RADIO

Glenn’s VITAL WARNING about Putin’s ‘BAIT & SWITCH’ speech

Because not a single world leader has been willing to speak the truth about the far-left’s dangerous ideology, a huge vacuum emerged. And Vladimir Putin, during a recent speech, attempted to fill that void by appealing to conservatives in the West: ‘Look at what they're doing with their own people,’ Putin said. ‘It is all about the destruction of the family.’ But his speech, Glenn explains, was a BAIT AND SWITCH one. In this clip, Glenn explains the TRUE meaning behind this EVIL man's deceptive words. And, Glenn exposes the 'capital-T' Traditionalist behind Putin’s message: Alexander Dugin, who may just be the most dangerous man in the world...

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: So yesterday, Russian president Vladimir Putin gave his state of the nation speech in Moscow.

It is amazing how this was reported on. They belittled and mocked him in many of the reports, that I saw from the West.

It was a -- a speech that was supposedly directed to his people. But it was also directed to the world.

To people, all over the West. Who are sick of being told that they're racist, Transphobic, or whatever else.

And it's -- it's hard to angle -- hard to argue that angle.

It is, when somebody says, what you know they're doing to the country? They're destroying the western set of values. You're like, yeah.

And that is the point. It's a trap!

I'm going to read what he said yesterday. And I want you to think about whether or not you agree with him.

He said, Western Nations are using Ukraine as their puppet. Yeah, I think so. I think so.

I think Ukraine might be a part of that. But there is something dirty going on here.

He said, they distort historic facts, and constantly attack our culture.

The Russian Orthodox church and other traditional religions of our country. I haven't heard any of that, anywhere.

They cannot ignore the fact, that Russia cannot be defeated on the battlefield.

Well, I don't think I agree with that either.

So they're waging increasingly aggressive information attacks. First, all targeting the young generations.

Lying on every step. Distorting historical truth. Attacking our culture. The Russian orthodox church, be and other traditional religious institutions within in our country.

Now, that was for his people. Then he says to his people, and look what they're doing in the West. To their own people.

It's even worse. Look at what they're doing, they're destroying the institution of family. Their cultural, historical identity.

And the destruction of the family, the national identity, the perversion and abuse of children, up to pedophilia, are now accepted as a new norm.

Is the West destroying the institution of the family? Yes. Cultural historic identity, oh, yeah. Destruction of the family? Uh-huh.

Cultural national identity? Yep. Perversion and the abuse of children up to pedophilia. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.

And he goes on, and priests are forced to bless same-sex marriages. As it became known, the Anglican church plans to consider the idea of gender neutral God.

Millions of people in the West understand, they are building led to a real spiritual catastrophe.

I think all of that is true. He then says, maybe we should take a look at this -- I'm sorry.

Maybe they should take a look into the Scripture, into the holy book of any religion.

It says family is a union between a man and a woman. And these holy texts are now being increasingly doubted in the West. The Anglican church is being considered a gender-neutral god.

Okay. There's nothing false about that last part. And on the surface, if you're just wondering where is a leader that is going to stand up against this stuff. You hear Putin say it, and you're like, okay. He's a really bad guy. But listening to what he's saying.

All he's doing is describing the evil of Marxism that has taken hold in the western world.

Yesterday, NPR praised puberty blockers and sex change surgeries, for children.

Most sane people are tired of the leftist takeover, of culture. And Putin knows it!

And because there's a vacuum of anyone, anyone in leadership around the world, that will stand up for the things that we have always known to be true.

There's a giant vacuum. And when you have a vacuum that big, even the coldest -- the coldest blooded murderer, mass murderer can step in to that vacuum, and go, I'm here.

This is why he -- his message is so dangerous.

It is a bait-and-switch.

So what is it, that he's actually saying?

What is it he's trying to accomplish hereof?

This is so critically important, because this -- it's like a KGB influence operation.

Putin's goal is to gain allies and to seed doubt.

Everyone is tired of left-wing extremism.

All throughout. Only the elites are still into it.

And it is a dangerous time for people making allies with people, who make points similar to ours.

I have said for 25 years.

You must know who is standing next to you.

They might agree with you object on several points.

But when it gets down to the details. The devil literally is in the tails.

Putin is interested in Russia, and Russia alone.

