RADIO

Will DOGE’s “Fork in the Road” Strategy Save the Government BILLIONS?

Elon Musk’s DOGE has gotten to work. Glenn and Stu discuss the “fork in the road” email that some US federal workers recently received, which is very similar to the memo that Elon sent Twitter employees after he bought it. The email offers employees a choice: either resign now and get paid until September, or probably get fired at some point. So, will this save the government billions of dollars a year?

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: Okay. Where should we begin, Stu? Should we start with the golden parachutes?

STU: Ah. Yes, the email.

GLENN: Yeah.

STU: I mean, this is DOGE entering the chat. Right? DOGE has turned -- I don't know if it's a fully powered battle station yet, but it's definitely powering up.

GLENN: Yeah. I mean, it's -- I think we're not far away from a million voices crying out and then suddenly being silenced.

STU: Right. It's kind of one of those things.

This is straight out of the Twitter playbook from Elon Musk.

GLENN: Oh, my.

It starts the same way.

In fact, do we have the fork in the road tweet.

Okay. Let me show you, the fork in the road is -- is an art piece, that Elon Musk, I guess financed in the -- looks like it's in the middle of nowhere.

STU: I didn't know --

GLENN: A giant fork sticking out of it.

STU: I had no idea this part of it.

GLENN: This is real.

STU: I know the phrase. He put a fork this a road.

GLENN: He put a giant. He had a road built, where it goes off. And there's a gigantic fork sitting in the middle of it.

STU: Hmm.

GLENN: So this is the thing with him.

STU: Kind of the fork in the fork.

GLENN: Right.

STU: Because the road forks by itself when it turns into the Y, but it's a fork in the fork.

You don't have to believe that, Stations.
I'm just saying that. It feels close to it, but you don't have to.

GLENN: Yeah. You use the F-word a lot.

STU: I do.

GLENN: So when he went to Twitter, he put a fork in the road memo out that said, hey. You might want to get out now.

Because it's going to be a different place here, so I'm giving you the opportunity to bail right now.

Just let me know. And he said, at the very beginning, it's a fork in the road. They have issued a memo that is almost exactly like it, except it's got a bunch of subsections. You know, 1CB.

STU: A little more legalistic.

GLENN: A little more legalistic.

But Trump is offering the people, the money to not be hit with a giant fork.

STU: Yeah. It's -- it's sort of two approaches.

One is anybody who wants to leave right now, will pay you to September.

So we'll give you --

GLENN: That's very generous.

STU: A nice eight, nine month ramp to get a gig.

If you don't work here. Please go. Of course, this combines with the hiring freeze. The idea is five, ten, 25 percent of people accept this deal, and you shrink the government employment.

And then you don't rehire those people.

This is the way you cut. This is the way he did it at Twitter. And then secondarily, it's sort of a carrot and stick approach. The carrot is, hey, we'll pay you to September for no work. It's great for you.

And then the stick is, by the way, if you stick around, we'll probably fire you anyway.

That's kind of what the tone of it is. Like, look, I'm sorry. If you stick around, we will really be cutting. So it might be you.

GLENN: This is what it actually says: During the first week of his administration, President Trump issued a number of directives concerning the federal workforce. Among those directives, the president required that employees return to in-person work.

Do you know what that number is?

How many federal employees actually show up for work, since the beginning of COVID-19?

STU: You know, I don't know the number. What is it?

GLENN: Take a guess.

STU: We're now many, many years past COVID-19, Glenn.

GLENN: Yeah. What is the number of federal workers that are actually showing up for work?

STU: I really -- I have to guess, it's very low.

But if I were just to guess, without any preknowledge, I would have to say, it's like 60. Right?

I don't know. 40 percent of people not showing up seems significant.

GLENN: The number of people not showing up to work is 94 percent.

Only 6 percent of federal workers are showing up.

STU: What? With the knowledge that it was going to be a low number, I'm shocked by that. 6 percent.

GLENN: Six. Six. It is 6 percent.

STU: No way. Is there certain categories? You go to the Pentagon right now, 94 percent empty?

That can't be true.

GLENN: I don't know about the Pentagon.

STU: Okay. Certain areas of the government.

GLENN: Well, I do know this also, that the mayor of Washington, DC, said all of our businesses are dying. And said this to Biden. You have got to get people to go back to those buildings. Or let those buildings loose.

