According to the Washington Post, the FBI was looking for documents including some related to nuclear weapons during its raid of Mar-a-Lago. But if that's the case, Glenn wonders, then why did the DOJ wait 18 months to do anything? And which part of Melania's closet did Trump kept them in? Since the DOJ still hasn't told us much (except through media leaks), Glenn presents a "theory" of his own...
Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors
GLENN: Stu. Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu. Now that you know what they were looking for. And not actually verified. You know, Garland came out yesterday and said he was going to release the information today. But he wanted to leave it up to Donald Trump. And everybody, of course, speculated, no way Donald Trump is going to say, release that. And he said, go ahead. Release it. In fact, I urge you to release it right now. All of it. That was just part of his dastardly plan. The DOJ released it. Well, they didn't really release it. Kind of laundered it, by leaking it to the Washington Post.
STU: Hmm. Yeah. We heard over and over again, that they never comment on these investigations. Yet, every piece we know about this investigation, other than the one press conference was leaked to the media, which is shocking. I am very upset about this.
GLENN: Uh-huh, yeah.
STU: I think -- you know, you say, maybe that's changed my mind. No, that's not changed my mind. I'm very angry about this. I'm angry that the government did not go in earlier, with this dangerous plan by Donald Trump to -- I don't know what.
GLENN: He had nuclear secrets. He had nuclear secrets. They're just going to wait 18 months for nuclear secrets.
STU: How many nuclear weapons has this guy built on the property of Mar-A-Lago? How many has he given to North Korea? He said himself, he's good buddies with Kim Jong-un.
GLENN: Good buddies.
STU: How many times has he FedExed this guy in a suitcase nuke?
GLENN: Well, he's holding out for the highest bidder. That's what he's doing. And as several experts pointed out. That is something we gave the chair to the Isenbergs back in the -- Isenbergs. Rosenbergs. You know, one of the bergs.
STU: All of the bergs. And it's interesting because they did it immediately to that. And any time anyone else says the word "treason," you get an letter from every left-wing source. They say how terrible you are.
GLENN: Yeah. Because that is -- that's defined in the Constitution. It requires death penalty.
STU: And that's why I think it's important to, you know, be careful when you're talking about these things.
GLENN: Sure. Sure.
STU: And yet, every media source on the left, seems to go to Rosenberg, immediately. What happened to that?
GLENN: Well, it's not good enough to put the guy in jail, and smear him. I think electric chair is the way to go.
STU: That's what they're suggesting, which is a fascinating turn of events.
GLENN: Can I tell you something, Stu? I've always known it.
STU: You've known it.
GLENN: Let me tell you the real story here. I have several sources here. Several sources. So let me just tell you. Because the story always starts as it always does, except in Joe Biden's case. It's very important to know, in Joe Biden's case, this doesn't apply. But the story always starts as all stories start. Father and son. Father and son. Father just trying to help out his son, who might be going on the wayward paths. And finds himself in trouble. And the father just says, I want to -- I want to help him out. You know, while the right has been saying, hey, Hunter Biden. You know, his dad is being held hostage, you know, by China and everywhere else because of his son's, you know, hooker and crack problem. That is not even true. That's not even true. That's why NPR said, you know, we -- we're not going to -- we're not even going to run this story. Because it's not even important, even if it was true. And that's why, you know, Brian Stelter for so long said, it's just a hoax. It's a hoax. It's a hoax. And then as soon as management changed, and he realized, oh, crap. I might be first on the chopping block. He immediately came and said, you know what, it's not a hoax anymore. Anyway. It's a story of a father and son drunk on power. Doing everything they can, just to get rich on the backs of the taxpayer, you know. The office of the presidency was nothing more than a banking machine. An ATM machine for them. Well, if it weren't for the press. Thank God for the press.
Can we thank God for the press right now? Or whatever Lord you might serve, you know.
Or they might serve.
Thank him for them. Because the press, the CDC, FBI, DOJ, NSA, LGBT, not the Q, but the I. And the two. But sans the plus. If it wasn't for them.
STU: What about the A?
GLENN: No. I'm still out. I don't have a source on the A.
STU: Oh, wow. Well, see, that's good you're admitting your limitations.
GLENN: Well, we could all be dead by now. We could all be dead by now.
In what insiders tell me, and I mean insiders close to the situation. Advisers and former friends of Trump, and close friends and former coworkers with Melania, who were also retired whistle-blowers. And because they were retired whistle-blowers, even though they don't have any firsthand evidence, they are experts in the field of blowing whistles.
And so we ask them for -- for some comment. And they gave us comment. They wished to remain anonymous for their own safety.
But they did tell me, that they will come forward later, at a later date, once they have the book deals secured. But they have said that we would all be dead by now, probably from something that would have been known, if they hadn't caught it, asthmas suicide, as this former president, and his dastardly plan just to help the Russians and himself and his son. Were encouraging Americans to inject bleach into their arms. And a lot of Americans were under the spell of this -- well, what experts from the Department of Education now believe is nothing more than a greedy 1 percenter. Very, very rich. But not really rich. It's probably all a fraud. But is a genius indict manipulator of people. Who has had a master plan going for a very, very long time. Which is building led, now, according to experts. By him, the Klan, Hitler's long lost Long Island relations.