Don't forget that he called the collapse of the Soviet Union, the greatest geopolitical catastrophe of the 21st century.

Putin's goal is to frame Russia as the Roman Empire. Battling all the evils and the depravities of the Western world.

But I want you to be very clear on this.
That is the wicked punishing the and killing the wicked.

He might be speaking words that are true. But he himself is a false prophet. And a liar.

He is not a supporter of the rights that only come from God.

He's a bloodthirsty killer.

Freedom of speech?

He murders anyone who disagrees. We merely silenced them through cancel culture. Or through private/public partnerships.

They're both evil.

He defines us as evil.

And speaks to the horrors that we're inflicting on Christians or Christianity, on -- on gender confused children.

But his own KGB murdered millions of the deep faith. Sent them to camps for reeducation at best. And he approves of murder squads to kill homosexuals. It is, again, the wicked against the wicked.

Do not be fooled, there's no good guy in this fight.

And he is doing exactly what I have warned you of, for the last, almost ten years.

And these tactics are traced back to one guy. I have told you, he is the most dangerous man in the world.

He is a radical philosopher named Aleksandr Dugin. He is Putin's bizarre, mystical guru.

In his book, Foundations of Geopolitics, Dugin pushed the idea, that the US must be counteracted on the global stage. And the book became a standard-assigned reading in the 21st century, at the general staff academy. For Russian military leaders.

So all of the military leader, have been raised on Dugin. He went on to become a Putin adviser without portfolio. With Putin, echoing, sometimes in a matter of hours, according to experts, expressions Dugin was using in his media broadcast.

Dugin believes that America is the Antichrist, leading the world -- and, by the way, I'm beginning to think that that might be true too, that we might be the great Babylon.

That we might be what our Scriptures foretell. Maybe that's why America is not in the end time revelation.

Because maybe we're the problem. We're giving birth to it. It seems we might be on that road.

I pray for construction of our whole system, if we become that evil.

Please, dear Lord.

Okay. So he believes, we are the Antichrist. Leading the world, into what he calls the fourth revolutionary war. It's summed up by his slogan, sooner or later, the endless spectacle is over. Then we will take revenge, mercilessly.

Dugin, so you know, his crest, if you will, is the ancient sign of chaos. He is an agent of chaos.

As are the Iranian imams and Twelvers. If you're a long-time listener of the program. You know what those are are.

Twelvers are people that actually believe if I create enough chaos in the world. And set off enough nuclear bombs, then the messiah, different than our messiah, will return faster. So let's just get it over.

That is what Dugin believes. The West is the Antichrist and must be destroyed. But all of modernity, everything modern, must be destroyed.

You know, what he said, what -- what Putin said yesterday, was played before.

I mean, we said it. Reagan said it. Against the Soviet Union.

The U.S.S.R. was an evil empire. And while we had our problems, our society had not become evil yet.

Yesterday, Putin was praised by many on the right.

And they're the words of traditionalism.

I just want to get to traditional families.

And our traditions. Because Barack knew, that to make this change, we had to change the way we talked to each other and our traditions. So I want to get back to our traditions.

Traditionalism is part of Dugin's philosophy. But it is not traditionalism with a small T. It is a capital T. Small T traditionalism, family values. God, country, honor.

Okay?

Capital T traditionalism is very different. It is heralding the end of modernity.

It is a movement, that is just as real and dangerous and deadly as Naziism, fascism, and communism.

And any church, it didn't group, on the right, that hears this kind of language, and foolishly starts to fall in with people who are, quote, traditionalists, are going to spell grave, grave trouble for the republic and for a chance of being able to survive.

Traditionalists despise the modern world. They believe that destruction is necessary for a utopia on earth.

Not heaven.

Armageddon comes. And instead of Christ coming down, his theology, a dark mass, then Russia steps in. And then we have the utopia.

Dugin,Putin within do not believe in the traditional values. The religious values.

But they know how powerful this message is.

They are selling you a cathedral, that is actually a windowless concrete building. With a basement, that you don't want to know, what's going on in the basement.

KGB, Putin, been using Russian orthodox church has a weapon for years.

And using clergy as intelligence assets.

But there's more to this story. And I'll get to that in 60 seconds.

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Lots of people do it all the time. And you'll accrue 20, 25 percent interest.

