On Sunday, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) appeared on CNN’s State of the Union with Candy Crowley and called Republicans ‘anti-government ideologues’ looking to shut down the government before declaring there is simply nothing left to cut in the $4-trillion-a-year federal budget.
“Nancy Pelosi, she’s always been nuts,” Glenn said on radio this morning. “Listen to what Nancy Pelosi said about making more cuts.”
CROWLEY: President Clinton, President Bush, President Reagan and this president have all negotiated the debt ceiling and given up something for that. So why now, we can’t do this?
PELOSI: The cupboard is bare. There’s no more cuts to make. It’s really important that people understand that.
The cupboards are bare? Really, Nancy, have you seen the federal budget lately?
“She is Old Mother Hubbard. And her cupboards are bare,” Glenn joked. “And it’s really important, there is no more cuts. Have they made cuts? Can you tell me what cuts they have made? Seriously, have they made a cut? Can you think of cuts that they made?”
“Well, the sequester was a cut on the increase. So think about that,” Stu said. “What she’s talking about is definitely the sequester, which was a cut to increase.
“There’s no cuts. I don’t think they’ve cut it,” Glenn responded. “I don’t think they’ve cut anything. Sorry, they’ve cut defense.”
While Rep. Pelosi can’t possibly fathom finding one cent more to cut from the milti-trillion dollar budget, Pat and Stu managed to find a few programs that we could probably afford to lose.
“For instance, can I tell you about studying pig poop,” Pat asked. “It is critical that we continue the Environmental Protection Agency’s program of studying pig poop. $1.2 million.”
“Just $1.2 million, that’s a bargain,” Stu said. “What about, you got rattlesnakes going through the forest, okay? Comes up to a squirrel. How does it react to that squirrel? We need to know that. But more importantly, what if the squirrel is a robot, okay? So snake through the woods, robot squirrel pops up. What happens? What’s the interaction like?”
“There’s no robot squirrels,” Glenn interjected.
“Oh, no, there is,” Stu insisted. “Because we built one for $325,000 to monitor how the snake would react to the robot squirrel. It’s called Robosquirrel. The National Science Foundation grant was used to create a realistic‑looking robotic squirrel for the purpose of studying how a rattlesnake would react to it.”
“Then the cupcake thing, we’ve got to find out how the cupcake shops are trending. Are there more cupcake shops? Or are there fewer,” Pat asked. “I want to know, America wants to know, and the politicians want to know. They’ve received $2 million just to find out.”
“Well, wait a minute. Hang on just a second. If there are more cupcake places,” Glenn asked. “May I make a suggestion? May I make a suggestion? You pay some college kids. And you say, go to the library and look for old phone books. And go through the Yellow Pages from ten years ago. And then go through and do a Google search today and find out how many cupcake stores there were ten years ago and how many cupcake stores there are now.”
“That’s not going to cost $2 million,” Stu observed.
“What kind of crappy study on cupcakes did you think we were going to do,” Pat joked.
This situation would be hilariously funny, if it weren’t so painfully pathetic.
“This is what happens with America,” Stu concluded. “Like you start off with a critique of a horrible comment by a Democrat, and you just end up talking about cupcakes because it’s so frustrating. You get distracted so easily.”
Front page image courtesy of the AP