Glenn talks to comedian Jeff Allen on radio

Transcript of the interview is below:

GLENN: Anyway, so last night my wife and my daughter who doesn't find anybody funny because she grew up around me and I've kind of wrecked it for her, she went to Restoring Love and she saw Jeff Allen and she came back and she said to me, "Dad, have you seen him?" And I said, "No, I just keep hearing he's really funny." And she said, "He is so funny. Dad, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe." Now, she's a 20‑something. My wife says the same thing. Tears are coming out of my eyes, he's so funny. Then we went up to Freedom Works in Cincinnati and we sat there and we watched behind stage and he is just hysterical. And here's the amazing thing: He's on our side. That doesn't happen. He's on our side. And so I've invited him in for this week and he's going to be with us on election night and he's with us now. Hi, Jeff, how are you, sir?

ALLEN: Good morning, guys. I've got to tell you every time I make my wife sit down and watch something I do, she says, I'd rather have a spinal tap.

STU: Spinal taps could be enjoyable.

PAT: Once in a while.

ALLEN: It has its moments.

GLENN: My wife, my wife would give it to herself. She would just say, I'm just going to take a knife and I'm going to put it in the doorjamb and I'm going to back into it for the spinal tap.

ALLEN: (Laughing.)

GLENN: You ‑‑ you weren't always conservative, or were you?

ALLEN: No. I grew up in Chicago. My father was a union guy. So politics was pretty simple: You vote Democrat or I'm tearing up your birth certificate.

GLENN: Right.

ALLEN: It's either vote for the Dems or be disowned.

GLENN: Right. And what happened to you?

ALLEN: Well, I'll tell you a quick story. I realized I was an idiot back in the...

GLENN: (Laughing.)

ALLEN: In the mid‑80s, somebody in New York ‑‑ I was working in New York in the clubs at Catch a Rising Star, some guy referred to Ronald Reagan as a capitalistic swine and there came a point on my way home I didn't realize what the word "capitalist" meant. So I looked it up and that little voice that God gives us says, "Man, you're an idiot. You make your living with words and you don't even know what a basic word means." And when I read what the word "capitalist" meant, I thought, gee, what's wrong with that, you know? I didn't understand why that was a bad thing to be associated with swine.

GLENN: And so you started to look into what things were and then you went out ‑‑ you went out and started revealing this to people?

ALLEN: Right, exactly, at a comedy club.

GLENN: That wasn't really a smart idea.

ALLEN: Not at all. And I have all the tact of a bull in a China some. So...

GLENN: Why do you suppose that you can't be cool and conservative? Why is that?

ALLEN: Well, it's a narrative. And if you don't fit the narrative, they've got to shut the narrative down. I believe that. So... and this was long before I was, you know, I became a person of faith. But ‑‑ so I don't know. It was interesting to me. I had a guy, I was telling somebody once, I was really miserable. I was at a twelve‑step convention or something and I'm six or seven years in the program and ‑‑

GLENN: Convention? I didn't know they had conventions.

ALLEN: Well, they had them. A bunch of drunks get together.

STU: It's just called a keg party. That's all that is.

GLENN: Yeah, doesn't sound like a good idea. "Hey, let's all go out of town!"

STU: Vegas!

GLENN: "Let's go to some bars and some hookers!"

ALLEN: My last night of drinking I was in front of Graceland in and Memphis screaming for the king.

STU: Really?

ALLEN: And some guard comes out and says, "You'll have to leave. You have to wait for the morning." And I was like, "I was just wondering if Elvis left any Valium under the bushes. I'm a little jacked right now and I can't get to sleep."

GLENN: Really not good.

ALLEN: No.

GLENN: But then you stumbled on to us and you've been a fan of, like, More‑On Trivia and ‑‑

ALLEN: Oh, my God, I'm so glad you brought it back. It's so nice to sit at home and feel so good about myself. I used to work in a mini‑mart. So I mean, I have an empathy for that, you know.

GLENN: How is that ‑‑ how did that work out for you?

ALLEN: Well, I worked the graveyard shift and I was manager. I want you to know that.

PAT: Wow. So impressive.

GLENN: You were just more than a shelf replenisher.

ALLEN: I was impressed until I got to work and found out I was the only guy there. I had to fire myself. I caught myself stealing a few times. What was interesting was because it was late at night, you get thighs guys that would come in and take you out of your meditative trance.