And let's bring other businesses into Washington, DC.

STU: Because we're holding them empty, essentially.

GLENN: We're holding them empty, so there's no business on the street. Because nobody is coming in.

So restaurants are going out. Shops that aren't for tourists, are all going out.

STU: Now, complete economic destruction happened to Washington, DC, would you be able to tell the difference, I guess is the question.

We were just there.

GLENN: No. I think if there was a raging wildfire, I'm not sure I could tell the difference.

Among those directives, the president required employees to return to work in person. Restored accountability for employees, who have policy-making authority.

Let me hang on. I think I hear the knives sharpening here. Restored accountability for senior career executives, and reformed the federal hiring process to focus on merit.

As a result of the above orders, the reform of the federal workforce will be significant. Want out?

STU: Yeah, take your out now.

And like, just a couple of things.

GLENN: I would.

STU: It's interesting. He sent it to everyone.

Basically said, none of you are essential. Any one of you can be replaced. Which is a message you send.

Important message.

You're not too important, essentially. I know you've worked here for a few decades. You're a career employee and all that. It doesn't mean anything anymore.

That's one message it sends. If you put yourself in a position of, you're someone on the left. Who got into government. Because you have left-leaning ideas.

GLENN: Why else would you get into government?

STU: That's true.

GLENN: I can't think of a reason on the right, why they get into government, except to stop the people on the left.

STU: To stop it. And that is a real problem we have. Because it's the same thing with universities.

GLENN: Yeah, it is.

STU: We don't go in there. We don't mix it up in those areas, and then they take them over.

GLENN: Yes.

STU: But let's say, you're someone who leans left. You get in there, you think, you support all these big taxes and big government programs. And you're working on administrating them. And you realize, Trump is coming in. He will try to cut them anyway.

Do I really want to be here, supporting -- like cutting people, and not distributing this money I think is so important? Maybe I do just take it.

Just because I'm opposed, and I don't want to go through this agenda. I don't want to be responsible for these evil cuts.

So maybe I just take the money and leave.

GLENN: I think if you're a career politician or career, you know, government worker, if you've put in your time and they're going to give you, you know, really good exit package.

I don't know if you're -- if you've been there for 25 years. Do I get -- do I get my pension?

STU: Yeah. You probably do.

GLENN: So, you know, I would definitely look at it.

If I had been there for a long time. I would be like, I'm getting out now.

Because you just don't know.

You know, Vivek Ramaswamy said, we should just say, everybody with an odd Social Security number. And ends in an odd number, you're fired.

STU: What helps him here.

Because there are dumb protections built into some of these places for civil service types.

That makes it sometimes difficult to fire them.

And this is like sort of like the self-deportation option when it comes to the border.

GLENN: It is.

STU: You go. You take it. It's optional for you.

And if they do that, you not only will likely get rid of more people that will thwart your efforts. Because they typically will be able to take that deal. But you also get a portion of your cuts done, without having to make the cuts.

There are some legal questions to this.

Of course, it will get challenged. There is a clause, I think it's in the Homeland Security Act.

That allows the government to offer employees $25,000 to resign, essentially if they want to make cuts.

So that much of it is pretty much straightforward protected.

The -- when you say all the way to September, some of those numbers will go above $25,000.

And there, they might get legal challenges.

GLENN: That's amazing -- that people will challenge you.

STU: You're giving me too much money. You're giving me too much --

GLENN: That will never happen.

STU: In reality, of course, the left does not want these employees to go away.

They don't want the size of government to shrink, so they will find any legal loophole they can to challenge what he's doing.

GLENN: It will be fascinating to see the conversations of people right now in Washington, DC. That are those die-hards.

I mean, because he's doing exactly what he's doing on the border, for the government.

He's -- he is --

STU: It's the --

GLENN: We're coming for the bad guys.

And we will cut.

There is in more fooling around. There's a new sheriff in town.

He hopes, just like on the border. He will get the bad guys. But a lot of people, just like you said, will self-deport.

I don't want any part of it.

STU: Yeah. I don't want any part of it.

Not to mention, in nine months of pay. Combine that if you happen to be an entrepreneur type. Of leaving a job. Getting paid for nine months. Then getting paid for another job.

It could be great for your finances.

