RADIOJanuary 15, 2024

Which Republican will bring FIRE as the Iowa caucus FREEZES?

The 2024 presidential election has officially begun with the Iowa Republican caucus. But while the caucus usually provides a good look at who the nominee will be, this year may be a little different. Like many states, Iowa has been battered with a winter storm that is "pretty extraordinary," according to BlazeTV host and Iowa resident, Steve Deace. Steve joins Glenn to give his take on how many people will brave the snow to vote and which candidate's supporters will be the most willing to do so. Plus, he predicts how the top candidates will fare against former president Donald Trump. Will Democrats boost Nikki Haley's turnout? Will Vivek Ramaswamy beat the polling numbers? Will Ron DeSantis - Deace's preferred candidate - score a surprise victory? Or will Trump dominate the field?

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: Steve, what does it feel like on the ground in Iowa.

What's the temperature?

STEVE: Right now, it's minus eight. And I want to scream that like the publisher in Elf. Minus eight.

It is -- Glenn, I've lived in this same house for 17 years. I've never seen snowdrifts in my front walk this high.

This is soul-crushing, go in a corner, and begin self-harm levels of cold.

GLENN: Oh, Steve. Buck up, man!

If Kansas City -- if Kansas City could play on Saturday, in negative four, without sleeves, certainly you can get out of your house.

STEVE: Well, some of us are going to.

GLENN: Yeah, I know.

STEVE: Comparing the average high, which is the best athletes in America -- but some of us are going to.

And that's the thing though, Glenn. I don't know what some of us will.

I went to the last, the campaign closing event for Ron DeSantis last night. And even in one of our largest suburbs of Ankeny, to get uphill, I still had to go four-wheel drive in residential areas, three days after this snow left.

The blowing, the drifting. Most of our residential areas are covered in ice.

Sheets of ice. Our school kids in the metros are looking at maybe a five-day weekend between the closures last week, and then today is a holiday. And then probably tomorrow as well.

GLENN: Wow! And you guys never close. You never los schools there, right?

STEVE: It's got to take a lot, man.

GLENN: Yeah.

STEVE: We have this thing called winter every year. And the caucuses are usually January and February.

This is pretty extraordinarily.

There are wind chill warnings across the state. Literally telling people, not to go outside.

It is -- the turnout model tonight, is going to be very fascinating.

I have no idea what will happen.

I really don't.

GLENN: Well, there you go. Yet another victim of global cooling. Global warming.
Or whatever it is.

So who do you think is the most motivated people?

You know, I read about Nikki Haley's crew. And the latest poll shows she only has about 9 percent of those who are behind her. Really exhilarated by her campaign.

STEVE: Uh-huh.

GLENN: So between that and now the Democrats saying, they are going to show up and caucus for her, is she going to actually perform at that 20 percent that the -- the register said she was going to perform at tonight?

STEVE: No. That poll is a first to her. It really raised expectations for her campaign. Because most people are just going to read the top line. And not the cross tabs. And if you read the cross tabs, basically, her base of people isn't motivated to vote for her. And prefer Biden in the general election.

All right.

So if I don't know how many Republicans are going to show up in this weather and sit around for an hour in this caucus, I sure as hell don't think there will be a lot of Democrats and independents, that want to want to come in and hang out with people they don't like, all right?

And brave this weather. So I actually -- if you made me make one prediction, I -- I would predict, I think she's going to finish closer to Vivek Ramaswamy tonight.

Than -- than to Ron DeSantis.

I think that has largely been astroturfed this entire time.

The Des Moines Register is wrong. Every caucus cycle, I have no idea why it's hold up as the gold standard.

It's held up as the gold standard. It's wrong every cycle.

It's held up by the same people that tell you it's the gold standard. Told you a couple of winters ago.

And Chinese face diapers are 99 percent effective against airborne contagions.

Okay? So it's just, never right at all.

I would go by the behavior of the campaigns. They know better than anyone else.

They have the best data. But they have the best observation.

I think the fact the former president hustled to get up here one final time over the weekend. I doubt he's concerned about losing. He's probably more concerned. He has to cover a spread.

Like, Glenn, he's been favored by 50 points in these polls all year.