GLENN: Right.

ALLEN: You know, why am I such a loser and why am I worth where it's at. And they go, "Hey, where are you keeping the SpaghettiO's. Why don't you and your friends get together and figure it out on your own. So then you get ‑‑ they pick the can up and start walking to the microwave and you would say, no one could be that stupid as to put a can into a microwave and then fire that thing up. Well, you know, the depths of ignorance in America never cease to amaze me. Not only do they turn it on, they put their face up against the glass and admire the sparks. So you've got to figure there's someone three blocks away with a pacemaker pounding their chest like, "God, they're cooking another can again. I hate this neighborhood."

GLENN: How did you ‑‑ how long did you work in a convenience store?

ALLEN: A month.

GLENN: A month? And then where did you go from the convenience store?

ALLEN: Well, I found out it was the most dangerous job in America next to cop. So I just started turning the register around and leaving it open. I'm not dying for the Southland Corporation. You know, that's what used to kill me about the shoplifters. They would put Twinkies in their pants and then walk around crunching, you know, because cellophane's not the quietest material. And they go, "I don't see anything I want. I'll see you guys in the car."

STU: You must feel like you have a high level of cleanliness if you're willing to eat Twinkies out of your pants. That's not something I'd be willing to attempt.

GLENN: I don't know if you're that picky if you're stealing the Twinkies.

STU: No?

GLENN: From the 7‑11 that Jeff is working.

ALLEN: At the price they charge that's actually a felony.

GLENN: So you went in and you cleaned yourself up because you and I have a lot in common.

ALLEN: Yeah.

GLENN: You don't need to say it that way.

ALLEN: Well, yeah, we do. It's so funny listening to your story, say that's me.

GLENN: Yeah.

ALLEN: Say there's a twin.

GLENN: It's amazing how much, you know, I'm just guessing, how much you think you hated the world and then when you sober up, you realize, wow, I just hate me. The world's pretty great. People are pretty great.

ALLEN: Yeah. It was interesting. I had ‑‑ and I'm not dropping names but I had one night where I worked with Seinfeld back before his sitcom at a college and we got stuck talking waiting for our checks. And I was miserable. I mean, you know, so after about an hour he says, "Can I say something to you?" And I go, yeah, please. And he goes, and all your complaints. Believe me, there was a myriad of them, I never heard you complain about how hard you work on your act." He said, "This is a small business. You take care of your craft; the business will take care of you." And I thought that was one of the most profound things I had ever heard. And I go, are you in a twelve‑step program? And he goes, "No, it's common sense."

GLENN: So you were sober at the time?

ALLEN: I was, I was ‑‑ yeah, believe me I was not a poster boy for the twelve‑step program, you know.

GLENN: Right. You were going to the ‑‑ you were going to the ‑‑

ALLEN: I was going to the meetings.

GLENN: The weekend conventions.

ALLEN: They tell me, you lie, you die. So I would raise my hands and go, I don't like you, I don't like you and I don't like you, you know. I'm telling the truth. After about a year and a half, some little old lady comes up to me, sticks her finger in my navel and goes, "You know something, young man? Can I say something to you? Maybe the problem is not your wife."

GLENN: Did you really, I mean, you ‑‑ at one point before you sobered up, because we were talking just a minute ago and I said that my wife watched the show last night and she ‑‑ and you made her laugh. And my favorite thing with Tania, I love taking her to a funny movie. I used to love watching The Office with her because it made her laugh. And so she used to think I was funny. She used to laugh. I don't know if your wife has stopped. Pat's wife gave up on that how many years ago?

PAT: 20.

GLENN: Yeah.

PAT: At least 20.

GLENN: Wait a minute. How many have you been married?

PAT: 20 1/2.

GLENN: As soon as ‑‑ I don't know what it is. As soon as you get married, your wife stops thinking you're funny.

ALLEN: Well, that's it and I get the look. That's what I call it, the look. I told you the other day I'm running some jokes by Tammy and I realized two minutes into it, I go, you know what, babe, I'm going to call you back. I'm going to call somebody who appreciates me. But what I love is Pat, every time Pat does Al Gore, she falls out of her chair. And it's interesting because in 2000 when he would come on the TV, she wouldn't say things like, "Oh, I can't stand this guy, I hate..." she would just mute the television. In the middle of a conversation, his voice would come over our TV, she would reach for the remote, mute him, and then start talking to me. And then when he stopped talking, she would unmute the TV. But every time Pat does Gore, she falls out of her chair. So...