GLENN: If you had another job. If you knew you could get another job, you would be stupid not to.

STU: Yeah. To get paid 9 months for doing nothing.

Of course, it's taking it out of our pockets, which I'm not exactly thrilled about. But long-term, it's great!

GLENN: Yeah, if he gets enough people. It's like 100 -- 150, or $150 million a year is what they're expecting to get out of this. That's a lot of savings.

STU: Hmm. Hmm.

I mean, it's a drop in the bucket, unfortunately.

GLENN: No, I know it is. I know it is.

STU: $150 a year is a pretty small acceptance.

GLENN: A million or billion.

As I said that, you don't pay attention. Million, billion. It doesn't matter anymore.

STU: Just wait until the quadrillions hit. Then you'll know. Then you'll know.

GLENN: And million will seem like.

You know, it's like -- it used to be like, they're a millionaire. And then it became, they're worth like 100 million dollars. And then it became, they're a billionaire.

It's going to be soon. They're a trillionaire.

STU: You knew we would cross that line, when Bernie Sanders needed to take millionaires out of his speeches. Because he used to say millionaires and billionaires.

Now he says billionaires because he's a millionaire.

And it's like hilarious that Mr. Socialist, with his multiple houses, can't even criticize millionaires anymore.

GLENN: Right!

Because he's most likely a millionaire.

STU: He is, 100 percent.

GLENN: I mean, how does a socialist get that?

STU: I mean, he's making a decent six figure salary and has been forever. He has multiple houses.

Just the equity in those homes, I'm sure, makes him a millionaire.

You know, I mean, he's pretty -- he wants to spend everyone else's money. If he spends like that in his own life.

He doesn't seem to be all that -- he doesn't seem to take advantage with fancy cars or anything like that, that we know of.

But he has a couple nice houses. He saves on hair products, that's for sure.

TV

The Dark Truth Behind Queer Theory & Gender ‘Affirmation’ For Children | Liz Wheeler & Glenn Beck

In this explosive conversation, Glenn Beck and Liz Wheeler expose the disturbing roots of gender ideology and queer theory — and how these radical ideas are directly targeting children. From the shocking origins of queer theory, where pedophilia and child pornography were openly defended, to Planned Parenthood’s new role as one of the largest distributors of transgender hormone therapy, the truth is undeniable: this movement is not about freedom or equality, but about dismantling families, corrupting innocence, and profiting off of our children’s pain. What we are witnessing is nothing less than a satanic ideology dressed up as compassion — and it’s spreading like wildfire through schools, culture, and medicine. Parents, you need to hear this. The time to protect your children and fight back is NOW.

Watch the full episode HERE

RADIO

Here’s how INTENSE JFK’s Presidential Fitness Test was

President Trump recently signed an executive order to reinstate the Presidential Fitness Test and the media is in a frenzy. But Glenn and Stu look back at the history of these tests, including JFK’s version of the Test that seems IMPOSSIBLE for modern Americans. But Glenn has a secret reason for why he’s confident in his pull-up abilities…

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: What is the -- what is the new physical -- the president's physical fitness, you know, plan?

STU: Well, the thing that RFK Jr and Hegseth were rolling out the other day. I don't know if it was the full test or anything, but they were issuing a challenge to America, to be able to do 100 pushups and 50 pullups within five minutes.

GLENN: That's crazy.

STU: Thank you! That struck you as also crazy.

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life, that I could do that. Let alone now with shoulder problems. And much too much weight.

GLENN: All right. But that was before I needed this walker.

STU: I don't think there was a time in my 20s or my teens, that I could do that. But that -- in five minutes? Fifty pullups?
GLENN: Both of them in 5 minutes.
STU: Yeah, both of them. So it's not like 100 pushups in five minutes. It's both tasks within five minutes.

GLENN: No. No. That's not true.

STU: RFK Jr. is just doing it in jeans.

GLENN: Yeah, well, RFK, he's -- he's a weirdo. I mean, he is. Come on. When it comes to fitness, he's a weirdo.
STU: Yes.
GLENN: I mean, he's done this his whole life. He's like 800 years old. He can still do it.

STU: Yes. Depressive, I will say.

GLENN: I don't know. He's a sex machine.

STU: Oh. That's been a problem for him. Yes, that's been an issue in his life. Yes.