He wins tonight by 9 or 10. People are going to be like, what the hell is going on? So he's probably concerned about that.

And now you're starting to see late in the process, the organization that the DeSantis campaign built, which was patterned a lot of what we built on the Cruz campaign in 2016 here.

They've done it even better I think. Now you're seeing it harvest or fruition. So I think he will overperform. To what extent?

I don't know.

I could see him getting anywhere from 20 to 38. I could see Trump getting anywhere from 35 to 50.

I think it's that volatile, with the turnout model right now. Because of the weather and everything here in Iowa.

GLENN: I know that you are -- you know, you've jumped on the DeSantis bandwagon.

So try to be as fair as you can on this.

Who has the most walk through a wall of fire. Or in this case, walk through an ice storm, to vote?

STEVE: I think that's clearly the former president. But I think people need to understand this. And you know this.

Because you came to campaign with Cruz. You saw this with your own eyes.

The evangelical base in Iowa.

It's not like what you see in many states for Donald Trump.

It's admiration. Not adulation. You know, so, for example, he won our state in the general election twice.

No Republican has done that since Reagan.

He was instrumental. You know, people like me, that worked for ten years. To try to make Iowa look like Texas.

You know, the last nut we couldn't crack, is we couldn't convince rural counties to vote Republican, because they thought we were all corporatists.

And trump was kind of the last. He was the last ingredient in the formula here, to help flip this state red, by flipping about 30 counties that voted for Obama once or twice. He flipped them to vote for him twice. So he is popular here.

But Iowans take this process.

Very serious.

GLENN: Very seriously. Yeah. They do. They do.

I wish the -- I wish the rest of the country, took it as seriously as Iowa does.

I mean, I was going on the road. I was shocked. They are a year out, and they are already gathering together, in their towns.

And listening to campaign speeches.

I mean, they take it very seriously.

And I think that's great.

STEVE: Yes, and so I think they are able to look at, for example. They can say, hey, I love what the former president has done for rural Iowa. It's been great.

We are one of the states.

I know there's a big debate in the Republican Party right now. What the Trump brand has done with places like suburban states and mixed urban states.

But in a rural state like Iowa, he's been a benefit. There's no question about that.

But Iowans are also able to say, yeah, just because I liked him before, doesn't mean I like him again.

So I think that there will be some soft Trump supporters that will flip to DeSantis tonight. Based on the strength of his organization. What that number will be, though. I have absolutely no idea. I mean, I really don't.

GLENN: Where will -- where will Nikki Haley's voters go if they flip?

STEVE: I don't know how many voters she has. First of all, I think she's relying a lot on people that don't traditionally vote Republican.

And just so people understand what I mean by turnout models, you know, typically we get about 25 or 26 percent of Republicans will turn out in a caucus. This year, it will be less.

Because we have more Republicans in Iowa, than ever before. About 670,000. So if we have, say, a turnout of 150,000. Which I think would be pretty good, in this weather.

You're talking about almost only one out of every six Republicans is showing up to vote here. Okay?

So if most -- in most of her -- and people ask, why is that?

Because in the caucus, you vote the way the Founding Fathers did. You don't show up, pull a curtain on your break and walk out. All right?

You show up. You listen to speeches. Maybe you'll be called on to give a speech.

You may be asked to give an account for why you're voting the way you are.

Or you can volunteer to do that. Horse trading goes on there. Party business goes on there. The process can take an hour or more in some places, depending on how large the precinct is.

So you have to be really committed to wanting to be part of the process, to take part of the caucus. And that's just not the kinds of people that typically vote for Nikki Haley. She's basically, the John Kasich of this cycle.

GLENN: Hmm.

Why do you suppose -- I mean, I have my opinions.

Why do you suppose DeSantis, who before this race started, seemed like it could be a lot closer between him and Donald Trump.

And it just hasn't materialized.

It did at first.

And then it just kind of dissipated.

Why?

STEVE: Well, if you go in and -- I think, let's find out what happens tonight. I think tonight will give us -- I'll probably be able to answer this question more for you tomorrow, in terms of both its premise and application, based on what happens tonight.

Preemptively, you know, if you look at the Real Clear Politics. National polling average on March 30th. It was something like 42 Trump, thirty-two DeSantis.

