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A mall Santa was making his grand entrance in London where he was supposed to be lowered by cables onto the ground in front of a crowd of amazed children. Unfortunately, the poor guy ended up getting his beard tangled up in the cables and he didn’t quite make it. With a bit of improvisation, the announcer told the crowd that Santa was going to stay above the crowd to see who was naughty or nice. And when he came down, the man revealed he could have taken off the beard to free himself, but didn’t want to shatter the Christmas dreams of children in the crowd. Smart move?

“This guy had a fake beard, and God bless him. He’s coming down and he’s stuck up there for 40 minutes. And now imagine, this is the mall bringing him in and making a very big deal. So the mall is packed. Packed. Santa’s going to make an entrance. He comes out of the ceiling and starts to go down. Now he’s dangling over all of the kids and he’s like, ho, ho, ho, ho. Holy cow, we’re stuck. For 40 minutes he’s stuck there. And he could have taken off the beard and then enthusiasm could have continued to do it because it was his beard that was tangled and it was pulling up and coming off and he didn’t want to do it,” Glenn said.

“If that was me playing Santa, I would have taken off my beard so fast,” Pat said.


Things turned a little dark when Glenn put himself in the shoes of a frustrated parent who just wanted to have his kids take their Santa picture and leave. (Note to liberal media: All of the below was said with a LOT of sarcasm. Glenn is not in any way advocating the murder of the entangled mall Santa.)

“Let’s stop talking about Santa for a second and let’s start talking about the parents. You’re there in a crowd, screaming kids. I mean, I don’t want to stand in a line for Santa. I mean, it’s like, really? ou don’t wreck the magic of Santa stuff if you go see Santa and say ‘I just ‑‑ I just want the stupid picture’ because you’re supposed to take the stupid picture but I just, I have no patience for standing in the line that lasts forever and Santa’s always feeding his reindeer when you want to go and so you have to hang out at the mall a little longer and it’s just like, oh, for the love of Pete. So imagine now, you’re standing there for 40 minutes and Santa’s up in the air. you’re like, just shoot him down. I don’t care. Just get him down. Shoot him down. He’s wearing a red suit. We can still prop him up in the chair. You won’t notice it. It’s fine. Just get him down on the ground. I want to go home,” Glenn joked.

Glenn said you could go home, but would you really want to miss anything else that could go wrong? Would you listen to that little voice that says just maybe Santa could fall?

“What do you say we just go home? And then the voice inside says, ‘But wait a minute. Santa might fall. I mean, you’re going to miss that? That will be something you’d remember forever.’ And then be like, ‘But the kids would see it, too, and then you’d have to explain Santa fell to his death. It might wreck Christmas for all time. Yes, but if I got it on video at the right angle, I could win that $100,000 prize from video show that, I think that’s still on, isn’t it?'”

“A dark vision of the holidays,” Stu said.