GLENN: Okay. All right. Go ahead.

STU: Separate from the president's physical fitness test.

GLENN: Right.

STU: But, I mean, they don't, they don't really think we're going to do that, right?
Like, I mean, how long would that take you to do?

STU: I think for me, it would take a good month. I think a month, I could probably get two pullups a day. That would get me around, a little over 50. So I could do that. Plus, the pushups. A solid month, I could get that done.

GLENN: You could do more than two a day. You could do more than two a day.

STU: You know, Glenn, I've got to say. I think -- I will throw a number out there. No science behind this, so just as a guestimate.

I would say 40 percent of the population can't do any pullups. Maybe 30 percent. Thirty percent of the population can do exactly zero pullups. Precisely zero, so an infinite amount of time would be a correct answer for a third of the population.

GLENN: I think you're -- I think you're being -- I think you're being a little too optimistic. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. Maybe 60 percent.

STU: Right! Pushups are one thing. I mean, I think almost anyone can do a pushup. One --

GLENN: You can do a pushup. Yes. Yes.

STU: Singular pushup. And if you can do one, you can wait long enough, to do a second one.
And at some point, the hundred gets done. That's not the case with pullups. Pullups, you can sit there and think about how much you want to do a pullup for a really long time. But that doesn't make a pullup happen. If you've got a certain amount of weight on you. You're not doing a pullup. It's not occurring.

GLENN: I have no idea, how many pullups I can do.

STU: I have an exact number of pullups, you can do.

GLENN: Do you? You think so?

STU: Yeah. Yeah. I have the exact number. I have to calculate -- AI has been running a report on me. It came up with zero.

GLENN: Right. Right. Really?
I can do. I mean, this is so pathetic. Listen to this. I bet I could do three. You know, you could do three.

STU: In a row? Proper form.

GLENN: What do you mean in a row?

STU: I mean, holding on to the bar, without letting go, you're doing three. There's no way. I don't think so.

GLENN: I think I could do. Well, with proper form, I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

STU: I'm not saying it has to look pretty. You have to get your chin up above the bar. It can't be one of those things, where you're a quarter of the way up there.

GLENN: So I can do one and rest for ten minutes. I could do another one.

I think I can do that.

STU: If you -- I'm not saying, you jump up, and you pull yourself up as you're pulling up. Full hang --

GLENN: See, you may not know this.

But you know what, I've done the DNA test. Have you ever done the DNA test that tells you all about your genes and everything else? Mine came back with something remarkable, and I have to share. You might feel bad, next.
(laughter)

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They will make that happen. Their mission is really simple. Help you take control of your life. To help save you. Help you finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, because the American dream, that opportunity to do great things, it doesn't need to be reinvented.

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STU: Coming up next, Glenn attempts live pullups on the air. Stay tuned!
(OUT AT 8:29 AM)

GLENN: You know no idea what who you're dealing with. No. You don't have any idea who you're dealing with here.

I got my DNA test back like 10 years ago. And we all -- we all took it, because we were looking for things. And so we all took it. My DNA test came back, and everybody in the family, their test made total sense. Like, oh, yeah. That makes...

Then we read mine. We have to find -- I have to find. See if Tania has it still. We should have had it framed. I swear to you, they -- they mixed me up with somebody else.

Somebody else is like, wait a minute. I'm this pathetic? Mine came out and said, you have the muscular structure of a -- of a -- something like a -- an elite athlete. You have the abilities and agility and everything else of an elite athlete. And I'm like, there's not a chance. I don't have any of that!

I don't even know if I have muscles. I have to check once in a while, and go, do I have muscles still?

Doctor is like, I don't know. Can I? Ask just press against my hand on the leg. I don't know.

You know, I don't know how to do that exactly. So --

STU: You sure it said elite athlete and not elephant? I mean, if they misspelled it.

GLENN: It was.

I was having eye problems at the time.

STU: No!

GLENN: I mean, we read it. And I was like Tania, I believe that for Tania.

Maybe they switched me and Tania. Because Tania is really strong. She'll kick your butt.

She works out every day. All of that. Me? Never. Never.

And it kind of makes me wonder, when I get to the other side, and the Lord went, okay.

So what did you do with your life again?

Because I gave this incredible body, and you wasted it the whole time.

And I'm like, you should have been more clear, okay?