And he wouldn't even be a candidate for another almost two months.

GLENN: Correct.

STEVE: A week later on April 6th, Trump is now up from 54 to 25. So what happens?

DeSantis isn't even a candidate.

What happened is on March 31st, Donald Trump got indicted by Alvin Bragg.

And the biggest pinning poll of this cycle, has been, what's happening to Trump is wrong.

So you have these -- you have these dual, you know, about philosophies. Trump can't win another -- another national election. We've lost every national election cycle. Since he miraculously won in 2016. Versus vis-à-vis, what he's doing to him is wrong, it's un-American.

And I want him to return, like MacArthur in the Philippines, and we will finish this script. And if you look at the internals of a lot of the polls that had him way ahead of DeSantis. What you'll see, in favorabilities, DeSantis is either even with Trump or often ahead. And I think the biggest cell that Ron DeSantis had to make. I think there's a lot of people. I think what people like you and me on Twitter, that we've destroyed Ron DeSantis' plan. You know, these Trump influencers. That's just not true.

If it were, his favorables would have plummeted. I think what DeSantis has had to do. He has to make this sale, that his time is now.

And I think people are torn between, do we turn the page from Trump or do we finish the script from Trump.

And that's why I said, I want to see and wait what happens tonight, to give you a more definitive answer. Because I think this will be the first verdict on, how successful can you be, convincing people that Trump's time is passed, and it's your time now, as opposed to 2028.

GLENN: And if he falls into third, you think he's done, or not.

STEVE: I would be stunned if he finished third. I would be stunned.

GLENN: Yeah. I would too.

STEVE: There's two things I'm confident in. It will be a disappointing turnout. And he will overperform. But I don't know what overperform is. Could it be 22, could it be 38? Forty?

I think -- when we're talking rural America, rural Iowa, where Trump needs huge turnouts. And people may need to drive tractors to get to precinct sites, given what's going on now.

You know, the average Fox News viewer is 69 years old, as you well know. Those are very supportive of Trump.

I don't know how many of those people are going to come out in this weather, given their health and the dangers of the ice and everything else. I just don't know the answer to that.

GLENN: Okay. Hang on just a second. Steve Deace.

He's the author of The Rise of the Fourth Reich. And also a BlazeTV personality. Follows this program. He is in Iowa, lives in Iowa. Has been there forever. And can really give us insight on what's happening in Iowa.

GLENN: All right. Steve, I don't know if they asked you. Because we have such little time. How long can you stay with me?

STEVE: I've got -- you know what, I stayed late, so I'm not on the cell on the way to the office, but I have to go in like 20 minutes.

GLENN: Okay. Tell me about the kerfuffle, if you will, between Donald Trump and Ramaswamy this weekend.

STEVE: Here's -- I have -- what I think is two-fold.

Number one.

You know, we have -- in a lot of these races. You have these under the radar issues. That don't penetrate the national coverage.

In Iowa right now.

In northwest Iowa, where we have a large concentration of Republicans.

There is a huge deal with eminent domain.

And there's Republican Party interests on both sides of it.

Some want the fuel to go through the community.

Others want to keep their farm.

This is a very divisive issue on the right, right now in Iowa.

And Vivek, after he didn't qualify for the debate.

Has focused a lot of his energy on the issue.

Number one, I think the Trump campaign is concerned.

That he may be drawing from some of their rural support.

And if they're concerned about winning. Or likely, meeting expectations.

If Vivek gets four, five, six points higher than the polls tonight.

It will be at Trump's expense. And no one else's.

They're also concerned about that.

Also, one of the guys I met in this process. A tech entrepreneur, a successful guy named Robert Salvador. And he is trying to bring AI to public polling.

And using AI to basically look at people's digital footprints. What they're actually posting in public on their social media pages.

That's more honest what they think, than what they tell pollsters. What he's seeing is an uptick in the last couple of weeks.

DeSantis', but also Vivek.

And if you know, Trump is the one candidate on the right, going back to 2016 with others, who really understood how to use data. Cambridge Analytical, all that kind of stuff, to his advantage, the world he lives in.

And I also wonder, if they're seeing, that increase in Vivek's digital footprints as well.

