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Yesterday afternoon video of Colorado Democrat Rep. Joe Salazar was released from a hearing in which he was arguing for the disarmament of college students (HB13-1226). His comments, oddly, were aimed particularly towards women on college campus. When statistics show that one in four collegiate women report rape and one in five are raped, Salazar may want to pick a different segment of the population to focus on when trying to make the ridiculous case you’re about to see below.

“It’s why we have call boxes, it’s why we have safe zones, it’s why we have the whistles. Because you just don’t know who you’re gonna be shooting at. And you don’t know if you feel like you’re gonna be raped, or if you feel like someone’s been following you around or if you feel like you’re in trouble when you may actually not be, that you pop out that gun and you pop … pop around at somebody.”

Whistles? Seriously?

“Whistle while you’re raped,” Glenn joked while whistling. “That’s really nice. I like that,” he added with obvious sarcasm.

Who needs to a gun when you can whistle a bad guy away…

Something tells me that the one in five women mentioned above would have a few words for Salazar’s “theory” on whistles and safe zones. Most of us deem are homes as safe zones, yet people break into homes all the time.

…do we know if Salazar has a home intruder whistle? It would probably need to be louder than a rape-whistle.

Unfortunately, a Colorado State Senator had a few more zingers to throw our way. Jesse Ulibarri made this statement during the hearing:

“I just want to say, and another comment was made a bit lighthearted to our witness but I don’t think we should take it lighthearted that when Congressman Giffords was shot and there was a shooting in the ‑‑ it was in a supermarket, people who were unarmed took that person down when he stopped to reload.  There are other ways to address violence. And it doesn’t mean that we have our kids exposed to a whole crossfire of multiple folks in a room shooting simultaneously.  And that congressman Giffords’ life was saved and so many others when very valiant folks stood up to defend themselves and protect themselves and they did it with ballpoint pens.”

Oh, well…see, we didn’t know there would be whistles AND ballpoint pens available for self-defense.

“I’m not a self‑defense expert but that seems a little, like it would take too long of a amount of time,” Stu quickly noted.

Sure, it’s not the QUICKEST solution to stopping a mass murderer or a rapist, but according to Ulibarri, it’ll get the job done.

After a quick break, Glenn, Pat and Stu came back went looking for better solutions. Surely women can’t be left to fend for themselves with a small whistle and a ballpoint pen, right?

Luckily, the University of Colorado already had this covered. No whistle? No ballpoint pen? Don’t grab for your firearm just yet… first look at this campuses tips on “What To Do If You Are Attacked”.

The university notes that, “these tips are designed to help you protect yourself on campus, in town, at your home, or while you travel. These are preventative tips and are designed to instruct you in crime prevention tactics.”

Someone may want to let the University of Colorado know that if you’re under attack by another human being, the whole concept of “crime prevention” has already been tossed out the window. That said, let’s see what they have to offer.

hmmm… #1 is really a downer. It might as well say, “Be realistic, you’re unlikely to survive.”

#3 is also rather concerning: “kick off your shoes if you have time and can’t run in them.”

“Are these beach tips?” Stu joked.

No, but that is horrible advice. If you’re a women in shoes you can’t run in — they’re heels. Heels can’t be a weapon. Ladies, keep your shoes on and kick him…HARD — then run.

As Glenn continued to go through the list, he stopped to create one much shorter list of his own.

“I have one tip:  Shoot him.  That’s my one tip,” he said. “University of Glenn’s advice on how to avoid being raped:  Shoot him.”

Aside from “shoot him”, Glenn, Pat and Stu put some more “Colorado Democrat”-like ideas into practice. Watch…

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