GLENN: So wait. Hang on just a second. What I'm learning from the story is your wife wasn't really listening to you.

ALLEN: Not at all.

GLENN: If she's muting the TV, she's like ‑‑ and then turning it back on in the middle of your conversation.

ALLEN: Right. Exactly.

GLENN: She's really just kind of looking your way.

ALLEN: That's it.

GLENN: Yeah.

ALLEN: She's in the room.

GLENN: What does she do?

ALLEN: She shows dogs and...

GLENN: What, are you ‑‑ what, are you like ‑‑

PAT: She shows dogs what? What does she show them?

ALLEN: She's a dog handler.

PAT: Look, dog, here's a bone.

ALLEN: If you've ever seen the movie Best in Show, that's my wife's life.

GLENN: Really?

ALLEN: That's it.

GLENN: So I thought you were poor at one point.

ALLEN: We were. She was making money.

GLENN: No, but I mean that's not something that, like ‑‑ I mean ‑‑

ALLEN: We were poor. My kids ‑‑

GLENN: It's like all of a sudden I'm talking to Ann Romney over here.

ALLEN: My kid came home one day and said, are we poor? I go, no, we're broke, man. There's a big difference. We got stuff. We can't pay for it but we got stuff.

GLENN: All right. Jeff is going to be joining us this week on television I think tomorrow. Aren't we doing a full hour?

ALLEN: I believe so.

GLENN: With you? And he is, he's a guy who ‑‑

ALLEN: That's unless your inbox gets flooded today.

GLENN: But you were a guy who, you didn't pay attention to politics. In fact, I want to come back and just ask you quickly about what you said to the Republicans. Because I think this is ‑‑ I think this is where most Americans are, at least most conservative Americans are on what you said to the Republicans and I think it's so important. But we're going to spend some time with Jeffy because I think he has a ‑‑ I think he has an important role to play in the healing of America and the future of America. If we don't grab onto the culture and we don't find people that our friends and neighbors who may disagree with us don't find, you know, funny. You know, we need people to be able to come into our tent and say, "that guy's really funny." He's conservative? Really? And they start thinking of conservatives differently. That's really all the left has. They've got Jon Stewart. You lose Jon Stewart, you lose the movie, they got nothing. They're nothing but a bunch of killers. That's all that's left. And we've got the truth on our side. We have compassion on our side. We just need some funny people and some people that understand culture and entertainment. And Jeff is one of those guys. But back with him in just a second.

BREAK

GLENN: Back with Jeff Allen and Jeff is ‑‑ I asked him last night if he was a Republican and you said the Republicans have been hounding you for cash and donations.

ALLEN: Well, I made a mistake of sending them money a number of years ago. So I'm on the list. So about the third call this year I said to them, stop calling me. Take me off the list. I said, you blew it. You had eight years and you blew it. So every candidate that I want to send money to has their own website. I can go on the website and I can send them money. I don't need you people to distribute my money. You blew it. So stop calling me.

GLENN: It's really, it's amazing.

PAT: Good.

GLENN: That is ‑‑

PAT: Good.

GLENN: ‑‑ the answer.

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: And I think that's the way people are now because we don't need the parties to tell us. We can do our own ‑‑ we can do our own homework now.

ALLEN: Absolutely, you know, and Josh Mandel and Murdoch and all those people have their own websites. So...

GLENN: What do you think's going to, who ‑‑ what do you think's going to happen Tuesday?

ALLEN: I'm with you. I really think that there's a grassroots move ‑‑ they have no clue.

GLENN: They have no clue what's coming.

ALLEN: It's a tsunami. You look at 2010. They didn't see that coming.

GLENN: Are you ‑‑ are you fasting?

ALLEN: I am, yeah.

GLENN: Are you really?

ALLEN: I said, we had the con ‑‑ I said I just want to know when it ends. Does it end on Tuesday or do I have to wait until Wednesday because ‑‑

GLENN: Oh, no, it ends Tuesday.