I think they're concerned, that Vivek may play a role, in either him winning tonight. Or more likely, him meeting expectations.

So I think order 62 came out.

GLENN: So we have only two minutes. And Vivek Ramiswami joins me after the break here, at the bottom of the hour, in just a few minutes.

We're talking to Steve Deace.

Steve, do you think that the Democrats did the indictments, and all of this stuff, to help Donald Trump win the primary.

Or is this something that is backfiring on them.

STEVE: Yes. I do. I absolutely think that they believe they did this in 2016. He got 60 times more coverage than any other candidate because they thought he was a clown and they could beat him. And then this blew up in their faces.

And I think that's what enraged him all the more. I think the same thing. They have a formula for how to brand him, particularly to suburban voters.

It has worked in every election cycle since. I do think that's the case. And, yes. I also think it's backfiring on them.

Because, you know, they're basically the -- the mob outside, Glenn. They can't contain themselves.

So Jack Smith had this well-thought out plan. Then all of a sudden the state of Colorado said, we'll jump in line, and disqualify him for the ballot now before you can hatch your plan.

There's two things in American politics, Glenn, you can always count on: Republican gutlessness and Democrats absolutely exceeding their mandate and creating blowback against themselves as a result, those are the two constants.

GLENN: All right. Steve, thank you so much.

We'll talk to you, again, hopefully tomorrow. And blessings on the people of Iowa. Stay safe tonight. But please, if you can, go out and caucus for your candidate.

Iowa is -- is one of the states, I think Natches is as well.

That really take it seriously. For an extended period of time.

And Iowa, your chance to be heard, is today.

Go out and caucus tonight.

The Dark Truth Behind Queer Theory & Gender ‘Affirmation’ For Children | Liz Wheeler & Glenn Beck

In this explosive conversation, Glenn Beck and Liz Wheeler expose the disturbing roots of gender ideology and queer theory — and how these radical ideas are directly targeting children. From the shocking origins of queer theory, where pedophilia and child pornography were openly defended, to Planned Parenthood’s new role as one of the largest distributors of transgender hormone therapy, the truth is undeniable: this movement is not about freedom or equality, but about dismantling families, corrupting innocence, and profiting off of our children’s pain. What we are witnessing is nothing less than a satanic ideology dressed up as compassion — and it’s spreading like wildfire through schools, culture, and medicine. Parents, you need to hear this. The time to protect your children and fight back is NOW.

Watch the full episode HERE

Here’s how INTENSE JFK’s Presidential Fitness Test was

President Trump recently signed an executive order to reinstate the Presidential Fitness Test and the media is in a frenzy. But Glenn and Stu look back at the history of these tests, including JFK’s version of the Test that seems IMPOSSIBLE for modern Americans. But Glenn has a secret reason for why he’s confident in his pull-up abilities…

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: What is the -- what is the new physical -- the president's physical fitness, you know, plan?

STU: Well, the thing that RFK Jr and Hegseth were rolling out the other day. I don't know if it was the full test or anything, but they were issuing a challenge to America, to be able to do 100 pushups and 50 pullups within five minutes.

GLENN: That's crazy.

STU: Thank you! That struck you as also crazy.

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life, that I could do that. Let alone now with shoulder problems. And much too much weight.

GLENN: All right. But that was before I needed this walker.

STU: I don't think there was a time in my 20s or my teens, that I could do that. But that -- in five minutes? Fifty pullups?
GLENN: Both of them in 5 minutes.
STU: Yeah, both of them. So it's not like 100 pushups in five minutes. It's both tasks within five minutes.

GLENN: No. No. That's not true.

STU: RFK Jr. is just doing it in jeans.

GLENN: Yeah, well, RFK, he's -- he's a weirdo. I mean, he is. Come on. When it comes to fitness, he's a weirdo.
STU: Yes.
GLENN: I mean, he's done this his whole life. He's like 800 years old. He can still do it.

STU: Yes. Depressive, I will say.

GLENN: I don't know. He's a sex machine.

STU: Oh. That's been a problem for him. Yes, that's been an issue in his life. Yes.

GLENN: Okay. All right. Go ahead.

STU: Separate from the president's physical fitness test.

GLENN: Right.

STU: But, I mean, they don't, they don't really think we're going to do that, right?
Like, I mean, how long would that take you to do?