That -- and you're not going to be able to pay that debt down. You'll never be able to do that. It will take you years and years and years.

Now, you could pay the same debts off at a much lower rate. And I'm talking about 6 percent.

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(music)
Now, when Vladimir Putin or Alexander Dugin, or any of these capital T traditionalists speak, they will rail against the progress of the progressives. Okay?

The progress. The idea. The liberal ideas that progress is always good.

Well, no, it's not. He's right. The left's idea of progress, has led to transgendered children on stripper poles. But what a capital T traditionalist believes, is to create this utopia, we must destroy modernity.

Collapsing the power grid. Using EMPs.

Anything that destroys the modern world must be used. The world over.

Armageddon must happen, so the modern world is completely destroyed. And out of those ashes, the Russian people will step up and fill their destiny.

It's just another flavor of Malthusian poison. We just have to kill a lot of people. And then we'll have utopia.

Traditionalism is easily anti-capitalist, anti-Christianity. Anti-anything it wants.

But it is a return to the medieval world first.

Russian renaissance, second. These people are not your friends.

They do not mean what they say. They do not speak for you.

Traditionalism, with a capital T, wants to use war to launch the world out of the dark age.

Because he believes, we're now living in the Dark Ages.

The whole of modern world.

This is just evil. As any evil we have here, it is evil. Do not be fooled by false prophets. Many will come in his name. Do not be deceived.

He believes the global conflict is inevitable. Violence is a requirement.

The literal apocalypse is just merely a phase. Many of these things, the Twelvers in Iran, also believe. But under a different messiah.

They too threaten to burn the world, and wash it in the blood of the Jews and Unbelievers.

Iran is now an ally of Russia and China.
Dugin is pushing for the same things, and he's been whispering all of this into Putin's ear, urging him to push the red button of extinction.

Warning. I don't know how many times -- I can say this. Or will be allowed to say this, at some point.

Warning. All conservatives. Capital T traditionalism. Aleksandr Dugin.

Vladimir Putin, are not your friends. Do not pick sides between these two evils.

Because they're leading us to destruction. Both sides.

TV

The Dark Truth Behind Queer Theory & Gender ‘Affirmation’ For Children | Liz Wheeler & Glenn Beck

In this explosive conversation, Glenn Beck and Liz Wheeler expose the disturbing roots of gender ideology and queer theory — and how these radical ideas are directly targeting children. From the shocking origins of queer theory, where pedophilia and child pornography were openly defended, to Planned Parenthood’s new role as one of the largest distributors of transgender hormone therapy, the truth is undeniable: this movement is not about freedom or equality, but about dismantling families, corrupting innocence, and profiting off of our children’s pain. What we are witnessing is nothing less than a satanic ideology dressed up as compassion — and it’s spreading like wildfire through schools, culture, and medicine. Parents, you need to hear this. The time to protect your children and fight back is NOW.

Watch the full episode HERE

RADIO

Glenn's "secret" to conquering the JFK fitness test

President Trump recently signed an executive order to reinstate the Presidential Fitness Test and the media is in a frenzy. But Glenn and Stu look back at the history of these tests, including JFK’s version of the Test that seems IMPOSSIBLE for modern Americans. But Glenn has a secret reason for why he’s confident in his pull-up abilities…

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: What is the -- what is the new physical -- the president's physical fitness, you know, plan?

STU: Well, the thing that RFK Jr and Hegseth were rolling out the other day. I don't know if it was the full test or anything, but they were issuing a challenge to America, to be able to do 100 pushups and 50 pullups within five minutes.

GLENN: That's crazy.

STU: Thank you! That struck you as also crazy.

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life, that I could do that. Let alone now with shoulder problems. And much too much weight.

GLENN: All right. But that was before I needed this walker.

STU: I don't think there was a time in my 20s or my teens, that I could do that. But that -- in five minutes? Fifty pullups?
GLENN: Both of them in 5 minutes.
STU: Yeah, both of them. So it's not like 100 pushups in five minutes. It's both tasks within five minutes.

GLENN: No. No. That's not true.

STU: RFK Jr. is just doing it in jeans.

GLENN: Yeah, well, RFK, he's -- he's a weirdo. I mean, he is. Come on. When it comes to fitness, he's a weirdo.
STU: Yes.
GLENN: I mean, he's done this his whole life. He's like 800 years old. He can still do it.