You should have been more clear. I -- maybe I could have played basketball. But I tried once. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing. It was like sixth grade. And I'll never live -- I don't even want to think about my time on a basketball court. Okay? So don't -- don't start with me. You should have made it a little clearer. When I first started to do stuff. And I think that's fair. I think that's a fair argument. In my defense. In my defense, Your Honor, God, you should have made it a little more clear.

STU: Yeah. I mean, if they really wanted us to do this, then the 11th Commandment is 50 pushups, and -- or, 50 pullups and 100 pushups, right?

Like, put it in a commandment if you really want us to do it. You have to be more specific, we're Americans.

GLENN: Okay. So let me give you the top of the list for the JFK Presidential Fitness Test. Okay? This is what you had to do in high school. In high school.

Thirty-four pullups. Bar dips: Fifty-two. What's -- because I believe I did that. A long time. And I don't recommend it.

STU: It's not a barhop.

GLENN: Oh, it's -- oh, bar dips. Okay. Okay. All right.

Bar dips: 52. Handstand pushups: Fifty. What are handstands?

STU: Oh, my God. Handstands.

GLENN: I can't even stand on my hands. Is that I'm doing a handstand and a push up? Because that's not happening. You're not human.

STU: Yeah. You're balancing yourself on your hands. Your feet are above your hands on the wall. Like a wall. And you're doing --

GLENN: Oh, so you're balancing yourself. That makes it a little easier. Still impossible.

But a little easier.

GLENN: Impossible. You could do precisely zero of those.

Aright. So you had to do 50 handstand pushups.

Or one arm -- 30 -- no, sir.

Twenty-six one-arm burpees in 30 seconds. Is that a one-armed push up?

STU: No. Well, you're bracing your yourself like you're about to begin a pushup in a burpee with only one arm, which that's not that difficult.

But then you're doing. Then you're like, you move your feet towards your hands. And then you jump up in the air basically. And then you do it repeatedly.

GLENN: No, no, no. That's ridiculous. No.

STU: There's a law of gravity. You're not supposed to violate it. If it was a recommendation of gravity, then maybe jumping would be appropriate. But it's not. Follow the law.

GLENN: In 48 seconds, you had to do a 3300-yard shuttle. Now, I've been to the airport. I think I've done a 3300-yard shuttle, but it depends on who is driving. You know.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Rope climb. Try this. Rope climb. Twenty feet, hands only! Sit start.

STU: That's what I remember from the president's physical fitness test. And I remember looking at that rope, like, no chance I could get up that thing.

GLENN: I remember looking up at that thing. Humiliation. Humiliation is coming my way. I'll never kiss a girl, because that ain't happening. I'll get maybe 10 feet up. Maybe. Maybe.

STU: And you were right for 24 years from that time, approximately.

GLENN: Agility run, 17 seconds. Extension pressups, what? What?

I'm sorry. Why am I so tired reading this?

Extension pressups. What's an extension pressup, 8-inch? You had to do 100 of them.

STU: Let's see. Exercise. An exercise for low-back pain involving lying on your stomach and pressing your upper body up with your arms while keeping your hips relaxed and down on the mat.

GLENN: Oh, I could do that know. 8 inches.

STU: The last part of it, relaxing down on the mat.
GLENN: That's what my doctor says I should be doing. What?

STU: I can do relaxed and down on the mat. That part of it --

GLENN: Yeah. I could do that -- I'm the only guy. I took yoga for a while, like three weeks. My wife is like, yoga. You could do yoga. Let's just do yoga together.

I did. And the yoga instructor said to me. Because we were doing a plank.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: And she came and all I remember her waking me up. And saying, I think you're the only person I've ever -- ever taught that fell asleep in yoga. And I'm like, it's just so relaxing. Just let me sleep. Let me sleep.

STU: That's interesting, that you did yoga. Is there any footage of that? Any video that we could post? That would be good for --

GLENN: No. There's not. You had to do pegboard. Five trips of pegboard. And I think that's when you have the two pegs.

STU: Yes, it was a board.

GLENN: You have to take it out, and put it up, right?

STU: This is American Ninja Warrior. No way.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

STU: This is amazing.

GLENN: Try this one: You had to do a 45-second handstand. I've never been able to do a handstand. Never!

STU: Never.