PAT: Tuesday night.

GLENN: I've decided the first ‑‑ Tuesday night?

PAT: Yeah.

GLENN: The first poll ‑‑

PAT: Well, I think when the polls close, right?

GLENN: The first poll that closes.

ALLEN: Good.

STU: Pat's been saying when the polls close in Texas.

PAT: Several times. Yeah, several times.

ALLEN: Well, I'm coming in a Cinnabon neck lace, I just want you to know.

GLENN: You got the Central part of the country. You really only have to fast for ‑‑ you got the Central. You know you're going to lose the West. So you don't have to worry about that one. You know you got the Central. God doesn't need to work any miracles. His miracles all need to be in Ohio and Florida and ‑‑

STU: Because Nevada's not an important state at all. No, no.

GLENN: There's casinos in there. God hasn't looked at Nevada for years.

STU: Be interested to hear about that.

What do clay pots have to do with to preserving American history?

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Editor's note: This article was originally published on TheBlaze.com.

Why should we preserve our nation’s history? If you listen to my radio program and podcast, or read my columns and books, you know I’ve dedicated a large part of my life and finances to sourcing and preserving priceless artifacts that tell America’s story. I’ve tried to make these artifacts as available as possible through the American Journey Experience Museum, just across from the studios where I do my daily radio broadcast. Thousands of you have come through the museum and have been able to see and experience these artifacts that are a part of your legacy as an American.

The destruction of American texts has already begun.

But why should people like you and me be concerned about preserving these things from our nation's history? Isn’t that what the “big guys” like the National Archives are for?

I first felt a prompting to preserve our nation's history back in 2008, and it all started with clay pots and the Dead Sea Scrolls. In 1946, a Bedouin shepherd in what is now the West Bank threw a rock into a cave nestled into the side of a cliff near the Dead Sea. Instead of hearing an echo, he heard the curious sound of a clay pot shattering. He discovered more than 15,000 Masoretic texts from the third century B.C. to the first century A.D.

These texts weren’t just a priceless historical discovery. They were virtually perfect copies of the same Jewish texts that continue to be translated today. Consider the significance of that discovery. Since the third century B.C. when these texts were first written, the Jewish people have endured a continued onslaught of diasporas, persecutions, pressures to conform to their occupying power, the destruction of their temple, and so much more. They had to fight for their identity as a people for centuries, and finally, a year after the end of the Holocaust and a year before the founding of the nation of Israel, these texts were discovered, confirming the preservation and endurance of their heritage since ancient times — all due to someone putting these clay pots in a desert cave more than 2,000 years ago.

I first felt a prompting to preserve our nation's history back in 2008, and it all started with clay pots and the Dead Sea Scrolls.

So, what do these clay pots have to do with the calling to preserve American history? I didn’t understand that prompting myself until the horrible thought dawned on me that the people we are fighting against may very well take our sacred American scriptures, our Declaration of Independence, and our Bill of Rights. What if they are successful, and 1,000 years from now, we have no texts preserved to confirm our national identity? What kind of new history would be written over the truth?

The destruction of American texts has already begun. The National Archives has labeled some of our critical documents, like our Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and Bill of Rights, as “triggering” or “containing harmful language.” In a public statement, the National Archives said that the labels help prepare readers to view potentially distressing content:

The Catalog and web pages contain some content that may be harmful or difficult to view. NARA’s records span the history of the United States, and it is our charge to preserve and make available these historical records. As a result, some of the materials presented here may reflect outdated, biased, offensive, and possibly violent views and opinions. In addition, some of the materials may relate to violent or graphic events and are preserved for their historical significance.

According to this statement, our founding documents are either “outdated, biased, offensive,” “possibly violent,” or a combination of these scathing descriptions. I’m sorry, the Declaration of Independence is not “triggering.” Our Constitution is not “outdated and biased,” and our Bill of Rights certainly is not “offensive and possibly violent.” They are glorious documents. They should be celebrated, not qualified by such derogatory, absurd language. Shame on them.

These are only the beginning stages of rewriting our history. What if they start banning these “triggering” documents from public view because they might offend somebody? Haven’t we torn down “triggering” statues before? What if we are no longer able to see, read, and study the actual words of our nation's founding documents because they are “harmful” or “possibly violent”? A thousand years from now, will there be any remnant to piece together the true spirit behind the nation that our founders envisioned?