STU: Yes. Depressive, I will say.

GLENN: I don't know. He's a sex machine.

STU: Oh. That's been a problem for him. Yes, that's been an issue in his life. Yes.

GLENN: Okay. All right. Go ahead.

STU: Separate from the president's physical fitness test.

GLENN: Right.

STU: But, I mean, they don't, they don't really think we're going to do that, right?
Like, I mean, how long would that take you to do?

STU: I think for me, it would take a good month. I think a month, I could probably get two pullups a day. That would get me around, a little over 50. So I could do that. Plus, the pushups. A solid month, I could get that done.

GLENN: You could do more than two a day. You could do more than two a day.

STU: You know, Glenn, I've got to say. I think -- I will throw a number out there. No science behind this, so just as a guestimate.

I would say 40 percent of the population can't do any pullups. Maybe 30 percent. Thirty percent of the population can do exactly zero pullups. Precisely zero, so an infinite amount of time would be a correct answer for a third of the population.

GLENN: I think you're -- I think you're being -- I think you're being a little too optimistic. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. Maybe 60 percent.

STU: Right! Pushups are one thing. I mean, I think almost anyone can do a pushup. One --

GLENN: You can do a pushup. Yes. Yes.

STU: Singular pushup. And if you can do one, you can wait long enough, to do a second one.
And at some point, the hundred gets done. That's not the case with pullups. Pullups, you can sit there and think about how much you want to do a pullup for a really long time. But that doesn't make a pullup happen. If you've got a certain amount of weight on you. You're not doing a pullup. It's not occurring.

GLENN: I have no idea, how many pullups I can do.

STU: I have an exact number of pullups, you can do.

GLENN: Do you? You think so?

STU: Yeah. Yeah. I have the exact number. I have to calculate -- AI has been running a report on me. It came up with zero.

GLENN: Right. Right. Really?
I can do. I mean, this is so pathetic. Listen to this. I bet I could do three. You know, you could do three.

STU: In a row? Proper form.

GLENN: What do you mean in a row?

STU: I mean, holding on to the bar, without letting go, you're doing three. There's no way. I don't think so.

GLENN: I think I could do. Well, with proper form, I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

STU: I'm not saying it has to look pretty. You have to get your chin up above the bar. It can't be one of those things, where you're a quarter of the way up there.

GLENN: So I can do one and rest for ten minutes. I could do another one.

I think I can do that.

STU: If you -- I'm not saying, you jump up, and you pull yourself up as you're pulling up. Full hang --

GLENN: See, you may not know this.

But you know what, I've done the DNA test. Have you ever done the DNA test that tells you all about your genes and everything else? Mine came back with something remarkable, and I have to share. You might feel bad, next.
(laughter)

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STU: Coming up next, Glenn attempts live pullups on the air. Stay tuned!
(OUT AT 8:29 AM)

GLENN: You know no idea what who you're dealing with. No. You don't have any idea who you're dealing with here.

I got my DNA test back like 10 years ago. And we all -- we all took it, because we were looking for things. And so we all took it. My DNA test came back, and everybody in the family, their test made total sense. Like, oh, yeah. That makes...

Then we read mine. We have to find -- I have to find. See if Tania has it still. We should have had it framed. I swear to you, they -- they mixed me up with somebody else.

Somebody else is like, wait a minute. I'm this pathetic? Mine came out and said, you have the muscular structure of a -- of a -- something like a -- an elite athlete. You have the abilities and agility and everything else of an elite athlete. And I'm like, there's not a chance. I don't have any of that!

I don't even know if I have muscles. I have to check once in a while, and go, do I have muscles still?

Doctor is like, I don't know. Can I? Ask just press against my hand on the leg. I don't know.

You know, I don't know how to do that exactly. So --

STU: You sure it said elite athlete and not elephant? I mean, if they misspelled it.

GLENN: It was.

I was having eye problems at the time.

STU: No!

GLENN: I mean, we read it. And I was like Tania, I believe that for Tania.

Maybe they switched me and Tania. Because Tania is really strong. She'll kick your butt.

She works out every day. All of that. Me? Never. Never.

And it kind of makes me wonder, when I get to the other side, and the Lord went, okay.

So what did you do with your life again?

Because I gave this incredible body, and you wasted it the whole time.