STU: I think for me, it would take a good month. I think a month, I could probably get two pullups a day. That would get me around, a little over 50. So I could do that. Plus, the pushups. A solid month, I could get that done.

GLENN: You could do more than two a day. You could do more than two a day.

STU: You know, Glenn, I've got to say. I think -- I will throw a number out there. No science behind this, so just as a guestimate.

I would say 40 percent of the population can't do any pullups. Maybe 30 percent. Thirty percent of the population can do exactly zero pullups. Precisely zero, so an infinite amount of time would be a correct answer for a third of the population.

GLENN: I think you're -- I think you're being -- I think you're being a little too optimistic. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. I think it's closer to 40 or 50. Maybe 60 percent.

STU: Right! Pushups are one thing. I mean, I think almost anyone can do a pushup. One --

GLENN: You can do a pushup. Yes. Yes.

STU: Singular pushup. And if you can do one, you can wait long enough, to do a second one.
And at some point, the hundred gets done. That's not the case with pullups. Pullups, you can sit there and think about how much you want to do a pullup for a really long time. But that doesn't make a pullup happen. If you've got a certain amount of weight on you. You're not doing a pullup. It's not occurring.

GLENN: I have no idea, how many pullups I can do.

STU: I have an exact number of pullups, you can do.

GLENN: Do you? You think so?

STU: Yeah. Yeah. I have the exact number. I have to calculate -- AI has been running a report on me. It came up with zero.

GLENN: Right. Right. Really?
I can do. I mean, this is so pathetic. Listen to this. I bet I could do three. You know, you could do three.

STU: In a row? Proper form.

GLENN: What do you mean in a row?

STU: I mean, holding on to the bar, without letting go, you're doing three. There's no way. I don't think so.

GLENN: I think I could do. Well, with proper form, I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

STU: I'm not saying it has to look pretty. You have to get your chin up above the bar. It can't be one of those things, where you're a quarter of the way up there.

GLENN: So I can do one and rest for ten minutes. I could do another one.

I think I can do that.

STU: If you -- I'm not saying, you jump up, and you pull yourself up as you're pulling up. Full hang --

GLENN: See, you may not know this.

But you know what, I've done the DNA test. Have you ever done the DNA test that tells you all about your genes and everything else? Mine came back with something remarkable, and I have to share. You might feel bad, next.
(laughter)

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STU: Coming up next, Glenn attempts live pullups on the air. Stay tuned!
(OUT AT 8:29 AM)

GLENN: You know no idea what who you're dealing with. No. You don't have any idea who you're dealing with here.

I got my DNA test back like 10 years ago. And we all -- we all took it, because we were looking for things. And so we all took it. My DNA test came back, and everybody in the family, their test made total sense. Like, oh, yeah. That makes...

Then we read mine. We have to find -- I have to find. See if Tania has it still. We should have had it framed. I swear to you, they -- they mixed me up with somebody else.

Somebody else is like, wait a minute. I'm this pathetic? Mine came out and said, you have the muscular structure of a -- of a -- something like a -- an elite athlete. You have the abilities and agility and everything else of an elite athlete. And I'm like, there's not a chance. I don't have any of that!

I don't even know if I have muscles. I have to check once in a while, and go, do I have muscles still?

Doctor is like, I don't know. Can I? Ask just press against my hand on the leg. I don't know.

You know, I don't know how to do that exactly. So --

STU: You sure it said elite athlete and not elephant? I mean, if they misspelled it.

GLENN: It was.

I was having eye problems at the time.

STU: No!

GLENN: I mean, we read it. And I was like Tania, I believe that for Tania.

Maybe they switched me and Tania. Because Tania is really strong. She'll kick your butt.

She works out every day. All of that. Me? Never. Never.

And it kind of makes me wonder, when I get to the other side, and the Lord went, okay.

So what did you do with your life again?

Because I gave this incredible body, and you wasted it the whole time.

And I'm like, you should have been more clear, okay?

You should have been more clear. I -- maybe I could have played basketball. But I tried once. And it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing. It was like sixth grade. And I'll never live -- I don't even want to think about my time on a basketball court. Okay? So don't -- don't start with me. You should have made it a little clearer. When I first started to do stuff. And I think that's fair. I think that's a fair argument. In my defense. In my defense, Your Honor, God, you should have made it a little more clear.