The Declaration of Independence is not “triggering.”

That is why in 2008, I was prompted to preserve what I could. Now, the American Journey Experience Museum includes more than 160,000 artifacts, from founding-era documents to the original Roe v. Wade court papers. We need to preserve the totality of our nation’s heritage, the good, the bad, and the ugly. We need to preserve our history in our own clay pots.

I ask you to join with me on this mission. Start buying books that are important to preserve. Buy some acid-free paper and start printing some of the founding documents, the reports that go against the mainstream narrative, the studies that prove what is true as we are continually being fed lies. Start preserving our daily history as well as our history because it is being rewritten and digitized.

Somebody must have a copy of what is happening now and what has happened in the past. I hope things don’t get really bad. But if they do, we need to preserve our heritage. Perhaps, someone 1,000 years from now will discover our clay pots and, Lord willing, be able to have a glimpse of America as it truly was.

Top 10 WORST items in the new $1.2 TRILLION spending bill

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Biden just signed the newest spending bill into law, and Glenn is furious.

Under Speaker Johnson's leadership, the whopping $1.2 TRILLION package will use your taxpayer dollars to fund the government through September. Of course, the bill is loaded with earmarks and pork that diverts money to fund all sorts of absurd side projects.

Here is the list of the ten WORST uses of taxpayer money in the recently passed spending bill:

Funding venues to host drag shows, including ones that target children

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Money for transgender underwear for kids

Funding for proms for 12 to 18 year old kids

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Border security funding... for Jordan and Egypt

Another $300 million for Ukraine

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$3.5 million for Detroit's annual Thanksgiving Day parade

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$2.5 million for a new kayaking facility in Franklin, New Hampshire

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$2.7 million for a bike park in White Sulfur Springs, West Virginia, a town with a population of less than 2,300 people

$5 million for a new trail at Coastal Carolina University

$4 million the "Alaska King Crab Enhancement Project" (whatever that means)

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There is no doubt about it—we are entering dark times.

The November presidential election is only a few months away, and following the chaos of the 2020 election, the American people are bracing for what is likely to be another tumultuous election year. The left's anti-Trump rhetoric is reaching an all-time high with the most recent "Bloodbath" debacle proving how far the media will go to smear the former president. That's not to mention the Democrats' nearly four-year-long authoritarian attempt to jail President Trump or stop his re-election by any means necessary, even if it flies in the face of the Constitution.

Meanwhile, Biden is doing worse than ever. He reportedly threw a tantrum recently after being informed that his polls have reached an all-time low. After Special Counsel Robert Hur's report expressed concerns over Biden's obviously failing mental agility, it's getting harder for the Democrats to defend him. Yet he is still the Democratic nominee for November, promising another 4 years of catastrophic policies, from the border to heavy-handed taxation, should he be reelected.

The rest of the world isn't doing much better. The war in Ukraine has no clear end in sight, drawing NATO and Russia closer and closer to conflict. The war in Gaza is showing no sign of slowing down, and as Glenn revealed recently, its continuation may be a sign that the end times are near.

One thing is clear: we are living in uncertain times. If you and your family haven't prepared for the worst, now is the time. You can start by downloading "Glenn's Ultimate Guide to Getting Prepared." Be sure to print off a copy or two. If the recent cell outage proved anything, it's that technology is unreliable in survival situations. You can check your list of supplies against our "Ultimate Prepper Checklist for Beginners," which you can find below:

Food

  • Canned food/non-perishable foods
  • Food preparation tools
  • Go to the next level: garden/livestock/food production

Water

  • Non-perishable water store
  • Water purification
  • Independent water source

Shelter

  • Fireplace with a wood supply
  • Tent
  • Generator with fuel supply
  • Go to the next level: fallout shelter

Money

  • Emergency cash savings
  • Precious metals

Medicine

  • Extra blankets
  • Basic first aid
  • Extra prescriptions
  • Extra glasses
  • Toiletries store
  • Trauma kit
  • Antibiotics
  • Basic surgery supplies
  • Potassium Iodate tablets