And I'm like, you should have been more clear, okay?

You should have been more clear. I -- maybe I could have played basketball. But I tried once. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing. It was like sixth grade. And I'll never live -- I don't even want to think about my time on a basketball court. Okay? So don't -- don't start with me. You should have made it a little clearer. When I first started to do stuff. And I think that's fair. I think that's a fair argument. In my defense. In my defense, Your Honor, God, you should have made it a little more clear.

STU: Yeah. I mean, if they really wanted us to do this, then the 11th Commandment is 50 pushups, and -- or, 50 pullups and 100 pushups, right?

Like, put it in a commandment if you really want us to do it. You have to be more specific, we're Americans.

GLENN: Okay. So let me give you the top of the list for the JFK Presidential Fitness Test. Okay? This is what you had to do in high school. In high school.

Thirty-four pullups. Bar dips: Fifty-two. What's -- because I believe I did that. A long time. And I don't recommend it.

STU: It's not a barhop.

GLENN: Oh, it's -- oh, bar dips. Okay. Okay. All right.

Bar dips: 52. Handstand pushups: Fifty. What are handstands?

STU: Oh, my God. Handstands.

GLENN: I can't even stand on my hands. Is that I'm doing a handstand and a push up? Because that's not happening. You're not human.

STU: Yeah. You're balancing yourself on your hands. Your feet are above your hands on the wall. Like a wall. And you're doing --

GLENN: Oh, so you're balancing yourself. That makes it a little easier. Still impossible.

But a little easier.

GLENN: Impossible. You could do precisely zero of those.

Aright. So you had to do 50 handstand pushups.

Or one arm -- 30 -- no, sir.

Twenty-six one-arm burpees in 30 seconds. Is that a one-armed push up?

STU: No. Well, you're bracing your yourself like you're about to begin a pushup in a burpee with only one arm, which that's not that difficult.

But then you're doing. Then you're like, you move your feet towards your hands. And then you jump up in the air basically. And then you do it repeatedly.

GLENN: No, no, no. That's ridiculous. No.

STU: There's a law of gravity. You're not supposed to violate it. If it was a recommendation of gravity, then maybe jumping would be appropriate. But it's not. Follow the law.

GLENN: In 48 seconds, you had to do a 3300-yard shuttle. Now, I've been to the airport. I think I've done a 3300-yard shuttle, but it depends on who is driving. You know.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Rope climb. Try this. Rope climb. Twenty feet, hands only! Sit start.

STU: That's what I remember from the president's physical fitness test. And I remember looking at that rope, like, no chance I could get up that thing.

GLENN: I remember looking up at that thing. Humiliation. Humiliation is coming my way. I'll never kiss a girl, because that ain't happening. I'll get maybe 10 feet up. Maybe. Maybe.

STU: And you were right for 24 years from that time, approximately.

GLENN: Agility run, 17 seconds. Extension pressups, what? What?

I'm sorry. Why am I so tired reading this?

Extension pressups. What's an extension pressup, 8-inch? You had to do 100 of them.

STU: Let's see. Exercise. An exercise for low-back pain involving lying on your stomach and pressing your upper body up with your arms while keeping your hips relaxed and down on the mat.

GLENN: Oh, I could do that know. 8 inches.

STU: The last part of it, relaxing down on the mat.
GLENN: That's what my doctor says I should be doing. What?

STU: I can do relaxed and down on the mat. That part of it --

GLENN: Yeah. I could do that -- I'm the only guy. I took yoga for a while, like three weeks. My wife is like, yoga. You could do yoga. Let's just do yoga together.

I did. And the yoga instructor said to me. Because we were doing a plank.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: And she came and all I remember her waking me up. And saying, I think you're the only person I've ever -- ever taught that fell asleep in yoga. And I'm like, it's just so relaxing. Just let me sleep. Let me sleep.

STU: That's interesting, that you did yoga. Is there any footage of that? Any video that we could post? That would be good for --

GLENN: No. There's not. You had to do pegboard. Five trips of pegboard. And I think that's when you have the two pegs.

STU: Yes, it was a board.

GLENN: You have to take it out, and put it up, right?

STU: This is American Ninja Warrior. No way.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

STU: This is amazing.

GLENN: Try this one: You had to do a 45-second handstand. I've never been able to do a handstand. Never!

