FEMA will conduct a test of the nation's wireless emergency alert system on Wednesday, but its timing is a little ... interesting. For starters, Russia is testing its nuclear evacuation alert system as well. Plus, Glenn explains why he believes NO ONE should be in charge of an emergency alert system if they call your cell phone a "wireless." And should ANY president, let alone the 80-year-old one currently in office, be able to blast a message to all cell phones?

Transcript

Below is a rush transcript that may contain errors

GLENN: So FEMA, and I'm doing this as a public service.

FEMA in coordination with the federal communications commission, the FCC. Will be conducting a nationwide test, of the emergency alert system.

The EAS, and the Wireless Emergency Alerts.
The WEA.

Now, when you think wireless, I think of my grandparents.

Turn on the wireless. That's what they used to call radios. But, no. That's what the federal government now calls your cell phone.

Wireless.

The WEA portion of the test, is going to be directed at all consumer cell phones tomorrow.

The text message will display in either English or in Spanish, depending on the language settings of the wireless, quote, handset.

Okay? I mean -- I just would like to point out, no one should be in charge of our emergency alert system. That calls your cell phone a handset. Or a wireless.

The EAS portion of the test, will be sent to radios and televisions.

Now, we used to have the EBS. The Emergency Broadcast System. What you're about to hear is only a test. Don't freak out.

Well, freak out a little bit. And I'll tell you after the tone goes off, whether you should freak out or not. We used to have that. And then we would have a tone.

Well, back in the Obama takes, they took that away.

And now, it is initiated from the White House.

The White House has its own switch, that can take over all radio and television, for the EBS. So the president could address you immediately. Look, I have to stop all other communications to communicate to you and tell you, the absolute God's honest truth of what's happening.

Wow. I feel better.

So tomorrow, they're conducting this test.

Now, this will be the second test, that they've done to all cellular devices.

They did one, it was first plugged in.

They were like, we're going over a test. Don't freak out, America.

They did a test. And it's been 12 years. Fifteen years, since we've had a test.

Now, for some reason, somebody is like, I wonder if this thing still works.

I'm blowing the dust off it. Does it work.

Hello, testing. One, two. One, two.

I don't know. I don't know. So they're just testing it tomorrow.

And it's perfectly normal. It just hasn't been done in 12 years.

STU: Oh, good.

It's always good to keep on top of things.

You're supposed to test your fire alarms every once in a while. Maybe it started doing that chirp thing in the middle of the night

GLENN: Do we have to put the battery in? What is it?

STU: And walking around the Pentagon. Looking for the one little chirp.

GLENN: What is that? What is that?

STU: Probably six years.

GLENN: And hit it with a broomstick.

Yeah. Well, that's probably what happened.

Now, in completely -- by the way, that happens tomorrow, at 220.

So if you get a test, you will have to realize, it's only a test.

In completely unrelated news.

As I told you, yesterday, the former Soviet Union is also running a test.

And they're running it today.

Their test is of the emergency holy crap, get out of your house, only a third of Russia is going to survive.

Nuclear blast test.

And they're doing that today, nationwide.

So I feel good.

I feel good.

The reason why we have the EVS test. Or the EAS test.

Or the whatever -- wireless test. The reason why we have it. It was established, oh, my gosh.

In the -- oh, wow.

What a coincidence this is.

It was established in the Cold War, when we realized, hey, we could all be dead in 18 minutes.

So let's do a minute long tone.

And then come out and say, hey, by the way, we're going to give you some information here. And we're going to spend about five minutes maybe telling you all the news.

At the end of it, because, well, we -- we debated whether this was not real.

You have about three minutes to get your crap together.

Get on out.

So that makes me feel better.

Makes me feel better.

STU: Uh-huh.

GLENN: Makes me not want to carry a phone ever.

Because I think I would rather, just, you know what I mean?

It's kind of like the asteroid.

At this point, I'm kind of rooting for the missile.

STU: Yeah. You're rooting for the missile or the asteroid.

GLENN: Well. Really. Pretty much. Just death.

STU: Instant.

GLENN: I would like to be one of those people that have the shadow burn of the sidewalk, so that you could always go, that fat one there, that's Glenn.

That was Glenn. Isn't that amazing?

STU: In memoriam?

GLENN: Yes. It would be great.

So, anyway, nothing to worry about tomorrow. Nothing to worry about tomorrow