STU: Yeah. I mean, if they really wanted us to do this, then the 11th Commandment is 50 pushups, and -- or, 50 pullups and 100 pushups, right?

Like, put it in a commandment if you really want us to do it. You have to be more specific, we're Americans.

GLENN: Okay. So let me give you the top of the list for the JFK Presidential Fitness Test. Okay? This is what you had to do in high school. In high school.

Thirty-four pullups. Bar dips: Fifty-two. What's -- because I believe I did that. A long time. And I don't recommend it.

STU: It's not a barhop.

GLENN: Oh, it's -- oh, bar dips. Okay. Okay. All right.

Bar dips: 52. Handstand pushups: Fifty. What are handstands?

STU: Oh, my God. Handstands.

GLENN: I can't even stand on my hands. Is that I'm doing a handstand and a push up? Because that's not happening. You're not human.

STU: Yeah. You're balancing yourself on your hands. Your feet are above your hands on the wall. Like a wall. And you're doing --

GLENN: Oh, so you're balancing yourself. That makes it a little easier. Still impossible.

But a little easier.

GLENN: Impossible. You could do precisely zero of those.

Aright. So you had to do 50 handstand pushups.

Or one arm -- 30 -- no, sir.

Twenty-six one-arm burpees in 30 seconds. Is that a one-armed push up?

STU: No. Well, you're bracing your yourself like you're about to begin a pushup in a burpee with only one arm, which that's not that difficult.

But then you're doing. Then you're like, you move your feet towards your hands. And then you jump up in the air basically. And then you do it repeatedly.

GLENN: No, no, no. That's ridiculous. No.

STU: There's a law of gravity. You're not supposed to violate it. If it was a recommendation of gravity, then maybe jumping would be appropriate. But it's not. Follow the law.

GLENN: In 48 seconds, you had to do a 3300-yard shuttle. Now, I've been to the airport. I think I've done a 3300-yard shuttle, but it depends on who is driving. You know.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Rope climb. Try this. Rope climb. Twenty feet, hands only! Sit start.

STU: That's what I remember from the president's physical fitness test. And I remember looking at that rope, like, no chance I could get up that thing.

GLENN: I remember looking up at that thing. Humiliation. Humiliation is coming my way. I'll never kiss a girl, because that ain't happening. I'll get maybe 10 feet up. Maybe. Maybe.

STU: And you were right for 24 years from that time, approximately.

GLENN: Agility run, 17 seconds. Extension pressups, what? What?

I'm sorry. Why am I so tired reading this?

Extension pressups. What's an extension pressup, 8-inch? You had to do 100 of them.

STU: Let's see. Exercise. An exercise for low-back pain involving lying on your stomach and pressing your upper body up with your arms while keeping your hips relaxed and down on the mat.

GLENN: Oh, I could do that know. 8 inches.

STU: The last part of it, relaxing down on the mat.
GLENN: That's what my doctor says I should be doing. What?

STU: I can do relaxed and down on the mat. That part of it --

GLENN: Yeah. I could do that -- I'm the only guy. I took yoga for a while, like three weeks. My wife is like, yoga. You could do yoga. Let's just do yoga together.

I did. And the yoga instructor said to me. Because we were doing a plank.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: And she came and all I remember her waking me up. And saying, I think you're the only person I've ever -- ever taught that fell asleep in yoga. And I'm like, it's just so relaxing. Just let me sleep. Let me sleep.

STU: That's interesting, that you did yoga. Is there any footage of that? Any video that we could post? That would be good for --

GLENN: No. There's not. You had to do pegboard. Five trips of pegboard. And I think that's when you have the two pegs.

STU: Yes, it was a board.

GLENN: You have to take it out, and put it up, right?

STU: This is American Ninja Warrior. No way.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

STU: This is amazing.

GLENN: Try this one: You had to do a 45-second handstand. I've never been able to do a handstand. Never!

STU: Never.

GLENN: And I'm an elite athlete. I'm an elite athlete. Try this one: A man carry, 5 miles.

STU: What? What do you mean a --

GLENN: Five-mile man carry.