STU: Never.

GLENN: And I'm an elite athlete. I'm an elite athlete. Try this one: A man carry, 5 miles.

STU: What? What do you mean a --

GLENN: Five-mile man carry.

STU: Is a man carry as obvious as it --

GLENN: I think it is.

STU: You're carrying --

GLENN: If I'm going to carry that man, you have to carry me that man for five miles.

I'm not sure, I can't carry any man for any miles. I mean, if I am -- if I am a firefighter, count on burning in the house. You're going to burn in the house. Because I can't carry you out. I can get in there and go, yeah, I will have to leave you.
I will have to leave you here. I can't help you, sorry.

It's also getting really hot in here. I have to go. You had to do a five-mile jog. An obstacle course.

You had to swim prone for a mile. You had to swim underwater for 50 yards, any strokes, two minutes. Deep waterfront, hang float, with arms. What? What is a deep water hang float with arms. Wait. Wait.

It's a deep waterfront hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes.

What kind of al-Qaeda PE class was this?

STU: Who has access to -- who has access -- like, you're in the middle of the country, you may not have a deep water body nearby. This is -- are you sure this is an actual test?

GLENN: This is the actual test. This is the actual -- what is a deep water front hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes? Can you look that up?

STU: A deep water hang float is an aquatic hang float done in the deep end of a pool with the aid of flotation device, such as a noodle or belt.

In this position, the flotation twice supports your upper body, while your legs and torso hang freely beneath you.

That can't be what it is.

GLENN: You can do that.

Deep-end of the pool.

STU: Can you bring a margarita?

GLENN: Man, this test is no big deal.

What! No way. No way!

Here's the last thing on the test.

A vertical tread in an 8-foot circle for two hours!

No way.

STU: Vertical tread in an 8-foot circle?

GLENN: So you're in the water and you're treading water in a circle for two hours. Two!

STU: This is not -- what?

This is not the test.

GLENN: It is. Now, I told you, this is the top of the test.

This is the top of the test.

So this is for the ones who could do all the other tests.

This was the top of the test. The bottom of the test is not that much better. Here's the entry, okay? Let's see. Pullups, 2/6/10. I don't know what that means. Pushups, 16, 24, 32. Bar dips, four, eight, and 12. Situps, 30, 45, and 60. Broad jump, 6-foot, 6, 6, 6. And 6, 9.

To jump 6 feet? I don't even know if --

STU: That one is possible, yes. Glenn, I know it sounds incredible. But, yes. That one is possible.

GLENN: Sounds incredible. You know, I think we should have the average person Olympics. I really do. I really do.

STU: Oh, I would watch that.


GLENN: I would watch that every time.

You see them coming. And you're like, hmm. That one -- three feet. I'm giving him 3 feet. 200-yard shuttle. Agility run. Rope climb, 18 feet, hands only. 880 yards in three minutes. A mile in seven minutes. Pegboard, six holes. A 50-yard swim. Forty -- 40, 50-yard swim in 36 seconds. Man carry, 880 yards. No, thank you! No, thank you!

Look at -- look at what we've gone down. That's the bottom of it. And I don't think most Americans could do that.

I couldn't. Well, I could. Because I'm an elite -- I have the body of an elite athlete.

STU: No. You could not. Now, of course -- let's just say, this is supposed to be for a high school kid. Right?

So this is the prime of your athletic life. Could you do some of these things? Probably.
GLENN: Go into high school.
Go into any high school, and ask them to do this. There's no way. And all of the kids would be.

STU: Well, that's kind of what the reaction would be.

GLENN: Don't get me wrong. I would have been there too. And my parents would have said, suck it up. Just do it.

So nothing has really changed.

STU: That's been the reaction to this proposal too, of bringing this back. Right? The media is covering this. Like, it's going to embarrass children.

You know, I mean, I do remember it being like, I can't do that. I'm not going to the top of that rope. That's not happening.

That's sort of life. Right? Sometimes you can do things. Sometimes you can't do other things.

GLENN: That's why you have to learn how to injure yourself.

You know, how many stairs can I throw myself down, to not do serious damage, but enough to get me out of PE.

STU: Yeah, you have to fake an why are. You have to learn from LeBron James. Act like you got hit in the eye. And fall down like you were just stabbed over and over again, like you were in an athletic competition.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

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