The spray tan industry. And known Christian white nationalists Clarence and Ginni Thomas. And thank goodness we found out about it yesterday. You know what I mean?
We just needed that one last piece, which, of course, begins with his wife. I should say, air quote. Wife. Melania. Who, as we all know, most likely an illegal immigrant. Which is the first and only time we're supposed to care about that. But she's not actually his wife. That's a beard. She's his handler. You know, she's from the former Soviet Union. And that -- that goes with a long, long, well-documented love that Donald Trump has had for the former Soviet Union. And --
STU: The entire right, really. I mean, it's never been the left that's loved the Soviet Union. It's the right that loves the Soviet Union.
GLENN: No. It's the right. It's the right. You know, fascists. Communists. We just love it.
Anyway, you know, everybody thinks, oh, he loves his wife. Have you seen the pictures? Have you seen the pictures? Really, of Donald Trump. Of who he really loves? Remember that one picture of him with -- with his daughter in the limousine, like 25 years ago, when she was little, sitting right up next to him.
STU: Oh, my gosh.
GLENN: Yeah. Yeah. Did you need any more than that?
GLENN: Apparently, he's actually married to his daughter, who were wed in some backwoods white southern chicken and pineapple pizza parlor wedding. Now, this is according to the Clinton State Department experts there.
They now tell us, that these underground rituals, which happen all the time, with home green white domestic terrorists, after they attend their local PTA and teacher meetings. They groom. And, yes, I can say it today. I can use the word groom. In this case, Twitter says, it's totally fine. Use it. Use it as much as you want.
GLENN: But apparently, these white domestic terrorists cover children with pizza sauces before each ceremony. And that might sound weird to you. But you will understand. It will all come snapping back to you. In just a minute.
STU: Thank God you're here to tell the truth.
GLENN: Well, it's not me. Thank God for the FBI and the USDA. I mean, if I hadn't known I was getting 100 percent grade A beef. I don't know if I would be able to tell you this story today.
STU: No. You wouldn't.
GLENN: So, anyway, they cover these children in pizza sauces, before the sick, twisted marriage ceremony. Which is just nothing, but underage brides, and arranged marriages. Which, by the way, sources at CAIR, say is absolutely okay. Except in this case. Anyway, Media Matters, as well as Chris Cuomo told me earlier today. That this actually -- this ritual began years ago, before the use of electricity.
And as these arranged marriages with underground, you know. And underage white children happen in the basement of these pizza parallel yores. And back in the day, it was too dark for the groom to even recognize his child bride. They had to have a way to do that. So they would poor pizza sauce all over him. So they would recognize the bride by the aroma, and sometimes intoxicating scents of Canadian bacon and fresh pineapple. Now, Christopher Ray can now confirm today, something that we all knew.
But people on the right were like, Joe Biden, what is he doing? He's a child predator. Yeah. Joe Biden, according to Christopher Ray today, is actually a very high-trained expert in the field of these white nationalists. And has been working hard unbeknownst to anybody. He didn't even want credit for this. He's been working hard to arrest children from these arranged marriages, by sniffing the heads of the children and whispering into their ears, I smell you. And I am your Pizzagate to freedom. And, well, anyway, I digress. Can we get back to the president's son, and who has been racking up bills. Betting on the ponies. Oh, yeah. Just betting on the ponies. And he has fallen into arrears if you will, with some of the most notorious Russian bookers you can imagine. Yes. He has a booker and track problem. And I want you to know that right up front. You might not want to believe it. But he does. So this all kind of comes together, with Trump's long held love of Russia. And -- and his desire to build the Trump onion dome hotel, right there in Red Square in Moscow. He just needed a price. What is it going to take? What is it going to take? I just want to take Red Square, and I want to turn it into a giant hotel. What is it going to take?
And he's had meetings to accomplish this. You know, unbeknownst to most people, except for the press. And apparently, his plans include him eventually laying in state, in Lenin's tomb, which would become the new lobby for the Trump Hotel. Which is, I mean, that sounds --
GLENN: Oh, no. It's supposedly luxurious. And the best two dead people in a lobby hotel ever. Ever built.
STU: There's at least two or three of these details you've read so far, that I've not seen in the Washington Post.
GLENN: Well, they'll be leaked later on today. But his good friend and real boss Vladimir Putin. Told Trump the price. Apparently, according to Pentagon officials who negotiated our exit in Afghanistan, they can now confirm, he didn't even negotiate with the dictator. He was like, I'm in. And he went right to work, under the code name. Now, this is going to sound shocking. But it's true. He uses the code name Boris. That he took from the old rocky and Bullwinkle show. Because all of the Tom Clancy code names for Russian spies were taken by somebody else. And I don't know who. But, anyway, he began his effort to build a nuclear bomb for the Russians. And they only lacked a schematic and some gifts and some other items which could later be kept a box in Mar-a-Lago, or Melania's unmentionable drawer next to her Hanes underpant collection.
STU: Melania wears Hanes?
GLENN: Well, according to experts close to the source. There's more, but I don't think we need to get into it.
STU: Well, you have blown the lid off of this thing.
GLENN: And couldn't have done it without the DOJ.
STU: I will say, that telling of the story is much more reserved, and probably closer to the truth than most of the things I've read over the past 24 hours.
GLENN: It's crazy what they want us to believe.