STU: Is a man carry as obvious as it --

GLENN: I think it is.

STU: You're carrying --

GLENN: If I'm going to carry that man, you have to carry me that man for five miles.

I'm not sure, I can't carry any man for any miles. I mean, if I am -- if I am a firefighter, count on burning in the house. You're going to burn in the house. Because I can't carry you out. I can get in there and go, yeah, I will have to leave you.
I will have to leave you here. I can't help you, sorry.

It's also getting really hot in here. I have to go. You had to do a five-mile jog. An obstacle course.

You had to swim prone for a mile. You had to swim underwater for 50 yards, any strokes, two minutes. Deep waterfront, hang float, with arms. What? What is a deep water hang float with arms. Wait. Wait.

It's a deep waterfront hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes.

What kind of al-Qaeda PE class was this?

STU: Who has access to -- who has access -- like, you're in the middle of the country, you may not have a deep water body nearby. This is -- are you sure this is an actual test?

GLENN: This is the actual test. This is the actual -- what is a deep water front hang float with arms and ankles tied for six minutes? Can you look that up?

STU: A deep water hang float is an aquatic hang float done in the deep end of a pool with the aid of flotation device, such as a noodle or belt.

In this position, the flotation twice supports your upper body, while your legs and torso hang freely beneath you.

That can't be what it is.

GLENN: You can do that.

Deep-end of the pool.

STU: Can you bring a margarita?

GLENN: Man, this test is no big deal.

What! No way. No way!

Here's the last thing on the test.

A vertical tread in an 8-foot circle for two hours!

No way.

STU: Vertical tread in an 8-foot circle?

GLENN: So you're in the water and you're treading water in a circle for two hours. Two!

STU: This is not -- what?

This is not the test.

GLENN: It is. Now, I told you, this is the top of the test.

This is the top of the test.

So this is for the ones who could do all the other tests.

This was the top of the test. The bottom of the test is not that much better. Here's the entry, okay? Let's see. Pullups, 2/6/10. I don't know what that means. Pushups, 16, 24, 32. Bar dips, four, eight, and 12. Situps, 30, 45, and 60. Broad jump, 6-foot, 6, 6, 6. And 6, 9.

To jump 6 feet? I don't even know if --

STU: That one is possible, yes. Glenn, I know it sounds incredible. But, yes. That one is possible.

GLENN: Sounds incredible. You know, I think we should have the average person Olympics. I really do. I really do.

STU: Oh, I would watch that.

GLENN: I would watch that every time.

You see them coming. And you're like, hmm. That one -- three feet. I'm giving him 3 feet. 200-yard shuttle. Agility run. Rope climb, 18 feet, hands only. 880 yards in three minutes. A mile in seven minutes. Pegboard, six holes. A 50-yard swim. Forty -- 40, 50-yard swim in 36 seconds. Man carry, 880 yards. No, thank you! No, thank you!

Look at -- look at what we've gone down. That's the bottom of it. And I don't think most Americans could do that.

I couldn't. Well, I could. Because I'm an elite -- I have the body of an elite athlete.

STU: No. You could not. Now, of course -- let's just say, this is supposed to be for a high school kid. Right?

So this is the prime of your athletic life. Could you do some of these things? Probably.
GLENN: Go into high school.
Go into any high school, and ask them to do this. There's no way. And all of the kids would be.

STU: Well, that's kind of what the reaction would be.

GLENN: Don't get me wrong. I would have been there too. And my parents would have said, suck it up. Just do it.

So nothing has really changed.

STU: That's been the reaction to this proposal too, of bringing this back. Right? The media is covering this. Like, it's going to embarrass children.

You know, I mean, I do remember it being like, I can't do that. I'm not going to the top of that rope. That's not happening.

That's sort of life. Right? Sometimes you can do things. Sometimes you can't do other things.

GLENN: That's why you have to learn how to injure yourself.

You know, how many stairs can I throw myself down, to not do serious damage, but enough to get me out of PE.

STU: Yeah, you have to fake an why are. You have to learn from LeBron James. Act like you got hit in the eye. And fall down like you were just stabbed over and over again, like you were in an athletic competition.

GLENN: There's no way. There's no way.

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