GLENN: And I'm an elite athlete. I'm an elite athlete. Try this one: A man carry, 5 miles.

STU: What? What do you mean a --

GLENN: Five-mile man carry.

STU: Is a man carry as obvious as it --

GLENN: I think it is.

STU: You're carrying --

GLENN: If I'm going to carry that man, you have to carry me that man for five miles.

I'm not sure, I can't carry any man for any miles. I mean, if I am -- if I am a firefighter, count on burning in the house. You're going to burn in the house. Because I can't carry you out. I can get in there and go, yeah, I will have to leave you.
I will have to leave you here. I can't help you, sorry.

It's also getting really hot in here. I have to go. You had to do a five-mile jog. An obstacle course.

You had to swim prone for a mile. You had to swim underwater for 50 yards, any strokes, two minutes. Deep waterfront, hang float, with arms. What? What is a deep water hang float with arms. Wait. Wait.

It's a deep waterfront hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes.

What kind of al-Qaeda PE class was this?

STU: Who has access to -- who has access -- like, you're in the middle of the country, you may not have a deep water body nearby. This is -- are you sure this is an actual test?

GLENN: This is the actual test. This is the actual -- what is a deep water front hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes? Can you look that up?

STU: A deep water hang float is an aquatic hang float done in the deep end of a pool with the aid of flotation device, such as a noodle or belt.

In this position, the flotation twice supports your upper body, while your legs and torso hang freely beneath you.

That can't be what it is.

GLENN: You can do that.

Deep-end of the pool.

STU: Can you bring a margarita?

GLENN: Man, this test is no big deal.

What! No way. No way!

Here's the last thing on the test.

A vertical tread in an 8-foot circle for two hours!

No way.

STU: Vertical tread in an 8-foot circle?

GLENN: So you're in the water and you're treading water in a circle for two hours. Two!

STU: This is not -- what?

This is not the test.

GLENN: It is. Now, I told you, this is the top of the test.

This is the top of the test.

So this is for the ones who could do all the other tests.

This was the top of the test. The bottom of the test is not that much better. Here's the entry, okay? Let's see. Pullups, 2/6/10. I don't know what that means. Pushups, 16, 24, 32. Bar dips, four, eight, and 12. Situps, 30, 45, and 60. Broad jump, 6-foot, 6, 6, 6. And 6, 9.

To jump 6 feet? I don't even know if --

STU: That one is possible, yes. Glenn, I know it sounds incredible. But, yes. That one is possible.

GLENN: Sounds incredible. You know, I think we should have the average person Olympics. I really do. I really do.

STU: Oh, I would watch that.


GLENN: I would watch that every time.

You see them coming. And you're like, hmm. That one -- three feet. I'm giving him 3 feet. 200-yard shuttle. Agility run. Rope climb, 18 feet, hands only. 880 yards in three minutes. A mile in seven minutes. Pegboard, six holes. A 50-yard swim. Forty -- 40, 50-yard swim in 36 seconds. Man carry, 880 yards. No, thank you! No, thank you!

Look at -- look at what we've gone down. That's the bottom of it. And I don't think most Americans could do that.

I couldn't. Well, I could. Because I'm an elite -- I have the body of an elite athlete.

STU: No. You could not. Now, of course -- let's just say, this is supposed to be for a high school kid. Right?

So this is the prime of your athletic life. Could you do some of these things? Probably.
GLENN: Go into high school.
Go into any high school, and ask them to do this. There's no way. And all of the kids would be.

STU: Well, that's kind of what the reaction would be.

GLENN: Don't get me wrong. I would have been there too. And my parents would have said, suck it up. Just do it.

So nothing has really changed.

STU: That's been the reaction to this proposal too, of bringing this back. Right? The media is covering this. Like, it's going to embarrass children.

You know, I mean, I do remember it being like, I can't do that. I'm not going to the top of that rope. That's not happening.

That's sort of life. Right? Sometimes you can do things. Sometimes you can't do other things.

GLENN: That's why you have to learn how to injure yourself.

You know, how many stairs can I throw myself down, to not do serious damage, but enough to get me out of PE.

STU: Yeah, you have to fake an why are. You have to learn from LeBron James. Act like you got hit in the eye. And fall down like you were just stabbed over and over again, like you were in an athletic competition.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

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