Right? Sometimes you can do things. Sometimes you can't do other things.

GLENN: That's why you have to learn how to injure yourself.

You know, how many stairs can I throw myself down, to not do serious damage, but enough to get me out of PE.

STU: Yeah, you have to fake an why are. You have to learn from LeBron James. Act like you got hit in the eye. And fall down like you were just stabbed over and over again, like you were in an athletic competition.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

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