Transportation

  • Bicycle
  • Car
  • Extra fuel

Information

  • Birth certificates
  • Insurance cards
  • Marriage license
  • Immunization records
  • Mortgage paperwork
  • Car title and registration
  • House keys, car keys
  • Passports
  • Family emergency plan
  • Prepping/survival/repair manuals
  • Go to the next level: copy of the Bible, the U.S. Constitution, and other important books/sources

Skills

  • Cooking
  • Gardening
  • Sewing
  • First Aid
  • Basic maintenance skills
  • Go to the next level: farming/ranching
  • Self-defense training

Communication

  • Family contact information and addresses
  • HAM radio

Miscellaneous

  • Flashlights and batteries
  • Lamps and fuel
  • Hardware (tools, nails, lumber, etc)
  • Extra clothes
  • Extreme weather clothes and gear
  • Gas masks and filters
  • Spare parts for any machinery/equipment

Is Trump's prosecution NORMAL?  This COMPLETE list of ALL Western leaders who served jail time proves otherwise.

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Mainstream media is on a crusade to normalize Donald Trump's indictments as if it's on par with the electoral course. Glenn asked his team to research every instance of a Western leader who was jailed during their political career over the past 200 years—except extreme political turmoil like the French Revolution, Napoleonic Wars, Irish Revolution, etc.—and what we discovered was quite the opposite.

Imprisoning a leader or major political opponent is not normal, neither in the U.S. nor in the Western world. Within the last 200 years, there are only a handful of examples of leaders in the West serving jail time, and these men were not imprisoned under normal conditions. All of these men were jailed under extreme circumstances during times of great peril such as the Civil War, World War II, and the Cold War.

What does this mean for America? Are Trump's indictments evidence that we are re-entering times of great peril? Below is a list of Western leaders who were imprisoned within the last 200 years. Take a look and decide for yourself:

Late 1800s

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Jefferson Davis: The nearest occurrence to a U.S. President to serve jail time was in the case of Jefferson Davis, the first and only president of the Confederate States of America. Jefferson was captured in Georgia by Northern Soldiers in 1865 and locked up in Fort Monroe, Virginia for two years. He was offered a presidential pardon but refused out of his loyalty to the confederacy.

Early 1900s

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Eugene V. Debs: Debbs, a Midwestern socialist leader, became the first person to run for president in prison. He was locked up at a federal penitentiary in Atlanta having been convicted under the federal Sedition Act for giving an antiwar speech a few months before Armistice Day, the end of World War I. Many of his supporters believed his imprisonment to be unjust. Debs received 897,704 votes and was a distant third-part candidate behind Warren G. Harding, the Republican winner, and James M. Cox, the second-place Democrat. Harding ordered Debs’s release from prison toward the end of 1921.

Nazi sympathizers and collaborators: After the end of World War II in 1945, several European leaders who had "led" their countries during the Nazi occupation faced trial and imprisonment for treason. This list included Chief of the French State Philippe Pétain, French Prime Minister Pierre Laval, and Minister-President of Norway Vidkun Quisling. The latter two were also executed after their imprisonment. President of Finland Risto Ryti and Prime Minister of Finland Johan Wilhelm Rangell were also tried and jailed for collaborating with the Nazis against the Allied Powers.

Late 1900s

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The end of the Cold War: The fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989 was one of the pivotal moments that brought the Cold War to a close and marked the end of Communist East Germany. With the fall of the wall and the collapse of the German Democratic Republic (East Germany), the former leaders were brought to trial to answer for the crimes committed by the GDR. General Secretary Erich Honecker and General Secretary Egon Krenz were both put on trial for abuse of power and the deaths of those who were shot trying to flee into West Germany. Honecker was charged with jail time but was released from custody due to severe illness and lived out the rest of his life as an exile in Chile. Krenz served 4 years in jail before his release in 2001. He is one of the last surviving leaders of the Eastern Bloc.

Lyndon LaRouche: Larouche was a Trotsky evangelist, public antisemite, and founder of a nationwide Marxist political movement, became the second person in U.S. history to run for President in a prison cell. Granted, he ran in every election from 1976 to 2004 as a long-shot third-party candidate. When he tried to gain the Democratic presidential nomination, he received 5 percent of the total nationwide vote. Even though in 2000 he received enough primary votes to qualify for delegates in a few states, the Democratic National Committee refused to seat his delegates and barred LaRouche from attending the Democratic National Convention.